Two very X-Files-ish agents come to Lawndale High to warn the students about being suspicious of different people who might be in the school. Soon afterwards, Mr. O’Neill makes an analogy of the aliens they were talking about and communists in the McCarthy Era, which is misinterpreted by everyone to mean that Daria and Jane are “atomic communists from Mars”. Then Mr. DeMartino is led away in handcuffs by the two forementioned agents.
Things keep getting weirder and weirder. When Daria gets home and tells her parents about that day’s happenings, they tell her that “we were all aliens once”, by which they mean “we were all immigrants once”. When Daria reacts to this, they think that she’s turned racist. Meanwhile, Jane tells Daria that aliens would probably just use neck implants to take over people’s bodies rather than actually invade Earth, and Helen and Jake get even more worried when Quinn tells them that Daria is a communist and that Mr. DeMartino got taken away by the officers.
The next day, Quinn shows up to school wearing a black turtleneck and the Fashion Club gets mad at her. Jane and Daria suspect neck implants and start worrying again. After school, a rather scared Jane calls Daria to tell her of Trent’s “hell music” that she thinks might be used as a defense against aliens or a signal for them to come to Earth and convinces Daria to come over with promises of pizza. Daria sets out for the Lane residence, but gets more and more frightened as she goes, especially when she starts hearing rustling noises in the bushes, but she convinces herself that it’s just a stalker and continues on her merry way. She arrives safe and sound, but before she can enter the house, Jane spots some weird lights shining out of the bushes across the street. The pizza finally arrives, yet it is being delivered by none other than Artie from “Esteemers”. After the initial shock (and horrified screams), they invite Artie in and he tells them of his misadventures with the aliens he was abducted by – how they stole his skin and gave him a synthetic one. Trent has emerged by the end of the tale and asks Artie if he has ever considered writing lyrics.
Meanwhle, outside, Jodie, Mack, O’Neill, Kevin, Brittany, and Upchuck, all carrying flashlights and trying to stake out the front of the Lane home to see if aliens really do come (though some won’t admit that that’s why they’re there), bump into each other and O’Neill decides there’s too much suspicion going on and that they need to have a supportive meeting the next day at school.
At the said rally, O’Neill dresses up in a black trench-coat and fake beard and starts giving a speech, but is interrupted by the return of Mr. DeMartino, and many truths are finally revealed. It turns out that the agents were immigration officers who were told by Ms. Barch that DeMartino was an illegal alien, the Fashion Club (now all decked out in black turtlenecks) were trying to hide that one of them (Quinn) had a neck zit, and that Daria and Jane really weren’t atomic communists from Mars or Martian love goddesses come to take Upchuck back to their planet with them. Then, Ms. Li, led by Jake, shows up and breaks up the rally.
When Daria is over at Jane’s and they’re watching TV, they finally figure out what Trent’s hell music was for – he was commissioned to do a commercial jingle for Happy Herb’s Used Car Sales (which turns out to be really catchy and has tortured us endlessly), for which he received one hour in a recording studio, $20, and a new set of tires. Then, Sick, Sad World comes on, featuring our heroes as Martian love goddesses in really strange costumes of Upchuckian design.
~Larissa and Robin
