Mike Owens
Husbands, love your wifes,
As stated earlier, the difference to be observed is not "real" love verses emotion or attraction, or love verses desire, the difference to be observed is love verses lust. This can be seen in the actions taken by the person demonstrating or initiating the action, and by the motives involved. Basically, love and lust are two sides of the same coin. Cain and Able both brought sacrifices to God in worship. Cain brought his out of selfish motives and his offering was rejected by God, Able brought his out of unselfish motives and his was received by God. This is the basic difference between love and lust: love looks at the needs or desires of the other person, lust looks at the needs and desires of self.To show this, I wish now to look at one passage:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13Love is patient: Lust is instant
To be patient means to have a long-spirit, or to not lose heart. In love we are to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others, to be mild and slow in avenging, to be long suffering, slow in anger, slow to punish.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. IIPe 3:9When this verse was written, time was measured in lifetimes. It often took months to travel long distances. It could take a whole day to travel the distance we now travel in an hour or less. Patience, in this regard, takes on a whole new meaning. Today we live in a society of instant gratification: Fast food, microwave ovens, instant coffee, you name it. We can travel around the whole world in a single day. We are also taught that love is this way, in the movies, on TV citcoms, in popular books. Why wait, you can have it now! Get it now, while supplies last! Yesterday is past, tomorrow is uncertain, live for today. Love is willing to wait for the other person, even if the other person never returns that love. Lust wants everything now.
Love gives a second chance. Lust insists on instant revenge.
To help understand this better, look at the following illustration. Love always starts with attraction. Attraction is different things for different people, but it's what first gets you to notice the other person, gets you thinking about that person, gets you wanting to know that person better. This is where friendship comes in. Love should always start with friendship. With this foundation, love can grow and mature into something beautiful.
Love is kind: Lust is cruel.
The word used here for kind is only used once in the New Testament. It describes action rather then attitude. It is someone showing kindness towards others, someone willing to accept the wishes, decisions or suggestions of others. If someone is not showing kindness towards others, if someone is not willing to accept the wishes, decisions or suggestions of others, then they are NOT showing kindness.
Love is not envious: Lust is jealous.
This means to burn or boil with desire. You can burn with desire and not envy. You can burn with desire and not be wrong. The difference is all in the attitude of the desire.
You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. Ja 4:2-3Love is not boastful: Lust shows pride.
The word boast is only used once in the entire New Testament, yet is has the meaning of bragging. Bragging always shows an attitude of pride, not the pride of accomplishment, but the vain pride of conceit. It is the puffing up of the chest, the looking down on others as less then yourself. If love is to show pride at all, it will always be in the other person.
Love is not rude: Lust is always disrespectful.
To be rude is to act unbecomingly, or to act in a manner which detracts from your character or reputation. To act in such a way as to show disrespect to the other person, or to bring shame to the other person.
If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 1Co 7:36Love is not self-seeking: Lust always looks after "number one"!
The word here for self-seeking shows a desire to seek after something through any means possible: to seek in order to find (Mt 7:7), to seek through thinking or reasoning (Jn 16:19); to strive for something (Mt 26:16); to demand something (Mk 8:12). The difference here between self-seeking, and legitimate seeking is attitude: is it for YOU or for your partner?
Love is not angered: Lust angers easily.
This is the irritation or provoking you feel to anger. This is knowing which "buttons" to push to bring the other person into a state of agitation. This also has some very pertinent meanings. It means to scorn or despise someone, to make someone angry, to exasperate someone, or to burn with anger yourself. Love always overlooks the provokings of the other person in favor of justice and righteousness, Lust always takes offense and becomes angry easily.
Love overlooks wrongs: Lust remembers all wrongs.
Do you remember each time your partner offends you? Do you remember each slight, each criticism, each reproach, each ridicule your partner speaks? Do you keep tally of all the wrongs committed by your partner? This is not love, this is lust! What happened yesterday is history. What happens today needs to be dealt with. What happens tomorrow is out of our control, and needs our prayers, not our judgment.
Love does not delight in evil: Lust delights only in self.
To rejoice or delight in something. This should not require further explanation, but, in case there is doubt, this means to be totally and happily in favor of the results of a given situation. To delight in evil is to delight in injustice, to delight in unrighteousness, to delight in a deed violating a law or a common morale In other words, to want that which you should not have because YOU desire it!!
Then Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Jesus to them. They were delighted to hear this and promised to give him money. So he watched for an opportunity to hand him over. Mk 14:11-12Love always protects: Lust always betrays.
Love always protects by covering up an offense through silence. It hides and excuses, or bears, the errors and faults of the other person. It overlooks the injustice by the other person and gives the benefit of the doubt in any situation. :lust broadcasts everything bad about the other person to make the ME look good. Love always trusts: Lust always doubts.
This refers to the persuasion you have that a given topic is true. This is what lies behind accepting Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. This is what tells you, no matter what others say, this is the truth. This is the belief that, no matter what, your partner is always right, and all others are wrong. Lust, being naturally jealous, believes what is reported to him automatically, and without reservation, until YOU prove otherwise.
Love always hopes: Lust always questions.
This is not hopeful thinking or wishing, this is a knowledge that, what you are hoping for is going to happen. It is an assured thing, even though it may be sometime in the future. Lust deals in the here-and-now, therefore the future does not exist for lust.
Love perseveres: Lust flees at the first sign of trouble.
Do you endure all things for the sake of love? Do you abide faithfully, without receding, without pulling away from the one you love? Do you endure all obstacles in your path for the sake of love? Then you persevere in love.
Love never fails: Lust fails often.
People who "fall in love", can also "fall" out of love. People who "fall in love" don't really fall in love, but fall in lust. Lust is the physical desires centered around the enjoyment of self. Therefore, it is easy to fall out of lust when things aren't going to your liking. Love always seeks the pleasure of the other person, so there is no "falling" involved. Love will always be there, no matter what.
What is love? Love is the deliberate choice to allow another person into your life. This is a deliberate decision of the mind to love someone, no matter what. This is a love of choice. To accept someone unconditionally, to receive all their flaws, as well as all their gifts and perfections. This is a giving love and is not dependent on the other person. It is putting the other person first. Love is giving yourself to the other person totally, even to the point of death. Love is affection, the affection of best friends, the affection of parent and child, the affection of brother and sister. Love is the warm fuzzies you get. Love is desire or hunger, desiring to experience the other person totally, the love of arousal, the erotic love of passion. To touch them, to be touched by them, to taste them, to smell them, to hear them sigh or laugh or cry or moan, It is a purposeful craving or hunger for something or someone. Love, like God, like man, is tri-fold, body (physical), soul (emotional) and spirit (intellectual). For love to be total, just as for God to be total, or man to be total, all components must be there, all aspects must be engaged.
An Added Note
On a somewhat different tact, God has given each of us a specific personality or temperament, our God-given, inborn ‘nature’. This personality or temperament is unchangeable, but there is enough variation within each personality or temperament to make some changes in how we react to this personality. For instance: I am a Melancholy-Supine personality or temperament.
The Melancholy is an introvert - a loner. It is okay to be the way God made you when you are living out of the strengths of your temperament and not the weaknesses. Not everyone wants to be the life of the party - or even be at the party. Melancholies approach very few people for association and they do not like to be approached for association. This is not to say a Melancholy cannot or will not participate in social activities. They are just selective with whom they socialize.