Sometimes, I lie in bed at night in deep...deep thought, I sit
and marvel at the wonder of...ok, Ok sometimes when the power goes out and
there isn't anything better to do, I sit and think about the meaning of...
OK FINE! SOMETIMES I DRINK MYSELF INTO A STUPOR, FALL ON MY BACK,
TRY TO MAKE RATIONAL CONVERSATION AND THIS IS ALL MY ALCHOHOL SOAKED
MIND CAN MANAGE TO COME UP WITH!
ENJOY!
On Names
What is it with the 80's and 90's and the need to have really weird names?
granted in the 70's these hippy dippy shmucks named themselves things like sunbeam, moon cricket,rainbow...Etc. But
these dinks were on a constant drug induced vacation.
however now we have a whole group of people, usually rock stars who only have one name.
Cher, Ok I can deal with Cher. But I simply will NOT condone names like Slash and Sting.
Slash? Sting? these aren't names they're actions. Get off this self righteous high fuckin' horse and use your real names.
Ok, Cher I can deal with, Slash and Sting I won't condone... BUT even those two can be
forgiven when you take a look at...Prince. Prince? PRINCE!? What
kind of pretentios bullshit is this? I mean he starts out with a name like
prince, trying to make himself out to be more important than he really is.
FUCK HIM! Ok so he decides he doesn't NEED a name any more, he's too damn cool
to have a name so he changes it to some unpronouncable symbol. you don't want a name you little twerp?
well guess what I'm giving you one, here it is... "Prick!" Cuz that's what you are!
On Heroes
When I was a kid I read a lot of Super hero comics you know superman, batman, spiderman etc.
but even at that age I had problems with some of the other lesser superheroes.
For example Aquaman. What was the point this guys only power was that he could talk to fish.
Who cares, my aunt talks to fish and no one seems to make a big deal out of it.
let me make sure I'm crystal clear on this topic. The world is in danger, some evil superpower
is going to blow up the world and somehow or another the answer to all the problems
is in the tiny brains of the Fuckin' FISH! I DON'T THINK SO! I've had fish
and they know dick!
Next we have the Flash... his only power is, he's really really fast.
so what! He was still a wimp, just a really fast one. What's he gonna do?
" So flash! I have you at last!"
" I don't think so I'm gonna RUN AWAY!"
"Damn... he always does that."
Let's face it... if these are the kind of role models we grew up with no wonder my generation is so messed up.
On Foods
Has anyone out there besides me ever come to the realisation that
"Rice crispies" is the only vocal breakfast cereal on the market?
Actually come to think of it, it's the only vocal food in the existance of man
and what I have to wonder about is... WHY what sick demented schmuck decided he wanted
his breakfast to make an honest attempt at connversation with him at the table?
Obviously a very lonely man with no friends. I don't know about the rest of you people but when I wake up
I'm angry, groggy, tired... the last thing I want is my cerial talking to me.
I mean if I sat down to a hamburger at lunch and the burger just up and started
talking with me, I could handel it. A man likes a little conversation over lunch.
but NOT over breakfast, he just wants to sit down, have a few pots of coffee and read
the comics without getting constant chatter from his cerial.
the worst part is it doesn't even say anything intelligent. just a constant barrage of
Snap crackle pop snap crackle pop snap crackle pop. What are these little
rice puffs thinking? Do they really think I want to hear this all morning.
Do they think that one of these days I'm gonna look up from my paper and
say. "Y'know? you have a good point there... I'll have to keep that in mind."
NO! So untill these little boogers can think of something worth saying
I really wish they would just shut the hell up.
On Graduation
I don't really have a whole lot to say here, I'm 18 I just graduated from High School...lucky me.
and during my graduation ceremony all I could think of was. "WHY?"
"Why do they bother having these ceremonies, I don't need it to know I'm a graduate."
I thought I had it all figured out that the only reason we have them is for parents and relatives to
feel special for one reason or another... But I was wrong.
When I went up to give my graduation speech and collect my Diploma, I FINALLY figured out why I was at this ceremony.
This is one of the Few times in my life, I'll be able to stand up in front
of a huge crowd...Wearing a Big Black Mu Mu... and EVERYONE IS TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!
THE SHEER POWER OF IT ALL WAS INCREDIBLE!
at any other time in my life, if I were to put on a Big Black Mu Mu everyone would point and laugh...But NOT THIS TIME!
THIS TIME ALL WAS QUIET AND CALM!
I have to admit I really wanted to laugh at the audiance... Here I am
in the single most insanely stupid outfit anyone will ever see me in...and no one has a smile
on their faces at ALL!
Religion
I know I know, this is one of those topics you aren't supposed to talk about
because we don't want to bruise the fragile ego's of anyone out there.
Well you should realize by now that I've taken it upon myself to deliver the
abuse to each and every person out there who so richly deserves it.
With that said I'll get to the point.
Karl Marx once stated that "Religion is the opiate of the masses"
Meaning that religions make people happy, they give humans something to believe in.
I'm all for that, people need faith, people need guidance.
Hooray for religion!
BUT!
When people decide they want to come to my house and keep me from doing the things that
I do to be happy, I get damned pissed off.
they come to my door under the false pretence of wanting my soul to be saved
when they don't even know me! impartial, never met me before and couldn't give a rats ass
about me...but oh they want to save my soul.
BACK OFF you bicycle riding clean cut little twerps! I'll snap you in half and
eat your liver if you don't stop this!
I'm glad you have found what makes you happy, I have to wonder why you refuse to leave me alone and let me be happy?
It's manifest destiny all over again and only this time it's not just one race
of savages, it's an entire nation!
If you aren't Christian, we'll come getcha!
And even if you are Christian, if you aren't the right kind of Christian... watch out
And if you are the right type of Christian, you might not be going to the right church
And if by some cosmic chance you ARE all the right things we're gonna come and MAKE SURE you do it the right way!
Y'know? I sit and I watch this and think to myself, if God was such a loving and gracious heavenly father...
why are his kids such assholes?
Pop-culture
OH MY GOD! YOU OVER USED A POP-CULTURE REFERANCE! YOU BASTARD!
Enough you guys, seriously. the show is funny I'll admit that, but if one more person says that blasted Kenny line
or orders a Cheezy poof in a restraunt I'm gonna flip out and kill a bus load of nuns.
And it's not just with South Park, it's EVERYTHING.
what the HELL is with wearing a sun visor upside down and backwards!?
the only statement that fashion makes is "I should'nt be allowed to dress myself because i'm obviously a blithering idiot!"
Okay..okay, I'm trying to calm down here, I'll let the Visor and Kenny remarks slide.
But for the love of GOD who told you that wearing a deer stalker or a fishing hat was cool?
You aren't 70 years old so stop taking fashion tips from your grandfather!
OOOOH! And people wonder why I'm so upset!
Retro
Okay, i understand that suddenly "retro" is really cool, I'll accept that for what it is
because I was raised on Swing, Big band and 50's rock and Roll.
HOPWEVER I'd like to know JUST how far this is gonna go.
it started out with "punk" being popular again
then it turned to "ska"
then we took a little time jaunt back a few more years for "Rockabilly"
Now it's "Swing"
If this trend continues I predict the next big fad will be "Sea shantys" guys will stick big
sails on their cars and cruise around lookin' for "wenches" they'll all buy parrots.
And Y'know it'll be big because the Self mutilation factor is even HIGHER than it is now!
I mean peg legs and hooks are hip baby.
Personally, I'm gonna be laughing my ass off when I can look out the window of my car
and watch all the "cool" kids dressed like the flintstones and beating rocks together for music.
Girls
Alright... That's it... Game's over... I QUIT!
What, pray tell, is the damn point? Granted I get a few weeks or months of pleasure out of it
but what long term payoff do I get outta this 'eh? NONE that's what.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against women. I just refuse to waste my time.
Anne Geddies
I don't know if that's the way you are supposed to spell her name but that's not
really the point.
The point IS, if you or I were to take infantile children, dress them up
in strange outfits, take pictures of them, and sell them in public places we'd
be branded as perverts and thrown in prison.
However, when Li'l miss Geddies does it she gets hundreds of thousands of dollars
and the respect of little old ladies all over the country!
I don't friggin think so!
Screw you Anne, screw you and your legions of fans, your all a sick bunch of
perverts! I'll be the first to see you for what you truly are you social psychopath!
Okay I think I'm better now.
Email: gutterpunk@hotmail.com
