A DIEHARD SCIENTIST
(Filk of "A Cockeyed Optimist" from Rodgers and Hammerstein's "South
Pacific")

Wheeeen...myyyyy...partner concocts a weirdass theory
I forget all the freaky stuff I've seen
So they call me a diehard scientist
Skeptical and pathology-keen.

I've been kidnapped by monsters that revere me 
Hell, I've even had cancer in my head.
But I'm still such a diehard scientist
That I like dicing folks who are dead.

I hear the men from space
Will infiltrate our race
And wreak destruction that's immense.
But I just toss my hair
And give the Scully Stare
And say that there's no evidence.

I could choose to believe in stuff that's eerie
And save Mulder a lot of mental strife.
But my heart bursts with song
When I prove him wrong -
It's the only great joy in my life!
Goooot...noooo...liiii-i-i-iiiiife!

	

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