A Before the Dawn Spec

2. Lay Your Sleeping Head

by Auden 1996

Spoilers: IWTV, TVL, QOTD, TOTBT
Disclaimer: This is a non -profit, amateur spec and is not intended to infringe upon the copyright of Anne Rice or her publisher.
Warning: This spec contains sexual situations between adults of the same sex.

I woke to the realisation that something was different. But in the stifling darkness of the coffin, still trying to shake off the death sleep, I couldn't focus my mind enough to work out what it was. I was cramped, and lying on something uncomfortable. Still half-asleep, I pushed off the lid of the coffin and, as the electric lights of the flat flooded in, a voice murmured softly in my ear:
"Sleep well, cher?"

"Mon dieu!" My whole body jerked in surprise at the sound of Lestat's voice and, as I turned to stare at him, the events of the night before came flooding back with a clarity as electric as the lighting.

"Louis!" Lestat pulled me tightly into his arms, looking a little alarmed. "As-tu deja oublie? Sais-tu enfin qui je suis?"

I answered with a kiss, sliding my tongue eagerly into his mouth when he seemed hesitant. His reluctance disappeared immediately and when he eventually drew back my lips were bruised and swollen with his attentions. I soothed them with my tongue and had to duck away when Lestat tried to kiss me again.

"Of course I know who you are," I told him, answering his earlier question. "And I haven't forgotten *anything*." I blushed slightly at the thought of how much there was to remember. "I was just a bit disoriented."

"No regrets, then?" Lestat was still looking anxious and I smiled involuntarily, a nervous Lestat was a new experience for me.

"None," I assured him and, in case words weren't enough, I brushed my right hand gently down his chest and rested it on his thigh.

"Ohhhh, Louis," he groaned and pulled me back for another kiss. I fought free.

"Stop that!" I ordered, relishing my moment of power. "There's not enough room!"

Detaching myself from his roving hands I climbed out of the coffin and headed out of the room.

Three seconds later I was caught in Lestat's arms, held in a merciless grip, as he studied me intently.

"Where are you going?" he demanded, blocking my route to the door.

"Just to get dressed," I said, trying to wriggle loose.

"What's wrong with what you have on now?" he asked, grinning wickedly. My heart pounded suddenly in response and I tried to get myself under control.

"Uh, Lestat. I'm not wearing anything," I pointed out and his grin widened to show the tips of his fangs. I almost fainted from the sudden rush of desire.

"I know," he told me, shifting to fit his body closer to mine. "That's what I like you to wear." His hands fell suddenly from my back to my hips and he pulled me hard against him.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered throatily before bending his head to capture my mouth again. I moaned slightly at the feel of him holding me, and pressed myself harder still against him, my hands running over him compulsively. Now that I knew we were capable of making love my response to him had increased to an alarming extent, and I had always found myself far too willing to submit to his embraces. I could feel the movement of his muscles shifting under his skin, steel and velvet, my companion, my lover. I was on fire with lust and gasped in frustration when he unexpectedly broke the kiss.

"No reaction, Louis?" he asked teasingly, and I had to swallow several times before I could speak.

"What do you mean, 'no reaction'?" I asked hoarsely. "Sante Vierge, Lestat! What do you think I'm made of? Marble?"

"No, I thought *I* was made of marble," he said seductively. "But I know now that neither of us is." One of his hands moved between us, stroking my chest, the flat of my stomach, and then sliding lower still.

I exclaimed as I simultaneously realised his meaning and found myself subjected to an intimate caress.

"Lestat! Don't!" I managed to pull away, but only because he let me and I added quickly, to dispell the hurt in his eyes: "Just, not right now, please? I think we should talk first...... and David will return at some point."

"David!" Lestat growled in frustration, his eyes darkening almost to black, and I recalled his anger last night at his new fledgling. "I'm sick of David!" he added in annoyance.

"*You* created him," I pointed out, a little maliciously. "Without consulting *my* feelings, I might add." I started to turn away, a flicker of remembered anger fanning my own annoyance, but Lestat grabbed my hand quickly.

"I suspect that's one of the things we'll have to talk about," he said seriously and I nodded.

"You hurt me," I said simply.

"I always hurt you," he replied bitterly and I caught his other hand, turning him to face me properly.

"I *love* you," I reminded him. "And I forgive you. But we *should* talk about it."

"I love you too," he said and I caught my breath in wonder at the vision he presented, his golden beauty, and the thought that he was mine. "Don't look like that!" he added hurriedly, his fingers curling around my hands. "I know I haven't said it that often, but it can't come as *that* much of a surprise!"

"It's different to hear you say it," I explained. "Reading it in your books isn't the same." I smiled at him shyly. "Say it again," I suggested. "The way you did last night.... you said it was only me...."

"And I meant it," he insisted. "Really, Louis. Of course, I do love David, and Gabrielle, and even Armand, but what I feel for you, it's..... it's like nothing I've ever felt before..... Believe me, Louis." He met my eyes with a compelling sincerity. "I don't just love you, I'm *in* love with you."

"Lestat....." We melted into each other's arms and it was with an effort that I eventually forced myself away. "I really *should* get dressed," I said reluctantly and he smiled wickedly.

"I'll help you," he stated. "But first let's take a shower...."

"Only if you promise you'll behave," I qualified as he led the way to the bathroom.

"I promise," he agreed and I pretended not to notice him crossing his fingers.

Part Two: (Lestat)

Waking up next to Louis had been delicious. Taking a shower with Louis was torture! A sweet torment, I admit, but agony all the same. I wanted to put my hands all over him, to explore all the secret places of his body. But he was too shy to let me, and more than ever determined that we should talk first. I was getting very tired of talking.

When he left me to dress in his usual black rags I headed into my room in a huff. He refused to let me dress him after I had used drying him as an excuse for attempting to initiate another love-making session. When I finally left my room he was gone. A briefly scrawled note lay on the coffee table in the living-room. 'Lestat - Gone to feed. Stop sulking. Love, Louis' I wadded it up into a ball and threw it across the room. Then I stood and glared at it. Then I crossed the room, picked it up and smoothed it out. Then I hid it away in one of the drawers of my desk.

As I closed the desk I heard the front door close and, hoping that Louis wouldn't catch me being sentimental, I threw myself on the sofa, trying to look natural. But it was David who came in.

"Lestat," he said cautiously. "May I come in?"

"You already *are* in," I pointed out and then, at the sight of his anxious eyes, I relented. "Come and sit with me, I'm somewhat in need of company."

"Louis isn't here?" he asked, obviously trying to avoid any mention of his unwelcome interruption last night.

"He went out to feed," I told him.

"And you haven't?"

"Didn't feel like it," I shrugged and a soft voice behind me stated:
"He's sulking...."

"Louis!" I leapt from my chair to take him in my arms, and to my surprise he didn't protest, letting me kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his lovely hair.

"Hello, David," Louis said, looking past me, sounding just as cautious as David had.

Suddenly tiring of their reticence, I swept Louis up into my arms and carried him over to the sofa.

"Lestat!" he exclaimed in alarm and I shushed him, settling down with him on my lap before I turned to look at David.

"Come and sit here," I told him. "Louis thinks we should talk."

"I am perfectly capable of speaking for myself, Lestat," Louis told me, and I loosened my hold on him contritely. Seeing the look in my eyes he relented and, instead of finding another seat, settled himself more comfortably against me, leaning his head against my shoulder. Then he looked over at David, still hovering uncertainly in the middle of the room.

"Please, David," he said gently. "We do need to talk, about.... about last night."

"I don't think it's any of my business," David said, sitting at the far end of the sofa. "And please believe that I had no intention of intruding.

"Don't worry about it," I told him, prompted by a flash from green eyes. Then, more honestly: "It was as much a surprise for me as it was for you."

"What?" David's eyebrows shot up and Louis blushed, curling up against me as if seeking protection.

"I had an idea....." he mumbled and both David and I craned to hear him. "I thought it was possible for vampires to.... to make love," Louis finally managed to say.

"It was something in the nature of an experiment," I said helpfully and Louis raised his head to glare at me. "I mean, it started out as an experiment," I added hastily and wrapped my arms round him tightly, least he should try to escape.

"I don't mean to pry," David said slowly. "But...."

"Yes!" I said, answering his question before he could ask it. "We made love...."

Part Three: (David )

I must have stared at them for nearly a full minute. Louis leaning back against's Lestat's chest, Lestat's arms around him, one hand sneaking up to caress that ebony hair.

"David!" Lestat's voice was a whip-lash across my tortured psyche. "David, snap out of it!" I blinked.

"Forgive me," I said immediately. "I was just.... surprised." I tried to meet Louis' eyes, and eventually he allowed me to do so. He was trembling a little and clinging to Lestat in a way that made it clear how well they fit together. It was easy for me to read his thoughts.

"You're frightened..." I said to him.

"What?" Lestat, always having to be in on the action. "Why?"

"Louis," I said, ignoring the blond demon, who was frowning in puzzlement. "This is a natural development. You and Lestat love one another. If it is truely possible for our kind to make love, I cannot think of a couple more suited to become lovers."

"You say this," Louis said slowly, trying to read the expression on my face, as he could not break open my mind. "But you love Lestat as well, I know you do."

"Yes," I smiled at them both. "But age brings a certain wisdom, and in mortal terms I am older than either of you." I made my expression as serious and as honest as I could, trying to let the truth of my words shine from my eyes. "I have no wish to separate you. The love I have for Lestat is a pale shadow of my wish to make him happy...." I paused, and then completed the thought: "And what makes him happy is you."

Louis's smile was a more than adequate reward for what it had cost me to deny myself the love I had for Lestat. I will always love him. But in truth it was no lover's passion that moved me. More the adulation of a priest for their God. Louis' relations with Lestat were more natural. They were on a more equal footing, for all that I shared Lestat's ancient blood and Louis did not. And that too was an issue we had to deal with.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked. "Because Lestat made me?"

"Not with you, David," Louis' eyes were a dark green now, lush and verdant as the jungle, and perhaps as secretive. "You had no say in the matter."

"But you are angry with me," Lestat said softly and I saw the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide. "You hate me for it, don't you?"

"No, Lestat," Louis stood up suddenly, a graceful movement. "Oh, don't look like that," he said, a smile curving his perfect mouth. "It's just that I can't think straight when I'm that close to you." He moved backwards a little and seated himself casually on the low mahogony coffee table that faced the sofa, looking at each of us in turn. "I have questions that need answering," he said. "And I suspect that David does as well."

"Louis," Lestat's voice sounded pained. "I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. But I want to ask you something first."

"As you wish," Louis inclined his head slightly, looking curious. I was also curious to know what Lestat would ask him. It was so rarely that he admitted to any position of weakness, admitted that there was something he didn't know.

Lestat shifted on the sofa, looked uncomfortable. He met Louis' eyes, then looked away again. We waited. Eventually, looking down at his hands, he came out with it. "Is this a test?" he blurted out. I raised my eyebrows.

"A test?" Louis reached out to take one of Lestat's figetting hands. "What do you mean, Lestat?"

"These questions you want to ask me," Lestat said, raising his sapphire eyes to meet Louis' emeralds. "If you don't like the answers, if I don't say what you want to hear, are you going to walk out?"

"Lestat!" Louis was nearly laughing, trying to kep his composure he raised the sun-bronzed fingers to his lips. "I can't believe that you ask me this!" He glanced at me, still smiling. "We have lived together for so many years, and we spend most of our time trying to kill each other, or arguing so much that the others wish we would....." He took Lestat's captured hand in both of his. "You should know by now, beloved," he said softly. "I cannot leave you. I am incapable of it. Unless....."

"Unless what?" Lestat, always having to push it to the limits.

"Unless you told me to go," Louis said softly. "If you stopped loving me...."

"Never!" Lestat clung to Louis' slim white hands, with both of his. "Never, beautiful one!"

"For then I would surely die," Louis finished and I caught my breath, ashamed to be here, intruding on this expression of love.

"I'm not worth your death," Lestat said softly and I wondered that he would admit this, that he would believe it to be true. What secret hurts lay at the core of his soul, that he would feel that way? Or was it only love, his love for Louis, the solitary force that drove him on, gave him the will to continue.

"Allow me to be the judge of that," Louis replied, his eyes flashing fire. Lestat has his limits and that laser glare just crossed them. As he reached for Louis I stood up, and silently left the room.

Part Four: (Louis)

Lestat was on his knees in front of me, his arms around my waist, his head tilted back for me to kiss him. It was a curiously defenceless position, in that it allowed me to accept or deny his embrace. Surprised at being in control for once I delayed until I realised his eyes were growing grey with disappointment and then bent down quickly to reassure him of my love.

When we parted I realised that David had left the room and I sighed.

"We're neglecting David," I told him

"Perhaps it's right that he should leave," Lestat rested his head against my chest so that I couldn't see his face. "There are things that we should discuss together alone."

"Then let's discuss them," I stroked the golden head affectionately. "Lestat, stop looking for ways out. I want to talk to you." Extricating myself from him, I reseated myself on the sofa and tugged him up to join me. He immediately tried to take me in his arms again and I drew back. "Don't do that," I said. "I told you, I can't think straight when you touch me."

"Louis, if you *don't* let me touch you, I feel like I'm being lectured," Lestat said ruefully and I narrowed my eyes. This was either a very transparent ploy to have me relent, or a truth about our relationship I had not considered. His lips twitched under my scrutiny and I found myself smiling as well. "You can hold my hand," I told him, wondering how he would react to this condition. "But don't try anything else, Brat."

"Yes, Louis," Lestat rolled his eyes in exagerated frustration, but he took my hand immediately, gently stroking it with his fingers. The contact was amazingly sensual, and I wondered if I had made a mistake in allowing it. "You can't keep your hands off me, can you?" I asked.

"I love you," he said simply. The three words brought me almost to the edge of tears, and he tried to lighten the atmosphere. "But no, I can't keep my hands off you. You are *so* beautiful, my merciful death."

"And you are fatally in love?" I threw his own words back at him.

"Fatally, eternally...." he looked as if he would have liked to kiss me, but obeying the terms of our compact only continued to stroke my hand. "I am looped in the loops of your hair," he said softly. I swallowed, trying not to give in, forcing myself to remember the unresolved questions that hung between us like ghosts.

"It's ironic, really," I mused.

"What is?"

"That sex should make you so romantic."

"It's equally ironic that you should spend so much time criticising me for not thinking of you, and yet laugh at me whenever I try to romance you," he said caustically, although he still didn't let go of my hand.

"Lestat, beloved," I closed my eyes, so I wouldn't see the look on his face. "I would love for us to sit here and say all the romantic things that come in to our heads, and I've had centuries to think of things to say to you. But first we must talk, really talk." I opened my eyes. "So much has happened, not just last night, but over the last few years. We need to discuss it, and now is a good time."

"Can I say something?"

"I doubt I could stop you," I said dryly.

"I've spent centuries thinking about things to say to you as well, Louis." He looked away, and then back again. "Even now I don't now if I can. It's so hard for me...."

"But why?" I asked. "Why do you find it hard?"

"Because I need to be strong for you, Louis." He frowned a little, and I watched the wide generous mouth twist a little as he tried to express things he would have liked to keep secret. "I want to protect you," he said at last. "Even when I'm running off on my adventures, one word from you would bring me back to your side. I need to be needed by you, Louis. Because then... then it seems fair. I want you to need me, to be a little helpless, a little weak, because protecting you is the only return I can make for all you give me."

"And what do I give you?"

"Yourself," he spread his hands helplessly. "Your beauty, your wounded soul, your haunted eyes." He sighed in frustration. "I can't tell you what it mean to me, Louis, to know that you are always there, my companion through eternity....." He hesitated and then finally said them, the words he had been steeling himself to utter: "I need you."

"It's hard for you to say that."

"You'll never know how hard," he sighed. "Harder than to say 'I love you', much harder than admitting that I desire you. It's dependence, Louis. I've come to rely upon you."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." I entwined my fingers with his.

"Yes, it is." He shook his head. "I should be the strong one."

"Because you are the vampire Lestat," I teased.

"You think I'm vain," he smiled.

"You know you are, you say so yourself," I reminded him. Then, more seriously: "But Lestat, if you need me, why did you make David?"

Part Five: (Lestat)

I looked at him, taking in the whole of him with my eyes, his beautiful hair, his green eyes. I wanted to hold him like this in my mind forever, a charm to set against the fear that he might leave me. I wet my lips nervously and then smiled when Louis looked uncomfortable. For once I wondered how well I knew him, this loving passionate side of him was something he had never let me see before. Or was it that I had shut *him* out?

I tried hard to be honest, to focus on what I really felt, reminding myself that Louis had promised to stay as long as I loved him.

"Well?" He was waiting for my answer and slowly, I gave it, reluctant to hurt him, knowing my words could have no other result.

"I created him as a replacement for you," I said.

"I see," green eyes glazed over with hurt, he turned away from me.

"Beloved," I reached for him, ignoring our bargain, taking him in my arms. He was cold, unresponsive and I didn't try to force a reaction. Instead I hastened to explain. "You abandoned me, Louis. I was in pain, I was afraid, I *needed* you and you refused to help me."

"You know why," he sounded tired.

"Yes, I know! Of course, I know! But it doesn't help. It wasn't just that you didn't help me, you didn't need me either. You sent me away. Didn't care if you never saw me again, if I died in that filthy little hospital."

"You wouldn't have died alone, Lestat." He paused. "What about Gretchen?"

"Louis! For God's sake, she was kind to me, that's all! I was unhappy, she cared for me, and I loved her. But it was nothing like the love I feel for you. *Nothing* like it."

"Go on." He had stopped looking so distant, and had relaxed a little. But he moved out of my arms, retreating to the end of the sofa, waiting.

"When you abandoned me I had nowhere else to go," I said. "David was my friend, he rescued me. We were companions, very nearly lovers, and I wanted to bring him to me. To make him one of us."

"To replace me."

"Yes."

"I thought so," he looked at me cooly. "I suspected that was why."

"It didn't work, Louis."

"No."

Silence. I waited, still nothing. He remained on the other side of the sofa, leaning against the arm. I was bewildered, didn't know what to do.

"It didn't work," I said again. "David is a dear friend but it's you I've always loved...." My voice trailed off patheically, my eyes lifted to meet his, pleading silently. Don't leave me, don't stop loving me. Forgive me.

"The first time we lived together I ended up wanting you dead," he said slowly. "The second time you wound up burning my house to the ground."

"We weren't exactly *living* together," I pointed out and he shrugged, ignoring my pedantry.

"We have spent immortality fighting," he continued. "No one makes me as angry as you do, Lestat, and yet...."

"Yes?" I said, too quickly, catching on to that thread of hope.

"And yet I could never replace you either," he said, and his eyes were warm with love.

"Then you forgive me...." I began and stopped as he leant across the sofa, brushed my cheek with the back of his hand.

"Naturally I forgive you," he said quietly. "You forgave me for Armand, did you not?" "You came back to me," I said and he smiled.

"And you have come back to me."

He studied me for a moment, half-smiling, half serious, watching me as if I were a puzzle to be solved.

"I thought you might want to make love to David," he said.

"What?" I was startled. "That's what he meant when he said you were afraid!" "Yes," he nodded. "Do you want to?"

"I'd be curious, I admit," I said, trying to be honest with him. "But no, Louis. You are all that I want."

"And if I said I didn't want to make love?"

"Is this a test?" I asked again, suspiciously. "Louis, I have told you in every way that I can, that it is you I love. Not David, not anyone else. Do you understand me?"

"You sound so stern," he said, looking up at me through those wonderful long lashes. "Are you angry with me?" He shifted closer, his long legs curling up on the sofa, next to me. I could feel his weight against me, he was still warm from the blood.

"Now you're teasing me," I murmured, sliding a hand round the back of his neck, cupping his head in my hand.

"Only because you like it," he said, his eyes closing as I drew him closer. Our mouths met, and his lips parted without my encouragement as I slid my tongue between them.

Part Six: (Louis)

As I lay in Lestat's arms everything else became unimportant. My fear that he would desire David as a lover had proved groundless. If anything I felt guilty that David had been left out of our communion. But I had no intention of sharing Lestat. I wanted to lie like this forever, cradled in his arms, as he kissed me.

Lestat, of course, had other ideas. He drew me down to lie full length on the sofa, him stretched out on top on me, keeping me pinned there, as his tongue drove deeper into my mouth. I couldn't breath, and he held me so tightly I couldn't even struggle. The kiss was becoming more and more intense and I could tell I was about to loose consciousness.

Seizing the initiative before it was too late I bit hard into Lestat's tongue, tasting the blood as it flowed into my mouth. The temptation to drink from him was almost irresistable, but before I could give in to it he had pulled back.

"I thought you didn't want my blood," he said frowning.

"I don't," I said shakily, trying to stop myself from licking it from my lips. "But you were crushing me, I had to get your attention somehow."

"You could have picked a less dangerous method," Lestat said, shifting so that he lay next to me instead of on top of me. "Remember what happened the last time the blood lust took you?"

I couldn't speak, I could still taste him on my lips and I was fascinated by watching him speak. His mouth was stained crimson with his own blood. I stared at it, entranced, and nearly missed the frown that crossed his forehead. His tongue slid out to lick the blood away, and then he bent to lick it from my lips as well. I moaned a little, aroused by the sensuous nature of the contact. When he drew back he was grinning.

"Maybe I should have waited," he said lasciviously. "After all, it was the blood lust that began our little adventure, was it not?"

"I suspect it was my refusal to allow myself to give in to it," I said seriously, turning to lean against his chest. "Because I couldn't assuage my desires that way, they found another outlet."

"You're dwelling on technicalities a little, aren't you?" Lesat held me more securely against him, wrapping an arm round me to hold me on to the sofa. "Why are you so analytical all of a sudden?"

"I'm not certain if we'll be able to duplicate such an act," I admitted. "I want to understand *how* it happened."

"We'll just have to experiment until we find the answer," Lestat told me, brushing my cheek with his lips softly. I smiled at the gentleness of his approach, knowing also how swiftly his desire could overtake him. I turned my head, expecting the kiss, only to see his eyes shadowed as he seemed to look through me.

"What's the matter?" I asked, reaching up to smooth the sudden crease of worry away. "Changed your mind so soon?" And in case words were not enough I claimed his mouth in a kiss at least as eager as his own had been.

"Louis, you wanton!" he teased when I drew back to let him breathe. But then he looked serious again, saying quietly: "There is one aspect I *don't* want to repeat."

"The pain...." I said, remembering his spasms of agony, and the pain that had ripped through me when I denied myself the blood. "Did it hurt very much, beloved?"

"Oh, Louis," he looked hurt. "I wasn't thinking of myself! It was you. You were so trusting, and then there was the pain, and I couldn't *do* anything!" He looked wretched, his eyes dark with an emotion I had rarely seen there: fear. And it was fear for me.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, our heads lying next to each other, so close we were nearly kissing.

"I've been thinking about what happened," I said, quietly. "And I think it has to do with the hardening of our flesh. It hurt you worse than me, when you.... when your body became aroused, because your blood is more ancient than mine. But it is that waking, that arousal that caused the pain."

"Then we can't do it again," he said flatly and I caught my breath. "I mean it, Louis. You asked me what I'd do if you didn't want to make love. I'm telling you now that it doesn't matter. I have been permitted one perfect confirmation of my love for you, and I won't risk hurting you by seeking for another." He sounded determined, his voice perfectly level, and I was suddenly furious.

"What right do you have to make that kind of decision for me?" I demanded, sitting up and glaring at him. "What right, Lestat?" I ran a hand through my hair, and shook my head. He was staring up at me as if in shock. "Is it that *you* are afraid?" I asked. "Because I swear to you, Lestat, the pain is nothing compared to the pleasure I felt in your arms. I will not deny myself that again, not for anything." I paused, consideration for my lover taking over suddenly as I added slowly: "Unless it hurt *you* so much that...."

I wasn't able to finish, for the second time in as many nights I hd been swept off my feet and held in the arms of my maker. Lestat was smiling tenderly down at me as he carried me into the bedroom.

"I believe I will risk the pain," he told me as he laid me on the bed. "And I think it is time to experiment again."

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