Jan-10
Today I was on my way home from reasearching when angelus knocked me out. He took me back to his place and raped me. But was it really rape? I'm so confused! I just need someone to talk to about the whole thing. I did tell him that he could have sex with me, but I sort of liked it. What am I talking about? It was great! Way better than my little fingers. I don't love him though. I love Oz, not Angelus. I couldn't love that demon, could I? No, not really. I was always told not to have sex until I was in love. And who should I tell? I think it'd kill Oz if he knew. But, I did like it. He treated me like a women. Not the way Oz does, more touching and feeling. Right now i don't think I'll ever do that again, but I might change my mind.

Jan-13
Angelus has been in my dreams lately. It's been driving me crazy! The dreams are very bad dreams, too. They're all about the night we spent together. I need to stop doing it, but I just can't get him out of my mind. I've been drifting away from the gang. I can't look my parents in the eyes. I haven't seen Oz outside of school since that night. I keep pulling away when he kisses me. I just keep imagining that Angelus is the one leaning towards me for the kisses. This has got to stop!!! I have to go now. It's my turn to help Buffy patrol.

Jan-14
Carpe Diem!!! That's my new motto. I can't stand it any longer. I'm just going to go with it. Last night I slept with Angelus again. It was as if I had no conrtol of my emotions. I said and did things I never would have thought I'd do. I let him beat me! And I liked it! From now on I'm going to sieze the day! I love Oz, but i like being with Angelus. I can handle them both. Can't I?

Jan-21
Well, I did some big time siezing yesterday. today I woke up in the arms of my second lover; Buffy! I went over to her house in a new outfit. Angelus had givin it to me. He's getting sweeter than I thought he'd be. Anyway, I guess Buffy saw me in it and liked what she saw. We were talking about stuff, we got aroused, and we made love to each other on her couch. I'm liking the new me! I think buffy is to. I can see doing that again. I still haven't told anyone else. I haven't even told Angelus about Buffy and me. I probably should. I have to go now. I'm helping Angelus with computers. I think I can talk him into getting one.