Chapter Two: Realizations
I found it difficult to work that day. Not that I had particularly strenuous work as the office secretary, just a lot of answering phones and taking messages. More accurately, I found it hard to be polite at work that day. Everything got on my nerves, especially the rude male vendors that were always so patronizing. I hadn't even noticed their attitude before, but they seemed to regard me as the 'lowly secretary'. What was worse was the extreme, unmerciful chewing-out that the manager gave me when I finally got there, an hour late. I'd missed the exit by a longer shot than I had originally thought and it took me a while to find my way back, and then I'd gotten stuck in the morning rush hour traffic that I usually missed by about 15 minutes. I forced myself through my longer-than-usual nine hour shift, feeling obligated to stay an hour extra to make up for the time missed that morning. At closing, an hour before I meant to leave, I heard someone calling my name. "Shevonne? Sheevvoonnee?" I turned to see who it was. Her name was Deborah, which seemed a fitting name for her. She looked like a Barbie doll: 5'8", long blond hair, big blue eyes, perfect figure. Quite a contrast to my 5'1", gymnast-like frame. She was even chewing gum! I never paid a lot of attention to her because she seemed so stereotypical, which I hated, but here she was. In surprise, I put on a semi-fake smile and asked her what she needed. "Are you okay?" She asked. Even more surprised than before, I said, "yes, why do you ask?" "You looked depressed," she said. "Have a fight with your boyfriend?" We seemed to be competing for the Most Surprised Employee of the Month award. My mouth opened, but no words came. How could she have known? My disgustingly puffy eyes probably gave me away. Too emotional for your own good, I told myself. I nodded, somewhat idiotically I'm sure, and finally I managed to say, "we broke up," keeping a steady monotone in my voice. "Oh no!" She exclaimed, "You poor dear. Give me his address and I'll beat him up for you!" I started giggling uncontrollably.. The thought of her trying to take him down was just too funny for words, and within a few seconds, she was laughing too.
Two hours later I had told her the whole gruesome tale. She even cried when I told her about the night we broke up. And I didn't. Eventually we both grew tired and got ready to leave. "Thank you," I told her quietly. "Thank you for what?" She asked. "For listening to me. It helped." She smiled. "Well, if you ever need to talk again, I'm available!" As she walked out the door, I wondered if we ever would talk again. It seemed highly unlikely, but then, I would have believed what had just happened to be impossible! But maybe, just maybe, I had found a friend. I felt lighter somehow as I closed up and left the office. Maybe Deborah wasn't so bad. She was still a bit ditsy and I wondered if she ever had deep thoughts swimming around in that pretty head of hers, but she was kind enough to stop and listen, and that's what counted, at least at that moment.
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Arriving home that night, I threw myself down on my bed and just lay there thinking for a long, long time. I thought again about my past relationships, especially the most recent ones, I thought about my friends, family, work, most of which had been neglected during my huge lapse of judgement. I lived half a continent away from my family, and being the oldest by five years I was the only one who was living away from home. I realized I hadn't had contact with my family for months. Again I mentally slapped myself for being so stupid. "I hope that they at least will still want me when I come crawling back," I thought remorsefully. I felt a clenching in my stomach. Looking at the clock on the wall I realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and it was now midnight. I got up, walked to the kitchen, absentmindedly set the table and pulled out some Macaroni and Cheese. I looked back at the table.. There were two places set. Had I done that? Force of habit. It would be strange, living alone like this. No one to greet me when I got home from work, no one to eat quiet dinners with, no one to keep me company.. Suddenly I didn't feel hungry anymore.
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