NOTE: BASED ON A TRUE STORY, BUT SOME LIBERTIES HAVE BEEN TAKEN. AND I DID GET A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY, JUST A BIT.

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Chapter One: Yay! Free stuff!

"Let's see. If Herbie likes eating chickens, and chickens like eating worms, then Herbie likes eating worms due to the transitive property," stated BJ proudly. BJ was applying his knowledge of mathematics to the real world. Herbie looked at BJ, then looked at the bowl of worms. "Eat up," BJ said.

"Hmm...well I guess it makes sense," said Herbie, as he ate some grade A earthworms.

"Math really is important in the real world!" exclaimed BJ. "Hehehe." BJ and Herbie were eating breakfast before the their favorite day of the year. The county fair! "We can go around getting free stuff from all the little stands!" BJ squealed.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Herbie. "I hope they have food samples!" Herbie and BJ hopped in BJ's car, and sped off down the highway. BJ decided to take a shortcut through Farmer Bob's cornfield.

"BJ, are you sure about this shortcut?" Herbie asked.

"Not as sure as I was an hour ago!" BJ replied. Despite the longevity of the shortcut, BJ and Herbie did eventually arrive at the county fair. "Well, here we are, the county fair," said BJ. "Let's go see what kind of free stuff we can get." So, Herbie and BJ both walked into the building that held all the little stands that give away free stuff. First, they walked to the table advertising some insurance company, and got some free pens. Then they went to all the stands where they could enter in a contest for something. They went around, getting little candies and glasses of purified water.

"Hey BJ, what's that stand over there?" asked Herbie, pointing to a stand selling little machines that make salsa. A sign over the stand read, "Super Salsa Makers."

"Hmm..." said BJ. "That sounds interesting." So BJ and Herbie went over to the Salsa maker stand, and stood near it until the man behind the stand had finished his little speech.

"This salsa maker is capable of making great tasting salsa in just minutes," recited the salsa man. "It works so much better than using a rusty old kitchen knife. You can put tomatoes, onions, pretty much anything you want to make great salsa in minutes. Here, why don't you try some of the salsa that I made." The salsa man then set out a bowl of salsa along with a big bowl of chips. BJ and Herbie, who gleefully shouted for joy at the sight of free chips and salsa, went straight towards the free food. They ate a chip with the homemade salsa on it, and said, "Hey, that's pretty good." So they ate some more. After the fifth chip or so, the salsa man withdrew his bowl of chips. Disappointed, but still hungry, BJ and Herbie waited for another bowl of chips to materialize in front of them. They listened to the salsa man's five minute little speech, and then the bowl of chips and salsa appeared in front of them. They grabbed some more chips, and this time the salsa man got angry.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU KIDS EATING MY SALSA AND CHIPS, BUT WHAT I REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IS YOU KIDS EATING MY CHIPS AND SALSA!”

“What is he talking about...?” BJ mumbled.

“THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE WHO ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO BUY MY SALSA MAKING MACHINE OR ARE AT LEAST SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING A PURCHASE, AND THEY NEED SOME CHIPS AND SALSA! SO PLEASE GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY STAND AND NEVER COME BACK!"

"So, what exactly are you saying?" asked BJ.

"GO AWAY YOU UGLY LITTLE BOY!"

"Ok, let's go," BJ said to Herbie. “Senile old salsa grumpy old..” Herbie grumbled. BJ and Herbie left, and they sat down in some massaging chairs.

"We need some more salsa and chips," BJ said to Herbie.

"But BJ, the salsa man told us not to come back."

"Herbie, he is no longer the salsa man. He is Salsa Man. And he told BJ and Herbie to come back, not Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie."

"Good point." So BJ and Herbie rushed to the bathroom, where they changed into Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie. Then, they ran back to the massaging chairs to think out a plan.

"Well, we could trick him somehow," said Bad Joke Man.

"Well we could trick-oh wait, you just said that," said Super Herbie.

"I got it!"

"What's that?"

"We could trick him somehow."

"You already said that, you klotz!"

"Sorry, Super Herbie," Bad Joke Man said.

"You know, maybe we should just watch him for a while, to get hold of what his long term plans are."

"Great idea!"

"Let's hide in some shrubberies and observe him on his lunch break!" suggested Super Herbie.

Chapter Two: Cheese+Salsa=Bad

Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie found some shrubberies, and hid in them while Salsa Man was on lunch break. After two hours of hiding, they discovered that they had been spying on the man who sells cream cheese, not the man who sells salsa. "Hmm...maybe we should start spying on Salsa Man, not Cream Cheese Man. Just as they were about to get up and leave, Salsa Man sat down next to Cream Cheese Man.

"So, Salsa Man, do you have the money?" Cream Cheese Man asked.

"What, you mean the money I got from swindling passersby into buying my crappy salsa maker? The salsa makers that we stole from the other salsa man who used to sell salsa makers in the exact same spot I am selling salsa makers in right now?"

"That's right."

"So, Cream Cheese Man, do you have the cheese?" Salsa Man asked.

"What, you mean the cheese that turns people into zombies made of cheese who do anything you say?"

"That's right," Salsa Man replied.

"Whoa," whispered Super Herbie, "we sure did learn a lot from watching a couple of people on their lunch break."

"I know. I sure am glad that I thought of this idea," replied Bad Joke Man.

"But you didn't-"

"Hush......" Bad Joke Man whispered back to Super Herbie. Salsa Man and Cream Cheese Man exchanged the money for the cheese substance.

"With this cheese substance in my salsa, people will do whatever I say....ANYTHING!!"

"You mean that they would even admit you as their almighty and powerful ruler, and then you could rule the world?"

"That's right! Thanks for the cheese, Cream Cheese Man!"

"And thank you for the money. Just be careful that you don't eat any of that cheese, because the cheese zombies will turn back to normal, and whatever you get told to do you will do. Also, the zombies will be made of the same kind of cheese, so don't bite a zombie's arm. Be careful!"

"I'll be careful, don't worry. See you later, Cream Cheese Man!"

"So that's what his diabolical scheme is! We must stop him before it's too late! And we must get some chips and salsa before he puts that bad cheese substance in!" Herbie exclaimed. So Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie ran off to the salsa stand, and ate all the chips and salsa before Salsa Man returned. "Mmmm...That's good salsa and chips," Super Herbie said.

"Now let's wait for Salsa Man to show up," said Bad Joke Man. Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie waited for Salsa Man, and eventually he did show up.

"WHO ATE ALL MY CHIPS?" Salsa Man screamed before he saw Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie. "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU TWO SCHMUCKS?" Salsa Man asked.

"I am Bad Joke Man, and this is my vertically challenged cohort, Super Herbie," replied Bad Joke Man. "By the way, is there a reason that you're talking in all capital letters?"

"OF COURSE! IT'S BECAUSE I'M ANGRY! DUH!"

"Oh. We know all about your cheesy plan of global conquest."

"You do, huh? Well, I'll have to put an end to you," Salsa Man said, just before he kicked Super Herbie across the room.

"Hey! You can't do that to my little buddy!" shrieked Bad Joke Man. Bad Joke Man attempted to punch Salsa Man in his big fat gut, but Salsa Man was too quick. Salsa Man clobbered Bad Joke Man over the head, and Bad Joke Man fell to the floor, unconscious.

Chapter Three: El Frijole Grande

"Oough.." Bad Joke Man said, groggily, as he stood up. "Where am I?" Bad Joke Man looked around, and saw that he was in a dungeon of some sort. The smell of the place was horrendous. "Dang, it smells like mildew and rotten tomatoes in here." Bad Joke Man also noticed that he couldn't see Super Herbie. "Super Herbie, are you near?" Bad Joke Man called out.

"I'm over here, Bad Joke Man!" Herbie replied, sitting down behind a giant chunk of tomato. "Bad Joke Man, we seem to be in the dungeon of Salsa Man. It seems to be filled with giant sized salsa ingredients."

"I see... Well, I'm a little hungry, so toss me one of those big red beans." Super Herbie tossed Bad Joke Man a giant red bean, and Bad Joke Man ate it all up. "Hey, Super Herbie, I think I see Salsa Man coming!" Bad Joke Man said as he pointed in the direction of Salsa Man.

"I see him, he's coming towards the chile pepper bars!" Herbie said excitedly. Salsa Man approached the chile pepper bars, and leaned against them.

"Ha ha ha! You are now my prisoners!" Salsa Man cackled, as he ran his hands up and down the organic bars. "These chile peppers keep you imprisoned in that dungeon made of tomatoes, beans, onions, various herbs, and..." Salsa Man paused. A look of pain appeared on his face, and he jumped up and down, shaking his hands about. "It burns, it burns!" Salsa Man screamed, and he ran off to soak his hands in cold water.

"Heh heh heh..." Bad Joke Man chuckled. "(INSERT FUNNY JOKE HERE)"

"Ha ha ha!" Super Herbie laughed. "You got that right, Bad Joke Man!" Super Herbie and Bad Joke Man then sat down, to devise a means of escape.

"Well, we could eat our way out!" suggested Bad Joke Man.

"No, that would be too obvious," said Super Herbie. "What we should do, is eat our way out!"

"But Super Herbie, I just suggested that, and you said--"

"Shut up, it's a good plan, even if it is the obvious means of escape."

"I suppose. So, are you hungry?"

"I sure am," replied Super Herbie. "Are you hungry?"

"Well, I did just eat a 20 pound red bean, but I reckon I could eat my way out of this squishy prison," Bad Joke Man replied. "So, should we just gnaw our way through those chile pepper bars?"

"Yeah, that is what we should do." Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie ate their way through the chile pepper bars, and were eventually successful, but their tongues caught fire in a comical way several times. "Ooo ooo! It burns!" screamed Super Herbie. After Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie were free of their high in vitamin C prison, they rushed off in search of water to soak their flaming tongues in. They found some, and extinguished their tongues. "Ah," said Super Herbie. "That's better. Now, we should see about bringing the plans of that dastardly Salsa Man to a halt."

"I think that we should go home and make some preparations first," Bad Joke Man said. Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie snuck around Salsa Man's hideout, until they found the exit. They stepped outside, and made a quick mental note about the location of Salsa Man's hideout. They then quickly ran home.

Chapter Four: The Last Chapter

Before Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie entered their home, they thought it best that they change back into BJ and Herbie. So, they went to the backyard, and changed behind a bush. They then entered the house. Fran Mann shrieked, "Where in the name of Gouda Cheese have you guys been? I've been worried sick, because you guys have been gone since yesterday's breakfast! Now, explain yourself!"

"Well, we were kidnapped by a diabolical salsa man, and kept as prisoners inside a dungeon made of oversized salsa ingredients. We escaped with our lives and some onions," BJ explained.

"Onions, huh?" Fran said, puzzled.

"S'right," said BJ.

"So where are they?" Fran asked.

"We sort of ate them on the way home," replied Herbie.

"Whatever. You guys are grounded! Go to your rooms!" BJ and Herbie walked upstairs slowly, and retired to their rooms.

That night, Herbie snuck across the hall to BJ's room. BJ and Herbie thought of a way to defeat Salsa Man. "You know what we need to get him to do?" Herbie asked BJ.

"Of course! We need to get him to eat that magical cheese!" exclaimed BJ.

"Well, I was going to say that we need to get him to dance a funny dance, but getting him to eat the cheese works too." BJ and Herbie quickly changed into Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie, grabbed some spoons and a bottle, and ran to the fairgrounds, where they hopped in BJ's car. They then drove to Salsa Man's hideout, which was actually one block away from the Mann's house. "You know," Herbie said, "we could have just walked to the hideout first."

"Could have, Super Herbie. Could have." Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie arrived at the door of Salsa Man's hideout. They ran inside, and took a look around. Everything was dark. Suddenly, the lights turned on, and the duo found themselves surrounded by many hundreds of cheese zombies.

"BEHOLD, THE POWER OF CHEESE ZOMBIES!" cackled Salsa Man, as his minions of cheese zombies closed in on Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie.

"Dude! We're dead!" screamed Super Herbie.

"Hang on, little buddy. We could still make it out of here alive!" Bad Joke Man ran into the crowd of cheese zombies, and punched and kicked them, to form a path.

"KILL THOSE TWO!" Salsa Man yelled at his cheese zombies. The cheese zombies tried to kill Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie, but whenever they tried to punch them, their cheesy fists just splattered all over the walls.

"Ha ha ha!" Herbie laughed. "These cheese zombies can't hurt us, they just get squishy and splatter cheese all over the place. And look, they're melting because of the bright lights!" Herbie was right, all the cheese zombies were starting to melt. Bad Joke Man scooped up some of the melted cheese in a spoon, which he stuck in a bottle in his pocket. They then chased after Salsa Man, who was making his way into the next room. Bad Joke Man entered the room first, and ducked immediately. Salsa Man had thrown a tomato at him, and it hit Super Herbie, who was directly behind Bad Joke Man, right in the face. Salsa Man was dressed in a red uniform, with the words SALSA MAN written on the front. He was holding a gun in each hand, with tubes running into a pack on his back. He fired one of the guns, and piping hot salsa came flying out. Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie both ducked the crimson spray, and ran towards Salsa Man. Salsa Man fired the other gun, and coleslaw came flying out. Some landed in Super Herbie's mouth, and he immediately doubled over. Bad Joke Man chucked some of the cheese from the bottle in his pocket at Salsa Man.

"Noooo!" Salsa Man screamed, as the yellow liquefied cheese flew towards his mouth. It flew straight down Salsa Man's throat, and Salsa Man transformed into a zombie of cheese. Bad Joke Man peeked into the other room, and there were hundreds of people, looking disoriented and confused.

"Some party, eh?" Bad Joke Man called to the people. "I think you should all go home, but don't drive. You've had too much grapefruit juice." The people filed out the door, and Bad Joke Man walked towards Salsa Man. "Do a funny dance," Bad Joke Man told Salsa Man. Salsa Man danced a funny dance. "Now walk to the jail, and confess all your crimes." Salsa Man walked to the jail, where he was convicted for a very long time. Bad Joke Man woke Super Herbie up, and they both drove home, where they hopped into bed without Fran Mann even noticing. Once again, the city was safe because of Bad Joke Man and Super Herbie!

Written by Chris Dreyer