A Young Daria Christmas Story

by Galen Hardesty

~*~

Daria trudged homeward from Highland Elementary. It was quite warm for the last school day before Christmas, but at least it was cool enough to wear her jacket comfortably. And the dumb class Christmas party was over for another year.

Daria thought glumly of the present riding in her backpack. A plastic snowman pin to wear on her blouse. Riiight. She’d be sure to wear it the next really cold day in Hell. Daria liked the box it came in better. A small pasteboard box with fitted lid, it had a red-and-green holly design printed on it so it didn’t require separate wrapping paper. It suited Daria’s Christmas present philosophy. Least possible effort without actually insulting the recipient.

As she semi-attentively scanned the way ahead, Daria’s eye was caught by an object that truly epitomized Texas to her. She stopped and looked at it for a moment, and a small smile came to her lips.

~*~

Later that afternoon, Quinn was cutting out a party dress she’d just finished coloring, being careful not to cut off the tabs. She turned at a soft knock at her door.

Daria stood in the doorway. "Hey, Quinn, I got you a pre-Christmas present." she said as she held out a small box.

Quinn’s eyes lit up. She moved to take the box but pulled her hand back. "You open it." She said suspiciously.

Daria looked hurt, but lifted the holly-printed lid off the likewise-decorated box. A large brownish - green pellet was inside, nestled in cotton batting.

"What is that?" Quinn wrinkled her darling little nose reflexively at the unfamiliar object.

"It’s a reindeer bait pellet." Daria sniffed noisily. "Smell that? The fragrance of the meadows of northern Lapland, where the reindeer roam free till Santa’s elves round them up for the Christmas run. It’s compressed moss and wildflowers. The reindeer love it."

Quinn took the bait. "What do you do with it?"

"Set it out where the reindeer land. The idea is to make them stay in one spot longer so that Santa can unload more presents off the sleigh."

"Oh, cool! You mean like in the yard? Out in the street?"

"If you put it in the yard, something else might get it. I’d put it on the roof. That’s where they landed last year. Just throw it up there so it lands on the flat bottom side and it’ll stay."

Daria went back to her room, and Quinn charged out right behind her. Daria heard the front door open and slam. Smirking, she shook her head. Not so much as a "thanks" had she gotten.

Dragging her chair into her closet, Daria closed the closet door, braced the back of the chair against it, and began the tricky climb to the attic access hatch. She was pretty sure Mom and Dad had forgotten it was here, if they’d ever noticed, and she wanted to keep it that way.

A few minutes later, Daria, seated at the small attic dormer window, watched her sister’s attempts to get the reindeer bait to stay on the roof. Once again, it rolled back down to the edge and dropped off. Daria stifled a giggle as Quinn’s lips formed a word that Mom and Dad didn’t know she knew.

Quinn picked it up. It had broken in two, exposing its soft, moist center, and Quinn was squeezing it together again. Drops of green liquid dribbled from between her fingers. Daria held her sides and tried to laugh quietly. Just then, a car pulled into the driveway and Helen got out. Quinn went over to her, apparently asking for help. Helen held Quinn’s wrist and examined the reindeer bait. Daria bit her thumb to keep from cracking up, so she could hear the punch line.

"Quinn, that’s a horse apple." Helen was saying.

"A what?"

"It’s horse doodoo. Throw it down and wash your hands."

Quinn gazed in horror at the brownish-green gak on her hands, then her face hardened into a mask of fury as she headed for the door. "Sure. Just as soon as I thank Daria!"

"Quinn, you wash your hands right now! At the outside faucet!"

Daria rolled on the attic floor, convulsed by laughter, both hands clamped over her mouth, occasional tears running into her ears. Down below, she heard Quinn telling Helen about the "reindeer bait", and Helen calling her name.

Daria knew better than to answer just yet. Helen would soon cool down. Then she’d tell Jake the story, and they’d have a laugh over it, somewhere away from Quinn. Only then would she come down. As she recovered from her fit of laughter, Daria reached over and pulled a book out of the box the last people had left up here. She’d read a chapter or two of... she looked at the cover.. "Girl of the Limberlost" by the light of the setting sun, and then sneak down, very quietly. Christmas couldn’t be a total loss this year. A little piece of it had been merry already.

La la LA la la.