I'd forgotten how bleeping LONG this song is.  
Thanks to Mandy for proofing and offering some changes 
(y'know, you really do think that "alone" rhymes with 
"pie" late at night under the influence of pain medication).

Bryn
who recently broke a metatarsal doing, uh, something extremely 
Scullylike...yeah...that's my story...

------------------


I call it "Samantha, Good-Bye"
to the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean

These past two Sundays, well
Welcome back the mytharc; say adieu to psychos, snakes and bugs	
I'd like it if I just forgot
The conta-hooey-whatsit-rot
And maybe the annoying "Harsh Realm" plugs

So Amber Lynn has disappeared
And before the confusion's cleared
Santa Claus line triggers
A Mulderflash -- that figures

So agents head to Idaho
And they listen to a mother's woe
Gee can you see where plot will go
Things you don't want to know

(Chorus)
Oh cry, cry, man Duchovny can't cry
Things get crunchy; he goes scrunchy
Wish he just wouldn't try
In this mytharkin' ep where logic just don't apply
And the children just keep goin' bye-bye
Children just keep goin' bye-bye

Did you see the Lariat?
Or Scully's new red shirt, better yet
It's the little things that count
Do you save your drycleaning bags?
Did the whole ep make you plain gag?
Some philes can't take mytharc in large amount

Watch that Mulder make it personal
Since the case for him has weighty pull
Samantha's on his mind
Hopes some answers he may find

We see Ma Mulder sitting by the phone
With a worried aspect and a loud dial tone
Though many of us hate that crone
Admit -- she made you sigh

And then we're hearin'
Died, died, Teena Mulder done died
After much strife takes her own life
And it isn’t clear why
Yet you feel some doubt as you wipe tears from your eye
Wond'ring how much that she said was a lie
How much that she said was a lie

After Scully had to break the news
Then the post-mortem she can't refuse
And Mulder thinks the scene's been staged
With the fam'ly photos so plainly gone
He thinks folks threatened his dear mom
His pain too much right now to be assuaged

Oh and so Mulder's back at the pen
And chatting with the inmate when
He hears about old souls
And spirits that condole
And while walk-ins consume Mulder's thoughts
At Santa's Village some guy plots
And in those neato camera shots
Fox weeps for she who's died

And back in D.C.
Fly, fly, come on agents, let's fly
Flights booked for two; well sir screw you
Better make it three, guy
Out on 74 they find a Santa quite spry
Runnin' Skinner tackles fat man -- oh my
Skinner tackles fat man -- oh my

More exposure of the truth in "Closure"
Not bad Saint hair, though no pantyhosure
Man pain speech at the grave site
The birds refused to sing that day
Believe to Understand, you say?
Smiling children holding hands in starlight

Next appears a man named Harold P.
Claims that missing children he can see
He's lost his only son
And we know plot point has begun
He senses things about Mulder's past
He'll find that lost sister, at last
So get that rental revved and gassed
There's truth to verify

Some fans are going
Fie, fie, writers sure think they're sly
Cloned, abducted, mass producted
That is what you implied
Thought the mystery'd been solved, and now we just can't deny
That our interest in Sam is not high
Interest in Sam is not high

Meanwhile Teena's drawers have been gone through
A scrap of paper with a clue
Saint Scully finds in the trash can
And she knows CGBS is way bad stuff
But for Fox it ain't proof enough
And Mulder's sounding skeptical again

Oh and Scully reads the treasury file
Of how the Smokester did beguile
And then in her nice chair
The CSM is there
She tells him start by putting out that cig
She thinks that he's a lying pig
She knows that man's ordered something big
If young Sam Mulder's died

And we're thinking
Fry, fry, Mister Spender should fry
No straight answer on Samanther
Such a smooth alibi
Out on April Base, with Jeffrey's name have been spied
Concrete handprints that Fox thinks justify
Handprints that Fox thinks justify

They have a seance on the base
And a boy leads Mulder to the place
His sister hid a diary
She wrote her last in sev'nty nine
She'd suffered testing her last time
And the words hint that she might have gotten free.

They find report of a Jane Doe
Just who she was, she wouldn't show
In Victorville they will get
The nurse who worked in admit
And the lady recalls that night
A lovely girl paralyzed with fright
And dark men coming at midnight
The day Samantha died

And Mulder's thinking
Bye, bye, dear Samantha, good-bye
How he's missed her, his kid sister
But now he knows the why
And pensive he is, as he stares up at the sky
With a smiling "no I’m fine" his reply
Smiling "no I'm fine" his reply

So now I'm singing my, my, mytharc can mystify
That Sein Und Zeit; can't say it right
Can someone clarify?
Then fade to black over a soft lullaby
I say darned if I got that but I'll try...

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