As you probably already know, I like to go off on tagents and pretty much speak my mind. Not only is it fun, but it's stress-relieveing and, to you (hell, and me), it can be funny. With the help of this webspace, I plan to bitch on and on about realms of our everyday life. Usually I'll just think of something stupid and type. Spontaneous is good. I will also take any suggestions from you guys as to what I should rant on about. If you have something that pisses you off, I'll do an article here that will follow the email you sent. (Hint: If you're looking for a cheap way to link your page, submit something) I created this page to fulfill the whole writing fantasy I hold. Don't get me wrong, I'm a good writer. I've had scripts that have been produced, both on stage and on film (stupid drama film short, but I wrote it). It's just I never get to do things like this. So gang, if you want to submit a topic of choice, email my ass. If not, read on and enjoy. And hell, if you disagree with me, write to me and I'll address your opinion here too. Shit, sounds like an idea, huh? Let's make with the talkin'.

Only the close friends were invited. All of us have nicknames. Over there is Tonya, or ToTo as we all like to call her. I named her Tonyer, but ToTo's easier to say. As you can tell by the picture, it's later in the night and she's pretty much gone. ToTo's great though. She can chug with the best of them. Always a good time at a party. Always the first one dancing, always the first one to grab a beer, and always the first to pull out the chips when you're drunk with her. My boy Adam (who I don't have a picture of, which is a shame because he's such a fucking character) held true to a promise he made to me that night. I made him promise me that he would get me so fucking drunk, that I wouldn't be able to walk. Well, he came through. He pulled out a deck of cards with a bottle of vodka and came over to the kitchen table where me and ToTo were chillin' with some Newports. Which, by the way, I don't smoke anymore because now that I'm in school I fucking chain-smoke and the menthol made me sick. But that's beside the point. So he tells me, "Alright, Big Willy, we're gonna play a game. We're gonna play five-card draw. Now for each hand you win, you don't have to do anything. Nothing. But if you lose....you gotta take a shot." I sigh, laugh, and respond, "Alright. BUT! At the most, I'm doing three shots. Three shots, that's it!" To make a long story short, I took four shots. He took the last one with me. ToTo tried helping me out on the fourth hand, cheating and giving me cards. But it was only fair because I'm a small guy. I can't handle all that shit. Not to mention the fact that Adam (A-Dawg) cheats like a bitch. At first I didn't feel anything. Then I gave myself a few minutes. First, my lips went numb....then my legs....It was great. Mind you, I had one corona before that, then about five of them after the shots. Oh yeah, did I mention I had to be at work at 11:00 the next morning? Oh yeah, and I was still drunk when I left for work from Amber's that morning. But that's much much later in the story.

This is later in the night. Finally, everyone's caught up with me. That's Amber all over Joey. He brought some champagne from work. Me, Joey, and Patty (Amber's mom) sat at that table drinking it later. No wait, or was that before...anyway, it kicked ass. Joey, or Josef, got his nickname from the St. Patrick's Day/Amber's birthday party this year. He demanded everyone call him Josef, using his lame Irish accent. Ambuler got her name from me. I started calling her that...uh...a long time ago. It just sounded funny, so it stuck. If you can focus your eyes, that's me in the background. Way past any concept of "drunk" you might have, I had already retired to my pajama bottoms and wife beater, taken out my contacts and zoned out in the corner. I was only in one picture the whole night because me and Adam where in Amber's room playing Duck Hunt. Her fucking Nintendo STILL works!! You kick ass when you play Duck Hunt drunk. You just don't know. Christ, Amber's shit-faced. So is Joey, though. His face is all red and shit. The guy on the left, which you can barely see, is Mike. I cut him out on purpose. Our schools are rivals. Riots have broken out over games, it's that bad. But that's not why I cut him out. I cut him out because he's a fucking asshole. He talks way more than he should. You can't get a fucking word in at all when you're talking to him.

ToTo brought a shitload of CDs with her to the party. When me and Adam picked her up that night (in my mom's mini-van, no less. That's good to hear, driving my mom's van to go get fucked up) she had all this shit with her. After I picked her up I went back by my house to pick up a movie. Halloween. That's later. At this point in the party, me, Adam, Joey, and Grant formed a boy band and we performed for the girls. We did some N'Sync and afterwords we all got lap dances from the girls while they played and sung Christina Agullera, or however the fuck you spell her name. I wouldn't have the balls to do that shit sober, so we broke it out using corona bottles as microphones, complete with the "Bye Bye Bye" dance moves. We kicked so much ass. Before that, me, Joey and Grant (Brotha Grant) were out on the porch talking about writing and plays and shit. It was fun. At some point, Grant gave me a hug and I don't know how, but he hugged me like my girlfriend does, so after the embrace I was like, "Whoa, sorry Grant, thought you were Alison for a minute. Almost kissed you." And it was true, I'm sorry to say. But that's not the fucked up part. The fucked up part is he looked at me, shrugged and planted one on me, right on the lips. Then Joey felt left out so he got up, gave me a hug, and did the same. Grant's a better kisser, I must say. That's sick now that I look back, but no big deal when you're all fucked up. Technically I cheated on my girlfriend that night, but when I told her all she did was make some fag jokes. Not funny.

Here's Lucie. Lucie's my buddy. I've known her since freshmen year of high school. She was my girlfriend's best friend for the longest time...until I stole her away. As you can see, Lucie's kinda thin, and when a thin person drinks, not much has to be done to get them drunk. I've seen Lucie shit-faced after three beers. She passed out twice and threw up in Amber's trash can. She also tried to fuck my girlfriend, but I forgave her. At that particular party, which was New Year's, they cut Lucie off as far as alcohol, and we were both in Amber's room playing Nintendo or something and I had a beer. I was gonna sneak her some, so she got up and crawled over to me on her knees. So I've got this beer on my lap and she's on her knees in front of me going for it. What happens next?? My girlfriend walks in, thinks Lucie's going down on me, and goes back into the living room. That was some funny shit. Oh yeah, later me and Alison had sex in Amber's room. I love rubbing that in Amber's face. Meanwhile, her and Adam are busy in her mom's bed. Wait, why am I telling you this shit? It's not even part of the fucking story. Anyways, yeah, Lucie's great. That's Mike on the left. He's not that bad. He's a cool guy, but....weird. I don't know. These two didn't get drunk that night. What a shame...

Okay, so we all finally settle down to sleep. It's about 6 in the morning. I called the couch earlier, so I'm there, Adam and Amber are laying together, and Tonya's beside Adam on the floor. We put in Halloween and watched it. That's a weird ass movie when you're drunk. Not scary at all, just weird. I had just thrown up for the first time. Adam had brought me some water while I was sitting in front of the toilet. It wouldn't come up so he gave me some Doritos...just looking at the bag made me puke. So we're laying down and watching the movie. I close my eyes to try and get some sleep for work later. Then I hear this wet, gross kinda sound coming from the floor. First I thought Adam and Amber were making out or whatever. Big deal, they're drunk. But then I hear Amber say, "Are you sure he's asleep?" I freak out because as you know, you can't talk when you've got your tongue down someone's throat. So naturally I figured the obvious...and you know what I'm talking about. Wet, smacking noises...uh huh. But it turned out he was just fingering her, while keeping a keen eye on me, making sure I didn't wake up. Weak, dude. It's like my brother and sister fucking around.

So I wake up twenty minutes before I have to go to work. I jump up, still feeling sick, and go to the bathroom to change into my work clothes and put in my contacts. No time for a shower. I get in my car, but Amber's blocking me in so Adam moves her car for me, I wave and go to work. On the way there, I notice...yep, I'm STILL drunk. I got there okay though. The chick that I was working with that day answered the backdoor and when I saw her it was like looking into a mirror. TWO people working with a hangover. It sucked. She got better later in the afternoon, but I couldn't keep anything down. It was horrible. I tried Sprite, I threw that up, pink lemonade just reminded me of the coronas, threw them up. I didn't eat until 8 o'clock that night. My cigarettes even tasted like vodka. It was horrible. But I got over it, and I can still drink vodka. Thank the lordy lordy! (Thanks for the saying, Squirt). The Squirt I'm referring to is my girlfriend's little sister...like you give a damn. She's cute and says weird shit like that.

So that concludes my first rant. I don't doubt it was kinda boring for you guys to read. This is the only non-controversial topic that will be posted here. I promise. Unless something really cool happens and I have to tell you guys about it. Send in those emails. More to come...

We got in line at the same time two of my old friends from my junior year of high school, both named Jennifer. One of which I tried to get up with over summer school SAT prep, but I'm glad I didn't. She's a total slut. She still has a crush on me, though. She made a reference to us being married or something. No one laughed because it wasn't funny, but she did. Anyway, we let them get their tickets first, then Adam goes in front of me. Not only was he not carded, but he got a student discount without his student ID. We did it! We were in! I got my ticket and we all went in together. The guy tore our tickets and we headed for the door.

Of course there were ushers at the door, but there always are when a movie just opens. They hold the door for the guests and what not. I had to do that a few times. One of the people there, however, was Erin. I worked with Erin while I was there. We were good friends. She stopped Adam when he tried to go in, asking for his ID. He walks back to her smiling. He knew her. She knew him. That was obvious. What I didn't know, however, was that Erin was Adam's ex-girlfriend. One of many, actually. This is a loose transcript of the conversation between the three of us. The two Jennifers eventually left us there and went inside:

Erin: Can I see your ID, sir?

Adam: I got my stub right here.

Erin: I didn't ask for your stub. I need to see your ID or you can't go in.

Adam: Erin, you know how old I am.

Erin: I'm sorry, if you don't have your ID then that gentleman at the desk will refund your ticket.

Adam: But I'm older than you!

Erin: That man will refund your ticket

Adam storms off towards the lobby

Me: Erin, you totally kicked him out! What are you doing?!

Erin: I have to do my job! I'm a supervisor now!

Me: Yeah, I saw. It's about time. But why couldn't you let him in? He's 17, dude!

Erin: They're watching me!

Me: Ugh, fine. Later.

They were not watching her. I only saw one manager walk by during the conversation, and he is the most incompident one there. He doesn't care about anything. When we got our refunds, I was talking to the girl who was giving me mine. She was a friend of mine too. The biggest dickhead of all the managers at that place was standing right beside her, so I made sure he heard this:

Me: Hey!

Adrienne: Hey Will.

Me: I need a refund.

Adrienne: Aw, how come?

Me: Because my friend didn't have his ID so Erin wouldn't let him in the movie.

Adrienne: Ugh, you know better. You worked here.

Me: But Julie sold him a ticket without asking for ID, so it's her fault! What's up with that anyway? Why are you guys not carding minors? That's not cool. What's up with that, Adrienne?

Adrienne: Julie?

Me: Yeah, she didn't card him. She didn't card anyone.

Adrienne: Oh...here you go. See you later.

Me: Okay, bye.

The dick manager looked over when I said she didn't card him. Hopefully she got chewed out. Someone had to pay, and I couldn't get Erin since she was doing what she was supposed. Still though, she could have done it for me. So, I didn't get to see the movie. Instead we went to his house, ate dinner, rented American Psycho and Ready to Rumble and went to Amber's. It was still a good evening, I have to admit. Later I found out that Adam had cheated on Erin with his previous girlfriend before her while they were going out. I'm just glad none of my ex's live anywhere near me anymore.

From: Jamie < thetachick@yahoo.com >

To: willstabu@hotmail.com

Subject: Addition to Killers link

Date: Wed, Oct 4, 2000

My name is Jamie and I am a senior at Washburn University in Kansas (you know Toto and shit). I was looking for information on a paper that I am writing for my Movies and Music class and came across your kick ass site. I really liked the bitch forum because we all have to release some time. There is just one thing: I am really shocked that you have not added Pennywise, the IT horror character to your list of Killers. First off given your phobia of clowns (did you ever see this movie? It may be why you are scared of the horrifying freaks) I am shocked it is not on there at all. But even with out your bed wetting fear, this movie rocked and made every audience member urnite on themselves. I can not look in a ditch to this day and McDonald's now has a whole new meaning to me.

So that is my rant on why it is an injustice to the horror flick genre with the absence of PennyWise to the Killers list - matter of fact, he deserves his own page! But that is a task that can be tackled later... Keep up the good work and have a great HALLOWEEN!

Jamie

Thanks for the rant, Jamie. She's absolutely right. Due to his perverse scary nature, Pennywise will join the cast of the "Killers" page.

Newbie Webmasters - Not all of them are bad. Let me explain. The Webmasters I'm talking about are the guys and/or girls that work all day on their brand new horror movie site. Their inspiration is people similar to them. For an example, a guy that started a page about...what, 3 years ago? Well, this site gives them some AWESOME ideas, so they rush over to angelfire or geocities or whatever, and start their own. And quite coincidentily, their site's various pages mirror that other guy's site to an extreme! And now that they're finished with their masterpiece, they email the guy, asking him to check out, and even link, their site! Well, upon receiving the email, the somewhat experienced webmaster visits the newbie's site with an open mind. He's interested in what ORIGINAL ideas the newbie has come up with. Well, once he's visited and browsed through the site, he notices that the pages are EXACTLY the same as his. Not only that, but the pictures featured on said pages strongly resemble the ones on his site. This angers the webmaster. It angers him for a variety of reasons. For one, he feels taken advantage of. His ideas were stolen. And secondly, the audasity of the newbie to rip off the man's page and then ask him to come see the stolen material, saying that them themselves created it all by themselves. The moral of the story kiddies: DON'T BLATANTLY STEAL MY PICS AND PAGES AND THEN EMAIL ME ASKING ME TO CHECK OUT YOUR AWESOME NEW SITE AND TELLING YOU WHAT I THINK!

From: Jamie < thetachick@yahoo.com >

To: willstabu@hotmail.com

Subject: Addition to Killers link

Date: Wed, Oct 4, 2000

What has the haunted house thriller come to? I watched, for the first time mind you, "House on Haunted Hill" and "Haunting". I had waited this long because I figured they were shitless. I was right! It is homecoming week here and we all deicided to watch some flicks while waiting for our float to "dry" - we just wanted an excuse to drink beer and watch some crazy shit. So one of the frat guys had these two movies. Random choices for a cold night, but maybe he wanted to be Chester the Molester - which is even scarier than the freakin movies. Anyway. So we are watching this dumb movie ("Haunting") were little kids heads are turning on the bed and a picture is being demonic - ohhhhhh - I am scared - some one hold me. Then, after Jes and I bitched for the whole movie about how retarded it was, we watched "House on Haunted Hill". I have always wanted to waste two hours watching a movie where the true plot does not show up until the last five minutes of the movie. And, tip for the dumb ass directers and producers of this mind number - if you want to scare people, do not end the SOB with sappy "Full House" music and a "Titanic"-worthy sunrise. It pretty much squelches all the fear and vivid nightmares. I then went on and ragged on Chester the Molester because by the looks of his hands, the ending to the movie in his mind was a soft porn.

I remember being scared of haunted houses - being as I live next to Stull, the supposed seventh gateway to hell. But lately, these cheap renditions that are meant to scare you only make me cry. I miss a great scary movie. I loved "scream" for that reason. It was the first one in a long time that did not make my ass go numb. But even it is getting old now since I have seen it about 300 times. Any suggestions?

Well, it is almost time for me to o over and start on the float again. And have a few more flaming Dr. Peppers!!! Those are kick ass - try them some day.

Jamie

Christ, she rambles as much as I do! It's all good though. We get along. The only thing I have to offer to this is that, yes, these movies were pretty lame, but House on Haunted Hill had it's freaky moments. It bothered me a bit. Oh yeah, and flaming Dr. Pepper's ARE good!!

You have to admit, the site DOES looks pretty cheap. Anyone can accomplish what I've put up here. The only thing that's "original" is the wit I've come up with to give the site a persona. I changed the title of the site on the opening page. I'm pretty happy with it. Looks more...menacing...I guess you could say. There will be more changes. Some good, some bad. Some pages will be dropped, some will be erected. Some will suck, some will rock. The determining factors are if I put enough effort into it, and if you guys like it. Here are some the changes I have in mind:

Sub-page Design: As I'm sure you all have noticed, all of the subpages have the same, basic design. Each has its own topic of interest, then as you go down the page, you are presented with an image, then a caption right below it; each one seperated by a banner of some sort. Sometimes not, but you get the idea. The challenge I pose for myself is to create a unique design for each individual page. This, in effect, will provide more variety and will be more entertaining. See, I take care of you guys.

Hopefully all of these will be executed within the month's end. Unfortunately the little blue pills I was under the influence of earlier have worn off and I've lost motivation. But the site's been bothering me, so either way it'll get done.

The story begins about 6 months ago, I'd say. I walk into drama class right after lunch, probably with Adam. I would usually bump into him in the hall before we got to the room. We walk in and instead of Mrs. Thompson, our loveable, semi-tolerant teacher, there's this old black woman sitting at her desk. I automatically think to myself, and probably mumble under my breath, "Fucking Christ, a sub..." Drama substitutes suck hard ass, if you don't know. Drama was so fun because there was only 8 of us and we were all best friends, so it was more leasure than class, really. And it was second year drama, so Mrs. Thompson knew us all; she knew how to handle us. I'll give you an example. Okay, usually if you say "fuck" or "shit" in one of your high school classes you either get scolded or if worse comes to worse, detention. Not with Mrs. Thompson. You get knocked upside the head. That's why I love her. Actually she'd only hit me and Adam, while she'd just take points off of the girls' class averages (I got points too, a shitload, but she never took them off).

So anyway, there's this sub. When you have a drama sub, you're going to have a shitty assignment that day. We did, but somehow, I don't know how, but we lied to the sub and told her we'd rather do some acting exercises. That being bullshit, we all sat in the corner and talked for an hour and a half. I think she sat there and read. But before that, she attempted to make small talk with us. Here's where it gets cool. I don't know how she came about talking about her son-in-law, but she did. This was a long time ago, but I'll try to recreate our convo with her:

Sub: He's an actor. He's been in a few movies, but he's done a lot of stage work too. (Brain Fart! That's how it came about. It being an acting class, she talked about an acting relative. I'm retarded)

Me: Oh yeah? Do we know him? What's his name?

Sub: Tony Todd. He was in that movie with the guy with the hook.

Me: Candyman!

Sub: Yeah, that's it.

Jenn: Oh cool!

No one really gave a fuck. If they did, it was only for a few brief seconds. Anyway, we talked for a little while longer, then retired to the corner. I think I was sitting with Jenn and Adam. Amber, Jessica, and Dawn were off somewhere else. Don't really remember. To make a long story short, she turned into uber-bitch shortly after. I got yelled at for having my feet up on my desk. Okay, first off, I never actually sat in a chair in high school. I just didn't. I'm not comfortable that way. I've got to find some weird way of doing it. So she yelled at me for that. That's when I hated her. A few minutes later, Jenn noticed a cricket crawling on the ceiling. Her being a girl and me being a pussy, we flip out, not wanting it to fall on us. Adam knocks it down, I think, so now it's on the floor. I blurt out, "Kill it! Kill it!". What can I say, I hate bugs. Then from off in the corner, the Sub goes, "Don't kill it! It didn't do anything to you! Let it outside!" So I get yelled at for being "heartless". I wasn't the only one getting yelled at. Everyone was. If you're on the edge of your seat right now, we let it outside. I think it lost a leg in the process. Oh well.

I don't mean to be an asshole. I'm sure she's a nice person or whatever, but she's not suited to manage a classroom full of kids. And remember, this class was hardly "full" in any sense of the word. Maybe full of shit, but that's beside the point. I don't want someone related to or friends with the family to read this and become offended. It was a long time ago and I don't really give a shit now. High school in general is retarded. Too many rules; everyone's too uptight. That's why college is so cool. The teachers can't give you detention or suspend you or anything. But they can fail you...but...shit...whatever.

Stupid People - You know who I'm talking about. However, "stupid" is a very broad word. There are many classifications of these people. First off, there's the guys and gals who are just plain retarded. It's like they never went to school, and if they did, they spent most of their time with their thumb up their ass. Figuratively speaking, of course. It's impossible to have a meaningful conversation with them. They'd end up lying in a ditch, dead if it weren't for that one redeeming quality; they're hot. And that's usually the only reason people talk to them. They want to tap that ass. But then, of course, are those poor souls who are ugly as fuck and will end up working some shit job the rest of their lives, socializing only with people in the same predictament as them. I see these people everyday when I go get something to eat. It's sad.

Then you have the people who act stupid. They're full of lame ass jokes and incessant chattering. They'd be decent human beings if they'd just shut the hell up. And they're almost always nerds. Some talk to themselves, some don't. I've seen it, it's disturbing. They're such charity cases. There's some sympathy for them, though. They're usually unpopular and gross or something along those lines. Repellent, that's a good word. And you know what's even sadder? When these people get shitty grades in school. You'd think all those hours of having nothing to do they'd get some god damn work done, but that's not the case. I hate these people.

I've come to a sad realization. I know nothing of the genre these days. Two possible reasons: 1) it's moving too fast for me to care, or 2) I've grown out of it. Both, I think. I used to be on top of everything back in the day, but now? Shit, as far as this site's concerned, Jason X is still a glimmer in Hodder's eye. So here's my only choice of action:

No more horror. Well, not completely. Instead of just focusing on horror, the site will be more of a potluck. It will consist of rants similiar to these on things like movie reviews, emails I get from visitors of the site, and things of the such. Instead of informing, the site will be here to make you laugh. Sounds lame, but it'll work. And it's not like you have much say, anyway. I'll start reconstructing soon. "Soon" meaning when I feel like it. I'm such a lazy fuck. Until then...

My whining aside, I come back to my account here at Angelfire and notice that they've given me like 45 more megabytes to work with. That's pretty damn impressive. And that also means that I don't have to restort to tearing any of the current pages down. YES! The Bitch Forum lives! Live with it.

The semester is coming to an end with two weeks left. I'm leaving behind dozens of new friends and a girlfriend. Am I sad? Fuck no! Dude, I miss home. I love it here and all, don't get me wrong. And I love all my friends and what not, but home is so much...BETTER. I have closer friends there, I have a car, I have my nice bed, I have parents to mooch money off of, I have a shitload of perks. Once I get home, we're going to start shooting my movie. I'm going to see my high school friends graduate. And I'm going to try and not have sex with my ex (Sounds retarded, I know, but really, I can't). Tons of fun. But most of this doesn't start until June. So that means I've got mad lazy time. Which also means updates may start to pick up here. I'm not promising, so if I don't come through, it's not my fault. I'd much rather play snood.