Julianna: Chapter X
As I clenched my teeth in pain, an image found it's way into my mind, and I began to wish for something else. Nathan… I thought to myself, but as Mary squeezed my hand and whispered in my ear, "Nathan who?" I realized that I had not only thought it, but said it, too. As the pain momentarily subsided, I shook my head at her. "No one, nevermind."
She looked very worried, so I decided to send her to see if the Doctor and Daniel had returned. "But, Julianna…!" I squeezed her hand gently. "No buts, Mary, I'll be fine. Your mother will stay with me." She frowned in uncertainty, but ran down the hall without another word. I sighed and looked to Mary's mother for support, wishing my own mother was there. "Julianna, I don't know why you've gone into labor so soon, but only being 3 weeks early, the baby just might be okay. I don't know, I'm no doctor, but I have a feeling that things will be alright," she said, and I smiled at her gratefully, tears springing to my eyes.
I was filled with too many emotions, ones I couldn't even identify, but the feeling of peace still lingered. "I could not possibly have gone through all of this for nothing, right? Everything that happened, the eight months of pregnancy, nearly a month and a half of lying in bed… it couldn't all be for nothing," I whispered, clinging to my own words as if they were the very breath that gave me life, and perhaps they were, then. Mrs. Moore nodded and smiled. "I think you're right, Julianna. We shall see." I felt a contraction coming on and she sighed, "I hope the doctor gets here soon, these contractions are getting too close together, and too long."
I barely heard her words, barely comprehended them. The pain had taken over and I moaned, digging my fingers into the sides of the bed, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping that by doing so, it would lessen the pain. It seemed to last forever, and I couldn't control the sounds that came from my lips.
As the pain subsided slightly, I noticed more people in the room… Andrea and Mary had returned, and Dr. Brown was standing in the doorway, as if he was waiting, didn't want to intrude. Finally, the pain became dull and bearable, and I caught my breath before attempting to speak.
"Hello, Dr. Brown, I'm glad you're here…" Although inside, the only man I was hoping to see was Nathan. I knew he wouldn't come, it was impossible, and I frowned in disappointment, although no one had said a single word.
Dr. Brown walked to my bedside, and smiled at me. "Well, Julianna, it looks like your baby doesn't want to wait until March. Three weeks can mean nothing or it can mean a lot, I hope this time it doesn't mean a thing. Perhaps your baby grew faster than we thought it would. You certainly look ready to have it." I sighed, thankful for his optimism. "I hope so, Dr. Brown." His expression became more business like, and he began asking questions. "How far apart are the contractions, and how long are they?" He asked, and we all looked to each other for an answer. I hadn't been keeping track, and evidently neither had anyone else.
Mrs. Moore stepped forward. "They were about 10 minutes apart before, but they're probably down to around 2 or 3 by now," she said, and as if to emphasize her point, the muscles in my belly tightened, and once again, pain was the only thing I understood or knew.
Hours passed, and as the sun set outside the window, Dr. Brown began to pace the room worriedly, saying things like "it seems to be taking too long," and, "being in hard labor for so many hours could take it's toll." I just gritted my teeth and bore the pain, though I was growing so exhausted that I could barely do even that, and tried to ignore his comments. He was a man, and he didn't know how saying such things could effect a woman giving birth, so I forgave him - later. It grew dark outside, and Andrea, who had stayed remarkably calm the whole time, slipped out of the room for a few minutes. Seconds later, Dr. Brown asked Mary to leave also, I wasn't sure why, but I didn't care.
Pain overwhelmed me, and without thinking, I let out a sharp, high-pitched wail, which startled both of us. The doctor rushed to my side, and as the pain subsided slightly, asked me if I thought I could push. I didn't, but I nodded weakly anyhow, wanting the whole ordeal to be over.
Fear entered my heart without an invitation, and the former peace I had felt disappeared. I remembered my mother, I saw her weak, tired, and in pain, just as I was, and I remembered too, that she had died that night. "God, no, please don't let that happen to me," I whispered fervently, and tears began streaming down my face. How different my thoughts were, now that my child was so close to being born. Weeks ago I would have welcomed death with open arms, but then… I wanted to live, see my baby, live to be a good mother. I swore to myself that if I made it through that night, I would live for my tiny family, and that alone.
I cried, and everything around me became a blur, unimportant. All that mattered then, was my baby. I heard a slight commotion downstairs, and then all became silent except for my cries of pain. As all of this happened, a strange feeling came over me, and I stopped crying as I realized why. I sighed in relief, but then excruciating pain made my entire body shudder, and Dr. Brown told me to push, so I obeyed. The pressure I felt was too immense to bear, so I screamed, somehow thinking that it would lessen the pain. It didn't, so I pushed more, pushed harder, hoping that my efforts would not be for nothing, and amazed that my body still held the strength in it to do so.
Feeling renewed energy, because of the feeling that had come over me a few minutes before, I used all my strength for one last push, and within seconds I heard the most beautiful sound ever: My baby's cry. Tears of joy clouded my vision, but I looked to Dr. Brown for confirmation that I wasn't dreaming. He nodded and smiled at me, wrapped my baby in a blanket and handed it to me, then went back to looking very concerned. Not a word was said, but I was smiling ecstatically, and I felt joy coursing through my veins like nothing I had ever felt before.
My weak arms somehow found the strength to support the tiny baby… so tiny, I had never imagined… but then, Jacob had been even smaller. Finally, I found words, and ignoring Dr. Brown's concerned expression, asked, "Is the baby healthy? Will it be okay?" It felt strange to say "it", but I didn't know otherwise.
He smiled and nodded. "Yes, she looks perfectly fine to me, and she has quite the set of lungs." For the first time, I noticed how loud she was crying, and I smiled. "A girl… she's so pretty, Dr. Brown, did you see how pretty she is?" I asked. She was beautiful. I memorized every little part of her, every feature of her face in that moment, not wanting to ever forget it. Dark hair, eyes that seemed blue, but I wasn't sure… tiny, fragile features - a slightly upturned nose that reminded me of my mother, lips that looked as if they had been painted on, big eyes, long dark eyelashes… she was perfect, and as I stared at her, she stopped crying and stared back up at me. Just as I lost myself in her eyes, I felt another contraction, and Dr. Brown finally spoke as I moaned in pain. "Julianna, you aren't done with your labor… you still need to deliver the placenta, and… another baby." I looked up in shock, feeling the blood drain from my face as I did so. "Another baby?!" I exclaimed, with all the disbelief I could muster. I couldn't believe what I had heard, because it simply couldn't be true! I couldn't have TWO babies in there, could I? No, my baby was lying in my arms, crying once again, looking healthy, breathing and living.
But at the same time I was denying it, I knew it was true, I had another baby yet to come, and it was coming fast. Dr. Brown yelled for Andrea as another strong contraction made it nearly impossible for me to hold the baby, and she ran quickly to my aid, taking the baby from my arms as I moaned in pain. I didn't know if I could live through delivering another baby… I would, I had to. For myself, for my Mama, for my baby girl, and for the man down the hall.
So I pushed, and moaned, and stood the pain, and sooner than I expected, I heard a second cry join the first. I cried in relief, so drained of strength that I almost couldn't keep my eyes open to catch a glimpse of the second baby, but I did. "Dr. Brown, bring me my son, please," I whispered, somehow knowing that he was a boy. He brought me my baby, laid him in my arms, and I repeated my actions from when he had placed my daughter there - I memorized his face, his features… he was tinier, weaker, but still looked healthy enough, and Dr. Brown confirmed my suspicions that he would be alright. He looked similar to his tiny sister; dark hair, tiny, delicate features… but his eyes were most definitely a bright green. I smiled down at him, then, by instinct cradled him to my bosom, and he nursed ravenously. I winced at first, but then got used to the feeling, and reached with my free arm for my baby girl, who followed her brother's example. Finally, in exhaustion, I leaned back against the pillows and fell into a light sleep, still aware of the two babies in my arms. Overwhelmed and happy.
It seemed like only minutes later when I awoke, and found that Mary was sitting by my bed, half-asleep. "Mary?" I whispered, relieved to find that both my babies were lying next to me on the bed. Her eyes shot open and after blinking a few times, she smiled at me.
"Happy Birthday, Julianna… Isn't that the best birthday present?" She asked, referring to the two sleeping angels. Confused, I peered at her through sleepy eyes.
"It's your birthday, Julianna. For another few minutes, anyway," She said, still smiling. "February 15th… of course," I said, under my breath. I had forgotten completely!
"Yes, it truly is the best gift I could have received… Thank you for staying during all of this, Mary, that was very sweet of you," I murmured, instinctively keeping my voice down so as not to wake the babies. She nodded in reply, and I spoke again. "Is Nathan still here?" She looked surprised, and just stared at me for a few seconds. "Well, is he?" I asked again. "How did you know he was here, Jewels?" I laughed quietly. "I don't know, I just … knew." I shrugged, and smiled at her confusion. "Yes, he's still here… he's been awake and worried the whole time. I thought he was going to wear a hole in the rug until Andrea came and told us everything was fine, and then I thought he was going to faint when she told us you had twins! I nearly did!"
"Me too, Mary, it's definitely more than I'd bargained for… but I'm so glad. Aren't they sweet?" I softly exclaimed. "Oh yes, they're beautiful, Jewels… what are you going to name them?" She asked. I'd forgotten about naming them, I'd just been thinking of them as "My babies," or "my angels". I shrugged again and sighed.
"I don't know, I'm sure I'll think of something! What's Nathaniel doing now, Mary… is he sleeping?" I asked, hoping that he hadn't stayed up after Andrea brought the news.
"No, he's sitting in a chair outside the door looking absolutely worn. I think he's planning on staying awake until morning, so that he can see you," she sighed. I frowned and shook my head. "No, tell him to come in now, Mary, I want him to see the babies."
She looked shocked for a minute, and then quietly obeyed. Moments later, Nathan entered the room alone, and I smiled at him. "Nathan, thank you for waiting so long… come, see the babies."
He tentatively walked to the bedside, and as he stepped into the moonlight, again I was struck by how handsome he was, but also how weary he looked.
Shyly peering over me to catch a glimpse of the two tiny figures, he suddenly smiled, beholding their angelic faces. "They're beautiful, Julianna. They look like you," he said, still smiling.
I laughed and shook my head. "They are beautiful, and I'm glad they look like me, only because I wouldn't want them to look anything like their father." Somehow, over the past few hours, I had come to terms with what had happened, and it didn't hurt me so to talk about it, as it had before. He sat in a chair beside the bed, and as he did so, one of the babies awoke and began to cry softly. We both jumped to comfort her, but as I picked her up, Nathan sat back down sheepishly. I cradled her in my arms, and as she stopped crying, I handed her to him. He looked nervous, so I said, "It's alright, really… she won't break," and I smiled as he relaxed. They looked so right together, it nearly brought me to tears.
It felt right, being there with my two babies, and Nathan beside me, and I smiled in pure joy. This was how it should be. Always.
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Chapter XI
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