Julianna: Chapter IX
After that night, I missed Nathan more than ever. Weeks passed, and he didn't return. I once asked Andrea why he was away for such a long time, and she just shook her head and said, "I don't know, Julianna. Perhaps he is afraid of hurting you." Her comment only confused me; I didn't know what she meant, and wasn't sure I wanted to know.
The weeks passed in a dull blur, and by mid January, Dr. Brown ordered me to bed, and told me I was not to be up until after the baby came. He said he was concerned about my health, and that the baby would come too early if I were to be walking about and doing the things I normally did, so I obediently moved back in with the Haynes', went to bed, and stayed put.
I fell into a deep depression, unable to go outside or do anything but sit in bed, read, think of Nathan, and the impending birth. Everything would be turned upside down, changed so much when the baby was born. It seemed to me that it had been changed enough, that it was time to settle into normalcy, but it appeared as though it never would.
I sighed and rested my hands on my belly as I thought about the tiny life inside. I had swollen beyond the proportions I would have expected… I hadn't thought I could stretch that much, but I had, and it was incredibly uncomfortable. As much as I dreaded another change in my life, I couldn't wait for the baby to be born, so that I could be up and around again. I began to wonder; would my baby be a boy or a girl? Would it be healthy and strong? I hoped it wouldn't be small and weak as little Jacob had been. I prayed that my tiny child would never be taken from me, and I cried as the possibility weighed heavy on my mind, along with the sad realization that my baby would never have a father, never have a normal life. All because of me.
I thought of Nathan, wishing I had met him long enough before the tragic incident that perhaps, maybe, we could have made a good life together. Regret filled every cell of my body as I lay there that morning, alone in my bed thinking of all the things that I wished were different, but along with the regret there was also hope. Hope for the future, hope for my child, and hope that life could get better, that I could put the past behind me, and that someday I would, just maybe, be happy and fulfilled.
February came, and the weather started to warm up a bit, but I couldn't enjoy it, other than staring out the window by my bed. I only had a month until the baby was to be born, so I attempted to ready myself as much as I could by sewing outfits, most of them generic nightgowns since I didn't know the gender of the baby. Andrea busied herself with preparations as well, and I think she anticipated the birth as much as I. My birthday was on the 15th, but I entirely forgot it, and Andrea and Daniel didn't know, because I had never told them. The night of the 14th, I recall gazing out the window drowsily, just before I fell asleep. It was a full moon, and the sight of it gave me a strange premonition, that something was about to happen… I flung the thought aside, telling myself that I was being silly, and the reason why I felt strange was because the moon had always been a vivid memory from every important instance in my life. The night Mama had Jacob, the night she died… the moon had been shining bright. The night I met Nathaniel had been a full moon. When I woke up after the fateful incident that had resulted in my child's conception, the only thing I noticed had been the moon. Of course that's why, Julianna, I told myself, and fell into a restless sleep.
The next morning, I awoke early, feeling incredibly hungry and restless. I wanted to get out of bed and walk around, which I hadn't had the urge to do for nearly a month. Andrea came to check on me about an hour after I woke up, and I begged her for breakfast immediately, as my stomach kept clenching and growling. She took nearly a half an hour, and just as I began wondering what was keeping her, a knock came at my door. "Who is it?" I called out, not particularly wanting to put up with Benjamin's antics at that moment. "It's Andrea, Julianna. There's someone here who wants to see you." My heart jumped into my throat as I ran through the possibilities. Nathan… I immediately thought, and then pushed the thought out of my mind, telling myself I needn't excite myself over something that wouldn't happen. "Come in," I said, hearing my voice tremble as I said it, knowing the only way to find out was to see for myself.
I tried to prepare myself for who could be coming through the door, but it was to no avail, and I screeched in surprise and delight as the 3 women walked through the door. The first thing that came out of my mouth after that was, "MAAARRYY!!!!" and then I laughed and cried and we hugged for what seemed like forever but not long enough. Then, more quietly but still just as excitedly, I said, "Mrs. Moore, it's so good to see you… I'm so, so very glad to see you and Mary!" It was the first time I had felt alive for such a long time, and I was ecstatically happy, I couldn't stop smiling and laughing. Mary embraced me again, and as she adjusted her position to avoid my belly, I realized that she had never known, I had never explained my situation to her, and immediately I apologized. "Mary, darling, I'm so sorry…" She looked confused for a second, but then she understood, and smiled at me. "Jewel, don't apologize, I understand. I was a little hurt at first, when Andrea told me that you were… in the family way… and that you hadn't told me before, but I know why you didn't, and it's okay." Then she moved on to answer the unspoken questions that I asked her with my eyes. We knew each other so well, and I had missed the understanding we had for each other.
"Jewels, when we realized that we had no idea where you had moved to, we went to Doctor Brown and asked him if he could tell us what he knew… he said that he had promised not to disclose some of the information to anyone, but that he could tell us at least where you were, so he did, and we found you. I'm so glad we found you!" I smiled at her tentatively, and she smiled back. "When is the baby due?" She asked, and then blushed. She had been raised so properly, she was even embarrassed to speak of such things. I shook my head and laughed, although my mood had switched back to somewhat somber. "In a month, Mary… 3 weeks, actually, and I'll be a mother. It's all very overwhelming, isn't it?" She nodded and sighed, and her mother, largely unnoticed until that moment, spoke. "Julianna, I don't want to alarm you, but you seem too large to be only 8 months along… are you sure of when you conceived?" I nearly laughed at the question. Of course I was sure! "Yes, I'm sure, Mrs. Moore… perhaps it's a very large baby?" She shook her head and frowned, looking thoughtful.
"Maybe it's not a baby at all," Mary said, very quietly. Mrs. Moore, Andrea, and I all looked at her with confused expressions, and then simultaneously burst out laughing. I wiped tears of mirth from my eyes, and glanced at Mary, who was looking confused about our laughter, and tried to explain. "Mary, sweetheart, what else could it possibly be?" She shrugged, still looking perplexed, and then realization dawned, and she too, started laughing uncontrollably. "Ouch!" My loud yelp stopped our laughter abruptly, and I placed a hand on my belly, gritting my teeth through the pain. Within a few seconds, it was gone, but I knew with a sudden surety what was happening, and realizing the clenching in my stomach I'd been feeling all morning hadn't been in my stomach at all.
Mary looked concerned, and Mrs. Moore peered down at me sympathetically. "The baby… it's coming," Were my few, simple words, and they put fear in my heart, knowing it was 3 weeks too early, knowing that Jacob had died because he had been born so early. Mary flew into a frenzy, saying things like "it's too early, it's not time yet!" and "Somebody call the Doctor!" While Andrea, unnoticed by everyone but I, slipped quietly out of the room to send Daniel for Dr. Brown, and Mrs. Moore sat by my bed, comforting me quietly. "Be calm, Julianna, it's the best thing you can do right now. Just be calm," She told me, and I nodded and trusted her, for she was the closest to a mother that I had.
Fifteen minutes later, Andrea entered the room again and quietly informed us that Daniel had gone to fetch Dr. Brown, and it would be about an hour at the least before they would be back. "An hour?" I groaned, in the middle of the second intense contraction I'd had since they had started. It seemed too long, far too long to wait, but she gently squeezed my shoulders, saying, "Julianna, don't worry, it should take far more than an hour for the baby to come. He will be here in time." I did my best to smile at her gratefully, and sighed as the contraction finally ended.
Visions of that night in the boat filled my thoughts, penetrated every corner of my memory as I lay there, waiting for the next contraction. Yes, it would take longer than an hour… Mama had been in labor all night… hard labor, she had been in pain. Fear came, then, when I remembered how hard it had been. How she had died and the baby had died too…
I squeezed my eyes shut and uttered a silent prayer. God, please, don't leave my child motherless, and don't leave me childless, not after all that I've been through… please… I left the plea unfinished, but the fear slowly, almost unnoticeably melted away, leaving only a feeling of peace. The urgency, the fear, it was all gone, and I sighed in relief, feeling a great weight lifted from my shoulders. Perhaps everything really would be okay, for once in my life.
More Chapters
Chapter X
Chapter XI
