"Only A True Southerner"

Only a true Southerner knows the difference
between a hissie fit and conniption,
and that you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them.

Only a true Southerner knows how many fish,
collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.
make up "a mess".

Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you
the general direction of "yonder".

Only a true Southerner knows exactly how
long "directly" is - as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."

Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar"
is not a request for the white,
granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
little bowl on the middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by"
is. They might not use the term, but they
know the concept well.

Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the
best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's
got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a
big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's
trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a
large banana puddin'!)

Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far piece."

They also know that "just down the road" can be
1 mile or 20. Only a true Southerner both knows and
understands the difference between a redneck,
a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car
with the flashing turn signal is actually
going to make a turn.

A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used
as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger"
can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as
in "that ol' booger", or something that jumps out at
you in the dark and scares you senseless.

Only true Southerners make friends while standing
in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines";
and when we're "in line", we talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them
will discover they're related, even if only by
marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how
to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful;
that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin' ... ,"

you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet
milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and
lots of it - we do not like our tea sweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream
obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH
on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and
go your own way.

Thank you, Marie, for the gifts and for sharing!

Link to my favorite Texas sites: Marie's Texas Page