When returning from a mission in the Mormon Church, there is a kind of “Homecoming” service that focuses on the returned missionary in which the missionary selects his or her hymns to be used, and then the missionary gives the major talk of the service describing the completed mission and tells about some of the experiences from that mission. The missionary is expected to also “bare” his or her testimony of how the mission experience has solidified his love and devotion to the church. For me, the latter was difficult, because though my experience in the mission field was very uplifting, interesting, and exciting, it also sowed the seeds of my later apostasy from the church I had served, which I will tell about now.
Instead of returning from my mission with a strong testimony of, or belief in, the LDS Church and of the work I had been doing, I came back rather confused about certain doctrines of the church and feeling uneasily aware of how the church had influenced my life in ways that were uncomfortable for me. In Austria I met many people who really didn't seem to need what I had to offer them. As a result, I found myself learning from them, realizing that their lives seemed to be equally, if not even much more, positive and fulfilling to them than mine was to me. They seemed to have a feeling of freedom and spontaneity that mine lacked. I went on my mission convinced, or at least believing, that my church was the only true church on earth, in spite of some doubts about some things that I had put away in a hidden corner of my mind to await "further enlightenment" that would resolve those issues, as many of my leaders had suggested would happen in due time. Nevertheless, I soon came to believe that my church was not the only correct path to follow, and that the "necessary ordinances" performed in the Mormon temples had no divine value beyond that of elevating the religious egos of those who went there. My mission actually turned out to be the beginning of my departure from Mormonism, a path that would prove to be strewn with many hardships and obstacles for me, a path that would take me to the thought of suicide several times in my life, and to the very brink of it at one particular time, but a path that would eventually lead to light and resolution, and finally bring new meaning into my life. If you would care to read more about my reasons for leaving the Mormon Church beyond my own writings about it, you can follow the link below, or visit the link to the Utah Lighthouse Ministry in the home page of my site for much more extensive research on topics dealing with Mormonism.