An explantation on my dancing habits.
I am not a good dancer. When I relax I can be about average, but that's as good as it gets. This doesn't mean I don't like dancing, I do, but it means that I am self conscious while I'm dancing.
What happens when I get self conscious about my dancing? It get's worse. Once it starts getting worse I start getting more self conscious, and suddenly you've got a endless loop where I my knees start shaking and I start wishing for a way to become invisible.
With me so far?
I do dance at clubs, but it takes a certain situation to make me comfortable enough to do so.
Examples:
Bryan and I go to night clubs a lot, and I dance like a lunatic. Hell, a couple days ago on a club trip with Bryan I was actually dancing on stage and feeling pretty confident about it.
Why can I dance at these clubs with Bryan? Because he knows just about everything about me, everything good and bad. Bryan is probably the only person I trust not to judge me in any way. I know he's always on my side, and even if he did think my dancing was bad he wouldn't really care.
Renuka and I danced a lot at a recent Barrymores outting, and it was a lot of fun. I didn't dance as wild as I might when I'm out with Bryan, but that was mostly because I was surrounded by my ORC friends, and I'm not nearly as comfortable with them as I am with her.
Why could I dance with Renuka? Because she was not having a good time, and I knew I could help. She was surrounded by people she didn't know, and getting more bored by the moment. If I hadn't set aside my personal fears she would have had a miserable time. Instead we both danced a lot, and I hope she had a great time.
Laurie used to come to Barrymores a lot, and I always danced with her.
Why? Because she was there to see me, and if I didn't dance she wouldn't have had any fun. As her host it was my responsibility to make sure she had a good time, so I did.
There are other people I have, and have not danced with over the years, but I figure by this point the only one my readers will be concerned about is Lisa.
I don't know yet if I can dance with Lisa. Maybe. I doubt I'll ever really know. Every time I see her at a club she's got one or two friends with her, and I don't dance with groups. My ORC friends would love it if I did, but I don't. When I'm dancing I need to focus on one person so that I don't notice that I'm surrounded by people who might be watching. Bryan, Renuka, Laurie, or any of the others I've danced with over the years have all had one thing in common, it was just the two of us.
I know Lisa well enough to know that she's going to say that's just an excuse, but it's true. I've never danced in groups, there is nobody I can focus on when dancing in a group and there are all those other people there. I know they are not really watching me, but it always feels like they are.
So Lisa, here it is. I'll make you a deal. If you want me to dance then you and I will go to a club sometime, but nobody else we know will be comming along. I won't promise to dance, I'm a coward, so it's quite possible that I won't be able to. I will promise to try, and I will promise that you will have a good time either way. It's the same gamble I offered you long ago, it's your call.