Mulder Went Down to Georgia
to the tune of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

By Nicole Mason and Melissa "Merlin Missy" Wilson
mason@umr.edu mrwilson@umr.edu
8/26/96

Mulder went down to Georgia
Lookin' for a case to solve.
He was in a bind ‘cause he was tryin' to find
A critter that didn't evolve.

When they came across an __ologist,
Filin' data and filin' it hot.
That fella rocked on his Berkenstocks
And said, "Agents, I'll tell ya what.
I bet you didn't know it, but it's all smokescreens and doo-doo.
It takes UFO's and Geraldo's nose to cloud the real issue.
Now you talk a pretty good line, boy, but give this geek his due,
I'll bet bag of frogs against that dog, that there ain't no Big Blue."

Then they came across a good ol' boy,
Sellin' maps and sellin' ‘em high.
And Mulder said, "The Boy Scout's dead ‘n' we're here to find out why."

"Bet ya didn't know it, but I once heard ol' Blue.
It was way back when, I was just ten, and my daddy heard it too.
Now I don't like spreadin' rumors, none, but to tell a tale that's true--"
He's ‘bout to begin, ‘n' Scully butts in and says,
"Bet it sells those t-shirts too."

The new guy said, "My name's Ansel, photography's what I do,
And one of these nights, the time'll be right,
And I'll get my proof of Blue."

Scully oil up your gun and watch your rat real hard,
‘Cause hell's broke loose in Georgia and the rednecks deal the cards.
Mulder if you win, you'll have an X-file that proved true.
But if you lose, you'll have that pegleg too.

The agents started on the case twenty minutes into the show.
The man was found with his fly way down. And why? The fishes know.
The good ol' boy made monster prints in shoes that kept goin' "Slurp."
Then he turned around as he heard a sound, and soon there was a "Burp."

When the sheriff finished stallin', Queequeg says, "Mommy, see what I found.
Uncle Fox, it's just some dumb ox
Making paw prints on the ground."

Deadhead on the boat dock, lickin' that toad.
Sheriff says, "It's nuthin," and then under water he's towed.
Camera on the lake side, picture of a tooth,
Queequeg gets martyred in the search for the truth.

Scully held in the tears and she listened for Mulder's sake.
The controls flew under her fingertips as she piloted them ‘round the lake.
And then they hit something hard. Or was it something hit them?
Water came rushin' at ‘em and they didn't know where to swim.

When the action finished, they were stranded on a rock.
Scully sat down on the cold, wet ground
And then began to take stock.

Agents on an island, sittin' in the night,
Wishin' they'd brought their xenon lights.
Daddy was Ahab, but now Mulder is too...
Dr. Freud, can we talk to you?

(Interlude)

Mulder bowed his head ‘cause he knew that he'd been beat.
Big Blue turned into a ‘gator that topped more than ten feet.
Scully said, "Cheer up, Mulder, folks will always think it's true.
But I told you already you son-of-a-bitch, there wasn't no Big Blue."

(Epilogue)

And in the night (Vancouver on-site),
Briefly in the flicker of the back lot light,
An animatronic pleiosaur glided out of sight.

The End

Author: Melissa Wilson
and Nicole Mason

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