So, we finally come to the last chapter of Blood Omen 1a.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>Well, I hope you enjoyed it! See you next story!<br><br>
What? What are you complaining about..? I never did the last chapter? Yes I
did, I just finished writing the damn thing! Look, I think I'd notice if
there wasn't a chapter here! Now, if you'll look right above the bit where
it says &quot;Well, I hope you enjoyed it! See you next story!&quot;, you'll
see...er...ah...right. Ermmm...OK.<br><br>
Now, let us begin the final chapter of Blood Omen 1a and forget all about
the strange virus going around that makes people hallucinate into thinking
that authors are forgetting to put chapters into their stories! *ahem*<br><br>***Writer's note***
We apologise for the above sequence. Oh, we do apologise! Oh man, what was
I THINKING?!?! I'm losing my touch here. I think it'd be best if we put it
all behind us, don't you?<br><br>****************************************************************************
******<br><br>Welcome to part 12 of Blood Omen 1a - Things to do in Nosgoth when you're
dead!<br><br>This chapter is different from the previous chapters, because it finishes
the story. On the other hand, it is also the same as the previous chapters,
because it makes very little sense. But I think you've already guessed
that...<br><br>****************************************************************************
******<br><br>Kain lands by the Pillars of Nosgoth safely, then throws away the Atomic
Pogo Stick he'd been riding. A powerful piece of transportation, though it
still has a couple of bugs to work out. Well, let's put it this way. Kain
overshot the Pillars of the first bounce and...well, you know in Soul
Reaver 1 when you find the ruined remains of Nupraptor's Retreat? Well, it
wasn't time that wrecked the place!<br><br>Anyway, Kain walks up to the Pillars.<br><br>Kain: ARIEL!!!! I'VE GOT THE HOURGLASS!!! ARE YOU STILL ON THE MOBILE
PHONE?!?! ARIE....<br><br>Kain suddenly darts behind a Pillar, because he sees Raziel approach,
looking for someone to complain about Block Puzzles to. Raziel passes the
spot, but Kain continues to hide because Mortanius and Anarcrothe are
arguing, oblivious to everything else (even Raziel's mutterings and Kain's
yells, apparently).<br><br>Anarcrothe: You betrayed us, Mortanius! You cheated in the game of Hide and
Seek! You broke the Sacred Treaty of Tag! Also, you got Kain killed and
turned him into a Vampire, set him out to kill us, blah blah.<br><br>Mortanius: It had to be. There wouldn't be a video game without him. We
tried for millenia to get a franchise going, but no one, not Silicon
Knights, not Crystal Dynamics, not even THQ would touch us! The Circle had
failed in its duties. It had to be destroyed.<br><br>Anarcrothe: Failed our duties?!<br><br>Mortanius: Yes, failed our duties!<br><br>Anarcrothe: FAILED OUR DUTIES?!?!?!<br><br>Mortanius: Is there an echo here?<br><br>Anarcrothe: IDIOT!!! The Circle exists for us, we don't exist for it! Our
powers will continue or cancel the Legacy of Kain series at our whim! Join
us, Mortanius! Join us or die!<br><br>Mortanius: &quot;Us&quot;? There's only one of you left!<br><br>Anarcrothe: Ah, shut up!<br><br>Mortanius: Then I shall die! I am far too noble to ever even consider...<br><br>Anarcrothe: Noble? Ha!<br><br>Mortanius: What?<br><br>Anarcrothe: I've visited www.thelostworlds.net. I've heard the deleted
footage. You did all this because Nupraptor and Ariel fell in love!<br><br>Mortanius: That doesn't count. That line was deleted. It's not in the
official storyline.<br><br>Anarcrothe: Why were you so angry, Morty? Were you jealous? Were you in
love with Ariel?<br><br>Mortanius: Shut up!<br><br>Anarcrothe: Well, with her half-skull and your full-skull, you'd have made
the perfect couple! Ah, poor Ariel, languishing in some far off place...<br><br>Ariel: DO YOU MIND?! I'M ON THE PHONE HERE!!!<br><br>Anarcrothe: ...just over there, I'll bet...<br><br>Mortanius runs over and kicks Anarcrothe in the nads before stabbing him
through the chest.<br><br>Anarcrothe: Ugh...you may have...defeated me...but one day...my son shall
return...<br><br>Mortanius: No he won't. See? There he is, nailed to that Pillar with his
own shin bones.<br><br>Anarcrothe: Dang...<br><br>Anarcrothe dies. Kain steps out.<br><br>Kain: It was you!!! It was you all along!!!!<br><br>Mortanius: Yep. Sorry, Kain, nothing personal.<br><br>Kain: Well, that's it! I'm gonna rip off your throat and crap down your
neck! Don't try and escape your fate!<br><br>Mortanius: Nay, I will embrace it!<br><br>Kain: Wierdo.<br><br>Mortanius: But my death will leave one more to take, princeling. Finish me!<br><br>Kain: Man, there's always one more...<br><br>Kain starts towards Mortanius, but the Necromancer throws some teeth around
and, ripping off Jason and the Argonauts, summons up some undead skeletons.<br><br>Mortanius: Children of the Necromancer's Teeth! Arise!<br><br>Kain: I thought you were going to embrace death?<br><br>Mortanius: Erm...in the last 7 seconds, I made a big discovery.<br><br>Kain: Oh yes? What's that?<br><br>Mortanius: I'm a coward.<br><br>Kain blasts away all the skeletons with the Lightning spell.<br><br>Mortanius: OK, this sucks...<br><br>Kain stabs Mortanius. Instead of dying, Mortanius turns into a huge demon -
Hash'Ak'Gik!<br><br>Hash: BWA HAHAHAHA!!!<br><br>Kain: Hmmm, that's odd. This doesn't normally happen when I kill people.
Still, I was wondering if there was any point to that chamber in Avernus.
Always assuming this is actually Hash'Ak'Gik. Excuse me, are you..?<br><br>Hash: No personal questions.<br><br>Kain: Er...alright...<br><br>Hash: You thought yourself a king, when...<br><br>Kain: No I didn't.<br><br>Hash: Huh?<br><br>Kain: I never thought I was a king. I'm a Vampire.<br><br>Hash: Fine. You thought yourself a Vampire, when in fact you were a pawn.
You...<br><br>Kain: I'm not seafood!<br><br>Hash: What?<br><br>Kain: You called me a prawn!<br><br>Hash: PAWN! I said PAWN! You know, like in chess!<br><br>Kain: So I'm not a Vampire? I'm actually a small piece of shaped and
painted wood?<br><br>Hash: No...oh for...look. The name pawn comes from a term meaning &quot;sucker&quot;,
&quot;someone who does someone else's dirty work&quot;, &quot;someone who is manipulated
into furthering another's goals, normally unknowingly&quot;...<br><br>Kain: I want to be a Rook! That name sounds evil!<br><br>Hash: Look here...<br><br>Kain: Although some people call them Castles, and that doesn't really suit
me...<br><br>Hash: Will you listen..?<br><br>Kain: Maybe a Knight...nah, too slow.<br><br>Hash: SHUT UP!!!!!<br><br>Kain: Gee, sorry!<br><br>Hash: The point is that you were my pawn. Indeed, you served me well.<br><br>Kain: I serve no one! Especially not Gentle Ben's deformed cousin!<br><br>Hash: Indeed, such narrow vision. Don't you see? My silencing of Ariel and
its...<br><br>Hash is interrupted by a mobile phone being thrown at his head.<br><br>Hash: Don't be a sore loser, Ariel! Anyway, the repercussions of that act
were but...<br><br>Kain: WHY ARE ALL THE CIRCLE MEMBERS STILL DEAD?!?<br><br>Hash: ...the first...NOW WHAT?!<br><br>Kain: I travelled back in time and dramatically changed the future, yes?<br><br>Hash: Well, our present, but yes? So what?<br><br>Kain: What are the chances that all the Guardians killed in the original
timeline would still be dead in the new version? I mean take Malek. He was
killed by Vorador. Vorador in the new timeline was beaten down and killed
by Moebius and a load of Vampire Hunters. Being hunted down like that, does
it make sense that Vorador would also have visited Dark Eden and killed
Malek?<br><br>Hash: I don't care, Kain...<br><br>Kain: Well you should! Interrupting the flow of time can have serious
repercussions for us all!<br><br>Hash: So, you want to have to go through all those Guardians again?<br><br>Kain: Err...when you put it like that...play on, little Demon. Play on...<br><br>Hash: That's my line.<br><br>Kain: Er, sorry.<br><br>Hash: *sigh* Play on, little Vampire. Play on...<br><br>Kain: VAE VICTUS!!!!<br><br>Hash: That's not pronounced right, is it?<br><br>Kain: Shut up and fight!<br><br>Hash: Ha! You have no chance! I have too much strength, too much endurance,
too much power...<br><br>Kain: But I have the Repel spell!<br><br>Hash: Oh, right. Well, that's me screwed then.<br><br>Kain kills Hash. Ariel appears and produces two large floating cards. One
shows Nosgoth as a nice place, the other shows it ruined.<br><br>Kain: (VO) I am the last Pillar, the only survivor of the Circle of Nine.
How or why I don't know, but the autocue says so, so I'll accept it. At my
whim, the world will be healed or damned. At my whim...<br><br>***<br><br>The camera floats over the lush fields and crystal water of Nosgoth.<br><br>Ariel: (VO) In life he was unknown, a petty noble. In death he was unknown.
Yet by choosing oblivion, he restored...<br><br>Ariel's mobile phone rings.<br><br>Ariel: Hello?<br><br>Kain: Just what do you think you're doing? I am NOT sacrificing myself for
a bunch of stupid humans!<br><br>Ariel: But you're the Balance Guardian!<br><br>Kain: Bite me, you should have told me in the first place! Now cut to the
proper ending please! Oh and Ariel...when I rule Nosgoth, the first thing
I'm going to do is destroy the mobile phone network! BWA HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!<br><br>Ariel:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and so forth)<br><br>***<br><br>The camera floats over the ruined remains of the Pillars of Nosgoth,
brought down by a crashing satellite with the initials NMN (Nosgoth Mobile
Network). Kain is sitting on a bean bag, with a note attatched saying
&quot;Throne will be delivered in 4-8 weeks&quot;.<br><br>Kain: (VO) Once I embraced my powers I realised that Vorador was right.
Once you've indulged in a fetish night, you never go back...er, I mean, we
are gods - dark gods! And it is our duty to thin the herd. Heh heh heh...<br><br>The Sarafan Lord suddenly appears.<br><br>SL: Ha! I shall destroy you, Kain!<br><br>Kain slaps the SL with the Soul Reaver, and the SL is sent flying over the
horizon.<br><br>SL: Wait til I get the Nexus Stone! I'll be back when you least suspect me
- Blood Omen 2aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....<br><br>Kain: Yeah, right. I confidently predict that we'll hear no more from that
guy ever again!<br><br>Meanwhile, Irmok the Mad was hit on the head by a pumpkin. No reason, but I
thought it would make a change from watermelons.</span>