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I had purchased a rather large potted bromeliad and it stood next to me in the elevator. The red nine lit up and the doors began to slide slowly closed when I glanced up to see a freckle-faced young man tearing around the corner.
“Hold that elevator!” he shouted, careening towards the nearly closed door.
.....After a split second, I located the correct button, then quickly moved my plant aside before the boy slammed bodily into the back wall. As he struggled for breath, a small, pink rodent scurried out of his pocket, across the floor, up the bromeliad, and on to a leaf, where it pressed the button for the top floor. I tried not to notice that the boy seemed to be telling a hand-held gaming device that he would be “right there.”
.....The little pink thing – probably a naked mole rat (either that, or the boy had done something very wrong to his hamster) bounded back up the boy’s leg and into his pocket as we began our ascent.
..... “Where are you, Ron?” a worried voice asked from the device. “I need some backup.”
..... “We’re in the elevator, K.P. We’ll be there in a minute.”
.....And then, between floors eight and nine, we stopped.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The boy called Ron and the rat were staring wide-eyed at the door, mouths agape.
..... “Oh, come on...!”
..... “Fabulous,” I muttered to myself. “Just what I wanted to do with my afternoon.”
..... “Aw... This is ridiculous,” Ron whined, frantically pressing buttons. “I can battle zombies and mutated monster-things, prevent global domination, and even handle monkeys in small doses. But I can’t. Get. Out. Of. This. Elevator!” He punctuated each word by pounding his fist into the cold, uncaring metal door.
.....And then it hit me.
..... “You’re...Ron Stoppable...?”
.....He brightened and seemed to see me for the first time.
..... “That’s right,” he replied, buffing his nails on his shirt.
..... “Wow. You and that Kim Possible – you make quite a team.”
..... “We do our best, don’t we, Rufus?”
.....The rat vigorously nodded its head and made a series of high-pitched grunts.
..... “Ron!”
..... “Kim, the elevator’s stuck!” Ron replied, his attention snapping back to the device.
..... “Oh, come on...! You have got to be kidding me.”
..... “You know, it’s funny. That’s what I said.”
..... “Monkey Fist must have done something before he ran off across the rooftops.”
..... “Can you help us out?”
..... “He’s getting away, Ron. You’re just going to have to sit tight for now.”
..... “But Kiiiim...!”
..... “Ron, I’ve got to go after Monkey Fist. I’ll see if—”
.....And it was then that, quite conveniently, the device’s batteries died.
..... “Great. She’s out there with those...monkeys,” he shuddered violently, “and I’m stuck here.” He paused for a moment. “Actually, I think she’s fine. Yup. Kim’s a big girl. I’ll be fine riiiight here.” He leaned against the wall and started twiddling his thumbs. A second later, he began whistling a disjoint little song. The whistling became humming, the humming grew in intensity and edge. As the impromptu concerto reached its climax, Ron launched himself across the elevator and began pounding on the doors with renewed vigor.
.....A grunt of dismay from the corner drew my attention downward, where Rufus was already to the sixes in a game of solitaire. The rat met my gaze and rolled its eyes. I decided to interrupt before the boy hurt himself.
..... “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m sure she’ll be alright, and she’ll be back to help us soon. Or maybe the fire department will come assist.”
..... “The fire department?” he asked, shooting me a dubious look. “If we had a competent fire department, would we need Kim?”
..... “Um...Maybe for a few things...?”
..... “Wait, wait! I know! Rufus could crawl up the cables and fix the problem!”
..... “The rat?” I asked incredulously, earning myself an icy glare from the corner.
..... “Yes, the rat,” Ron spat back. “The rat just so happens to be a mountain climber, a computer programmer, AND an electrician. I’m sure he’s more than qualified for the job.”
..... “If you say so.”
.....Rufus placed the face cards on their respective suits and scampered up and out of the elevator carriage, but not before blowing me a raspberry.
.....The animal had been gone only a few seconds when a low moan reverberated through the elevator.
..... “What’s wrong?” I asked hesitantly, all manner of crises flashing through my mind. Claustrophobia? Anxiety attack? Appendicitis? How could we reach the paramedics? And then how could they reach us?
..... “I’m seriously craving the snackage... I need a naco...”
.....I fought the urge to slap the complete stranger upside the head and settled for glaring daggers at him. This went unnoticed as he stared desperately upwards.
..... “Rufus...!” he whined. “Hurry it up!”
.....Several slightly irritated, echoey grunts floated back downward.
..... “Don’t take that tone with me!”
.....I still wasn’t sure that the rat was capable, but I was nevertheless compelled to offer some assistance.
..... “Maybe it would be better if you didn’t rush him.”
.....The boy slumped up against the wall and slid to the floor. He began mumbling dejectedly about nacos, monkeys, and dead batteries. After only a moment, his mumbling stopped abruptly and his eyes grew wide.
..... “What now...?”
..... “I gotta go. Like, now.”
..... “Um... I’ve...got a plant...”
.....He groaned. “Could this get any wor—”
..... “Don’t ever say that!” I yelled, slapping my hand over his mouth. “It can, and it will if you dare it.”
.....Ron’s eyebrows slid back down his forehead as the shock of my outburst subsided. I shuffled sheepishly back to my corner.
..... “I’m sorry...”
..... “Don’t worry about it. And, hey, I don’t think I need to go to the bathroom anymore.”
.....I snorted appreciatively. His expression remained pensive and ever so slightly detached.
..... “No, I really think I’m going to have to change... Can I borrow something when we get out of here?”
..... “Sure... So long as you’re not too picky.”
..... “I’m Ron Stoppable. I can make anything work. If it’s got pockets.”
.....I never knew what Rufus did, but it was then that the elevator started moving again.
..... “Way to go, Rufus!” Ron congratulated the animal upon his return.
.....I leaned down and scratched the rat where I assumed would have been behind his ears had he had any.
..... “I’m sorry I doubted you, Rufus.”
.....He beamed up at me.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Ron Stoppable emerged from my small bathroom after a quick change.
..... “Hey, thanks for the badical shorts. I’ll get ‘em back to you soon.”
..... “Sounds like a plan. The underwear I don’t want to see again, though.”
..... “They’re surprisingly comfortable,” he returned, entirely too cheerfully. I wasn’t sure whether to be humored or deeply worried.
..... “Good luck with the mission thing. Oh, and hey. Bring Kim and Felix along next time.”
..... “Are you kidding? If I bring Felix, we’ll have to take the elevator, which is so not ever happening again.”
..... “Alright,” I chuckled. “Go stop some monkeys. Thanks again, Rufus.”
.....As Ron pulled the door closed, I saw him shudder and heard what I believe to have been “Sick and wrong!”
.....I didn’t bother to ask how he was going to find Kim. I assumed he could handle it.
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