If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Collect the whole set.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Hukt on fonicks wurkt forr me.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Caution: I drive like you do.
So many cats, so few recipes.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I souport publik edekashun.
A woman without a man is like a neck without a pain.
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
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No radio - Already stolen.
Work is for people who don't know how to shop.
Born free...Taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
You must be this tall to ride this ride.
So many stupid people... so few comets.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
All generalizations are false.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Heartbreaker, looking for next victim.
I am so broke, I can't even pay attention.
I am not a bitch... I am *the* bitch.
I was put on this planet to make your life miserable.
Give me a quarter or I'll touch you!
I'm immature, unorganized, irresponsible, lazy, and LOUD... but I'm FUN.
If you don't like my driving, then get off the sidewalk!
I majored in liberal arts, would you like fries w/that?
I want my man to have a VCR: Very Cute Rear
I'm 17. Give me your credit cards, give me your keys and get out of my way.
I haven't found Mr. Right but I have found Mr. Cheap, Mr. SLeazy and Mr. Wrong.
You're just jealous cause the voices talk to me.
It's Miss Bitch to you.
Lost your cat? Look under my tires.
If you're rich, I'm single.
Men suffer from PMS too...Pretending to be Macho Studs
Discourage inbreeding; ban country music.
I need more money, power, and less shit from you people.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Hang up and drive.
I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
My kid beat up your honor student.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted: telepath, you know where to apply.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
If you are psychic--think "HONK."
All generalizations are false, including this one.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm called in dead.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
They can send me to college but they can't make me think.
Support Free Trade ....... Smuggle
YOU! Out of the gene pool - NOW!
Gun control requires using both hands.
So many pedestrians.....so little time.
Don’t play stupid with me... I’m better at it!
Faster than a speeding ticket
If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.
This car is constipated: hasn’t passed a thing all day!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
This truck has been in 15 accidents... and hasn’t lost one yet...
Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO own the whole damn road!
