This Turkey Bowl's Cup Runneth Over

By John Clayton
ESPN.com

Frankfort,NY -- The following is an excerpt from an in-depth interview I conducted with Frank Zogby for an upcoming edition of Outside the Lines with Bob Ley. This is the transcript of that interview.

Clayton: Good evening Mr. Zogby, I'd just like to take this time with you to discuss the much anticipated Turkey Bowl II, we have received word that you will indeed be participating, is that true?
Zogby: It is, I've decided skills like mine shouldn't be hidden from the rest of the world. I've been training under the tutilage of the great Dave Campo and have never been more prepared.
Clayton: I'm sure fans of football, on a greater scale sports in general are pleased with this turn of events, with the exception of one person, Chris Belmont. You two have had an ongoing feud ever since your younger days at Frankfort Junior High. Which has been well documented. Do you have any comments on your past?
Zogby: Ah yes, Mr. Belmont, what can be said of him. His selfish play severely hindered my development as well as the team's general welfare. I felt a lot like a young Rob Johnson, trying to be patient while waiting for the aging Doug Flutie to pass the torch. I don't think Belmont was ready, or mature enough. The team had a hard time cutting him because of his addiction to child porn. So they sent me packing, and let him continue packing, if you know what I mean.
Clayton: Yes your struggles have been well documented. I'd like to switch gears just a bit here if you will, coming into the big game Mr. Belmont has gone on record as saying he feels a lot of animosity coming towards [him]. Do you feel this is accurate, and necessary given his playing style and penchant for child porn?
Zogby: I certainly do. Mr. Belmont was overrated coming in[to the league], but aside from that, his statistics over the last few years have shown no reason for his belonging on this level, he's had none. Tell me how you can keep a starting job without recording a single statistic.
Clayton: That is certainly a valid point, do you think it will be difficult to defend the so called "shocker" when there is in fact another person running around that looks just like him, often times aiding and abetting in his escapades?
Zogby: Not if the "shocker" has less skills than the other. I mean, it takes only a split second to knock someone on their [butt], and it'd be worth that amount of time.
Clayton: Students of the game claim that the Shocker is probably the most bitter player out there today, in your opinion why might that indeed be the case?
Zogby: His several arrests and fines for countless amounts of child and sometimes animal pornography.
Clayton: In other words his lack of a better, and legal outlet fuels his rage?
Zogby: I wouldn't call it rage, he seems to take out his frustrations on water containers and the ball boys more than players on the field.
Clayton: Unprofessional, would that be a word that could characterize the Shocker's conduct?
Zogby: That'd be one of the words I would use the others I can't say without my mother washing my mouth out with a bar of soap. I sincerely feel for the ball girl who took the ball to the face after the 42-0 loss last week.
Clayton: We have received word that she's going to need reconstructive surgery, we certainly send our best wishes out to young Ms. Smith. Any comments on the outcome of next weeks game? Can you make any predictions regarding your play on the field?
Zogby: If I line up against the "shocker" I feel an MVP trophy will be the end result.
Clayton: Certainly a bold prediction, and worth watching, given the trials and tribulations you have faced in your career. I'd certainly like to thank you for your time and look forward to following this story as it continues to play out.
Zogby: Certainly, I'm happy to be here, and I'd be glad to bring back the MVP trophy to share with all of your viewers. And to little Suzie Smith, I will get the "game ball" for you.
Clayton: That's about all the time we have this evening folks, I'd certainly like to thank my guest Frank Zogby. Be sure to tune in next week with our special guest Rod Smart aka He Hate Me. For Outside the Lines, I'm John Clayton good night and God bless.

John Clayton is a senior NFL writer for ESPN.com.