DRIVING STYLES
'Beep Beep'
(by The Playmates)
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
One hand on wheel, one finger out window,
cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper,
foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat-double
decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on
accelerator with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
Both hands on wheel, eyes on the speed limit,
one foot hovering over the brake, one
barely on the accelerator: Ohio.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel,
cradling cell phone, foot on brake,
mind on sports game: Seattle.
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle,
alternating between both feet being on the
accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing
a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.
Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted
in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails
attached to antenna: West Virginia.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible
above window level, doing 35 on the Interstate
in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
One hand on the wheel, the other holding a cell phone,
driving 130 mph and four feet from your bumper
while flashing headlights to tell you to get the
hell out of the way just before crossing 4 lanes with
no blinker and backing up on the freeway to
get off at an exit they passed 2 minutes ago: Atlanta.
One hand on the wheel, driving a 1985 Monte Carlo,
everyone on the road is gliding at 100 mph on
ice, listening to Motown on the radio: Detroit.
Two hands on the wheel, face red and tensed
up, yelling racial slurs out the window
at anything that moves: Indiana.
No hands on the wheel, chugging a couple brewskies,
doing 10 miles an hour staring at the cows,
on a back road in no-wheres-ville: Wisconsin.
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