My Life as a mother has changed with the loss of my daughter ...I never would have thought that I would lose any of my children. I have God in my life. Everything was so good. My children were all grown. I have grandchildren ... Then just in one second my life forever changed, one of my beautiful daughters was killed July 28/01 in a car accident ...

Here I Am Eating Out On My Dad's Birthday~
September 17, 2002

This Is My Beautiful Tammy Lynn
One Of Her First Pictures and her Last Picture
Taken July 24, 2001 ~ Just Four Days Before She Died

The loss of my daughter consumes my every thought night and day ... My pain is like no other. I have Multiple Sclerosis and it is a peice of cake compared to losing my daughter. As a mother I live with grief and fear that I might lose another child. I never thought or could comprehend that I would lose one of my children. I feel like I am a shell of a person, and I wear a mask to hide my pain. I hide my tears. I have struggled so hard to keep the bond with all my children, grand children, my parents, and family. I have tried to make sure that all lived close to each other even though they were all grown with family's of their own. I didn't do this until that day when the nightmare began July 28, 2001 when my Tammy was on her way to work and killed in a car accident ... It is so hard as a parent to even accept this. You see, I can't put my Tammy and death together ... As a mother we bond with our children from the day they are conceived. Then they start kicking so hard to let us know they are ready and then the day comes and my children are born. Now I am a Mom and the bond grow's stronger as I love and watch them grow into grown ups with children of their own. God gave me 5 beautiful children. My first and second were son's and my third was Tammy. Another son then another daughter. After all the years and getting them all grown, God gave me two more daughters when I remarried to my wonderful husband that helps me every day with my loss of Tammy that he also loves. Your child is not only your child. The bond never ends, but they grow up to be your friend too. My heart carries a huge hole that will never mend. The day that my daughter died a part of me died too. I am not the same person I was, but the love for my children and my family is the same... It is so hard having my children apart now. One in Heaven and the rest here on earth. How can I be there and here with them all? I feel so pulled and torn because I want to be with Tammy and I want to be here with my other children.They need me too as I need them. I just need them all together again... Tammy can't be gone ~ Oh how wonderful it will be when we can all be together again ..... We Love you Tammy Momma

~NEXT~