Rejection

I’ve never put my neck out before, I’ve always known that I would not enjoy the sensation of the guillotine ripping through my spine and leaving me a lifeless lump. I did it this time though, for the first time I asked someone out, and the answer was no.

I have struggled repeatedly to write this entry, to put into words what I am feeling now. I’ve never been in this situation before, never actually been rejected before. This form of torture is both new, and significant. I feel hollowness in my stomach, spreading from there to my entire body, a void sucking in life, and returning nothing. In that void a creature screams, it claws at my insides, attempting to find a way out, to release itself in the world. Were that beast released, it would consume me. The black hearted monster would shred the barriers I have in place to protect myself, and leave me vulnerable to others as I know I can never be.

I was right. Putting yourself on the line like that is a bad idea, and entirely too painful to ever be worth the risk. To all of you who said to "How bad could it be?" I at last have a response: "Kiss my ass!"

Bitterly yours,

James