Julianna: Chapter V
I took a deep breath as Dr. Brown helped me from the carriage, nervously anticipating my first glimpse of the Haynes family. Dr. Brown patted me on the back gently and said, "Everything will be just fine, Julianna." I nodded shakily and sighed. As we headed for the inn, a little boy of about 5 years of age came running around the corner, laughing happily. Children? I thought to myself. For some reason I had envisioned an older couple. Maybe they were just visitors here.
A few seconds later, a woman of about 25 came running around the corner, yelling good-naturedly, "I'll catch you, Benny, just wait and see!"
Suddenly she stood up straight, and saw us standing there. She was rather short in stature, about 5', and she had long, copper colored hair. She waved to us and motioned for us to come over. "Hello, Doctor Brown! How are you?" He smiled. "I am doing quite well, thank you. And you?" She laughed and paused for a few seconds to catch her breath, then replied, "Very well! Little Benjamin is keeping me busy, as you can see. This must be Miss Christian." She smiled, her blue eyes lighting up with the motion, and embraced me, which surprised me at first, but it was so comforting… she pulled away and looked me over.
"You're so young…" She said, and shook her head in remorse. As much as I hated sympathy, hers was comforting, unlike most. Suddenly I realized I hadn't said anything at all. "Pardon my lack of manners, Mrs. Haynes. It's good to finally meet you." She laughed and took my arm, leading us toward the house. "Don't think a thing of it, my dear. You must be very tired! We'll get you inside, feed you, and then you can rest for a while." Leading us inside, she and Dr. Brown chatted and I took in my surroundings. She led us into the kitchen and put some tea on, then we all sat down at the table. "We will get something warm in your stomach, and then I'll introduce you to the rest of the family. You'll be needing rest after that." I smiled and nodded. "Mrs. Haynes…" She looked up. "Oh, please call me Andrea. May I call you Julianna?" "Of course," I said, smiling. I already felt quite at home, but was anxious to get some rest. After we finished our tea, she led us into their small family room, where a man was sitting, reading a book to the same little boy who Andrea had been running after earlier.
"Daniel?" Said Andrea, "Daniel, this is Julianna Christian." He looked up from the book, set the small boy on the floor and stood up. My goodness, what a tall man. He had blonde hair and kind brown eyes and he smiled down at me and at that moment I felt safe. He held out his hand and said, "It's good to meet you, Julianna. I'm Daniel Haynes." Tentatively, I gave him my hand and smiled. Then Andrea spoke again. "Julianna, this is Benjamin, our little boy. We have a little girl too, but she is sleeping right now, so you'll meet her later." Instinctively, I knelt down on the floor and held my arms out to the little boy. Shyly, he got up and walked over to me slowly, then sat in my lap. "Are you going to be my new sister?" He asked. I laughed aloud, my first sincere laugh for a very long time. "Well, Benjamin, I won't be related to you, but I can be your pretend sister, if you want."
He nodded solemnly, looking up at me with big blue eyes, just like Andrea's, then scooted out of my lap to go to his mother. Standing up, I smiled at them all… all of them. It was quite overwhelming and suddenly I felt weary, infinitely weary. Andrea seemed to sense it and took me by the arm, signaling Dr. Brown to get my bag. "Julianna, you'll be sleeping here tonight, and then you can decide if you'd rather stay here or use a room over at the inn. I'll show you to your room now, and you can rest for a while." I just nodded and followed complacently, taking in my surroundings. We reached the end of the hall and she opened the door on the left, leading me inside. I sat down on the bed, and Andrea put my bag down on the floor, then sat next to me. "Julianna… I want you to feel comfortable. I know you've been through a lot, and I won't ask that you tell me about it, but just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Also, I'd like you to know that I won't judge you, no matter what." "Thank you so much…" I whispered, overcome with gratefulness and embarrassment that I had no way to show it. "It is our pleasure. Now, get some rest." She turned and walked out of the room, then paused. "Shall I wake you for dinner?" I nodded, and smiled at her. "Alright, I will." She shut the door behind her, and I was once again left alone.
I heard a baby cry from across the hall, and then footsteps. Soon, I'll be the one running to stop my baby's tears. My baby… My own baby? The crying had stopped, and again I heard footsteps. Within a few seconds, it was quiet again. I slipped under the sheets and curled up, my knees nearly touching my chin. I pulled the covers clear up past my shoulders, and suddenly my mama was there with me, smoothing my hair and talking in soothing tones.
I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing it was not real, but wishing it was. God, help me through this, I thought, or whispered. In the soul-penetrating silence, it was hard to tell. Mama had always taught me to pray in times of trouble, and God would help me through, but right then, I felt utterly alone in the world, and I didn't think any God could change that.
I felt someone shaking me, and reluctantly crossed the border from dreams into reality. I didn't even remember falling asleep, but I must have. "Julianna, it's time for dinner!" It was a little boy speaking, and I opened my eyes. "Oh, Benjamin… thank you for waking me. I'll be right down, alright?" He nodded and took off running. Oh, to have the energy to run, I thought. To be young again, and not have to make so many hard decision, or deal with decisions that were not yours in the first place… I sighed and rolled out of bed, determined to keep up good face in the eyes of my benefactors. After putting the bed back in some semblance of order, I exited the room and walked down the hall to the dining room. I stood in the doorway and watched the peaceful scene; Andrea and Daniel sitting side by side, talking with each other in quiet tones, Benjamin sitting and eating sloppily, but happily, and the little baby… My gaze stopped there. Andrea was holding her on her lap, bouncing her absentmindedly as she ate. She was quite different from the rest of the family, with dark brown hair and almost black eyes. She had exquisitely long, dark eyelashes and her hair was quite long for being so young. I shifted position and Andrea looked up. "Ah, Julianna. I'm glad you decided to join us." She motioned to the one empty chair at the table and I sat in it, feeling self-conscious. All the previous comfort had disappeared, and, although nothing in their attitudes had changed, I supposed mine must have.
Daniel smiled at me and said, "Julianna, would you like some soup and cornbread? It's one of Andrea's specialties, and definitely one of my favorite meals." "I thought EVERYTHING I cooked was your favorite, Dan," Andrea said laughingly. "Well, it is, but this is my very favorite… favorite." I watched their playful banter and thought to myself, You can look, but you can't have it. You'll never find a man accepting enough to love you when you've had a baby out of wedlock, especially in your situation, so just stop pretending. "I'm sorry, Julianna, did you want any?" I looked up and forced a smile. "Oh, yes, thank you. Andrea, do you mind if I ask how old your baby is?" She smiled. "No, not at all. She's 6 months old. Would you like to hold her?" Flustered, I shook my head no, but she handed her to me anyway. "Her name is Samantha." "Pretty name," I said, but kept my eyes on the baby. She was beautiful, and so innocent… and so squirmy! I sat her on my lap and found myself smiling down at her. Realization came over me slowly and I looked up at Andrea. "Six months. My baby is due in March. In six months I would have a little one, just like this. Andrea laughed and said, "Trust me, it takes a while for them to get that big, but at least it gives you some idea of what it will be like." I frowned in confusion. "Did I say that out loud?" "No, no, but I could tell from the look on your face what you were thinking." I smiled and reluctantly handed Samantha back to Andrea. Daniel stood up and kissed Andrea on the cheek. "I'm going to go put Benjamin to bed," He said. She nodded and called to Benjamin to give her a goodnight kiss. He ran over and kissed her, then gave her a hug, being careful not to squish the baby. "Goodnight mommy, goodnight Samantha," He said. "Come on, Benny, time for bed!" Said Daniel, then he picked him up and hauled him down the hall, tickling him and laughing all the way. Andrea watched them with a wistful smile on her face, and then started clearing the table. "Can I help with anything?" I asked, feeling strange about sitting there while she did all the work. She laughed - she seemed to laugh a lot. It was no wonder, either. Her family was the perfect picture of happiness - and said, "oh, you can help me with the dishes. They are my least favorite chore, and it will be nice to have some company." They were my least favorite chore, too, but it never seemed so unpleasant if you had someone to work with. I stood up and helped her clear the last few dishes off the table, then we carried them to the tub in the kitchen. As we began washing, she turned to me and said tentatively, "Julianna, I would love to hear a bit about your family and past if you wouldn't mind… You don't need to tell me anything you don't want to, I just like to know a little something about people who I consider to be my friends." The last part of her statement startled me a little, but I smiled and nodded. "Oh, I wouldn't mind at all, I like to talk about England, and life before…" I stopped myself before I went any further. She seemed not to have noticed, so I didn't worry about it too much. After a minute of silence, she said, "What was your life in England like? I've always wondered what it's like over there. I was born in Ireland but my family came here when I was just a few years old." I sighed. Where to start? The beginning, it seemed, was the most logical place. "Well, I was born in Bradford, and when I was 8, Mama and I moved to Manchester. I never knew my father. He left when I was about 3 years old. I suppose my baby will never know it's father either. I hope not." I frowned and glanced at Andrea. She was still washing dishes but I could tell I had her attention. "Your mother seems to have raised you quite well. I'm sure that what your child lacks in not having a father, you will make up for." I smiled gratefully, and went on. "In Manchester, Mama had to work a lot to feed us, and we weren't very well off for a while. I stayed at home during the day and tended to the house. Sometimes, if there wasn't anything left to do, I would go to our neighbor's house… the mother, she liked to read books and do arithmetic, and she taught me how to read and write, and do a little math. I suppose during that time I discovered within myself a great love for books, and for writing." "A healthy love, to be sure," said Andrea, with much fervor. I nodded. "My step-father didn't like it, but my mama always said it would be good for me to know what I did, and I could be anything I wanted to be." "That's a good philosophy. I hope you listened well." I smiled, "Yes, her words are forever imprinted on my heart." She nodded solemnly, and we finished up the dishes. We sat back down at the table and without a word I knew she wanted to hear more, and I wanted to tell more, so I did. "Somewhere along the line, Mama began working for a man named Stanley King." I shuddered at the sound of the name, but kept going. "He was a wealthy man, and he paid her quite well. He also seemed very kind. After a while, he began to come to OUR home, just to visit us. At first, I didn't like him. Instinct, I guess. But he grew on me. Ironically, he brought me books to read and paper and ink to write with, and so I began to like him and anticipate his visits. So did Mama, as I soon began to notice. One day, she came home and said we would soon be moving in with Stanley, but before that, that there would be a wedding. The significance of this was lost on me, as I hardly knew what marriage was. I had lived all my life with just a mother, and didn't know anything else. I didn't want anything else, really." I paused, amazed at how quietly Andrea had been listening. No interruptions. It was refreshing. She smiled at me. "You didn't know what marriage was?" I smiled back, and shook my head. "No, not really. As much as my mother taught me, that was one thing she forgot. I learned soon enough, though. They had a small, private wedding, just Stanley, Mama, the minister, a few required witnesses, and me. Their marriage began peacefully enough, and I decided this new arrangement wasn't too awful, until Stanley began forbidding me to read or write. It was then that my real dislike for him started. The whole move into his home was quite a change for me… I wasn't used to people attending to my every need or want, and such a large place for only 3 people seemed strange. Life was leisurely, but not very happy. At least, not for me. On my 16th birthday, Mama announced that she was pregnant, which came as a complete shock to me. But the shock soon wore off, and we all became excited for the new baby to come. When she was about 4 months along, Stanley proposed, out of the blue, that we move to America. I was extremely dismayed, as I had just settled in to a new home and I didn't want to do it again. I had even made a friend, Mary Moore…" I nearly burst into tears from thinking about her, but I went on. "As it turns out, she was moving there also, and Mama said 'why not? It should be a good change.' So we braced ourselves and within a month we boarded a ship bound for the America's." I stopped and glanced at Andrea, who was looking very, very tired. "I'm sorry, I've been talking for far too long." She smiled and waved her hand as if to dismiss my worries. "Oh, don't fret about it, I'm fine. Why don't we pick up where we left off tomorrow? This is turning into a very intriguing story." I smiled and stood up, and she followed suit. "Thank you for talking with me," she said, and I just laughed. "Oh, no, thank you for listening." "Oh, it was my pleasure… goodnight, Julianna. Sleep well." "Goodnight, Andrea."
More Chapters
Chapter VI
Chapter VII
Chapter VIII
Chapter IX
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