Journal Entry: Day 4

Hello. It’s me, Snarf. Again. I know I wrote only yesterday, but there are too many thoughts running through my head and I have to get them out, snarf, snarf. I told you about Lion-O. He’s full-grown now. I wish I knew how, but Tygra and Panthro still haven’t figured that out yet. And if they can’t do it, what can I do?

In fact, what can I do at all? My job on Thundera was to look after Lion-O. What is it now? I don’t have Cheetara’s speed. I don’t have Panthro’s strength. I don’t have Tygra’s intelligence. I don’t have the youth and energy of the Thunderkittens. I’m an old snarf, and what good is an old snarf on a hostile planet with a group of warriors?

Well, I’d better stop dwelling on the future and deal with the past. Today was a hard day. Lion-O went off exploring and guess who’s also made a home on this barren rock! The mutants! And then there’s this creature called Mumm-Ra, or something like that. Well, Lion-O met all our new enemies today and used the Sword to call us. I think that’s when I finally realized how much things are going to change. When the Eye of Thundera shot into the sky, I was sure that Jaga or Claudus had returned. For a moment, I was back on Thundera and huddling in a bunker with Lion-O while mutant shells rained outside. And the Eye of Thundera lit the sky, calling the Thundercats to Jaga’s aid. Or even further back, before Claudus was blinded.

I can’t let this keep happening. My mind is in the past but my life is in the present. I just sat there frozen while Panthro and the Thunderkittens raced off to help Lion-O. What good am I? I can’t even look at Lion-O without jumping. I know that deep inside is a small boy, but he’s taking on the responsibility of Lord of the Thundercats. I don’t know anything about being Lord of the Thundercats. I’m useless to him. And he knows it, too. I can tell. He’s going to start relying on Panthro and Tygra more than he relies on me. And why shouldn’t he? They’re the ones with knowledge and experience. I’m just a nursemaid. I’m no good here.

I’ve been thinking of leaving the Thundercats and striking out on my own. They don’t say it, but I know I’m a burden. They have to feed me, they have to protect me, and I don’t give them anything in return. I try to pretend that everything is all right, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep up the act. And that’s all it is. A big act. Nothing is all right and probably won’t be for a long time. We’re outcasts and refugees, running from our enemies and taking with us a lost cause and a vain hope. Even if we can start over here, what then? That’s it. That’s the end of the Thundercats, snarfs, and Thunderians.

Well, I’m getting tired now, so I think I’ll curl up and go to sleep. Tygra said he found a good place for Cat’s Lair, so we’ll be working hard tomorrow. Better get my rest. Bye for now.

It’s Wiley Kit. I know I promised to write every day, but so many things have been happening and I’m still trying to face reality. The last time I wrote, I said I was going to start the calendar system over because everyone else is doing the same. I didn’t say why. I guess I should now.

Thundera is destroyed. There. I said it. I couldn’t bear to write it before now. Every time I thought about it, well, I couldn’t think about it. It’s still hard to think about it. At night, I can still hear the screams. They echo in my dreams and when I wake up, they’re still calling for help. They were dying. All around me, they were dying. I hid in Cat’s Lair while the war raged around me. The other Thundercats fought for our planet, but I was scared. I’ll never admit that to anyone else but you, diary. I was scared. I was terrified. I was frightened. Every day, someone else would die. They would bring in another body. We didn’t have time to bury our dead and there were too many of them. They were kept in bags in the basement. Kat and I used to play in that basement. I can’t think of it anymore.

We’re trying to build a new Cat’s Lair here on Third Earth. I don’t know if I can bear that, either. Thinking about a new Lair drives home the memories of the old one. And all I have are horrible memories. I can’t remember the good times anymore. There were too many bad times. Too many times the Lair began crumbling. Too many times when the Thundercat signal flashed into the sky. Too many times when the sounds of explosions woke you from sleep. It hurts to remember. I was so relieved when Tygra didn’t ask me to come along with him. He does, sometimes. Once in a while back on Thundera, he would let me tag along when he went exploring. Today, he only took Cheetara.

I’m trying so hard to be brave. I wish I could be more like my brother. I would never tell him this, but I really look up to him. He takes all this in stride and if anything bothers him, he never lets on. He can deal with it all himself. I wish I could be more like him.

Well, if I don’t stop writing, Panthro will yell at me to turn off the light and go to sleep. I guess he’s right. If tomorrow is anything like today or yesterday, I’ll need all the sleep and rest I can get. Good night.

I started this a few days ago, and I’m still not sure why. I overheard my sister Wiley Kit asking Lion-O why we’re still struggling to survive. It’s not like we’re laying the foundation for any posterity. After all, there are only six of us, seven if you count Snarf, and that’s all that remains of our people.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is…I don’t know. Maybe I need this. I guess I’m hoping that not everything is lost. That maybe somewhere far away, some Thunderians survived. And maybe someday, their descendents will find our remains and wonder who we were. And they’ll read this and know there was a lion-tiger hybrid named Wiley Kat who had a sister named Wiley Kit and that we were the last of the Thundercats.

We ran into the mutants again today. If I never see them again, that would be fine with me. But it looks like some of them are stuck on this planet, too. I’m scared of the mutants. I can’t let the others know about my fear, but I’m terrified of the mutants. They’ve killed so many of our people and destroyed so much that we held dear. They’ve taken almost everything from us, and creatures that can do that just scare me.

The other Thundercats must be so brave. I put up this front and pretend to be brave, too, but every time someone mentions a mutant in passing, I feel like crawling under my bed. The mutants blinded Claudus and the mutants destroyed Thundera. If they can do things like that to the great warriors, think of what they can do to me. I’m just a kitten. I know that more than ever before. I watch the other Thundercats and they know so much. Panthro’s going to try and build us a vehicle from the parts of our spacecraft. Tygra’s going to try and construct a new Cat’s Lair. Cheetara’s going to assist both of them. They have so much more experience and they know so much more than I do. What can I possibly offer them? Even my sister seems to know more than I do. I feel so helpless. She’s so sure of herself. She knows exactly what needs to be done and how to deal with situations. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I only wish I could tell her that. But what would she think of me then? What does she already think about me? A coward? A weakling? A wimp? An idiot?

I guess I’d better go to sleep. Kit’s lamp just went off. I should follow her example and try to get some rest. This new planet is filled with so many dangers. We must be prepared for anything. And the other Thundercats will be prepared. I wish I could be so sure about myself.

I know this is supposed to be an official log, but I’m the only one who will ever read it. Why keep up the pretense of protocol? Who will see it? Who will care? The chances are we that we won’t stay alive for much longer, so I might as well do what I can to preserve my sanity. Is that a crime? Or do the old laws even still apply? So much has changed in such a short while that it’s hard to be sure of anything any more.

Tygra and I went looking for a place to build Cat’s Lair today. I don’t know why we bother pretending, but it’s something to do, I guess. It will take us years to even build the foundation, and with the mutants hunting us on a daily basis, we don’t have years. But again, it’s something to do. Something to preserve our sanity.

But I don’t know how much longer I can fool myself. Something happened today. It was while the two of us were looking over a cliff. We’d separated. Tygra went back into some of the caves to examine the bedrock and I wandered the ridgeline looking for signs of the mutants. That’s when it happened. The Thundercat signal flashed into the sky. I felt my heart pound and the cursed sixth sense of mine told me that Lion-O was in serious trouble. I shot down the cliff, but my legs wobbled beneath me and I fell. I got up again, but my legs wouldn’t take my weight. I lay there stunned, not knowing what was going on. I couldn’t move and the signal hung above me, screaming for help. Yet I could do nothing. After a while, the signal vanished and my sixth sense quieted. I knew things were all right, but that didn’t excuse my failure. It took a few more minutes, but I was able to climb to my feet. My legs were still shaky. They trembled and I couldn’t move at more than a trot.

Tygra warned me this might happen. The gases in the suspension capsules slowed our metabolism and shut down almost all reactions in our bodies. When I left for a jog a few days ago, Tygra told me I couldn’t push myself too hard. He told me that my body would need some time to readjust. It would be the same for all of them, but he said that my body especially because it was designed to operate at a higher rate than the rest of them. Well, I guess I discovered the hard way that he was right. I’ve lost my speed. I’ve lost my greatest weapon. What good am I to the Thundercats? I’m just something they have to watch out for until I can fully recover.

I made it to the base of the cliff and found Tygra. He was just standing there, looking out in the direction the Cat signal had originated. I couldn’t meet his eyes. He’d waited for me. He’d probably been looking all over for me. That’s the kind of tiger he is. He’ll deal with the most immediate problems first. He knew I was around somewhere and had concentrated on finding me before rushing off to help Lion-O. My weakness put our lord in danger. I can’t risk having that happen again. I knew Lion-O was okay, and I said as much to Tygra. He didn’t say anything. He just nodded and turned back to look at the rocks.

I’ve disappointed him. I’ve disappointed them all. I swore my life away to the Sword of Omens and pledged to guard and protect the Lord of the Thundercats. The Code of Thundera became my duty. And how do I show this devotion? By turning my back on them. By failing them in a crisis.

It’s cold outside now and night has fallen. But perhaps I’ll take a walk. I need some fresh air to clear my mind. I must do something soon. I must prove myself to Tygra and the others. I don’t think Tygra has said anything about my failure, but I know Panthro wonders why we didn’t show up. Lion-O, too. How can I face them, knowing I have failed as a Thundercat? My first true test before the new Lord of the Thundercats, and I literally fall flat on my face miles away from the action. I’ve failed them. I’ve failed them all.

I wish I could report something favorable, but lately, this seems to be a problem. Panthro continues to salvage material from our spaceship and Cheetara and I found a place to begin construction of Cat’s Lair. But other than that…

I’ve always been self-conscious. I’ve never really believed in myself. Everyday when I don my uniform, I look down at the Thundercat insignia and wonder why. How did I ever come to this position? And I still don’t have the answers. There were thousands of Thunderians more qualified. And now they’re dead. What gives me the right to continue? What did I ever do to earn this?

I could chalk it up to luck, but I can’t deny the facts. Jaga handpicked this group of Thundercats to accompany the young Lord Lion-O to this strange world. He chose Panthro for his strength, Cheetara for her speed, the kittens for their youth and optimism, and Snarf for his experience and wisdom. Then there’s me. I can design things. I can help build things. I remember the traditions of our fathers. But what good are these things here? What good can they do us? I keep telling the others about how we must cling to the old ways and keep them alive, but I don’t really believe this myself. I think it’s just my way of trying to be useful. I’m practically worthless as a warrior.

I think today drove this lesson home. Cheetara and I were searching for a new place for Cat’s Lair when the Thundercat signal went off. Cheetara had left to scout for mutants and I was alone. I stared at the signal and froze. I didn’t move. I didn’t act. I was frozen. I saw that signal, I felt the call burn into my heart, and still I couldn’t move. It was just like on Thundera. I was helping some refugees into a transport when that signal lit the sky. I turned to go, driven by the call, but I had to help the refugees. That’s when it happened. Had I kept my mind on what I was doing, I could have saved them. I would have seen the mutant fighter. I could have gotten them out of the transport. But I didn’t. It exploded before my eyes under a barrage of laser fire. And all the while, the Cat signal hung in the sky. I did the only thing I could do. I followed the signal and barely made it out with the rest of the Thundercats. But had I paused for just a moment, had I kept my mind where it should have been instead of letting the Eye of Thundera overpower all common sense, I could have saved them.

And so I sat there like a simpleton, starting at the Cat signal while these thoughts raced through my head. And then the signal was gone. I wandered out of the cave. I was still in shock. I’d tried to forget those refugees. I thought I’d succeeded. But I guess I hadn’t. That’s when I saw Cheetara. She was out of breath and must have run a long way to aid Lion-O. I stayed and endured painful flashbacks. Our new lord falls into trouble and I can’t even move. Cheetara wouldn’t even look at me when she told me that Lion-O was all right. I couldn’t tell her what happened. She didn’t ask.

If the days ahead are anything like this day, I don’t know how much longer I can endure. I’m trapped by my own memories. Every time I hear the Sword growl or see the Cat signal, I remember Thundera. In my mind, I can still see it exploding. There were so many Thunderians left on the planet that couldn’t escape. Why was I chosen to leave? Why me? I can’t even protect the lord for whom I was chosen. What was Jaga thinking when he asked me to board the Thundercat flagship with him? What use can I be here?

I’m supposed to relieve Panthro on watch in another few hours. I suppose I should rest until then. But I have no desire to sleep. My dreams only confirm my doubts. If the Thundercats have a liability here on Third Earth, I think that liability is me.

It’s finally quiet outside. There was some scuffling earlier, but I think it was just the Thunderkittens. I envy those little rascals. After all that’s happened, they can still retain their youthful optimism. I wish I could do the same.

We of the panther clans are supposed to be hardened beyond despair. That’s the common belief, anyway. You never see a panther mourn. You never see one worry. Fear is an emotion we supposedly cannot feel. Those ideas are wrong. Yes, we hide our true feelings. But that doesn’t mean we don’t experience them.

Today was a perfect example. I was unloading our wrecked ship with the kittens and Snarf. Lion-O had gone exploring. I’m worried about him, actually. He’s so young and has taken on a responsibility so big. Anyway, Cheetara and Tygra had gone looking for a place to begin construction of Cat’s Lair. I was examining some parts from the ship and trying to envision a new vehicle for us. That’s when the Cat signal went off. I can’t even begin to tell you how scared I was. There was a time when the Cat signal went off and we arrived just in time to see a mutant blind Claudus. Well, it was those blasted mutants again, but they were driven off. That’s when Lion-O looked around and asked where Cheetara and Tygra were. I hadn’t even realized they were missing. When I did, fear struck again. But I can’t show these emotions because I’m supposed to be beyond them. Panthers aren’t supposed to have them. Why? I don’t know. But I have to stay strong for the others.

There were other times when Thundercats didn’t answer the call. Most of the time, it was because they were dead. Other times, it was because they themselves were fighting. The thought that Cheetara and Tygra had died almost caused me to break down. Those two are the most dedicated Thundercats I have ever worked with. I think of Tygra like a brother and Cheetara like a sister. They’re the family I never had. And when I thought they could be gone…

Lion-O went looking for them. The rest of us went back to unload the ship. Business as usual, I guess. But my heart wasn’t in it. I was so worried about them. We found them eventually. This creature named Mumm-Ra attacked. I have the feeling we’ll be seeing more of him, but that’s not important now. What is important is that Cheetara and Tygra are safe. I didn’t ask them why they didn’t come for the first attack. They both looked haggard and weary. They probably fought off the mutants single-handedly. And of course they won’t say a word about it to the rest of us. That’s just the way they are. Whatever happens to them is their own problem. They won’t burden the team with things they consider to be their own fault. But I wish they’d let us help them. We’re friends, or we should be. We need to help one another.

Cheetara just went outside. I wonder what she’s up to. Probably off for a jog. She’s so dedicated. Every spare moment she has is spent in readying herself for the struggle ahead. Tygra, too. I wish I had their devotion and loyalty. But I remember too much of Thundera. I remember all the failure and all the times when devotion and loyalty just weren’t enough. It’s beginning to affect the way I react to things, too. I can’t afford to stop and think about a situation anymore. I have to just react. If I stop and think, I freeze up. I remember too much. I’ve tried to be more like Tygra and Cheetara. They leave the past in the past. They don’t let it affect them. Maybe time will heal the wounds in my soul. Maybe. With one day so different from the next and the future so uncertain, I must find a way to heal. I must. Or we are surely lost.

Tygra told me that as Lord of the Thundercats, it was my duty to create a detailed record of all that I go through. He said future generations would read and learn from it. What future generations? We’re the last of our people.

Today, I met up with the mutants again. I thought it was the perfect opportunity for me to prove myself. I would show the other Thundercats that I could fight just as well as the rest of them. I failed. I had to call them with the Eye of Thundera. And even then, not all of them responded. Tygra and Cheetara were missing.

I went looking for them and met this thing calling himself Mumm-Ra. I hope I never see him again. I could feel an evil power emanating from him. I tried to call the Thundercats again, and then something happened. I don’t know what, but this mummy creature just flew away. It wasn’t anything that I did. It just kind of happened. And then Tygra and Cheetara came running. I wanted to ask what had happened to them and why they hadn’t come the first time, but I couldn’t. How many more times will I have to call the others to my side? How much of a weakling am I that I can’t fight for myself? Tygra and Cheetara must have had a good reason for not coming. I remember how they served my father and Jaga. I remember their loyalty. Now I must earn that loyalty for myself.

Then there’s Panthro. For some reason, I have Panthro’s loyalty. I wish I knew why. He’s a panther, he’s the strongest member of our team, and he acknowledges me as Lord of the Thundercats. Why? If he really wanted it, he could take charge. And he would probably make a better leader than I’ll ever be.

And the Thunderkittens. I’m younger than they are, and yet I’m their leader. At least, I was younger. Not anymore, I guess. But this older body of mine is so different. It’s so much stronger and so much more powerful. I’m afraid of it, sometimes. And while I try to adjust to it, I know they’re laughing behind their backs. They’ve adjusted so quickly to all the sudden changes. I’m young. I should have adjusted, too. But I haven’t. I can’t even adjust to myself.

Snarf’s been trying to help me, and I’m grateful for it. If he wasn’t around, I don’t know what I would do. I can share things with him that I could never share with the other Thundercats. Even if he doesn’t truly understand what’s happened to me, he knows how to treat me. I don’t understand how, but he does. He knows just what to say and when to say it. He knows when to back off and leave me to myself. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

I’m getting tired now, so I think I’ll turn in for the night. I wish these chronicle entries could be more positive, but nothing looks good these days. Every time we turn around, we’re faced with another danger. And every time that happens, I wonder how I can possibly lead these Thundercats who know so much more than I do and have so much more experience. Well, enough of that. I’m going to bed. Until tomorrow.

Found place to construct Cat’s Lair. Salvaged more of the space ship. Learned that mutants are still on Third Earth. Encountered strange creature named Mumm-Ra. Finished rigging temporary shelter away from ship. Unloaded and checked more of the supplies. Disposed of ruined perishable goods. Began work on new weapons systems. Normal chores and duties accomplished. All in all, just another day.