Chapter Three: Times Like This
Waking up the next morning, I felt somewhat refreshed and as I showered, got dressed, put on a little makeup and brushed my teeth I began to wonder why I was so energetic. Usually by mid week I was dragging my feet not only in the morning but all day. "Oops," I thought, as I realized what day it was. This was my day off, and for once I wasn't glad of it. My energy drained away in a second. What would I do with myself all day? Sit around and mope, was the first option that I thought of. No, I couldn't do that! And yet I couldn't think of anything else to do. "C'mon Shevonne, pull yourself together. This isn't what your life was like BEFORE you met him!" I sat down on my bed, which seemed to be quickly becoming my favorite place to be, and brain stormed. Duh, Shevonne, you can call your parents. But what would I say? "Um, mom, daddy, I broke up with my boyfriend so I'm going to actually be your daughter now." No, I wouldn't call them. I would write a letter. I always could get my feelings out better on paper, but the best thing about it was the eraser on the pencil! So I pulled out some stationary and started writing. It took me hours to finish, and when I was done there was a pile of crumpled up paper surrounding my bed. After cleaning up, I perused my final draft.
"Dear Family,
This may seem to be a strange reason to finally contact you, but what has happened in the past few days is what made me realize that I needed to do this. You see, I broke
up with Devin.
- There! I had said his name. Well, written it, but it was still a major breakthrough. -
Do you remember him? He's the guy that I pretty much ditched the whole world for. And I wanted to apologize. It wasn't worth forgetting about the other people in my life, and I realize that now. My biggest regret is that I didn't realize it sooner. It makes me feel terrible and happy both at the same time to know that you all tried to keep in touch, leaving messages on my answering machine, sending me letters that I never replied to. Foolishly, I made Devin out to be my family, my friends, and my life. He was my world, and I made him so. I neglected all other aspects of my life, and now I am realizing that in the worst way possible. I still have my job, and I'm glad of that, but what is really important? I lost my friends and my family. Now I see that I built my life so that it revolved around his, and now that he's gone it has nothing to revolve
around, so I am trying to rebuild that which perhaps has fallen apart. I apologize, sincerely and from the depths of my soul. I suppose I am asking that you take back this 'prodigal' daughter and love me again, if you ever stopped. Please forgive me.
Your devoted daughter and sister,
Shevonne"
I sighed. Well, it would have to do. I hoped I had expressed myself well. I looked around my small apartment and felt empty. It was so empty, so un-welcoming. A thought hit me, but I brushed it off just as quickly. I jumped as I heard the phone ring - a sound I hadn't heard for a while. I put the letter in my dresser drawer to send later and went to answer it. I picked up the phone and said an uncertain "hello?" .... long pause.... "Hello?" "Hi, Shevonne?" I didn't recognize that voice. "Yes, who is this?" "It's Deborah, from work." "Oh, hello..." All the comfort we had established the night before vanished. "Shevonne, I was wondering.. If you aren't too busy.. Would you like to .. Um.. Go shopping with me?" A giggle escaped my lips.. Shopping? I hadn't been shopping for .. Well, a long time. Not shopping the way girls shop! Well, I thought, it was something to do, and she'd been kind enough to let me complain to her the night before. I accepted and we said goodbye. She was to pick me up in a half an hour. I would have to pull myself together!
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After a day full of shopping, giggling, splurging on ice cream and other things that in Deborah's words were "bad for my figure, but maybe just once won't hurt!" we drove home talking about nonsensical things and laughing over things that had transpired that day. We passed a shopping center and I absent mindedly made note of the different shops. Freidaze? I wondered what kind of a store that would be. Sue's Pet Castle. The thought that had hit me earlier hit me again, and I mumbled "let's go there!" Deborah looked at me with a strange expression on her face. "What did you say?" I laughed quietly "nothing, never mind."
The rest of the way home I was quiet and Deborah was obviously not at ease with the silence, but I didn't feel like talking. I didn't know breaking up with a man could give you such strange impulses! I would have to watch out for that. But the more I thought about it, maybe, just maybe it made sense. I would have to look into it.
"Deborah?" I said suddenly. "Hmmm?" "Could you drop me at the library, please? I can walk home from there." She again turned to me with a raised eyebrow. "The library?" "Yes, the library." She laughed "oohh kayy..." She swerved into the library parking lot as we approached it and let me out. "Thanks Deb, I had fun." She smiled "Me too. Maybe we'll do it again sometime!" "Yeah.. Maybe! Bye.." She smiled and tore out of the parking lot. I wondered if she had an aversion to libraries. Too much learning, I decided. I walked in and headed for the "pet care" section. I maxed out my card on all the books I could find and had to ask for a couple of shopping bags to carry them in. The bottoms tore on the way home anyway, but it helped for a while. I read all night and in the morning at 10am on the dot I had made my decision. This apartment was far too empty and lonely. I called Deborah. "Deborah, it's me, Shevonne.." "Oh hi! What's up?" She sounded surprised, but not unwelcoming. "Do you think you could come pick me up and take me somewhere?" I said in an apologetic tone. I didn't want to go by myself. "Oh.. Sure. The library again?" I laughed, "No. The pet store." Silence. Finally, "alright. Are you sure you're ok?" "Yup." Another, shorter silence. "Okay, I'll be there in a few."
Once in the car, *I* wondered if I was going a little bit crazy. By the time we were within sight of the big sign that said Sue's Pet Castle, I had the jitters. We walked in, my knees knocking and Deborah wondering what was going on. Then I saw HIM. I walked over to the other side of the store, looked up into his deep brown eyes and melted. I was in love again! He would get huge, the man said. I didn't care. By the time I got home that night I had splurged on every imaginable accessory he could ever want for, and I was a happy camper. Deborah thought I was nuts. The feeling was mutual. I said goodnight, she drove away, and I was left standing there outside my apartment. But not alone, now I had a companion. I gave in and let him sleep in the bed that night, not an allowance I would make again, I told him. The next day I felt good all day, somehow refreshed and happier. And when I came home, there he was at the door, waiting for me, welcoming me, and cheering me up. I no longer felt the emptiness and loneliness so poignantly as I had before, it had dimmed. A place in my heart had been filled in a way that I never would have imagined. I even let him sleep in the bed. So it was from then on, just me and my dog.
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