Things have a way of catching up with you when you least expect it. That’s the way it is with me, only I somehow expect it that way. Maybe it’s cause I’m a bounty hunter, but there’s not a job I haven’t done that hasn’t been done before. I cheese off people on a regular basis and get paid for it - heh, it’s a lot like Jay Leno now that I think about it.
I’ve done lots of missions cleaning up peoples’ nasty lose ends. Can’t say it’s been fun, but it’s been my life for a long time. Me and my sister Nic both. That is, Nicolette but she decided that’s not tough enough for a Bounty Hunter. So where am I now?
Welcome to the Sea side Warehouse District again. Again? Well, last time I was here I was meeting a guy called Fat Sam, a guy who never hires bounty hunters, to go after my Aunt Lucrecia - a real life witch. Now where am I again? Well, I’m searchin’ the warehouses for the meeting place Fat Sam arranged for me, more business I guess. I’m not sure if it’s worth my time, but hey, I’m here.
I entered the darkened warehouse, and suddenly these two lamps came on, with Fat Sam seated behind a desk. “So we meet again, Bounty Hunter.” The last bit said with some loathing.
“Yep.” I said.
“I have another job for you Fang.” that kinda grated on my nerves. Maybe I’d been pegged with the nickname “Fang the Sniper” but I preferred Nack the Weasel already... yeesh. Get it right fat boy!
“Nack, sir. What is it this time? I figure you got more than what was required of me last time.” I stood there with a Standoffish look.
“I need you to go after Lucretia again, Fang.” Ignored again, lovely.
“What? Last time I almost got myself killed!” I complained. “And I don’t exactly have health insurance.”
“Mmm... perhaps not, but I have confidence in your... talents.” He was obviously searching for some way not to insult me too badly, and yet show his disdain for bounty hunters. “I will make it worth your time.” He parked a briefcase on the desk top and slid it over to me.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I said dryly and opened up the briefcase. My eyes were met with Amethysts, zircons, rubies, garnets, and a few opals. “Is this it?” I tried looking unimpressed. A few Sapphires and Aquamarine thrown in and I mighta’ been a bit more excited.
“The offer is not to your liking? There are other Bounty Hunters you know...” He said in an even Vincent Price or Alfred Hitchcock sort of droll.
“Actually bub, nope. Anyway, if you wanted to hire someone else, you would have. But nope, you chose the best and only the best right?” I smirked.
“Your point I suppose. I’ll give you a 50% raise then.”
“And what exactly am I getting a raise for anyhow Fat Sam?” I said. I was givin’ him my most snaky grins. Truthfully, I liked haggling over prices, the more reward the better. I’d love to show off even half that suitcase to my sis, neither of us had a haul that size in a while. I kinda wondered now how she would have handled Lucretia, or vice versa. Well, it’d be my neck on the line anyhow.
“This time I want you to disable Lucretia’s power... permanently.” to emphasize the point he stuck his thumb down on the desk with a thud, and ground the paper beneath it to a tangled mess.
“Knock her down to size eh? But I don’t even know how that’s possible. She’s been practicing dark arts for a very long time.” Then I thought about the mix up last time and grinned “Even if she hasn’t perfected it.”
Fat Sam Grunted. “Fang, m’ Boy, Two of my minions have been molded into something that looks like it came out of Dr. Dolittle, aka. a Push-me-Pull-you! If she keeps up this... interference, She’s going to be a little bit more than magically handicapped.” His brows narrowed, “Besides, I’m providing backup this time.” he leaned back in his chair.
“Backup? What kind? And It’s still gonna’ cost you. I want double pay, and I want Sapphires mixed in this time.”
“I’ve already signed a contract for another Bounty Hunter. He’s a bit new to the playing field, only a couple years of experience, but...” he stroked his chin thoughtfully, “He has experience that you lack. He’s knowledgeable and experienced in magic and magic charms, etc.”
“Great, just what I need, a Rookie on my side screwing things up. I work alone just fine pal.” I waved it off and was ready to leave, I’d heard enough. Once was too much.
“Triple pay!” He shuffled a contract onto the desk, and the sound of two more briefs hitting the desk sounded. I eyed him suspiciously. “With Sapphires.” he said humorlessly.
“You’re serious aintcha?” I looked down at the offered pen and started reading through the contract warily. I didn’t always sign something with my customers. Verbal agreements were enough for me most of the time, unless it was somethin’ deadly serious and my aunt seemed pretty deadly, and pretty serious last I met her.
“Fang, ask yourself this, why would I lie? There’s no gain in it for me, after all, I never hire bounty hunters do I?”
“Right...” I looked it over, and had a few points of my contract renegotiated before signing it. Mainly I just removed the part sayin’ that if she ever got her powers back that I wouldn’t be obligated to go after her, and you know what? The clause originally said I would have to do it, and for free no less. Nope, I’m already puttin’ my neck on the line enough in this kinda business, I’m not putting it on the chopping block by a long shot!
“So it’s a deal?”
“Deal” I nodded. Actually, last time I didn’t even really say I’d do it, he kinda assumed... Well, the instant I said that I found myself outside the warehouse somehow. I looked back into the darkened warehouse, and yelled for Fat Sam to come out again... no answer. Sheesh. Only thing left to do now is figure out who my partner is and where, and wait for the impending death threats from my ‘dear’ Aunt Lucretia.
Somehow I managed to hold it’s mouth open, but that still left me in a kinda bad spot, it’s like havin’ two feet on not-so steady ground. It tried closin’ it’s jaws on me, but I used it to my advantaged and like a coiled spring suddenly let go, I vaulted forward. Fortunately it was the way I wanted - onto firmer ground.
My heart raced, and I breathed heavy, now that I was on concrete. I could see the shadow of the big guppy looming in the water and knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. As I turned to leave, I tripped over a rather large stone that wasn’t there all of 5 seconds ago. “UMPH!” I really gotta get some health insurance at least.
I turned around and saw a rope tied around the rock with a letter attached. “Run out of arrows Auntie?” I laughed grimly. And so it read...
“Wonderful... WHA!?” Somehow the rope had been tied around my ankle while I was reading. I may have been fumin’ at the time but I had enough smarts to untangle it. “I love family” I grumbled n’ snorted.
Making my way down the streets, I passed several bars til one caught my eye, The “Honey n’ Vinegar” ‘Flytrap’ Bar n’ Grill. All this talk of spiders and flies I guess. Yick, am I glad I wasn’t born a frog. One way or another, it was good a place as any to check things out.
I made my way over to the bar, having to wade past a few drunks and other lowlifes. Yep, bars are just filled with color, mostly shades of beer. Bars are noisy, filled with smoke, the food tastes bad, and the service runs from lousy to worse. Why go there? Well, they tended to also circulate the maximum amount of rumor in the minimum amount of time.
The Bartender was a dour looking Badger with small round glasses perched on the edge of his nose. He was cleanin’ up some glasses when I took my seat. Good manager though, pays attention to everyone that comes in, which is another reason they’re a good source of info. “What’ll ya have?” he asked.
“Ginger Ale please.” I don’t actually know too many people who have manners enough to ask for anything, let alone a drink, using anything that remotely looks like ‘please’.
“You drivin’ tonight?” he asked, pouring me my drink as he spoke.
“Nope, I don’t drive.” I said plainly. Actually I did, I just didn’t happen to have the money to repair my sky cycle as of the current date.
He shrugged, “To each his own. Lookin’ for something?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. I needed my wits all right, and I actually don’t care for alcohol. Causes too many complications and it doesn’t even taste good. “Do you know if there are any bounty hunters in here t’night?”
“Bounty Hunters?” he repeated in a discrete tone. “As a matter of fact, yes.” He motioned over to a corner table. There was a girl waiting on the figure sitting there, but from where I sat I couldn’t see anything but a cowboy type hat and dark leather.
I finished my Ginger ale and strolled through the bar until I found the stranger, except it wasn’t a stranger. “YOU!?” I shouted.
Before me was an Echidna, not just any echidna either. His name was Onyx, but for some reason he preferred being called Dirk. This one was jet black with cold Crystal blue eyes. He was still wearin’ that same cowboy hat and long leather Jacket that I’d seen him in last time. Last I heard of him he’d escaped from the hospital... after our encounter. Maybe he was hired to do his job, but that doesn’t excuse what he did - to her.
“I thought you’d show up.” He said with a certain amount of arrogance, tipping his hat to me. “Have a seat, we’ll play cards.” Cards? That’s how we met. He knew who I was and he sat down straight across from me and played cards with me all right, and every chance he got he’d whip out these Tarot cards trying’ to give me some kinda message. The message I’d finally gotten was that I couldn’t trust him.
“Cards? Is that all you can say after what you did?” I was ready to beat him up right then and there if I hadn’t caught a look from the bartender. I think he musta been manager too, and sober or not, the Bouncer was lookin’ right at me if I did start anything.
“I’m not proud of it, and ‘sides, it wasn’t like I had a choice.” He glanced warily at the bouncer then at me. “C’mon, have a seat, you’re making me nervous. We have business to discuss.”
Reluctantly I sat down, but my edginess didn’t fade much. “Don’t tell me you’re my partner” I groaned. “And what do you mean you didn’t have a choice? That was your sister you shot, even if you were aiming for me!”
“I know.” the dark echidna said. “Well, I owe you a lot. When we fought you see, I was being controlled by the Dark Legion I mentioned. But at the and there, that last pounding you gave me, well..” he took his hat off, and showed me a little metal circle with a few cracked shards of what had been a circular gem set in it, and the few metal wires that were attached with it. He was a cyborg and those bits of metal on him were his signature you could say. “I told ‘em not to mess with my mind, but I guess they didn’t listen. Since you gave me that knock on the head though, I haven’t heard or felt the Dark Legion around. Like I said, I owe you one, I never woulda broke free of that gang otherwise.”
“Nice story bub, but til I see some proof of this ‘legion’, it’s just a story.”
“That’s your choice, but you’re going to have to trust me now. Fat Sam did hire you didn’t he?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, “But I’ve run up against my aunt before, I can handle it.”
Dirk shrugged, “Maybe the tracking her part, but have you given any thought to how you’re going to catch her or, as it says in my contract, diminish her powers with lasting results?”
“I’ll wing it like I always do.” I had every answer ready for him, if I could avoid working with this guy, I’d do it. I woulda’ resisted a partner anyhow, and usually when someone includes a partner for me, it turns out being my sis’ Nicolette. Only the best, that’s us.
He sighed then, after gatherin’ his thoughts, looked at me blankly with speech to match. “Fine. Look, it’s plain and clear you don’t like me. As for me? I don’t really care about you or this is family feud. But I bet my sister cares if you come back in one piece or not.”
That really struck a nerve with me. “Don’t... even... start with me.” I growled at him. After a moment I sighed and slunk back on the chair. “Okay, you can come with me...” I groaned.
“How generous.” he said impassively.
“Just don’t get in my way.” I warned. I stood up from the table and he started to as well. “No, you stay here, I got somethin’ to do. Better yet, why don’t we meet by the clock in the park? I shouldn’t be more than a couple hours.”
“Fine with me.” He said. I’d just made it to the door when I heard the end of that sentiment “Partner.”
As before, the first member of the WCA* (Whipped Cream Avengers) that I met was Andre. He was definitely the geek in the club, I wouldn’t call him forceful, and he’s about as muscular as a lima bean. Wait, that’s not being fair to the lima beans. “Yo! Andre!” I called. He was busy plastering whipped cream to the side of a Lawyer’s office, and he’d need one too if he got caught.
Andre was also skittish, “N-nack!” he squeaked in surprise. He turned sharply, and so did the WC launcher... This wasn’t the first time I’d ended up looking like the end of a creme pie fight actually. I don’t know which force was at work in Andre just then, if he was overcome with fear and shock at seeing me, or laughter, and maybe some guilt at literally creaming me.
“Long time no see.” I said humorlessly, wiping the whipped cream off my face. “Couldja’ possibly tell me where Rocky is?”
“N-n-n- nno!” he said,a nd I fully expected him to bolt. “Y-you’re not g’gonn... gonnah hurt R-rr-Rocky s-s-ssseee?” As soon as I took a step forward, he bolted, like a rabbit with a wolf on its heels. Time for the expected chase.
Gotta’ give him credit though, for his penmanship alone, and for not abandoning his Whipped Cream launcher when he bolted. And taking that thing with him probably wasn’t such a wise thing, as I said, he aint that strong, and the WCL is a bit heavy for him so I guess anyway. Rocky sure had a loyal follower, too bad he didn’t appreciate it.
“Hold up Andre, I’m not gonna’ hurt Rocky, I told you that last time!” And well, maybe I had hurt him a little, but then again, he started the fight. Rocky woulda done worse to me, and I wasn’t sure exactly if Andre realized that.
“W-well m-maybe I don’t k--kk--know where Rocky is. H-how about that?” He kept running, twisting his way into progressively narrower streets.
“Oh come on now, give it up! You want someone to get hurt this time?” I picked up the pace, but found I wasn’t much catchin’ up to him at all. Finally Andre ducked into the back of an auto-center, and I first glanced in the window before goin’ in. Last time I just charged in, well, my head’s sustained enough injuries for a lifetime. “Rats..” I didn’t see him, but he must be in there, so in I went.
I looked ahead of me but all I could see was a whole lot of nothing. I could hear sounds further into the shop, I think this is where Andre hangs out when he isn’t with the WCA. I knew he was into mechanics, the WCA couldn’t replace a tire without him, let alone keep those launchers in tip top shape. The sounds were of sparks flyin’ from who knows where, but it was quite an earful enough for me.
“Come on, this wasn’t funny last time.” I sighed. I hated de ja vous, and I had a feeling I was stepping into a mess I’d stepped into before. I had, from the time I signed that stupid contract. This isn’t a sequel, it’s a bad rerun so far and I’m the one stuck in it.
Andre fumbled with his wrench, but didn’t get a grip on it, yelping like a whipped puppy when it dropped from his hand. Expecting it to collide with the ground or my head, one of the two, he let out a startled cry. “Wha-?” I was just as surprised as he was, then I saw the reason.
“Need help Partner?” Dirk said, his cyborg hand holding the wrench still at an awkward angle.
“Where’d you come from?” I grumbled.
“I followed you, that’s all.”
“I told you, I don’t need your help!” I snarled at him, showin’ off my trademark fang.
Meekly, Andre cut in, “s--sorry to interrupt, but, what are you going -t-to do wit-th me?” he stammered.
“Huh?” I paid attention to him once more, “Just tell me where Rocky is or can be found, capiché?”
“Rocky?” Dirk said confused. Figuring that this WCA member lived up to the whipped cream part more than anything, handed his fallen wrench back to him.
My gaze was fixed on ol’ An’, determined to get something out of him. “H-he should b-be at the th-the capital building.” Poor kid looked like he was about to have a heart attack. “B-bb-but you can’t tell him that I t-t-old you.”
“Probably defacin’ more public property.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s okay Andre.” I smiled, “Thanks.” Dirk gave me a look, “Don’t worry about him, he’s okay.”
I turned and left the body shop, and Dirk, after looking Andre over couple times, left too. I’m sure he was glad to be rid of us, or alarmed, Dirk’s cyborg advances had left a couple welts in the wrench I’d noticed. Ah well, I got more out of him than last time.
“He’s my cousin. I figured if anyone knows anything about Lucretia, it might be him.” I said.
“So he’s a Whipped Cream Avenger?” He said sticking his hands in his pockets.
“Huh?” I raised a brow, “What do you know about ‘em?”
“I used to live near here when I was younger.” he said stiffly, “I hung out at the Library in my early teens, it’s right around the corner from the capital building as I recall. The WCA were around then, but a very different form from what they are now. I was thinking of joinin’ them at one time, but I got wrapped up in a worse crowd.” He laughed dryly.
“Yeah.” I nodded. Yep, the WCA had certainly changed since Rocky took over, and I wasn’t sure that was a good thing. “Rocky’s always been a tough guy and a bully, long as I can recall.” I said truthfully. “But he’s my only link to Lucretia.”
“If that’s the case, what’re we waiting for?” he flagged down a passing taxi.
“Hey! What, you think I’m made out of money?” I said, I woulda taken a taxi if I had the money, actually, if I had the money I’d rather repair my sky cycle.
“My buck, all right?” he shoved me into the cab and we were on our way.
“So what is the WCA’s goal now exactly?” Dirk asked after we got out of the cab.
“That’s a good question. Far as I can see, it’s to do whatever Rocky says.” I shrugged.
Dirk laughed, “Maybe it’s just as well that I didn’t join them when I had the chance.”
“Would it make any difference? “ I snorted and purposely pushed passed him.
“For who? Me or Crystal? Maybe if I’d been a WCA, Crystal wouldn’t have gotten hurt in our fight, but that’s past tense, and there’s no use thinking about it.” I pretended to ignore him and continued on as if I didn’t need anyone on my side. Not that I really felt he was on my side to begin with.
“Y’ know, you’re not really my Partner, you’re more like a very sharp pain in the neck.”
“So you don’t care about her then huh? Shoulda known, bounty hunters don’t really have feelings do they? ‘Specially me cause I shot her huh?”
“Don’t even SAY that!” I exploded. My glum expression turned to a feral sneer. I wanted to punch him out right then and there, pulled back my fist and was ready to strike. “You don’t even know me!”
“What?” He said when I hesitated. I looked into his eyes, his eyes that had traces of metal in them. He looked stone cold and emotionless, but somehow that felt like a guise, he wasn’t really heartless. “Go ahead, I deserve it.”
I lowered my fist and turned around, we were just a half block away from the Capital Building. “No...” I sighed then glanced back up at him, giving him the same look he was giving me a moment ago - the tough guy mask. “We’ll settle things about you and Crystal later, first we deal with my cousin.”
There was an awkward silence as we walked on down the street. I knew that this job meant facing family, but I didn’t know it would mean facing... Well, Dirk, as you may have guessed, was a guy I met on a past job, and there was something between me and his sister. You could call it love, but I just decided she was safer without me. As for Dirk, he’d mentioned something about a Dark Legion, a group I’d yet to meet up with anyway, and right off the bat I didn’t like him. On that job... well, we did get into a scuffle, and Crystal - his sister - protected me from bein’ shot. I was so afraid she was going to die, but thankfully she didn’t. So now that he’s here, I have all these questions, I’m just not sure I want answers... from him.
“She still cares about you.” Dirk said blandly. I was about to say somethin’ in reply, but he was ahead of me on that one. “Would that be Rocky?” He pointed to a tough looking weasel with a torn ear and an eye patch creaming the side of the Capital Building. he was just finishing up too.
“Yep. Sure is.” I glanced ahead of me, calculating what, if any obstacles stood between me and him. This time I would have the element of surprise and I had better well use it. The street was well kept and tidy, with a few trees breaking through their own patches of earth in the sidewalk. Then I turned to Dirk. “Hey ‘partner’? I think Rocky might be more responsive if it’s just me.”
“All right. You want me to wait here then?”
“Not exactly...” I grinned slyly.
“What do YOU want?” He growled at me immediately taking a step toward me.
I stepped back before answering, “I need to know about dear ol’ Auntie Lucretia.”
“I told you everything I know last time! Now leave me alone, Unless you want in on a fight.” He grinned smugly.
“I need to know where she is Rocky, I haven’t got time to go playin’ around with you now. You remember what happened last time don’tcha’?”
Maybe that wasn’t the best thing I could’ve said. His fur was practically standing on end, and his sneer became even more menacing. “That’s it! You’re right Nack, I do remember what happened last time, but it won’t be the same this time!” He lashed out and tried to deck me but I ducked under the attack and sprang forward, giving HIM the uppercut.
“Nice try cuz’ but you can have my knuckle sandwich!”
“Umph! No way weasel boy!” he snorted and in a bout of speed I didn’t expect he decked me somethin’ fierce in the gut, launching me back. I was not comforted the slightest at hitting against something akin to a wall. In fact, there shouldn’t have been anything there behind me. That’s when I caught sight of Rocky’s cruel grin. “Hold him!”
No time to react - he had me! Who he? “Rambo!?” I called out in surprise. Rambo was Rocky’s right hand man and bodyguard you could say. If Andre was a lil’ bit too much on the nerdy side, Rambo had a few muscles to spare to make up for it. It’s kinda sad, but I think that Rambo actually has more of a temper than Rocky, which isn’t good news for me. “Don’t do this Rocky!” I gritted my teeth.
“Hah! Why shouldn’t I? Consider this my revenge!” he glowered. He struck me right in the gut and all breath left me. I didn’t have time enough to recover before he struck me across the face. With what strength I had I tried to struggle free of Rambo, but he’s about as fierce as they come. Poor me, if I could only break free. “Laughin’ yet? Huh? I can’t hear nothin’!”
He kept smacking me around til I feigned unconsciousness. Truthfully, if he’d have been much rougher with the treatment I woulda’ gone unconscious, then who knows where I’d be. I could hear Rocky laughing though, but as long as Rambo held me up, I had no choice but to fake bein’ out like a light.
“Aww... What’s a matter? Is little Nackie boy Hurt?” he scoffed. I wanted to punch him back so bad, but I strained to keep myself limp. Gotta’ make it convincing or I’ll never get outta’ here. “Hah! He’s out of it wouldn’t you say?” Grr... now that’s really low kicking someone when they’re down, well not really kicking but he knocked on my head as if to say ‘anyone home?’ “HEY! NACKIE BOY! Anybody Home?” He laughed.
“I don’t think he’s gonna’ wake up anytime soon.” Rambo said.
“Good. Maan, why fight in such a clean neighborhood? No dumpsters nearby to toss him in.” He laughed. “That’s where he belongs, the trash.”
“I could say the same about you.” came another voice. Dirk? When I left him earlier I was expecting to just have to handle Rocky. I was gonna’ lead him over to one of those pretty lil trees lining’ the way, then Dirk could get the drop on Rocky. Guess he finally got the idea it wasn’t going to plan. Just wish he’d come here a few bruises earlier.
“Dirk.” He answered simply. “I see you’re proving how tough you are by beatin’ up on someone smaller than you are. Big man huh?” hah, I almost laughed, it was true.
“Shut up or you’re next!” He growled.
“Well, I don’t usually resort to fist brawls, but if you insist. Or would you rather your goon take me on?”
“Hey! He can’t talk to us like that!” Rambo sneered at him, but lost his grip on me and I fell to the pavement limp as I could. I cracked an eye open to watch.
“Go ahead Rambo, take this punk down.” Rocky grinned.
“Say ‘With Pleasure’ like a good clichéd minion.” Dirk was a great antagonist, knew just how to make the blood boil. I realized then that was what he’d been doing to me, since the time we met in the Painted Desert, til the time we stepped out of that cab.
“Why you little!” Rambo was in for a surprise, and I was pleasantly pleased with what I saw. I was right about Dirk’s enhancements, they made him a force to be reckoned with. You shoulda seen his face when his fist was caught in Mid swing as if it had just connected with a steel beam.
“What the!?” Rocky decided that this guy was going to be hard to take down, so he sprang into action.
As that I had temporarily been forgotten, I chose that time to leap into action myself. “Hey Rocky! Forget about me?” I yelled, tackling him from behind. I pinned his arms back, at least I thought I had a tight enough grip.
Maybe I didn’t have quite the grip I thought, but at least now the playing field was leveled. We fought for a while, and maybe I was gaining some respect for my ‘partner’. I don’t know if anyone was gaining the upper hand. I remember Dirk and Rambo’s scuffle was evenly matched, even if Dirk wasn’t quite as weighty as his opponent - his cybornetic parts evened them out. Me and Rocky? Hey I’m at least used to fighting him, and I know his weakness.
It continued on longer than I expected, but thankfully no one was really around watching the fight, at least no one who cared. We were outside a government building, just thankful that it was shut down that day. Finally an upper hand was gained - Dirk managed to choke Rambo into unconsciousness. Me? I’d knocked my ‘dear’ cousin on the ground and had him pinned, just another rerun of what happened last time.
“Let me up you little -!” He protested.
“What was I asking you about before all this nasty business? Where’s Lucretia?” I asked as if we hadn’t fought at all, calm even tones.
“Gahh... Why do we have to go through this again!?”
“Where is she?!” I asked more forcefully.
“I don’t have to answer to you!”
“No, but you might have to answer to ‘us’ if you keep that up.” Dirk said kneeling in front of Rocky’s sight. He looked like he was trying to control his breath, I was glad that he fought Rambo and not me.
“What Kinda’ freak are you!?”
“C’mon Rocky, you’re one to talk. Leather, torn ear, eye patch, who looks more like a freak?” I felt him struggle, but I wouldn’t let him up, even if I did I think he got the idea - there was no escape.
“Now quit insulting my partner and tell me where to find my Aunt.”
“S-she could be anywhere. I told you that last time!” He snorted. “If she’s anywhere around here It’d be Thornebrooke Manor.”
“What’s so special about Thornebrooke Manor?” I asked.
Rocky was quiet until I pulled the chains tighter. Like I said, if you wanna know about what I’d done to him in our fight, it was a simple repeating of history. Just a relapse of “Evil in the Shadows” [<---Shameless Plug]. “One of Lucrecia’s ‘friends’ owns the place. They say the owner’s a vampire, no one goes there during the day, but there’s always something up at night there. People hear strange noises at night, and some people don’t return from that place. Maybe you should go there.” he laughed.
“You’ve been watching one too many horror movies.” I said, letting him up finally. I was probably right about one too many horror movies, but then again, my Aunt was a self-contained horror story. “Thanks for the tip.”
“Your Funeral.” he glinted. “Now get outta’ here before I get serious!” He growled. He would have bolted right then and there, but for the fact Rambo was down and out. As long as it was me and Dirk he wouldn’t try anymore sucker punches either. Maybe this partner thing wasn’t so bad.
“So that’s something you don’t know about?” I asked.
“Well no, I told you, I used to live around here. Thornebrooke’s always been considered a haunted mansion. I just want to know what you think about it.” What I’d previously seen as arrogance had ebbed away as our partnership grew. Who’d have thought we’d end up friends?
“I think I should have thought of this sooner. For the morbid and arcane there’s a cemetery just down the street. What Rocky said is also true - some people visit this place and are never heard of again. As for what I know about it personally? The house’s current owner is an eccentric old Weasel with a mass of health problems.”
“What kind?” Dirk asked with genuine interest.
“Anemia for one thing. Photosensitivity. His fur’s become ghostly pale.” I rattled off what I could recall including that he used to be a dentist who specialized in fillings and was particularly good with canines.
“Well then, I can see why they think he’s a vampire.” he said, laughing.
Our laughter died when we reached the Manor house. It was twilight out, and the last rays of the day were fast fading. The gates were rod iron, built up in a fancy arch like you’d expect and overgrown with creeping vines. The Manor beyond wasn’t very friendly looking either, one side of it overgrown with ivy of some sort, with my luck it was probably poison Ivy.
“So how do we disable a witch’s power?” I asked finally.
“Good question.” Dirk Answered. “Right now I’m thinking about keeping a few sharp stakes on hand and wondering when it was I last donated blood.”
“Very funny. I thought you were supposed to be the expert.” I said in a dry tone.
“Nope. Pentagrams are used however in some Wiccan spells and such. Some variations on them are supposed to be for protection. All I can recommend is if we do disable her, to see what kind of charms she’s got. there may be something to seal way her powers, something.”
“Great... so you mean we might not have what it takes even if we do find her?”
Dirk shrugged. “I’m sure she’s got at least a spell book or two handy.” He pulled something out of his pockets, great another tarot deck. “Here. It might help.” He handed me one of the cards.
“What?! I thought you didn’t believe in tarot.” I raised a brow. I looked at the card - The Fool. Yessiree Bob, walking into a Mansion with potentially one or more dangerous person inside was foolish, and a card wasn’t going to protect me. “Ha ha, very funny.”
“Check out the back of the card this time Nack.” He shook his head. I flipped the card over and sure enough, on the back side was some pentagram design. “I don’t know if it’ll help, but it couldn’t hurt.”
“All right, all right.” I scratched the back of my head. “Well I don’t feel like knocking. I don’t think the count’s gonna’ want visitors this late at night.”
“How about we split up? I’m sure this place has a sizable attic and more n’ likely a basement.” Typical easy entrances for thieves, but it sounded like a better idea than knock knock, here we are!
“We don’t even know if Lucretia’s in here.” I said. “Fat Sam told you what she looks like right?”
“Tall dark, black, with a fang like yours. Oh yes, and she’s an evil shape shifter.” Dirk grinned. “That makes it fun. Just a warning, after we split up, don’t trust me.”
“Huh? You’re not going to betray me are you?” I growled, renewing a bit of my old hatred.
Dirk shook his head, “No. Just like I said, Lucretia’s a shape shifter right? She could disguise herself as one of us if I’m right.” That made sense, and I nodded. “Good Luck.”
“You too.”
After trying desperately to pull the bars off, and using a few blasting caps that didn’t quite work, I was afraid I’d alert whatever security was around. “Oh man...” I groaned and sighed, leaning against the bars. That’s when the rusty old things caved in! “YAH!”
I fell smack dab into a heap of junk. Collecting myself, I had to grab in the dark for my stetson hat which I should really get glued to my head some day it keeps flying off so much. I pulled some ropes and sheets off me, and then managed to turn on a wrist mounted flashlight so I could see what the heck I was doing.
Shedding some light on the subject, I found I was in some kind of storage room. Old furniture was here covered with the same white sheets that I’d fallen into, and crates stacked high, held together by ropes. The place was musty and dank, there were old suits of armor standing guard against impressionistic paintings that reeked of a bad horror novel.
I made my way finally up a set of stairs, and cracked the door open. The rest of the house wasn’t as dark as down there, so I killed the light on my wrist. I wasn’t sure what I would be up against if anything, but the fact I had a really bad feeling about this was good for a change, it meant there was something here, although it was more than likely to be unfriendly.
A few rooms over, I heard voices, and crept that way as stealthily as I could. I happened to be passing through the Kitchen though, and for some reason, not that I’m a kleptomaniac, but I took the salt shaker with me. I came to a rather large door and held my ear to it to see what could be heard. Don’t you just love the language? I gotta see to hear, hah. Anyway, enough with the stupid commentaries....
“So, Fat Sam has a contract out on your powers? That could be dangerous.” Came an old man’s voice. I could only assume that was the current Master Thornebrooke.
“Yes, and guess what? I’ve heard he’s hired my darling little nephew for the job.” Came a demonic chuckle. I knew that voice, it was Aunt Lucretia!
I cracked the door open slightly so I could see them, not quite ready to just rush into things. The place was something of a den, with two axe wielding armors in either corner, and a great fireplace. Lucretia was sitting apart from a gaunt but snaky weasel with a deep English accent. The two of them appeared to be sipping wine - red wine, like blood.
“Family matters can be a touchy subject. You’re not afraid of dealing with him?”
“Not at all.” Lucretia hissed in a nearly serpentine raspy voice. She still had that mix of accents, but this one was thick with Transylvannian charm. “Dear Fang the Sniper, or Nack the weasel, he will not be troubling me much longer.”
“Then you intend to settle the score permanently?” This other weasel hada Grim Reaper sort of air about him, slow, dark. I wasn’t sure what would be the optimum time to deal with them, Lucrecia’d be enough. Then again, this was no sorcerer’s Lab.
“Well the score’s currently Nack 1, Lucretia zero!” I shouted finally, kicking the doors open for drama. I pulled my stun gun and fired off a gas cap into the room, using my stetson now as a gas mask. I gotta remember to wash it out after this adventure, PU! Maybe I should just risk the gassing.
“NO! I won’t allow it!” Lucretia roared. A wind came out of nowhere and swept the gas into a neat halo of a cloud circling Lucretia’s held up hand. She laughed darkly. “Last time I made a mistake, I will not be repeating again.” The gas cloud flew around me and I... I....
Lucretia laughed darkly as she walked into the center of the circle, just then noticing I was a wake. “Congratulations. You found me, now which of our token prizes would you like?” She grinned nebulously.
I groaned softly, before looking up at her. Somehow I kept my tough guy mask, or at least put it up quickly, “Laugh now while you can! You may catch me, butcha’ can’t keep a good bounty hunter down!”
“We will see about this.” She continued to smile. “I’ve been practicing my spells since last we met dear one. I have something very special just for you.”
“I can’t wait..” I said sarcastically.
Master Thornebrook was there too, and finally came out of the shadows to put his two cents in. “Mistress Lucretia, I sense that the young Bounty hunter is not alone in his efforts. I shall see what company he has brought.” When the old man smiled, it struck me that he had fangs, sharp, pointy, but smaller than Lucretia's or mine. I wondered if Master Thorny was one of the family, but then again, he was a dentist. Who in their right mind would want large vampyric fangs like- oh right, I was dealing with screwballs. Never mind.
“Thankyou Thorn.” She resumed her dark smile, and as soon as the door shut behind the Manor’s master, every light in the room glowed a sickly green. Lucretia had an emerald glow to her eyes too. “Now to you..”
“You won’t do anything to me.” I snarled.
“I think I will... Let’s see, I’ve been thinking about what to do to you. Oh yes, did you like my note? It seems you have arrived at last my little fly.” She laughed. Lucrecia started speaking some gibberish, no doubt whatever spell she had in mind, and suddenly I felt my heart like it were ice. I was seriously starting to feel threatened more than I’d been in a long time.
I found I could move my hands freely for what good it did me, there was nothing in reach, nothing, since I was tied so tight, that could help me. I strained against the ropes but they would not budge. ‘Great, some bounty hunter I am’ I thought. My hand then grazed over my gun holster, of course Lucrecia had unarmed me, but that salt shaker was in a hidden pouch next to it. Yes... well, I couldn’t imagine what I’d do with it but eh, gotta work with whatcha got. It was a kind of shaker with a flip top and one of those screw on caps with different settings, I had it on the widest spout.
“Are you ready?” She grinned. “No? Well too bad! BEGONE!” From her fingertips, a bolt of lightening, or so it seemed, shot out at me at high speed.
“NO WAY!” I growled and flipped the salt shaker from one side to the other. The spray of salt connected with a Bolt, and a noxious sulfuric cloud formed.
“No! What’s happening!?” Lucretia cried out when her black arts turned on her. The cloud turned from the sickly green light into a powdery white, and after being struck with her own bolt, the cloud encircled her like a cuccoon. All I could do was watch, I was the prisoner after all. When the smoke cleared however, Lucretia lay unconscious on the floor, I could see that she was still breathing, but what was going on or how long it would last I had no clue.
The door opened after a long time, and boy was I relieved. “Dirk! Hey couldja’ give me a lil help here?” I sighed.
“Well you’ve been busy.” He smiled, walking fully into the room, tossing his tied up prisoner next to Lucretia. Lord Thornebrooke. He walked over to me, and for the first time I could understand his nickname as he used a small knife, called a dirk, to slice me down from the ropes. “How long have you been here?” He asked.
“Too long.” I groaned, feeling stiff and tingly, grateful to be able to stretch out again at long last. I took a couple shakey steps foreward before I completely regained my composure. Using the ropes I had been tied in just a little while ago, I tied up my ‘dear Aunt’. “Do you know what’s wrong with her? And what Thornebrooke’s part in this is all about?”
Dirk shrugged, “I don’t know what Thornebrooke has in this, except that this guy isn’t Master Thorn.”
“Who then?”
“Master Thornebrooke is a human. This Master Thorn? I don’t know. Maybe his connection could get us some extra cash.” He gave a sly grin, showing off his bounty hunter side. “As for Lucretia?” he took a look at her, then got a whiff of the sulfer air. “Why don't you tell me what went on here first?”
I related my tale to him and then handed over the Salt shaker. “It’s just Salt, I don’t understand.” And truthfully, I didn’t.
Dirk let out a hardy laugh. “Well whatever happened to her, it’s no worse than what she had in store for you.” He beamed. “Guess you didn’t need my card after all.”
“Hey come on, explain yourself for once, okay?” I said, hand on hip.
“Oh, sorry. Well, Salt’s a very holy symbol believe it or not. Haven’t you heard that the truth is the ‘salt’ of the earth?” He smiled mysteriously. “I think she’ll wake up soon though, but our mission’s done.”
“Hey Dirk?” I said after a long silence.
“Hmm?”
“Thanks.”
We both collected our fees from Fat Sam, and the Authorities - Apparently Master Thorn was involved in a kidnapping concerning the real Matthew Thornebrooke. I didn’t know if he was ever returned to his home, but oh well.
Dirk and I left the warehouse, both alarmed at the sudden shift from inside to outside, and the speed at which the warehouse then went pitch black inside. “So our Partnership is over now.” I said. Dirk nodded as we continued walking the streets. “Don’t think this changes anything, I still odn’t trust you you know?”
Dirk smiled slightly. “Nah, I didn’t think it would.” he paused a moment before continuing. “Would you like me to relay any messages to Crystal?”
“Huh?” I hadn’t really thought about it til’ now. Actually I had thought about her, but then again, he’d probably see her long before I ever would. “Yeah... Tell her... I haven’t forgotten her.”
“Is that all?”
I shook my head but I did have a message. I just couldn’t relay the message I wanted to through him. “No. It’s all right.”
“Maybe we’ll meet again. Maybe, as friends?” He held out his hand.
I didn’t really have anyone I could call a friend, but I took his hand, almost against my will and smiled. “Maybe.” Would that parting could be so easy, you just shake hands and go on your way. Maybe we’ll meet again, maybe we could be friends. Just the one thing I couldn’t do, and that’s tell Crystal... I love her. “Well mom, I survived another one.” I said in the quiet of the night, when no one else could hear. With that I walked out of sight, into the darkness and whatever else might come my way.
