the song "tourniquet"by marilyn manson.the lyrics:

     she's made of hair and bone and little teeth
     and things i cannot speak
     she comes on like a crippled plaything
     spine is just a string
     i wrapped our love in all this foil
     silver-tight like spider legs
     i never wanted it to ever spoil
     but flies will lay their eggs
     take your hatred out on me
     make your victim my head
     you never ever believed in me
     i am your tourniquet
     prosthetic synthesis with butterfly
     sealed up with virgin stitch
     if it hurts baby please tell me
     preserve the innocence
     i never wanted it to end this way
     but flies will lay their eggs
     take your hatred out on me
     make your victim my head
     you never ever believed in me
     i am your tourniquet.

..i hate this place.i always have.i've been her too long.way too long.i hate evrything about it.the way it looks,the
     bars over the windows,the condescending medics,the medicine,the smell,oh god,the smell.if i didn't know any
     better,i'd think it was a hospital.*snicker*oh,wait,that's what they want me to think it is.i know better.it's not a
     hospital for the"very special people".it's a prison.a god damned prison.i hate it.all of it.but most of all,i hate the
     screams.i can'y sleep at night,that's when the screaming starts.ever since i got here,every night,the screaming.i can
     hear him.everyone can.the medics stopped tending to him long ago.his fits became as predictable as the rise of the
     sun each day.they keep him in a padded room,all the way down the hall.there aren't any windows in his room,and
     they dare not turn on the overhead lights in his room.that just makes him scream.and scream.and scream.i've never
     seen him.but i heard one of the orderlies refer to him as"edge".he said that his father had overdosed on coke,and
     his mother killed herself.after his brother was in the car accident...well,it was all downhill from there.
     you can imagine my surprise when i saw him in the yard.in a straightjacket,of course.i looked at him for a little
     while and went on out.he was staring at a butterfly.i had no idea he was so young.and cute.i turned around when i
     heard him screaming.the butterfly had flown away.

     the orderlies had calmed him down,shot him full of morphine,and he sat on the couch,pratically catatonic.i walked
     over to him.i had no fear of even the craziest of these patients anymore.after all,i was here because i killed my
     sisters.

     "hi."no respose."you're name's edge?"no response."i hear you screaming at night,you know."no response.*sigh*i
     turned around to leave."so what are you in for?"he asked. i turned around,about to answer,when the nurse acme
     down and told the orderlies to take him to his room.as he was being taken away,he turned around and smiled at
     me.the unmistakable smile of a mad man......
 

     ...that night i got about two hours sleep.that's how long it took for edge to start up again.my eyes fluttered open.i
     sighed,and turned over in my bed."god,will it ever stop?"i said to myself as i listened to the sound of his pained
     cries.i wondered why he needed to scream like that.then,as abruptly as they started,the screams stopped.at first i
     was releived.then i got really curious.why the hell did he stop?he never does that.usually he just kind of fades
     away...i lay there for a few minutes,but before i could think anymore about that mysterious man and his maniacal
     yells,sleep slapped me upside the head and i drifted off.

     i saw him again.in the morning.in his straightjacket.staring at a particularly fascinating dust particle.those things
     really are fascinating,you know.so i walked to him and he looked up at me.his eyes were bloodshot and he had
     dark circles under his eyes.probably from all the drugs,not to mention the endless nights awake,screaming his
     pretty little head off."sit?"he asked me.i nodded and planted myself next to him."you're really weird."he
     said."excuse me!?"i was shocked,"*i'm* weird?""yes.you're talking to me.that seems to indicate a level of
     kookiness."i just stared at him,open-mouthed."uhhh,hmmmmm.anyway,so,"i tried desperately to change the
     subject here,"what's you're name?you're real name?""edge"he said not letting his expresionless face change."it
     can't be edge.i mean,what name did you're mom give you when you were born?""edge."he repeated.no use,i
     thought,so i'll just abide."fine."

     that night,when the nurse came by to give me a shot,i asked about edge."do you know his real name?how old is
     he?how long has he been here?does he talk to you?why does he scream all the time?""hush,hush,child!"she said
     with an amused smile."one question at a time!"i looked at her.i gues my face showed that i was desperate for
     answers.i hadn't realized it at the time,but i guess i'd developed somewhat of a crush on him."his real name is
     adam.adam copeland.he's 25.he's been here for about seven years."at that my eyebrows shot up,and she just
     nodded solemly."he doesn't talk to anybody.no one.not the medics,the nurses,the orderlies,not even the other
     patients.he hasn't spoken a word since he got here.all he does is scream.""but-but-but he talked to
     me!""what!?"she asked,standing up."do you have any idea what this means?we've been trying to get him to talk
     for ages!we've tried everything!well i'll be.i guess all it took was a pretty girl."

     they set up a meeting with the doctor for me and adam,excuse me,"edge",the next afternoon.we basicall sat in his
     office,trying to get edge to talk.they tried talking to him about all sorts of things.no response.the doctor apparently
     didn't believe that i could make him talk.he even had the audacity to call me a liar to my face.it was all i could to to
     keep from scratching his eyeballs out.as the stupid doctor tried desperately to make edge talk,to no avail,i couldn't
     help the smug smile that spread across my face as ther was a collective gasp in the room when i turned to
     him,said"edge,how do you feel today?"and he turned back and said"like shit,and you?""getting better every day."
 

     "shit!"i screamed as the needle peirced my skin.i hadn't been paying attention."oh,watch your mouth,child!"said the
     nurse as i rubbed my arm.i resumed staring out at the hall,watching,waiting to catch a glimpse of him,of edge.
     i hadn't seen him until late afternoon,early night,that twilight time,between the two.he looked up at me and gave me
     one of his smiles.i smiled back,doing my best impression of him."that straightjacker is*very*becoming."i said to
     him.he shrugged.at least it's better than those little gowns that leave your ass to the wind.i smiled at the thought of
     that.he sort if chuckled,but then stifled when he saw the doctor coming.i knew that he'd want to hassle us,so i
     bolted.

     i walked by his room with the steel door and teeny little window in it.i stopped,knocked,and when i got his
     attention,fogged up the glass,and drew a little heart.he walked over and blew me a kiss through the glass.
     that night i couldn't sleep.i knew why.there was no noise.none at all.that scared me,you don't know how much that
     scared me.he wasn't screaming."he wasn't screaming"the thought echoed through my mind like the gunshot that
     ended my sister's life...i laid in my bed,eyes open,straining my ears to hear him.nothing.i struggled to stay
     awake,but the sleepiness took over,and i dozwd off right before dawn.

     i never forgave myself for falling asleep that night.if only i had stayed awake a little longer...i could have seen him
     one last time.his lifeless body on the stretcher.being carried out of the hospital.the sheet he had somehow choked
     on stilled lodged in his throat...
 

     it's been about two months since edge died.i still hear him,though.his screaming.i hear it.all the time.i feel him,too.i
     feel him *in*me.taking ovr me.everyday,i feel myself slipping more and more,and edge's presence taking over the
     body that was once my own.i'm the one screaming now.the one locked in the room with the steel door and the
     teeny little window in it.with the padded walls,and no lights.i now wear the straightjacket.*his*straightjacket.i can't
     take it.why did he leave me?here.all alone.here.

     when the nurse came in,i asked to use the bathroom.she nodded,and walked me there,opened the door,and
     waited patiently outside.

     i looked at myself in the mirror.at the eyes that were no longer my own.i lokked at myself now through his eyes.i
     saw a tear fall from his right eye.he wanted me to do this.i looked at the mirror."they really shouldn't have sharp
     objects in here"i said as i slammed my forehead into the glass.it cracked,but didn't shatter.i threw myself at it
     again.this time shards of glass flew.i heard the noise outside as they tried to open the door.i picked up a piece of
     the glass,and wiped the blood from my eyes with my spare hand.i lowered the glass to my left wrist,and just let
     him guide me.i slashed once.deep and fast.the same for my right one.i dropped the glass and sat down on the floor
     slowly.letting my life drain onto the bathroom floor.i'm comong,edge.my love,i'm coming.he called for me.the cries
     were for me.i'm answering,my love.i'll see you soon.