There is nothing quite like walking into a hotel lobby and seeing that ever so distinctive grey beard peering out from a black leather jacket and black [hat – find out exact kind] to put a giddy smile on the lips of a Pratchett fan. And there proved to be many more Pratchett fans in the DC area than either my mother or Marshall had anticipated (it should most likely be noted at this point that Marshall had read Good Omens, Guards! Guards!, Men at Arms, Feet of Clay, and half of Jingo, and I had read about 2/3 of The Colour of Magic and 5/6 of Good Omens to my mother. My companions were not nearly so versed in Discworld as the rest of the crowd).
Terry Pratchett entered the Palladian Room of the Omni Shoreham Hotel at 6:35 PM on September 30, 2003. He sat down next to Michael Dirda, the night’s host, and, hand to chin, presented the very picture of pensive contemplation as he was introduced by an editor of the Washington Post Book World who, scanning the room, commented on the “…Pratchett crowd.” Said crowd erupted into enthusiastic applause as the author approached the podium. After a moment, he motioned the crowd to cease with a downward motion with both hands. As the applause died away, Mr. Pratchett, a mischievous grin spreading across his countenance, turned his palms upward and indicated his desire for louder applause. After bringing the crowd down once more, he turned his left palm up and brought half of the room to a thunderous applause before leaning towards the microphone and saying in a voice not entirely unlike the unfortunate sperm whale in the Hitchhiker’s Guide radio show, “And now, let us invade Czechoslovakia!”
Following a pause for laughter (a practice that would prove necessary multiple times throughout the night), Mr. Pratchett launched into his discussion of literature – not only his own, but also of his trials and tribulations with books in general. He asked if anyone in the audience has enough book space and, when no one indicates that (s)he does, he declared, “If you have enough book space, I don’t want to talk to you.” He told us that he has already purchased more new books than there will be room for in the library that he is having built, putting me in mind of a Maryland high school (and leading me to wonder when he ever finds time to read...). Following an acknowledgement to the fans who have been with him since the “Dark Ages” – the beginning of Discworld until 1997 – when it was necessary to order all of his books from the UK as his American publishers were completely incompetent, Mr. Pratchett read, for the benefit of the younger fans, his “man-DAY-to-REE” drug warning: when he was younger, he heard that drugs would help in the creative process. After experimenting with “something called Mary-Anna or something,” he discovered their ability to assist in the contemplation of the letter ‘A,’ as well as the rest of the alphabet, which, amazingly enough, is all on the keyboard.
And at this point, my notes are entirely too disjoint to attempt to pummel them into narrative form, so the remainder of the discussion portion will be presented in list format.
Interesting Facts Shared by Pratchett:
~ He never plans to stop writing, and doesn’t ever plan to stop writing Discworld books. He suggests that his wife will come in one day and gently lift his head off of his keyboard, marking the end of the Discworld series. “It may well be that the last half of the [last Discworld] book is the letter ‘R’.”
~ He has been in contact with Neil Gaiman since about the time that The Colour of Magic came out in paperback.
~ Good Omens began life as a short story written by Neil Gaiman about a mix-up in the switching of the antichrist and a human child. Pratchett purchased the short story from Gaiman, intending to write the novel with Gaiman and to split the profits. “That was the single most sensible decision [Gaiman] ever made in his worthless life.”
~ He does not necessarily remember who wrote any given passage (evidently, they would race ahead of each other, then rewrite what the other had written. He also claims that they can mimic one another quite well), though there are some that he is sure of the author. He definitely wrote the destruction of Agnes Nutter, and “anything involving maggots was Neil’s.” Pratchett wrote approximately 70% of the original material (or so he claims...had Gaiman been there, as intended, we might have heard a different story ;^) ), and he kept the calendar of what each character was doing at each moment.
~ It took six weeks to write the first draft of Good Omens and six months to write the second draft, “including the time it took to explain it to American editors.”
~ “Crowley” is pronounced “Croh-lee,” not “CrOW-lee,” as my mother had insisted.
~ Good Omens has not outsold a single Discworld book. At last check, it had only earned about 2/3 of the earnings of an average Discworld novel.
~ He writes as a film script, then has to “pound” the story into a book. About 1/10 of the way through a novel, he writes the jacket blurb to tell him what he is thinking – if he can’t write an interesting blurb, he doesn’t consider it worth his while. An ending is written about 1/3 of the way through the novel. It is never used, but it gives him “something to sight on.”
~ He was not influenced by Douglas Adams any more than Douglas Adams was influenced by earlier British satirists. Pratchett cites one of Adams’ sentences as the most descriptive ever written – “It hung in the air in exactly the way a brick didn’t.”
~ It would be virtually impossible to write the biography of Terry Pratchett, as he is terribly happy and leads a very routine life – “Gets up, uses toilet, writes. Gets up, uses toilet, writes. Uses toilet, gets up, writes. That was an interesting day.”
~Prior to becoming a full-time author, he worked at a nuclear plant, and says that, in this regard, “Some parts [of The Simpsons] seem to be a documentary. He gave three months’ notice on the day that he got a 6 book/6 year deal. He was already writing a book every six months while working at the plant and believed that he would probably manage six books a year.
~ In the recent Favourite Book of the UK, five of the 100 books were written by Pratchett (including The Colour of Magic and Night Watch). He was tied with Charles Dickens.
~ When asked what was next for The Luggage, he replied, “Oblivion?” He likened the question to asking Douglas Adams “When are we going to see Marvin again?” He then assured us that, “If I live, [Rincewind and The Luggage] will return.” They are “too useful and too much fun.” He went on to describe Rincewind as “the last sane character in the books.”
~ When asked about his views on fanfic, he first yelped and did his best to hide behind the podium. When this failed, he was forced to answer honestly. It is obvious that he has been a fan before and understands fandom. He said that he has no problem with fanfic, but he does have a problem with seeing it. As long as he doesn’t see it, all is well. He then brought up slash fic with a bit of a wince and indicates his general disapproval, though he conceded that, “Nanny Ogg and practically anyone else – Yes.”
~ “The Galaxy Song” was played at Josh Kirby’s funeral. Pratchett suspects this is the only case of its kind.
~ He does not particularly like writing short fiction and believes that one short story is equivalent to one novel.
Quips and Truisms by Pratchett:
~ “An editor who was willing to edit me was quite novel.”
~ ”I have books that have as bookmarks other books.”
~ “Black goes with anything. At least anything black.”
~ “Why not some character called ‘The Sandman’? Wouldn’t that be cool?” (a “suggestion” he put forth to Neil Gaiman)
~ “Feedback?! I get: ‘We have your daughter until you rewrite Chapter 12 to our satisfaction.’” (evidently he forgot that he doesn’t write chapters...)
~ Terry: It’s down to texture.
Michael: What do you mean by ‘texture’?
Terry: (quite simply and matter-of-factly without missing a beat) I don’t know.
~ ”The plot is not particularly important if you get the texture right.”
~ “Sometimes I can write things that impress even me.”
~ “Discworld has not gotten darker, but it has grown up. Monstrous Regiment and Night Watch are not dark, but they move in darkness.”
~ Michael: Do you think of yourself as a moralist?
Terry: I think of myself as rich.
~ “You don’t want to make enemies in nuclear engineering.”
~ “It’s now okay to read children’s fantasy. [looks skyward with hands in praying position] Thank you, J.K. Rowling.”
~ “Death is such a sure-fire winner.”
~ “That’s kind of nice. You die, and then you go to Discworld.” (on Paul Kidby’s drawing Josh Kirby into the Night Watch cover)
~ “I just rearrange words into a pleasing order for money.”
~ “Ultimately, I’m in it for the craic.” (craic, pronounced “crack,” is Irish slang meaning “for the hell of it”)
~ “I cannot conceive not writing.”
~ “I would like [the publishing houses] to give you the books and give me the money.”
And then the wait. Marshall, my mother, and I got into what proved to be a two plus hour line at about 8:15, thinking about how we had to return to school the next morning and how we had not yet eaten dinner. But we managed, nevertheless. Behind us was a group of girls about Marshall and my age who, over the course of the two hours, discuss Good Omens, Discworld, Monty Python, Hitchhiker, Red Dwarf, and Star Trek. We found this quite humourous, but never talked to them. In front of us were a father and son, reading Monstrous Regiment and Mort, respectively. Never once did either of them so much as crack a smile. We began to wonder for a time if the books truly were humourous or if we were simply reading them wrong. All the while, I was getting slightly nervous, wondering exactly what should be said.
But at long last, we got to the head of the line. I had fallen back on my old standard - settling on saying nothing, or as little as possible, in order to avoid saying something stupid. I step up to the table with what I am afraid was a rather silly grin plastered across my face, pushing my hardback copy of The Last Continent toward him. Fortunately, he must have been used to this sort of behaviour and prevented a rather ridiculous silence by asking, “Do we have a name?”
“Robin.”
“R-O-B-I-N?”
[bigger grin – no one EVER gets it right the first time] “Yes.”
He scrawls “To Robin – No worries! Terry Pratchett” across the cover page.
Marshall steps up and hands over his copy of Guards! Guards! Mr. Pratchett pauses, then sketches a scythe and writes “Boo!” before scribbling his signature again.
And finally my mother approaches the table, proffering my battered copy of Good Omens. Mr. Pratchett opens the book and sees the stamp of a used bookstore. I curse myself under my breath, burning red. Mother explains that the book is mine and that she is too cheap to buy me new books, a bit of a lie, but nothing too extreme.
“Ah, so this is Robin’s, as well?”
I start babbling: “It’s the second copy I’ve bought. The first one has all but disintegrated. I’ve read it about ten times.”
He kind of glares at me playfully and writes, “To Robin – BURN THIS BOOK”
“Thank you. Thanks so much.”
And we went home.
All in all, Mr. Pratchett proved to be a very energetic, very entertaining man, passionate about writing and passionate about life. If I was a fan before, I am 10 times as fanatical, now. Should you ever have the opportunity to meet him in any capacity, pounce on it. You will not regret it.
