Let
It Go
We
should have no regrets. The past is finished. There is nothing to be gained by
going over it. Whatever it gave us in the experiences it brought us was
something we had to know. -Rebecca Beard
The
Creator designed us to learn by trial and error. The path of life we walk is
very wide. Everything on the path is sacred - what we do right is sacred - but
our mistakes are also sacred. This is the Creator's way of teaching spiritual
people. To criticize ourselves when we make mistakes is not part of the
spiritual path. To criticize mistakes is not the Indian way. To learn from our
mistakes is the Indian way. The definition of a spiritual person is someone who
makes 30-50 mistakes each day and talks to the Creator after each one to see
what to do next time. This is the way of the Warrior. (www.whitebison.org)
No
matter how right the path you're on, there are times when things will not go
smoothly: That's just the way life is. Achieving your goals may take
persistence and resolve, so that you don't get derailed every time something
happens differently than you planned and hoped. By anticipating and
understanding the obstacles you may encounter, you can prepare to handle them.
There
are many types of obstacles that may fall in our way. Some are personal
situations that need to be dealt with, and the methodologies will vary with the
circumstances. There are also obstacles that are common to all of us. These
include:
~
Fears
While
some fears are a normal reaction to a real or imminent danger, fears can be an
excuse for not confronting situations in which we expect to feel inadequate or
humiliated. Fear can become a habitual, automatic reaction to uncomfortable,
unfamiliar circumstances. It is a way of keeping ourselves safe, but it can
prevent us from taking the risks that make life exciting.
~
Beliefs
We
form beliefs from the time we're born. Some serve us, while others limit us.
The problem comes when we see our beliefs as factual realities. By identifying
our beliefs as such, we can make other choices.
~
Lack of Clarity
With
all the choices that life throws at us, we may not know how to wade through
them. We get confused, overwhelmed and stuck.
~
Lack of Focus
Even
if we can narrow down the choices, we may have so many that we don't know what
to focus on first. We end up responding to all the urgencies and distractions,
rather than actively choosing where we will put our attention.
~
Lack of Knowledge or Skills
When
approaching something new, we may feel unprepared to deal with the additional
education that will be required of us. We may feel inadequate to learn new
skills. What we're missing may feel unattainable, and we give up before we even
start.
As
you can see, these obstacles are interwoven, and one can lead to another, until
we find ourselves caught up in a downward spiral. But we don't have to let
obstacles defeat us.
How
we face obstacles can leave us either empowered or hopeless. They can stop us
or motivate us. They can discourage us from doing the things we would love to
do, or like a dare, a block can bring up our competitive drive to push through
and triumph.
It's
also helpful to differentiate between real and perceived blocks. If I start ice
skating at the age of 40 with the intention of qualifying for the Olympics,
that's a real block -- even 25 is considered old for that arena. On the other
hand, if I decide to start a new business at that age, it may be difficult, but
it's doable. I may need to work through the 5 blocks above, but with the proper
determination, resources and support, I can do it.
Some
other ways we can look at and face obstacles:
~
Punishment / Victim
Sometimes,
we hold our obstacles as punishments from God or society, and we feel like
victims. Coming from this place will disempower you, and feeling small and
weak, you will likely give up on your goal.
~
Lesson / Opportunity
Seeing
your obstacle in this way can fuel your determination. If everything was easy,
it would all become bland, and you would get bored and stagnate. Blocks force
us to go beyond our current capabilities, both inner and outer, and to stretch
ourselves, to push the envelope. You can use them as a chance to grow, to
become a better, stronger person, to gain coping tools that will serve you in
the future and allow you to take on even bigger challenges.
~
Blocks vs. Hurdles
I
define blocks as something that completely stops you, and hurdles as something
that gets in your way, but that you can "jump." Often, what turns a
hurdle into a block is a belief that you can't do it, for one reason or
another.
As
you work through your obstacles, you can learn and create strategies to help
you manage future ones:
~
Get clarity.
Write,
draw, speak your issues. Work with a friend or coach to pull apart the pieces
that are confusing you, and come to a place of clarity. To begin with, make
sure you're clear on what your goals are. Fuzzy goals are hard to hit and can
leave you confused and frustrated when they don't work.
~
Prioritize and plan.
Take
your goals and dreams, write them down and prioritize them. Break them down
into small steps, and schedule those steps. Take into account deadlines, but be
sure to also give priority to the things that may not be urgent, but are
important to creating the future you want.
~
Make time.
If
you don't handle the obstacles now or try to ignore them, they'll just snowball
into bigger ones. Better to nip them in the bud.
~
Get help.
If
you're mired in overwhelm and confusion, don't feel you have to do it alone.
Ask a friend or hire a coach to support you in getting clarity or working
through fear. Take a class or hire a tutor to learn needed skills.
~
Face your fears.
Fears
can stop you in your tracks or, at best, slow you down. You can't wait for them
to go away on their own -- they won't -- and when you try to avoid them, they
only get stronger. By facing them, you learn effective strategies and increase
your own power and strength.
Deal
with your fear on a daily or hourly basis if necessary. Expand your comfort
zone gradually. Create strategies. Breathe. Meditate. Use affirmations to keep
you focused. Play music that calms or energizes you. Work with a partner. Do a
reality check to see if there's really something to be scared of or if you're
terrorizing yourself: If it's real, determine what you can do about it; if not,
let it go. Stay focused in the present moment -- most of our fears are in
anticipation of a tragic future that hardly ever happens.
~
Challenge and change your beliefs.
Much
of what we take as fact is, in fact, a belief. Check your facts to see if your
belief is true -- for you. Don't rely on statistics, as they're often skewed --
and besides, you're an individual, not a statistic. Don't buy into what
"they say." If a belief is not working for you, change it. Create new
beliefs by writing affirmation statements, and then go about proving them.
~
Give yourself permission to dream.
Many
times, we cut off our dreams by expecting ourselves to know on the spot how to
reach them. Achieving a dream is a process that you'll work out over time. All
you need to figure out now is the first step, and that will lead you to the
next.
~
If you failed at overcoming a particular obstacle in the past, be willing for
it to be different this time. You're not the same person you were then, nor are
the circumstances the same. There's no reason you can't succeed this time
around. And if not this time, the next. Many successful people have left at
least a couple of colossal failures in their wake.
As you succeed in moving through an obstacle, you build the confidence to take the next step. You don't have to do it fast, and you don't have to do it perfectly. You can, in fact, learn a lot from your mistakes, so that you deal with future obstacles with more finesse. Look at your obstacles as an opportunity to grow stronger and more competent, and you will be able to embrace them and make the most of them.
"It
has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced
boldly." ~ Isaac Asimov, "Foundation"
"The
human capacity to fight back will always astonish doctors and philosophers. It
seems, indeed, that there are no circumstances so bad and no obstacles so big
that man cannot conquer them." ~ Jean Tetreau
"History
has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered
heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to
become discouraged by their defeats." ~ B. C. Forbes
"I've
been terrified every day of my life but that's never stopped me from doing
everything I wanted to do." ~ Georgia O'Keefe
http://www.goodlifecoaching.com/CreativeLife50.html
“You cannot control the actions of
others, but you *can* control your reactions to their actions.” - LoneWolf
Today
let me see my mistakes as a positive process. Let me learn the aha’s of life...
Awaken my awareness so I can see the great learning that You, my Creator, have
designed for my life. (www.whitebison.org)
I
release the things of the past that are no longer necessary to my life today
and things that cause pain within, only remembering the lessons I have learned,
so that I continue growing.
PRAYER FOR TODAY
My Creator, Thank you for allowing me
to experience the "NOW" for in it I see the past supporting me and
the future laid before me.
- GRANDFATHER PETER
Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
DO
NOT LIVE IN THE PAST.
WHATEVER IT IS THAT FEEDS YOU GUILT.
LEARN FROM IT THEN
LET IT GO.
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