I've been trying to start a band since forever without much success. I've had side projects throughout the years, I've jammed with the best and the worst, and I don't even have a demo to show for it (that's my goal for April '04)

But I do have skill. Here's the people I'm proudest that people have said I sound like:

*Joan Baez*Slash (Guns n Roses)*Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)*Courtney Love (Hole)*Ani DiFranco*Alice in Chains*Sarah McLachlan*Bob Dylan*Janis Joplin*Eminem

It's not that I'm a chick. It's not that I have tits and ass. It's not that I'm an excellent salesperson. It's not that I'm charismatic. It's not that I play guitar. It's not that I sing. It's not that I write my own music.

The fact is, it all comes in one package. From my own point of view, I've met so few chicks in my life who are competent guitar players, let alone can charm the princes and the paupers and seduce anyone with words and music and come-hither glances.

No, really, I'm not that vain. I'm egotistical, which keeps me alive due to my self-esteem that fell through the floor many moons ago. But I constantly have people stroking my ego, because as selfish as I am, what, having the audacity to be a heroin addict and all, I still care about people and give of myself whenever and however I can. And when I'm down and out, which happens more than I'd like to admit, I have homies scattered up and down the east coast who have my back. And I'm still alive.

I realize that I'm in the midst of an existential crisis. I've chased academia and sex and drugs and all the outward trappings of the rock n roll dream and found them lacking. It kills me to know that I'm living in such a way that at any moment, I could die with most of my music still inside me.

I want to start a band with the ambience of Underworld, the versatility of Sublime, the originality of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the lyrical integrity of the grunge movement, the die-hard anti-establishment punk rawk attitude of Jawbreaker and System of a Down, the poetry of Depeche Mode and the Smiths, the angst of Billy Corgan, the showmanship of Marilyn Manson and the Insane Clown Posse, the no-holds-barred humor and sickness of Anal Cunt, the raw female power of Ani and the Donnas, and the marketability of that cheesy shit I don't listen to (I won't mention names...but if you can follow me musically, I'm sure you catch my drift) I could name 50 other bands that I want to sound like without even thinking about it; I want to create a genre-bending powerhouse of sound and emotion.

Phrank (see 2004 synopsis) told me that I was likely to be a jack of all trades and master of none. That was before he heard me play. A couple months ago, I tried to teach him this new song I wrote and he got lost in the power chords before I even got to the chorus. Fuck Phrank. Fuck posers. Fuck those who say it can't be done due to their own incompetence.

The person(s) I'm hoping will respond to this will have read this far, shook their head and smiled and said to themselves, "If this chick is half of what she says she is, where has she been all my life." I need a drummer, a bassist, an alternate guitarist, and somebody who can work keyboards and turntables. Polyinstrumentalists preferred; we have to be versatile ourselves to create a versatile sound.

I don't care what you look like, as long as you've got poise and can market yourself. You need socio-political intelligence, stamina, acceptance, tolerance, dedication, and drive.

People who call themselves musicians are a dime a dozen. People who can actually create music worth a damn are rare, and those who have the guts to do anything with it are even rarer.

Now accepting applications. Please contact me if interested.