Billy: You ever think about saucepans?
Joel: Saucepans? Um... no.
Billy: Me neither.



"There was this little kid who lived next door to me. I always tried to play with him because he always seemed lonely. But he slammed the gate on my hand when I was coming to his backyard, and I got 4 stitches." - Benji



"I was a rabbit for halloween when I was a kid. Nobody gave me any candy." - Billy



Paul: Dude, I never drink beer. Never.
Joel: You just did.
Paul: Oh.



"I used to go to the zoo with my mom... I liked picking up the baby animals and running around with them. Then they told me to stop and my mom wouldn't let me go play at the zoo anymore." - Paul



Joel: Benji's like...
Billy: He's... Benji.
Joel: No, he's not.
Billy: He's not?
Joel: No.
Billy: Damn... Never mind.



"This cute girl tripped me in the hall back in high school, and everyone thought it was funny. So, the next day, I tripped her on her heels and I don't know what happened to her. I think she died... I don't know." - Paul



Billy: There are mandarin oranges in my salad! Oranges don't go in salad...
Benji: Neither do bobsleds.



Joel: Benji, you are a dirty, dirty man.
Benji: That's what yor mom said to me last night.
Joel: Dude, that's sick! My mom is your mom!



Joel: So this one time, I'm at school buying lunch.
Benji: And?
Joel: That's it.



"This girl in my class called me a bitch when we were sophmores. Who calls a guy a bitch?! I'm like, 'Bitch, you did NOT just call me a bitch.' She didn't think it was funny." - Billy



"I used to run around with garbage bags on my head. I never got any girls." - Billy



"I am the only Asian guy in the band!" - Paul



"You know what toy I wish I still had? Nintendo Techmo Super Bowl. I was the fat kid growning up, and when you're the fat kid, you love video games. And Twinkies." - Paul



Benji: Remember that dude who worked at Waldorf Kiddie Parties, doing face painting and painting nails?
Billy: Yeah...
Benji: That was me!



"I wasn't popular in school. I liked to pretend I was, and I would go sit with the cool kids. Then they'd tell me to go fuck myself, and I would realize what a loser I was." - Paul



"Hey, all I'm saying is that if we ever need a flautist for the band, count me in." - Billy



Benji: Does my hair look okay?
Joel: No.
Benji: Fuck you, I'm a pretty, pretty boy, and I don't need your silliness, you fox.



"Um, guys? If you found out I got the words 'I LUV 2 ICE SK8' tattooed on my ass, would you, uh, still talk to me?" - Benji



"I always get llama's and ostriches mixed up." - Billy