Disclaimer #1: Some of what you are about to read is supposed to take place in Season Number Five. However since it was originally conceived on June 23, 2000, everything you already know about the proper fifth season of Daria should be overlooked in order for this to work.

Plot Summary: Lawndale High gets a new kid, who's got a bad habit of talking back to the faculty. This trait proves to be quite admirable to many of the students, including Daria, as he tells off teachers like Ms. Barch, and Ms. Li. But where does his hostility come from? Will we find out when Daria is forced to tutor him by Mr. O'Neill? Meanwhile, Mystik Spiral is teaming up with a more successful ska band for a duet album.

STANDARD DARIA THEME SONG AND SEQUENCES.

Scene One/Act One:
(Shot of Casa Lane, with music blaring from the basement, then Jane's room)
The same ritual -- Jane paints, Daria writes, as usual.

Jane: "So, did you decide which conspiracy theory you were going to debunk for your homework assignment tonight?"
Daria: "It was a tough decision, but I went along with an easy one. The myth that the Apollo 11 Moon Landing was a hoax."
Jane: "Oh, so disproving racial and ethnic supremacy is too difficult, huh? I say it's probably true. America was losing the Vietnam War and needed something to boost the world's confidence in freedom. So they marched down to Area 51 and staged this whole fake moon landing to try to win the public's hearts and minds."
Daria: "If that were the case, the Soviet Union would be exposing this so-called fake moon landing to the world right after we landed there."
Jane: "Damn. You always find a way to spoil popular opinion."
Daria: "Oh, that's not the only fact I'm going to use."

(An interesting set of notes begins emitting from the basement. Quite unusual for Mystik Spiral's sound.)

Daria: "Is that my imagination, or has Mystik Spiral converted into a ska band?"
Jane: "Neither. Trent agreed to get the band to do a duet with a more successful local band. And they happen to be into ska."(1)
Daria: "I'm surprised he was able to convince the rest of the band to go along with it."

Scene Two:
(The Lane basement)
Mystik Spiral is in the basement, but they're not performing. Instead a seven-man ska-reggae band of three mulattos, two blacks and two whites is playing while the Spiral supervises. The band teaming up with Mystik Spiral is finishing up their cover of "Mr. Normal," as Daria & Jane are entering the basement.

Ska Musicians(singing): "Hey, Mr. Normal. It was YOU!!"

Jane: "That song does transcend every counter-culture, doesn't it?"
Daria: "Too bad it'll eventually be watered-down and commercialized, so it can be used as a jingle to sell luxury performance sedans and sport utility vehicles."
Trent: "Not too soon, I hope. Perhaps when we're dead, or too old to rock."
Sax-O-Geranium: "Hey, if it's good enough for the people, it shouldn't be commercialized at all."
Jane: "Daria, meet The Golden Drying Board."
Daria: "'The Golden Drying Board?' What kind of a name is that?"
Q.T. Ugly: "If you think that's a bad name, we used to call ourselves 'The Arthur Bremer Society'." (2)
Daria: "Sounds too much like 'Jodie Foster's Army,' huh?"
Q.T.: "Errr, yeah."
Fishplant: "Q.T. Ugly's the name of my bass player, and this is my band. You see, we think ska has lost a lot of its reggae origins, and has inadvertently fueled the swing revival of the 1990's. Our band is dedicated to recapturing those origins, but for now we decided to team up with a band from our hometown that we like, and Mystik Spiral is it."
Max: "The concept of the album is for us to do grunge versions of Golden Drying Board songs, and for them to do ska versions of Spiral songs."
Trent: "...Plus some team-ups, original works, and other stuff."
Q.T.: "You guys ever do any cover tunes?"
Trent: "Normally, no. But we've got a faster version of 'Heart-Shaped Box,' by Nirvana."
Jesse: "With a longer instrumental break."
Fishplant: "Alright, man. I think we can handle that. Let's start the recording."
Jane: "So, do you guys have a name for this proposed album?"
Daria: "How about, 'The Empty Promises of a Fuller Life'?"
Trent (laughing, then coughing): "Good one, Daria. We should use it for The Spiral's next album."

Scene Three:
[Song: "Heart-Shaped Box," by Nirvana].
(Next Morning, Lawndale High)
Ms. Barch: "Class, we have a new student. Meet Harry Whitford." (Camera turns to a skinny white boy with a dirty-blonde mop-top, wearing blue jeans and a blank, medium-blue tee shirt with a pocket on his chest.)
Harry(raising his hand, casually): "Hi."
Ms. Barch (suddenly snapping): "Alright, that's enough from you!"
(Harry is surprised and annoyed at this unwarranted attack).
Ms. Barch: "Now today we're going to talk about the East African Widowbird; The East African Widowbird comes from the grebe family, and is named because of its mating habits. (begins ranting) The usual male habits of running around, sowing his wild oats, and leaving the mate with neglected children, to fool around with some floozy-bird, who's still in college, and was recently elected Playmate of the Year!"
(Ms. Barch suddenly zeros in on Harry).
Ms. Barch: "Shut up, you man!"
Harry: "Hey, I didn't say anything."
Ms. Barch (screeching): "SHUT UP!!"
Harry: "But I..."
Ms. Barch: "I said shut your lying, cheating two-timing, widow-making trap!!"
(Harry is now disgusted with her attitude toward him)
Harry: "Ahh, Ram it up your hole!!"
(class is horrified)
Ms. Barch: "You dare talk back to me?"
Harry: "What? You've never had a kid do it before? Well maybe some of them should start giving it a try!"
(class becomes more excited, some are horrified, but others are impressed)
Daria: "Looks like this boy thinks he can stand up to the Wrath of Barch."
Jane: "I'd say he's doing a pretty good job of it so far."

(Janet grabs something off a yellow pad of paper, takes an ink pad and a stamp which we later find is customized with her signature on it. We now see that the yellow piece of paper is a detention slip. She approaches Harry and grabs him by the shoulders, putting that slip of paper in his pocket.)

Ms. Barch: "Take this to the principal's office right now! The directions are on the back, assuming you men can follow them!"
Harry: "Nice knowing you, Ms. Bitch."

(Harry walks out with his back turned and two obscene gestures high over his head. A few kids laugh, some kids gasp and others groan.)

Scene Four:
(The Halls of Lawndale High, Daria's locker & vicinity)
Daria opens her locker and finds a bouquet of flowers in a six-ounce cup and a flattering note that reads "I knew girls as lovely as you existed, but I never knew I'd actually meet one. Signed, A. Friend." She closes her locker, turns her head and sees Upchuck, who's smiling semi-innocently.
Daria: "I suppose you know what I think of these flowers, Upchuck…and where you can stick them."
Upchuck: "I told you before, I'm over you, Daria. Not that you're not an attractive woman, but as you recall, I did meet somebody during that football game with Highland, a while back."(3)
Daria (grabs his neck preparing to strangle him): "How do I know that you're not just adding her and I to that harem you've always wanted?"
Upchuck (gagging): "Because I no longer feel the need for a harem."
Daria (loosening her grip slightly): "Keep talking."
Upchuck: "When a man acts the way I do, it's usually to win the hand of a woman he seeks. You meet my standards, but so does Donna Tilove. She just happens to appreciate me for who I am, therefore I have no motive to try to win your heart, or the heart of any other young lady at this school."
(Daria is still suspicious, but realizes he has a point)
Daria: "Alright, I'll let go. But you have to promise that if you two break up, you won't turn to me or Jane when you're on the rebound."

(camera widens to reveal Ms. Li approaching)
Ms. Li: "Miss Morgendorffer! How dare you try to strangle that boy! He's got an important football game to announce this weekend. I'm afraid you'll have to come with me."

Scene Five:
[Song: "Your Number or Your Name," by The Knack.].
(Jane's House, Jane's Room)
Like Scene one, Jane's painting while Daria's doing homework.
Jane: "And you're sure Upchuck's not your secret admirer."
Daria: "Not entirely. But he did have a plausible alibi, so I let it slide. That was when Ms. Li caught me."
Jane: "Yeah, I heard. So, how was your first time by yourself in after-school detention?"
Daria: "It's not my first time. Anyway, it was boring, tedious, and it put me to sleep. So I'd say it was just like the rest of our school day."
Jane: "I'm glad you've got some sense of what a trip to the principal's office is really like, so I wouldn't have to prove to you it's not like a dungeon. "
Daria: "I knew it long before I joined you in your controversial artistic excursions."(4)
Jane (with one eyebrow cocked): "Yeah. Too bad you never joined me in my controversial petty teenage vandalism and arson excursions."

(The conversation is interrupted by some music from downstairs. It's Mystik Spiral, but they're not doing a Mystik Spiral song.)
Jane: "Speaking of which, would you care to go downstairs?"
Daria: "Why not. There's nothing better to do." (Both leave the room)

Scene Six:
(The Lane Basement)
Not merely a rehearsal, but a recording this time.
Trent (singing): "You always brag about how you're a product of the We Generation.
Don't try to fool me, you're an overhyped version of the 'Me' Generation.
You claim you stopped the war, but you just let the victims die
You turned away from integration, at South Boston High.
And this was after you bragged, about integrating Little Rock,
When you were too young to do anything."

(Music ends here, as Fishplant turns the tape recorder off and claps slowly.)
Fishplant: "Cool climax. Now move over."

(Daria and Jane arrive in the basement, as Mystik Spiral moves away from the microphones and The Golden Drying Board takes their place)
Trent: "What kind of Spiral tune are you going to do next?"
Mr. Winston Boy: "Fishplant hasn't told us."
Jesse: "You're still deciding?"
Jane: "How about 'Icebox Woman?' Did you do that yet?"
Daria: "Better than another lame cover of 'Baby I love Your Way'."
Trent: "Oh. Hey, Janey. Hey Daria."
Daria & Jane: "Hey."
Trent: "I don't see why you can't give that a shot."
(Golden Drying Board members mutter to each other in lapsed agreement)
Fishplant: "Okay, but you've got to do 'Rocket Show' next."
Jesse: "How did you come up with that song?"
Fishplant: "Neally O'Healey was a Navy brat. When he was a kid and his Dad was stationed in Florida and The Bahamas, he used to watch rocket launches from Cape Canaveral, ranging from Space Shuttle launches to ordinary unmanned rockets."
Neally O'Healey: "Some of which the government didn't want people knowing too much about."
Daria: "Laser-guided anti-missile satellites, perhaps?"
Neally O'Healey: "Could've been. Most of the time I didn't even know what was being sent up."
Fishplant: "Switch on the mic, Trent." (he does so) "Icebox Woman, take one."(Fishplant snaps his fingers)

(Upbeat ska music begins)
Fishplant: "Giddyupgiddyupgiddyup."
(music continues)
Fishplant (singing): "You an angel in black,
you sure have a knack,
for putting my heart on the shelf in de back,
I'm waiting my turn, oh, when will I learn?
My poor heart, you give it freezer burn...
Awww, Yeah..."

(Music stops abruptly. Mystik Spiral, Golden Drying Board, Daria & Jane look at each other awkwardly)
Trent: "Hmm. Are you sure 'Icebox Woman' works as a ska or reggae song?"
Fishplant: "You're right that didn't turn out so good.(bands mutter in agreement) What do you say we slow it down and skank it up a bit?"

Scene Seven:
(The Morgendorffer dinner table)
A rare scene -- Daria and Quinn are sitting down at the table reading their usual tastes in literature, Jake is cooking up one of his weird meals, with Lasagna on the side incase it fails, and Helen actually has some time to relax! So she uses it to bring "communication" to the table, all the while scheming to work Daria's recent mild trouble at school into the conversation.
Helen: "Since I actually have some free time tonight, I thought I'd use it by finding out if anything interesting happened at work or school today."
Quinn: "Well, there's this new kid at school. I think he's a senior. But anyway, he's always getting in trouble, telling off teachers, giving everyone obscene gestures, and things like that. He makes a total spectacle of himself."
Daria: "As opposed to making a spectacle of yourself by trying to look like some of the models in 'Waif' magazine."
Helen: "Daria, do you know anything about this new boy?"
Daria: "Well, since he pisses off the teachers, he can't be all bad."
Helen: "That should be no surprise, coming from a girl who received detention in school today."
Daria: "I take it you got the obligatory call from school. If you did, then you also know I was able to convince her of my innocence, so she let me go."
Helen: "I'm glad, but I still think it's incredible that a smart girl who enjoys being alone like you tends to fall in with such a disrespectful crowd."
Daria: "I think it's incredible how the generation that's been bragging for years about how it defied authority is now claiming it had respect for it."
(Helen cocks an eyebrow at Daria.)
Jake: "Who here wants to try my New Orleans Duck L'Orange Surprise?"
Quinn(mortified): "Dah-ad! Ewww!"
Daria: "Why not invite Corporal Ellenbogen over and serve it to him? He won't be able to leave the toilet for the next five days. Then when he's at his most vulnerable moment, Pow." (All giving Daria a dirty look) "Hey, I'm just trying to help."

Scene Eight:
[Song: "I Hated School," by The Wretched Ones.]
(The next day, Lawndale High)
A montage of scenes without dialogue where Harry is in class getting in trouble with teachers. Mrs. Barch is obviously adding her own anti-male bias in her lessons, he tells her off, gets cheers from the kids, and is kicked out of class. Coach Gibson runs him and others around Lawndale High stadium, no problem until he forces Harry to play football. He knows he can't and so do the players. He leaves before he gets hurt as the LHS football team laughs at him. Gibson sends him off the field. Mr. DeMartino is giving a lesson in his usual way. Harry is listening, but doesn't believe him and tries to contradict him. He kicks Harry out of class and most of the kids cheer, with the exception of Daria and Jodie who are no longer impressed, and Jane who's less enthusiastic by his defiance than the rest of the class.

Scene Nine:
(Lawndale High, Ms. Li's office)
Ms. Li: "Three pinkslips from three teachers in less than half a day? I've never had a new kid with such a bad record. And all for insubordination."
Harry: "That freaky teacher with the bulging eye looked like he wanted to give me more than just a pinkslip."
Ms. Li: "Mr. DeMartino's condition is nothing for you to make fun of."
Harry: "Mmm, yeah. At first I felt sorry for the guy, and I tried to look past the thing. But after a while I felt it gave him no reason to be such an arrogant liar. So he just ticked me off, and I told him where to stick it."
Ms. Li: "Well in any case, it says in your permanent record, that you've got a long history of getting into fights with teachers, as well as other kids."
Harry: "Hey, they attacked me. I just defended myself."
Ms. Li: "Over 100 times?"
Harry: "Yeah, it happens a lot. People want to give me a hard time, and I have no other choice. And don't give me that crap about walking away and telling the teacher, because when a kid wants to start a fight with you, they're not going to let you do that. Besides, some of the people had to fight off were teachers, including one who tried to use a first grader as his girlfriend, if you know what I mean."
Ms. Li: "I see. And how do we know you won't try to start any fights with the faculty here?"
Harry: "Nobody does anything to me, I won't do anything to them."
Ms. Li: "What about threatening to kill Mrs. Barch? We've got a zero-tolerance policy on that kind of thing here."
Harry: "No, all I said was that I was gonna make her pay. I didn't say I was gonna kill her. Murder is not the only form of revenge, y'know. And I wouldn't do it over some trumped-up misconduct charge."
Ms. Li: "Okay, then perhaps you'd care to disclose what kind of revenge you're planning for Ms. Barch, so I can believe you?"
Harry: "Well, I wouldn't tell you. You'd try to stop me."
Ms. Li: "But how can we be sure it's not going to be violent? Crime in school is on the rampage these days and we have to take precautions."
Harry: "Did you ever consider that all these drastic precautions that you school staff members take may actually cause some kids to become violent?"
Ms. Li: "A school has to have rules to prevent anarchy. We can't allow students to get into fights even in self-defense. Only when we have order and discipline and students learn to fulfill their subservient roles, can we have a fully productive educational system, and bring honor and pride unto Laaaawndale High. Nothing must be done that threatens that honor!"
Harry: "Oh, I get it. Just like every other school I've been in. The same old party line. Never mind reality. The teachers are always to be obeyed. (grabs the desk and lunges forward) I don't think so!!"
Ms. Li: "Son, if you think your permanent record is marred now, just wait till I get a hold of it. If you don't wind up in prison before you graduate, I have ties with some friends at the psychiatric ward at Cedars of Lawndale, and I can always add you to their watch list. Step out of line under my watch and I can have you committed as a basket case. And I can be...very persuasive."
Harry: "Yeah, well as intimidating as you can be, all you'll ever accomplish with that threat is to piss me off a lot more!! As far as I'm concerned, bitch, I will never see you as anything else, but The Enemy!!
(Harry walks away briefly, while Ms. Li's expression goes from slight terror to cold disdain. Then with more anger he turns around to Ms. Li) Harry(directly in Ms. Li's face): "EN-E-MYYYYY!!!!!"
[Song: "I Hated School," by The Wretched Ones.]
(Ms. Li is terrified as Harry walks out of the office, randomly trashing school property. We now see Harry with his back turned to the viewer, walking through the halls, continuing his rampage of destruction. He kicks lockers, garbage pails, tears down posters, plaques, and an entire shelf of athletic trophies!! This guy makes Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club" look like the head of the boy's jamboree.).

Mr. DeMartino: "And like such fanatics in the Middle East as the Hezbollah, Hamas and the so-called 'Democratic Front' for the Liberation of Palestine, Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland wage a meaningless holy war, for no other purpose than to cause chaos and despair, using shallow traditions to justify their bloodbaths."
Harry: "Oh, come ON!"
Mr. DeMartino: "I hope you're not about to accuse me of being a liar again Mr. Whitford. (building to hysteria) Because if you are, then you'd better have some decent evidence to support your perspective!!"
Harry: "Fine: The troubles in Northern Ireland have always been about national sovereignty versus colonial domination. London simply plays upon the old religious differences between Catholics and Protestants in order to discredit the I.R.A.'s cause. Protestants who prefer Irish unity and independence are often referred to as 'rotten prods.' The Orange Order still gets away with hassling Catholics for stopping them from marching through Catholic neighborhoods, bragging about some old holy war they won back in 1690. They've been doing it long before the Revolution of 1916, and they haven't stopped. Even the modern media focuses on the religious aspects of the war, while the issue of colonial rule is put on the back burner."
Mr. DeMartino (sarcastic): "Ooh! And why do you think they'd want to do this?!"
Harry: "Well aside from the risk of losing some territory on the other side of the Irish Sea, they sought to sabotage the proposed Irish Republic's attempts to succeed as an industrialized nation. So they rigged the occupation of six of the nine counties of Ulster, changed the name of the dreaded Royal Irish Constabulary, a.k.a. 'The Black-and-Tans,' to the Royal Ulster Constabulary, and despite the failure of thwarting a republic they've managed to permanently keep Ireland divided both geographically, and spiritually."
Mr. DeMartino: "Really? Any other examples of these kind of shenanigans by the British Empire?"
Harry: "Sure. When India fought to breakaway from the British Empire, their people were divided by religion too. In their case it was Muslims and Hindus. So before Ghandi was assassinated in his attempt to negotiate some sort of peace between them, London partitioned India by creating the Muslim nations of West Pakistan and East Pakistan, which in 1971 separated from West Pakistan and became Bangladesh.”
Mr. DeMartino: "Whoa!! Wait one minute!! Are you suggesting that you believe the assassination of Mahatma Ghandi was part of some conspiracy on behalf of British Secret Security?!!"
Harry: "Nahhh. It was his own people who bumped him off. But you've got to admit, the U.K certainly benefited form the man's death."
Mr. DeMartino: "Hmm. A very interesting perspective. (bell rings) See me after class!!"

[Song: "Give Ireland Back to the Irish," by Paul McCartney & Wings.].

Scene Twenty:
(Lawndale High, Daria's locker)
Daria opens her locker and finds yet another bouquet of flowers with a note next to it.
Daria: "Oh no. Not again."
Harry: "That was old. You can throw it away, or give it back and I'll use the seeds to replant it."
Daria: "So you're the one who's been following me."
Harry: "Yeah, but I know when to quit."
Daria: "Then why are you bothering me now?"
Harry: "To try to give you the impression that I've given up on you."
Daria: "It's not working."
Harry: "Sorry. It's all I can do."
Daria: "Well for future reference, the best way to a girl's heart is not through picking their lockers, or a raging spree of endless destruction."
Harry: "I didn't think it was. Of course, I do those things because of what I feel, not who I might impress."
Daria: "Why did you even bother going into my locker in the first place?"
Harry: "Usually, I do this when I want to sabotage someone else's locker with small explosives, a spring-loaded pie, or something like that. But when I saw you, it confirmed my gut feeling that girls like you existed, and seeing no other way to come on to you, I used whatever skills I had to get through to you. I should've known you were too good to be true."
Daria: "Am I supposed to be flattered by that remark?"
Harry: "Hey, be what you want, Daria. I'm just telling the truth about what I did."
Daria: "Does that mean you might try hitting on me again someday?"
Harry: "Not unless you can set me up with a girl who looks remotely like you."
Daria: "Dating is my sister's department. You want to find somebody to go out with, talk to miss popularity."
Harry: "Nahh. I've seen her and her friends. They turn me off."
Daria: "I'm surprised. You're just as superficial as they are."
Harry: "Yeah, you're right. I just have a different set of standards that's all. I'm into pale-looking women like you, not overly made-up wannabe fashion models like her. But at least we can both go on with our separate lives. See you in school tomorrow, Daria...or maybe not."

(Harry walks away. Daria looks at him quizzically and slightly bemused. Cut to Jane approaching her.)(12)
Jane: "So that was your new secret admirer, huh?"
Daria: "Not anymore. He already knows I'm not available. I should've known it was him when the flowers started appearing in my locker around the same time he came to this school."
Jane (sarcastic): "Rats. And I had a $20 bet going that he was some deranged stalker who was going to take you hostage, and shout. 'If I can't have you, nobody else will!!'"
Daria: "Maybe you should make that confession in your next Gamblers Anonymous meeting."
Jane: "I can't. Some of them might have been your admirers."
Daria: "Well unless Tom, Upchuck, Ted DeWitt-Clinton, and/or Mr. O'Neill were in on this too, I can't imagine who else those 'admirers' could have been."
Jane: "Daria, you still amaze me after all the years I've known you. You do everything you can to keep people away from you. You don't follow the latest fashions, you never wear makeup, you don't dance, you avoid all extracurricular activities, you nail people with wittier observations and insults than I've ever been able to come up with, and somehow people of both genders still want to hang out with you."
Daria: "What are you trying to tell me?"
Jane (beaming): "Face it, Daria. You're popular. You're a babe. You're a goddess. You're a sex symbol, for Pete's sake. Guys actually want you!"
Daria: "I should punish you for that remark, but I can't think of an appropriate way of doing so."
Jane: "It wouldn't involve losing the right to a walk home from school with you, would it?"
Daria: "No. Besides, it's the only way I can keep you from crushed by the punk-ska fight."

(Daria & Jane begin walking down the hall. The light at the doorway has a "sunset-type" appeal.)
Jane: "Good. I'm getting tired of listening to the debate between Trent and Max on whether or not Elvis would've liked rap."
Daria: "I concur. And more importantly, I like their sped-up version of 'Heart-Shaped Box,' by Nirvana much better."
Jane: "Boy. If only Trent knew this about you two years ago, he finally would have won your heart."

(Daria groans in disgust.)

[Song: "Nirvana," by Juliana Hatfield.]
ALTER-EGOS:
Quinn as Miki Berenyi from Lush. (13)
Trent as Bob Marley.
Helen as Skateboard Guy.
Jake as Peter Garrett from Midnight Oil. (14)
Sandi as Miss Cleo. (15)
Jane as Lisa Simpson.(16)
Angela Li as Joe Jackson' s "I'm the Man" album cover.
Andrea as Nose-Chain Kid.
Stacy as McDonald's old "Speedee" mascot.
Daria as Tracy Turnblad(17).
Official Daria Logo.

THE END

Author's Notes: 1)Originally, I wanted to make the subplot involving Trent and Mystik Spiral's duet with the ska band into a separate fic called "Up the Down Ska-Chase," mainly so that I could do some wordplay with the title to the classic 1960's pop-culture high school book "Up the Down Staircase." Having nothing else to go on, I decided to integrate it into "The Insubordinator. I also considered naming the band after the title of the defunct fanfic, along with 'Pirates of Rendezvous Bay,' or some other obscure bay on Anguilla Island."

2)Arthur Bremer is the man who attempted to assassinate Alabama's controversial former segregationist Governor & Presidential candidate George Wallace(1919-1998) on May 15, 1972.

3,6)See my previous fic "The Highland Invasion."

4)Re; "Arts 'n' Crass" (ep. #201).

5)For the actual liner notes, go buy the real C.D., "We Are Not Devo: A Tribute to Devo. If you're willing to accept a wider variety of musical styles, you won't be disappointed with a single cover.

7)"The Poor Man's James Bond," is a four-volume book by ex-white supremacist Paul Saxon. It's a how-to book on making your own homemade weapons, explosives, and the like, which was supposed to be used in the event of a takeover of the U.S. Government by either left-wing, or right-wing extremists, but is more popular amongst terrorists in the United States and abroad.

8) I even considered making Beavis and Butt-head two of the guys in her nightmare, but I promised somebody out there that this fic would be B & B free. Besides, neither of them felt anything for her, and neither did she for them.

9)Re; "I Don't (ep. #204), where Daria told all the other bride's maids those outrageous stories about herself, including that she works in a strip club, and Luhrman plays along with her.

10)A trace, in case you don't know is a trail that's cut deep into the ground. Examples include the historic Natchez Trace in Mississippi, Alabama, and Tennessee.

11)Sally Cruikshank is the cartoonist responsible for such short films as "Face Like a Frog," and "Quasi at the Quackadero." Her work can also be seen on occasional episodes of "Sesame Street," and other PBS children's shows.

12)Believe it or not, I actually considered adding "Everlong," by The Foo Fighters in that scene. However, it runs too close to her conversation with Jane, not to mention the walk from school at the end. Besides, I'm still a Daria-Trent Shipper, and ever since I heard the song in "Lane Miserables"(#308), it tends to leave me a little depressed.

13)Specifically from their last album "Lovelife." Yeah, I know Quinn's hair is so red that dyeing it pink isn't much of a stretch, but it was either that or making her Marlo Thomas again.

14)If you think Jake is scary enough already, imagine him at over 6'5", with a shaved-pointed head and a case of jaundice.

15)Miss Cleo, if you don't know is that Caribbean woman on those tarot card hotline commercials.

16) Okay, I'll admit she's not exactly who you'd think of when you use an alter-ego for Jane, but I had to pick somebody besides Lita Ford or an undetermined Egyptian Princess.

17)Tracy Turnblad was the overweight teen dancing sensation from the 1987 John Waters movie "Hairspray."

The Golden Drying Board: 1)Fishplant: Lead singer, Trumpet, Harmonica.
2)Q.T. Ugly: Bass.
3)Sax-O-Geranium: Trombone, Saxophone, and Trumpet.
4)Hornsichord Jones: Trombone, Trumpet.
5)Neally O'Healey: Guitars.
6)Slappy Smith Cakes: Drums, Percussion, and Vibraphone.
7)Mr. Winston Boy: Keyboard, Organ, Mellotron, Backing Percussion, Wolf Whistle.

Disclaimer #2: Daria was created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis Lynn. All characters and the rest of the supporting cast, with the exception of Harry Whitford, and The Golden Drying Board, a.k.a., The Arthur Bremer Society are property of MTV Productions, and are used without permission. This story is not to be sold or profited from, nor was it intended to be sold or profited from by the author. This piece of fan fiction was originally created on June 23, 2000, and finished on January 19, 2002.