"Arcadia"
formerly "America," West Side Story 
(lyrics: Sondheim; music: Bernstein)

Undercover, and they're the Petries
Petries yuppy and suburban
Neighbors help unload their big van
Get them moved in by 6? They sure can.

Undercover, break out the latex
3 couples vanished -- it's disturbing
Agents are finally X-filing
Hopefully cell phones will be dialing
And the Shroeders smiling
Gleeful Mulder joking
Scully must be choking
"Honeybunch"? Lucky he's not dead
Scully comes back with "poopyhead."

Something is strange in Arcadia
People deranged in Arcadia
No mailbox change in Arcadia
Murders arranged in Arcadia

Now we meet Gogolak (in charge)
Gosh Big Mike is really durn large
Shroeders dine in with the Petries
Get asked hard questions and aren't pleased.

Folks are scared flat in Arcadia
Answers too pat in Arcadia
Blood doth go splat in Arcadia
Messy doormat in Arcadia

Scully and Cami take a stroll
Scruffy gives his leash a good pull
Out of the sewer with strange goo
Scully'll analyze it, too.

Neatness obsessed in Arcadia
Cami is stressed in Arcadia
Nothing confessed in Arcadia
Keen sweater sets in Arcadia

(insert elaborate song & dance number 
involving the Falls residents, large gift 
baskets, whirlygigs, and the backhoe)

Mulder prepares to play b-ball
Win freaks out, says he will wreck all
Mulder spots creature and gives chase
Lawn dug up all over the place

Landfill beneath that Arcadia
Mike still roams free in Arcadia
Monster to see in Arcadia
Closet!Scully in Arcadia

So there's this "tulpa" and it's trash
Gives its creator a good bash
Falls are so friendly, there's no doubt
Mulder and Scully then move out

Author: Bryn

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