July 26, 2004
I'm listening to Grateful Dead on one cd player, Lauren Hill on another, and a speech by Bill Clinton about Kerry on another. Let's just say I'm confused now. *clutches head* Yeah. So I cleaned my "food room" today. Let me explain to those of you who haven't been aquianted with the aforementioned item what a heinous experience that was. Most people have pantries, tidy little rooms with a couple boxes of spaghetti, a jar of sauce, some cereal, maybe some scrumptious snacks like goldfish or wheat thins. That's all well and good, if your habit isn't COLLECTING JARRED GOODS. I swear, my mother's hobby, the majority of her money, the bane of my existence, is hording canned goods in dark niches for decades. I'm not overexaggerating either, there's canned plums down there from when we moved to PA from Michigan. That was SIXTEEN years ago. Gee, that's appetizing. Yeah, so I spent three hours boxing all the godforsaken tinned objects and lugging them around my basement. There's some weird shit down there, like Bodacious Onion Sauce (what the HELL is onion sauce?) and picante juice and other stuff that was so weird my memory couldn't retain it. So I finished that, and then started working on packing my room. Uhhhh yeah. So that's gonna take longer than I thought. Heh heh heh. I got most of my clothes packed, and decided to sell a lot of them. I did a bunch of charcoal sketches today, which was quite enjoyable. I love art, it's one of the very few things that feels natural to me. It's also one of those things that people can't really criticize, because I'm not doing it for an audience. Poetry is like that too. Both make me feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to, which is why I'm thinking rather heavily about doing something with art in college, despite all protests against such by everyone. It's what I enjoy, and I think that's what matters, not a huge salary or prestigious position or God damn, my shoulder hurts a lot. Rarrrrrrr. Yar. Yarrar. YAGH! Whoa, here's a good description: I have all sorts of warm fuzzies now, warm, burn in hell on a pitchfork fuzzies made from steel wool. Not referring to my shoulder. I just like steel wool, really. I'm rather incapable of that level of hatred, but I suppose if I thought about it, I could be pissed at someone that much. I'd rather not bother expending the energy though.Anyway. i'm out to sketch scenes of le house. Mmm hmm. Bye bye.

July 25, 2004
Having the day off today was really splendid. I like money and all, but working mucho is definitely draining my energy a bit. I was planning on just spending the day at home packing, but Abbye wanted me to meet her at King of Prussia mall and hang out for awhile, so I did that. It was fun, I enjoy spending time with her. I can't remember what we did right now, so I won't bother expounding any further. I got home and again, planned on just packing for the rest of the day, but ended up going to the movies. That was a hilarious experience. I went to a ridiculous sappy peice of shit that no one should ever see, with the pre-arranged agreement to be allowed to simply make fun of it the entire time. Needless to say, that's what I did. I derived great amusement from the whole thing, but those with me were teary-eyed and touched, sniffling and sobbing through half the movie, which is fine. They kinda made me feel like a cold-hearted bitch. Oh well, perhaps I'm too cynical about happily-ever-after lifelong love stories and the like. Seriously though, how am I supposed to be like awww about two decrepit old people dying in each others arms in a freaking nursing home? That's gross. Morbid even. Weird perhaps. But not touching. Oh yes, so I had a thought. Yes. It's true, I did. Crap, I forget what it was though. Allow me to ponder momentarily. Oh, right right. It's about people. I was thinking earlier how weird it is that you can know someone for a really long time, and never really know who they are. Some people you think you know, and they're really just absolutely completely different than what you percieve because you don't have all the facts, or information, or experience, or whatever else. That's so weird to me. For instance, if you aren't expecting someone to lie to you, it somehow is a totally baffling experience when they do, but if you suspect that they're liars, from other people telling you crap or whatever, then it isn't as surprising. I find that strange. It's kind of like one's reality could totally be an illusion. Whoa. Well, lest I confuse myself or anyone else, I shall switch subjects unto the purchasing of cds. I bought six in the past two days, and they're great. I really think it's important to have a variety of different types of music. Well, for me anyway, otherwise I get bored with a particular genre. Oui. AGH! I have sooo many bug bites, I wanna die. Okay, maybe not die. But AGH. I shall retire to bed and stop thinking about it. Guten night a ti.

July 13, 2004
I can't decide whether to be more annoyed at being lied to, or being lied to about being lied to. The second doesn't negate the first, but it does agitate me a bit. The more the summer goes on, the more I question the past nine or ten months of my past...what happened? Heh, not like, whee that was fun, but more the how the hell did that happen without my realizing it was bullshit type of deal. Whatever, I'm making up for it. I'm eating a tv dinner for the first ...hello kookatsu... time in my life, I believe, and it's rather yummy. Not something I would dine on regularly, but somewhat satisfying. I just got home from Camden (not Cambridge...unfortunately...) where I pulled over a cop and then almost got mugged by homies on a street corner cause we were listening to Radiohead with the windows down and the dome light on as we pulled onto the side of the street next to them. (Okay, so I didn't pull over a cop, but I did walk up to him and knocked on the window and schpeekee to him, it was great fun, yes indeed) I should really be in bed since I have work at 8 tomorrow, and it's already midnight. To hell with it though, I don't feel like sleeping. Well, I do, but I feel like doing other stuff too, and I won't remember sleep like I'd remember anything else. I really got home just now from Philly, the Camden Incident was a mere side trip. I went to a spontaneous cinematic fellowship for the introduction of a new film via the director's invite, with Gabe. Lol, that just sounded so ridiculously different than it was, mostly because I just made an incredibly complicated description of a movie premier in a bar. Wowwie, I'm suddenly thirsty like...an alligator lost in the desert that just ate shoofly pie. Oh, so I thought of something. Else. Yeah...whatever it was got lost in the interval when I went to get a glass of watered down meadow tea. Geesh, sleep would probably be a good idea, considering the amount of deprivation I've had, voluntarily, lately. Okee, just spilled the tea all over my pants. Hurruuuhhhh. Whatever, I give up, I shall paint and schleep.

It's not Tuesday anymore, however, I refuse to start another day because, frankly, it's pointless. I'm leaving for Virginia tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to both because I'll get to spend mucho time with Gregor and Emily before they frolick off unto Seattle, but also because being in Pennsylvania, although entertaining when I make it, is tiresome. I think it's because I'm growing weary of the same problems with the same people over and over. That doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself. Quite contrarily, I'm having quite a pleasurable time lately. It's kinda funny. This summer has been really hard in some aspects - dealing with changes in relationships, being lied to by people that should have the decency not to (hmmm, did that sound bitter? whoops...), stuff like that, but it's been rather grand in other aspects, like all the trips to New York, Virginia, Tennessee, etc, all the people I've met and been able to have fun with, all the things I've done that I wouldn't have before or never had a chance to, yeah. I don't know why I'm babbling like so. Katrina (my old babysitter) is here measuring the house so she can buy paint. She's moving into it, which is cool because she has kids. My house is definitely the kind kids need to enjoy, and I like the fact that it's someone I know moving in, and not some bitchy middle-aged woman with a freaking Pomeranian and two snub-nosed twin teenagers. I have no idea where that idea came from, but it would be unpleasant if it were so. Yes yes. I'd better retreat in my room before I'm forced into some uncomfortable unnecessary chit-chat about college or something silly like that. *salute* Sergeant Silly-String, over and out.

July 11, 2004
I had a whole big thing written from the 7th, but I never finished it so oh well. Meh heh. I woke up at noon today, then five minutes later thought I was being attacked by the maroon mafia. Well, fine, one maroon, one red. Cars, that is. Anyway, Abbye, her boyfriend Steve, and Molly came by and picked me up to go to un movie. I registered to vote, despite my inhibitions against supporting people conniving enough to sit outside Farenheit 9/11 and wait for people to come out that haven't registered, but I'm a freaking lazy bum, and it was too darn convenient. They had no victory as far as which party I chose, for my wiles conquered their intellect. Yeah, so that was okee dokee. I'm apparently a horrible person though, cause I closed Steve's fingers in the door of Abbye's car. *wince* I feel bad. Poor fellow. I gave him ice though, in a little plastic bag, soooo...yeah. That negates the evil, thusly making me not bad. Much randomness has been had in the past couple weeks, some things more unexpected than others. Oh gracious me! I forgot to mention the best part about going to the movies today. Yeah, so I wanted to see Farenheit 9/11 because hell, it bashes Bush mostly, but I ...I dunno, I don't really agree with Michael Moore's method of presenting facts, so I didn't want to pay for a ticket, thusly encouraging his very good yet perhaps slightly tainted works...I don't know, it's confusing, so I won't attempt to explain that for another ten minutes. On with my story. Yeah, but I was like, gee, I wanna go, so I did. Well, lucky for me, there was a chimpanzee with bananas for brains at the ticket counter, so I got paid to watch it. How marvellous is that? I gave her a ten, and she gave me 13 dollars and 75 cents back. I know, it makes no sense at all, but I was certainly pleased. Yes yes. Argh, there's so many things I want to type-izzle about, but I just don't feel like getting into it. Frustrating, but easy. Alrighty, well, I was supposed to have departed from my house unto the meeting place of mine friends moons and moons ago, so I should frolick merrily into the early eve. Rightio.

July 4, 2004

"If you think that you’re strong enough
If you think you belong enough.
Nice dream."

Trouble's plopped quite contentedly on my lap, otherwise I'd be back in bed due to the atrociously ungodly hour it is right now. Okay, so it's 8, but I didn't go to bed till around 2:30 so I'm a little on the not-so-awake side. I figured I should probably update, and I'm waiting for Whitney to wake up, so I might as well. Last night I went to a stunt show with der Whitney and der Gabe, and it was amusing. Except for smashing my head against the car door, sitting on damn hard but knobby ground, and a fairly exstensive (hmm that looks spelled wrong) car ride in which Whitney, that's right, Whitney, got us doing loops forever. Okay, sooo maybe it wasn't her fault EVERY time. But we did make a great deal more detours than necessary. At least we've explored every turn off of 202 from 100 to 95. Heh heh. So my brother kicked major hardcore riding-through-fire-on-a-dirtbike BUTT. Yeah. Suck that, siblings. Mine's COOLER. So recently I realized how ridiculous people are. It's ridiculous. Yeah. That's right. Ridiculous. Uh huh. I just realized how much effort I've put into people the past couple months, and how it was apparently a pointless, meaningless waste of time. I hate being lied to, especially when it's so painfully fucking obvious that you want to snicker. But I just find it sort of atrocious how many people think that friendships/relationships are effortless, that one can just sit back and be catered to, be the one to get the calls instead of make them, be the one to talk instead of listen, to do that which entertains them without regard to others, to somehow think that everything about them matters and nothing else. I'm a bit tired of people, honestly. It's cool though, cause, well, just as all good things come to an end, so does everything else. OoooOo. I'm so DEEP this morning. I do wish that people would wake up a little and realize their affect on everyone around them. A lot of people wouldn't be as hurt or upset, and I could eat more pudding. Buuut the wind blows, and I know...*hums song to self* Whoa. Slef is a wonderful word that I shall begin using. I was sleffing about this morning when an elephant came to my door! Splendid. Yeah. I went up to New York last weekend, and it was full of amusingness to the max. Allow me to clarify: NOT NYC. It is a state too folks. *smacks forehead in exasperation* I really enjoyed myself. I'm not sure if it was the random shopping cart rides, continued exstensive shoelessness, going to McDonald's in the middle of graduation, meeting people I haven't seen in a bajillion years and hanging out with them mucho, or getting stuck in stop and go traffic. (okay, so that last one was a little less desirable...) It sounds like mein kitty is chicken soup, (um, eating it, that is) so I'd better go stop him before he vomits all over ze kitchen. Until another time. Oui.

June 17, 2004

Every silver lining's got a touch of grey..
It's a lesson to me, the ablers and the beggars and the thieves
The abc's we all think of, try to win a little love...
Shoe is on the hand that fits, that's all there really is to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit, but it's all right...
Oh well a touch of grey, kinda suits you anyway,
That's all I had to say, but it's all right
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.
It's a lesson to me, the devils and the east and the free
The abc's we all must face, try to save a little grace.

Why hello my lovely peice of mashed potato lump. Garlic and onion chips, dead fly on my keyboard, Bob Dylan. I got back from Tennessee, well technically Connecticut, on Tuesday night, around 6 or 7, I don't particularly remember which. I drove up to Connecticut to pick up Anthony and his friend Pat, then drove straight to Tennessee. Then Monday morning we left to go to Connecticut again, made a 2 minute stop at my house to pick up a charged cell phone, and then Tuesday I came home. It's a freaking long drive, all that business. HAHAHA!!! Busi-NASS my busiNASS. Gracious me, Ludicrous will make me die of hysterical laughter if he keeps pronouncing things the way he does. All in all I managed to drive 2,500 miles in six days. Bonnaroo was definitely a worthwhile experience worth repeating. Glory hallelujah it's hard to focus on writing when you have to pee. Alrighty, now that we've solved that problem (well, I have) back to my topic at hand. Wait, I don't know what else to say about it. I don't know, I just enjoyed myself. Yes, there were moments that were either unpleasant or unentertaining, but there were so many things I enjoyed. I dunno, there was something very neat about just blowing with the wind, not wearing shoes the whole time, not worrying about what one looks like (which isn't new but continues to be a good thing) squishing through the mud, sleeping whenever or not sleeping whenever, the sun, the fun, the people, the music, even the obscenely large amount of time driving. I wish people could understand what it's like to just be absolutely familiar with a stranger. Hell, familiar with 90,000 of them. Heh heh. The summer thus far has been wonderful, which is vastly different from last year. I worked full time, wasn't allowed to talk to my old friends, had very little desire to make friends for the sole purpose of making them, wasn't getting along with my mom at all, wasn't allowed to spend time with Greg, etc. I had a thought after typing all that but I have no idea where it went. I dunno, it's great to be myself again. I mean, not that I wasn't, but I suppose there was a lot of things restricting me being able to fully make my own choices. That's over with though, so here I am. That's not to say that I wasn't me, or that I wasn't able to make my own choices, but I was frequently put into situations where I was pressured into doing things the way other people wanted them done. That's ridiculous, ya know? No one should feel guilty for doing what they feel is right, regardless of the opinions of others. I have to return Aaron's car to his family tonight, and I swear, I shall cry. Okay, maybe not, but it's so freaking nice. Splendid, oh so splendid to drive. I love this, I'm so stinkin' happy. I can't remember the last time before this week that I smiled just cause I felt like smiling. Heh heh heh. I'm thinking about going to a concert at the end of July with a buttload of bands, for only about 50 bucks, but I don't know if I ever feel like spending money again. Holy mother of peeling epidermis, if this continues I shan't have any flesh, I'm sure of it. I got very very burnt in Tennessee. For some odd reason I keep thinking that I was in Kentucky, probably because I followed a car with Kentucky license plates all the way through Tennessee on the way back. Who knows. Hurrum hum dum dee dum. Anyway, yeah, but getting burnt is my fault cause I wandered around watching bands all day long in the oppressive heat and such. I should've sat in the shade for a bit or something. Yeah. As Vic once said "Tiene un grande bien dia. That's right, have a big day. A big good day. A big bi...bye."

June 8, 2004
Bangled bellyrings, new cars, stuffing oneself with coffee fudge carmel sundaes, playing soccer in the dark, and wasting gas. Sounds like a damn good summer day to me, and it should've been. Damn it all to hell. Greg started teaching me how to drive stick (he's my third teacher, but the rest were very, very quick lessons) after I bought my car. Let's just say it'll be a bit before I'll be comfortable driving my new car. Hurrum hum hum. He's a good teacher, berry patient. Coherent writing isn't working since I've commited to myself not to blather on about things that bother me, or are on my mind. Yeah, that in itself probably made no sense. Music is a really great thing, I don't know what I would do without it. It's funny how I can be in a completely shitty mood - one of those times where I swear I could kick a bunny or something - and then a song will come on that just WOOOP and all the sudden I'm feeling happy again except for slight guilt concerning the contemplation of mangling cute animals. That's evil. Hunting is just gross by the way. *sigh* I wish I could be a vegetarian, but I really just don't feel bad for eating cows or pigs or chickens. Well, pigs I avoid, mostly because I don't like the taste of 'em, but also because ...ohhhhhh I'll just say that Penny the Pig ruined my appreciation for pork. Cows just seem to stupid to mind being butchered. I can totally picture them getting shocked with that big-ass shocky thing that's supposed to do whatever it does, and them just being like "Dumm dee dooooooo, gee, there's a lot of blood, la la la, gee, where's my grass, DUNK, owww-ww-wha-wha-what? Huh? Killing me? Oh that's nice, I'll just uh, stare at ya then. Hmm hmm hmmmmm." Chickens just seem to fun. I believe they have some serious issues with lacking intelligence, which makes them quite amusing. They'd be more like, "WAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY HOLY MOTHER OF SUCCULENT GRAINAGE HE'S GOT AN AXE RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!! BWAAAAA! AGH AGH AGH AGH!! (here they run into each other lots and begin defecating on anything that stands still) GRETCHEN, HELGA, BWAKKKKK!" Yeah, I have no clue what brought that up. Oh yeah, being vegetarian. That's why I should never start topics like that. Alright, well, I wanna finish watching Phone Booth, since last time I started watching it with Brandon I fell asleep, and today I had to stop it half way through to meet Vic and company at the mall. But the mall experience will bring up whole new topics which I wish to avoid, thusly I shall depart for a homemade cinematic experience. Shalom.


June 7, 2004
Well whoop-dee-freaking doo. I graduated, I'm moving next month, I broke up with Ben, and I'm leaving for Tennessee very shortly. There's all that's really happened, none of which I'm going to bitch about. Hell, I definitely am NOT bitching about Bonnaroo. That shall be fun. The rest, not so fun. Well, graduating was...interesting, it's nice to not having to pretend to care about Living Word. Don't get me wrong, I care about the people. They're nice. Correction - my friends are nice, I care about them. Fuck Living Word though. I'm buying my car tomorrow, a '95 Honda Civic, white, 5-speed stick shift, etc etc. Greg helped me inspect it, but I found it and haggled the price myself. *proud grin* It'll be 2900. Yay. I'm excited not to have to drive that confounded Volvo around, as much humor as it brought to those around me. sigh I'm so persecuted. So I guess things are over between Ben and I. Who knows, I'm damn confused about the whole thing. Perhaps me makes to many rash decisions. I have to clean my room so I can find my insurance and license. I should anyway, considering I literally wade through about two feet of clothing and papers and such to get anywhere. I did find an alternative route by putting a stool in the middle of my room. It's ridiculous, but I usually just hop from my door to the stool to my futon then do whatever I have to do from there. Yes my room is that small. I shall hereby conquer the clutterliciousness of the aforementioned quarters. Perfect. May 25, 2004
Ja, so, ja. Life is a giant bowl of turpentine soaked tangerines. No, more like snot covered raspberries. Cause it's really splendid, but not. Ben and the majority of my friends from school are off in the warm Carribean island of Greneda preaching to the unconverted (...) which I wasn't "spiritually fit or reliable" enough to do according to my school (...) while I remain in Morgantown attempting to keep myself occupied. Thus far I've done a damn good job of it, actually. Monday morning I had the unfortunate luck of having to go to school since I couldn't really figure a way out of it. Thusly I was exiled to the freaking LIBRARY to type lists and clean books with giraffe snot all day. Unpleasant to say the least. But afterward I went and picked up Aaron, got his car (it was being inspected) and then went hiking with him. It was reaaaaaaaaaaaally pretty - waterfalls, moss-covered rocks, ferns, water of shallowness and of deepness, trees that let the light just barely soak through to the pine needle laden ground, midget cliffs and caves lacking depth...it was really neat. So at first I was like, gee, I don't want to get wet. I rolled up my pant legs and went wading, unsteadily, in. I did good till it got deep, and then eventually was like, um, screw it, and went swimming in it. Well, I was kinda kindly forced into that. And then when I sat in the waterfall, any opportunity to remain dry was lost. After that I was going to drive up to Harrisburg, but my car battery died. I was very glad I was at the church, cause I was thinking that there had to be a set-up guy somewhere, and sure enough Clint and Chris came and hoosiewhatsined my car. Jumped it. With cables. And so on and so forth. THEN I drove to ...whatever that damn town is that Whitney lives in...and stayed there till today, aka overnight. We swam until about one-thirty then went to sleep. Today we went in search of bathing suits, swam all day and then sort of wandered around Harrisburg, ending up at the Harrisburg East mall where we perused bookstores and the like until my mother blithely informed me (at 7:30 mind you) after I called her that I had to come home eventually and get the car I'll be buying from where it is to the mechanic tonight. Considering earlier that day she had told me I didn't have to worry about fixing the car because they wanted to do it through their mechanic, and since I hadn't heard anything about it till I made that call, I was more than slightly irked. So around 8:30 I left Whitney's (I had to drive from Harrisburg back to wherever the hell she lives and get my car and my stuff) and drove home, arriving right around ten. Then I find out that the guy isn't home, and we can't go over to his house till he calls. >: ( Okay, somewhat bearable, yes hmmm. A couple minutes later he calls, we drive out there, my mom and I fighting the whole way, get the car, and it's now 11:30 and I'm finally home. Aaaannd I just realized I can't find a valid excuse to not go to school tomorrow, which means I'll be assigned to menial, pointless, and utterly trivial tasks for the day. *sigh* I haven't talked to Ben for two days either thanks to his holy excursion to Greneda. Either he's too busy to call me, the school's not letting him, or ...something else. It's no fun, whatever it is. Oh...whatever, I should go to bed. By the way, on the same but a different note, I found it amusing that my boyfriend is off on a Carribean island, but I was the one woken up by a parrot this morning. Heh heh. It was Whitney's dad's parrot, but it was sort of ironic. Agh, tiredness.

May 11, 2004
Slugs repulse me. Seriously, more than anything else in the world other than baby snot, cheerio breath, and spiky warts (ewww i will never forgive my mom for that...I had NIGHTMARES). I'm starting to not get along with my mom again. Perhaps it's just because she's getting stressed out about selling the house, and I'm just always kablookie about something, but seriously, I'm beginning to grow agitated. It was alright before today, but when she randomly refused to give me money for lunch because I suddenly, out of the blue, owe her a hundred dollars, I started to not want to tolerate her difficult-to-tolerateness anymore. Then when she accused me of not going in to school til eleven (which I didn't do) I grew even more agitated. This is all within a thirty-second time frame when I came to say hello and try to be a half decent daughter. Fuck that notion. Anyway, back to slugs. So I was out planting flowers in the front garden and one touched me, and it's slime stuck to me. That just seems kinda foul to me, like um, snot glue. Ew. See, that's what slugs are - giant, mushy, slimy, slow, fat, terdlike lumps; sticky sneezes that move. YUCKY. Gee, that was exciting punctuation. I don't feel altogether confident that it was right though. Greg was telling me about some sort of super amusing thing involving semi-colins and colins. I vaguely am reminded of butts, but I don't know why. Hum. Let's see, what else to escribir about. Yes, what to to write about. Spanish, ha ha. Yesss. What splendid stuff spanish is. I love the word for sneeze, estornudar or something. Wait, perhaps that's "to blow one's nose." Whatever, i guess it doesn't really matter. I'm feeling awfully tired at the moment. I haven't gotten to bed before midnight (or 6:30 am..friday night...1:30 am saturday night...then 12 last night) since a couple days ago, so i'm a little beat. I love peach tea. I'm spelling peach a different way now. I can't decide between peech and pheach. Maybe I'll do a compromise with pheech. Ha. We shall see. Soccer is interesting, to say the least. Whatever, I don't want to get into that. I'm hopefully going to buy a car sometime this week. I should really get hopping with that, considering my car takes half a tank of gas to go 80 miles. Lemme do the math for that, maybe it just sounds bad to myself. Okay, yeah, for a Volvo that sucks. I'm getting 16 miles to a gallon. Pooooooooooo. Itch of the shoulder. Well, despite the heart attacks this will cause, I have geography homework I should be doing, so I'd better get to it. Shalom my friends.

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