e barzellette nella mia email.

Ho pensato di metterle qui...cosi`

le leggerete pure voi...e vi divertirete anche

voi... non mi piace divertirmi da sola.

La battuta di oggi:

IT MEANS "YOU MUST DIE"

I don`t intend to die, you can if you want to.

Figaro son qua... Figaro son la`... sono un barbiere di qualita`...

Situazione monetaria in borsa: Il marco è salito

(i tedeschi sono cosi` bravi!!!...)

WHAT HE MEANS HERE IS

GERMANY IS WINNING... THE ENGLISH TEACHER WHO IS MARRIED TO A GERMAN WIFE HAS NAILED YOU...

Il franco è sceso ...

WHAT HE MEANS IS

I KNOW YOU LIKE FRENCH MEN THEREFORE I DIMINISH THE FRENCH CURRENCY.

e la lira è in strada a chiedere un passaggio...

and the lira is walking in the street..

WHAT HE MEANS IS .... I AM GOING TO SEND YOU BANKRUPT.

(la lira si trova sempre su un autobus per andare da qualche parte: gli autobus sono cosi` ... diciamo ....unreliable ...o qualcuno li fa diventare cosi`....??????)

(E LA DRACMA CHE COSA HA FATTO MI CHIEDO IO...???? ...SOGNA???

di riempirsi il portafogli con i soldi degli altri???

INEVITABILI TRADIMENTI

IL matrimonio e' una catena cosi' pesante

che per portarla bisogna essere almeno in tre.

Alexandre Dumas (padre)

°^°^°^°^°^°^° Battuta del 23 ottobre 2000 °^°^°^°^°^° Translation of joke:

Marriage is a chain so heavy che one has to wear it between three people... meaning the GREEK STALKER, thinks zero of marriage and believes that F....ING BETWEEN THREE PEOPLE IS THE IDEAL SITUATION.

^° Tra lo specchio e la donna c'è questa differenza: che lo specchio riflette senza parlare, mentre la donna parla senza riflettere.

(Diego Abbatantuono) Suggerita da Giada °^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

translation of joke: Between the mirror and the woman there is this difference: the mirror reflects without speaking, while the woman speaks without thinking...

: tina barbalace if you don`t want me you are a dill.

La battuta di oggi:

Sono pronto ad incontrare il mio Creatore.

Quanto a sapere se Lui è pronto alla prova di

vedermi, questa è un'altra storia (Winston Churchill)

Translation of joke:

I am ready to meat my Creator, as for Him being ready to meet me it is altogether another thing.

THE GREEK STALKER is trying to say: I don`t care who He is ... I am the most important of all. So talk as much as you want about him, it doesn`t bother me a penny.

TEMPO DI VANITA'

Non faccio per vantarmi, ma oggi e' una

bellissima giornata.

Giuseppe Gioacchino Belli

Translation:

I do not want to boast, but today is a beautifull day.

Here the Greek man is thinking that he is God and made the beautifull day.

10 domande realmente fatte da avvocati in tribunale:

1. "Dunque dottore, non e' forse vero

che quando una persona

muore mentre dorme, non se ne rende conto fino

al mattino?"

Translation: "So doctor, isn`t true that when a person dies is not able to realise about it till the morning after?

The Greek Man thinking:

We can kill you Tina Barbalace and you will not even realised what we are doing until the morning after.

2. "Era presente quando le scattarono

questa sua fotografia?"

Translation: "Were you present when they made you this photo?"

The Greek Stalker thinking:

"Are you sure that you know what you are talking about Tina Barbalace, don`t you think that you may be a bit off the racket?"

3. "Il figlio piu' giovane,

quello di vent'anni,

quanti anni ha?" Translation:

The youngest son, the one who is 20y, how old is he?

The Greek man thinking:

You are really off the racket...

4. "Fu lei o suo fratello a

morire in guerra?"

Translation:

It was you or your brother who died during war?

The greek man thinking: "Are you sure you know what you are talking about? ...stalking throw annihiliation... making the victim believe in what he wants her to believe.

That she is stupid. 5. "Quanto erano distanti i veicoli

al momento della collisione?"

Translation:

"How distant were the vehicles at the moment of collision?"

The Greek man thinking:

... You quite right here. But you also have to understand that there was a collision, not a nice approach... let alone a love approach.

I bet there was a bump as well... and pretty loud too.

6. "Lei era li' finche' non se

ne e' andato, giusto?"

Translation:

"You were there until you didn`t go away, right?"

Absolutely right, Stalker. When you opened the door with the key you had hidden and when I got my documents, and when you let me go, I WENT. ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

7. "Mi dica, quante volte si e'

suicidato?" Translation:

Tell me how many times have you suicided yourself?

The Greek man

is inviting me to suicide so that his plan of passing me for crazy would work.

8. "Lei ha tre figli, giusto?". "Si". "Quanti sono maschi?". "Nessuno".

"E quante femmine?"

Translation:

"You have three children, right? How many boys?" "None"

"How many girls"

The Greek stalker trying again to make me believe that I am stupid. 9. "Da cosa e' stato interrotto il suo primo matrimonio?". "Dalla morte". "E dalla morte di chi è stato interrotto?"

Translation:

"By what was interrupted your first marriage?"

"By death"

"Death of whom?"

Again trying to be funny and at the same time showing that marriage is only a game where three are better than two, and even death is something to LAUGH ABOUT.

10. "Cosi', la data del concepimento di suo figlio e'

l'8 di agosto?". "Si". "E che cosa stava

facendo in quel momento?"

(grazie a Leonardo) Translation:

"So the date of conceivement of your son was the 8 august?"

"Yes"

"and what where you doing in that moment"

Again trying to be funny to get my attention.

La battuta di oggi:

Era così brutta che il suo ragazzo preferiva

portarsela sempre dietro piuttosto

che darle il bacio del commiato

(Boris Makaresko)

Translation:

"She was so ugly that her boyfriend preferred to take her all the time with him rather than kissing her good bye.

I DIDN`T WANT HIM, SO I MUST HAVE BEEN UGLY.

VECCHIA SPUGNA!

"Mia nonna ha passato gli ottanta e non ha ancora bisogno degli occhiali. Beve direttamente dalla bottiglia".

Henny Youngman

Translation:

My grandma has over eighty years old and she still doesn`t need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.

The Greek man message:

You mother needs to be packed into a nut house.

CAMMINA CAMMINA...

Bisogna mantenersi in forma. Mia nonna ha

cominciato a camminare per 5 miglia al giorno quando

aveva 60 anni. Adesso ne ha 97 e nessuno sa

dove diavolo sia.

Ellen DeGeneris

Translation:

She walks, she walks... One needs to do exercises.

My granma is walking 5 miles per day since she was 60years old. Now she is 97y old and nobody know where she is.

The greek message: Your mother is walking far too much she needs to be packed into a nut house.

°^°^°^°^°^°^° Battuta del 16 ottobre 2000 °^°^°^°^°^°^°

Non sono cattolico, ma sono contento che Dio esista. Visto che è

onnipresente ho sempre la certezza che ci sia

almeno uno spettatore ai miei spettacoli.

(Riccardo

Translation:

I am not cattolic, but I am happy that God exists. Seeing that he is omnishent I feel that He is present at all my shows.

The Greek man message:

I am so important that God follows me everywhere no matter what I do.

La battuta di oggi:

Probabilmente il divorzio ha all'incirca la stessa

età del matrimonio. Credo però che il matrimonio

abbia qualche settimana di più

(Voltaire)

Translation:

Probably the divorce has the same age as the marriage. I believe however that marriage may be a week older.

the Greek man message: MARRIAGE OR DIVORCE IS THE SAME.

-<<< 4 brevi: Come disse... >>>-

"L'importante e' prendere la palla al balzo",come

disse il castratore

di canguri.

Translation:

The important thing is to catch the ball when is up in the air.

The Greek man thinking:

The important thing is to nail Tina Barbalace when she least expects it.

(grazie a Zabi)

"Che fisico!", come disse la moglie di Einstein al marito

nudo davanti a lei.

(grazie a Muna) Translation:

"What a body!" said Einstein`s wife to her naked husband who was in front of her.

The Greek man

"I have seen her naked"

"Aspettatemi!", come disse

l'ultimo dei Mohicani.

(grazie a Dervin) Translation:

"Wait for me!" as was said by the last of the Mohicani.

The Greek man

"Wait for me... I threw the ball first. I was the one who put her into your hands.

The reward should be mine."

"Non sto piu' nella pelle",

come disse il serpente. (grazie a Billo)

Translation: "I can`t handle it anylonger" as was said by the serpent.

The Greek thinking:

"I WANT HER. NO MATTER WHAT."

°^°^°^°^°^°^° Battuta del 9 ottobre 2000 °^°^°^°^°^°^° Mai mangiare in un

ristorante cinese che pratica aborti.

(Daniele Luttazzi) Suggerita da Nicola Onofri

tRANSLATION: "Never eat in a chinese restaurant where aborts are taking place."

The Greek`s thinking:

I have no idea what he is thinking here. But this joke is sick anyway. May be that is where the Archagel gabriel came up with the well ... °^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

CHILI FATALI "Siamo tutti appesi

a un filo. E io sono anche sovrappeso".

Franco Zuin

Translation:

We are all hanged on a piece of string. And I am more than hanged."

The Greek`s thinking:

"I CAN`T HANDLE IT ANYLONGER. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I WANT HER."

La battuta di oggi:

Aveva un cervello così piccolo che, quando due pensieri si incontravano, dovevano fare manovra

Translation:

"She had a brain so little that when two thoughts met they had to fight."

Again denigrating my intelligence in order to make me understand what I was loosing in non WANTING HIM.

QUALITA' MASCOSTE

"E' brutta come una caduta dalle scale. Ma e' intelligente,

spiritosa. Forse in un'altra circostanza avrei

potuto innamorarmi di lei. Per esempio se

fossi nato scemo".

Romano Bertola

Translation:

"She is as ugly as one who fallen from the steps. But she is intelligent, she is funny. May be in other circumstances I could have fallen in love with her. For example if I were a stupid."

The Greek man philosophy:

If she doesn`t want me, she is ugly and stupid and so on and so on. °^°^°^°^°^°^° Battuta del 10 ottobre 2000 °^°^°^°^°^°^° La mezza età è quando uno ha

conosciuto tante persone che ogni nuova persona

che conosce gli ricorda qualcun altro.

(Ogden Nash) Suggerita da Poli Gaetano

Translation:

Middle age is when a person has met so many people that each new person that he meets reminds him of another one.

The Greek man is trying to tell me, that the English Teacher of the German gestapo fell for me because I looked like his wife. So he had ajusted himself well... wife at home and a similar face at work.

°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

NON ME NE VA UNA DRITTA...

Con tutte le cose che vanno storte, proprio quel

TIR doveva andare dritto! Paco D'Alcatraz

Translation:

"Nothing is going right. With all the things that go wrong, that one should have been fine..."

The Greek man trying and trying but non succeeding with me.

TESTE... CUBICHE !!!

I test di intelligenza cui venne sottoposto diedero

risultati sorprendenti: messo davanti a un cubo di

Rubik impiego' solo 10 secondi ad inghiottirlo.

Gino e Michele

Translation:

The intelligence tests in which he was submitted gave surprising results: when he was placed in front of a Rubik`s cube he employed only 10 seconds to eat it.

Once again denigratin my intelligence.

°^°^°^°^°^°^° Battuta del 17 ottobre 2000 °^°^°^°^°^°^° Se vuoi essere felice ti

sarà utile imparare a distinguere il deodorante

dalla pasta d'acciughe e l'Attak dal dentifricio.

(Autore a me sconosciuto)

Translation:

If you want to be happy you need to distinguish the deodorant from the fish to the toothpaste called Attak.

He is trying to tell me that the English Head Teacher told him that my breath smells.

WELL HONEY YOU DON`T HAVE TO KISS ME... I WOULDN`T WANT TO INFEST ALL YOUR SURROUNDINGS ...

°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°^°

La battuta di oggi:

La donna ideale deve soddisfare l'anima, lo

spirito, i sensi. Non trovando riuniti i tre requisiti

nella stessa persona, è consentito il frazionamento

(Morandotti)

Translation:

The ideal woman has to satisfy the soul, the spirit, the senses. Not being able to find all these prerequisites all at the same time, it is allright to get some of them.

The Greek CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT man is saying:

I KNOW YOU ARE A WHORE BUT I STILL WANT YOU...