The cover of the premier edition of Green Scene

Green Scene I

Welcome to the premier edition of Green Scene. We will be publishing a new issue for every home game of this coming season. For those of you new who may be new to following Mayo League soccer let us take a moment to enlighten you as to what actually does go on down in Abbeytown every second Sunday of the Summer months. Crossmolina AFC have been in existence for the last 8 years since June 1992. We play in the Mayo Premier League which is the second best division in Mayo, superseded only by the Super League which was launched last year. We have been relatively successful over the years with appearances in Tuohy Cup and Tonra Cup Finals. We won promotion from the old Second Division to the new Premier League in 1997. We have consistently maintained a squad of 30 players each season which makes for great competition in the team once manager Bert Carolan has to name his side. We began the 2000 season last weekend with a defeat at Ballina Town in the Tuohy Cup (see page 2), and this season’s league starts on April 16 with a home game vs Erris United. There will be 9 home games in the league due to it being a 10 team league and hopefully we can get a cup run going to add to that games total! The season is due to finish on October 1st with the showpiece of Mayo soccer, the Allied Irish Bank Mayo League Cup final.So now you know a bit more about us don’t be shy to come down and shout your support with everybody else. The home fixtures are printed at the foot of this page so we would appreciate you taking the time to come and support us and hopefully we can give you something to shout about!

Sunday April 16 Erris United 11.30

Sunday May 21 Bangor Hibs 2.30

Sunday June 11 Lacken 11.30

Saturday June 24 Conn Rangers 7.30

Saturday July 15 Ballina Town 7.30

Saturday July 29 Glenisland United 7.30

Sunday August 20 Claremorris 11.30

Saturday September 2 Ballyvary Blue Bombers 7pm

Sunday September 24 Achill Rovers 11.30

Strange sights this week

John O’Malley playing a full game

2/3 of our Canavan contingent limping off the field injured

Darren Walsh being denied a sub’s appearance due to an error on the ref’s card

Figgy....back again!(Thank God)

Steven Canavan coming off worse in a tackle

Spare a thought

If you are one of those people who believes that but for bad luck you would have no luck at all, you may be consoled by this story, which illustrates that there is always someone worse off than you. In all his years with Crossmolina AFC Mark Loftus has gained a reputation as being goal shy; an infrequent scorer. So as the 2000 season kicked off in torrential rain on this April 2nd nobody at the club expected any prolific marksmanship from Mark. But less than 10 minutes into the League Cup tie with Castlebar United Mark shocked us all by poaching the first goal of the game. Unfortunately his joy was short-lived as the referee decided to abandon the game shortly after due to the pitch being unplayable. So Mark’s goal is struck from the record books and the first goal of the millennium was scored by Paul Flaherty instead a week later!

Just for laughs

What have you got if you come across a United fan buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

Why is the Anfield Grass so green?

Because every week they put millions of pounds worth of s#*t on it.

Why did Graham Taylor go to Argos?

It's the only place he could pick up Premier points.

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up.Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone." "What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God. "No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"

What do you say to a Scouser with a job? Big Mac please.

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Words of Wisdom

As players with Crossmolina AFC we have become accustomed to pearls of wisdom over the years, thanks to Bert Carolan, but even Bert would have been proud of these profound musings!

- I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered - George Best.

Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams... - Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia.

I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones - Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992.

If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent - Bryan Robson, Man U, 1990.

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.

I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs... - Andy Gray, Sky Sport.

It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday. - Radio 5 Live.

Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money. - Newcastle United Fan, Radio 5 Live.

I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it. - Alan Ball.

Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different. - Trevor Brooking.

Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead. - Tom Ferrie.

And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley......unless somebody knocks us out. - Dave Bassett.

And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds. - Peter Jones.

If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers. - Mick Lyons.

He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head - Derek Johnstone, BBC TV Scotland, 1994.

The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did - Barry Davies, 1975.

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel - Stuart Pearce, 1992.

Jimmy Hill: Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?

Terry Venables: I think it'sfifty-fifty.

There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch - Ron Atkinson lauds Gordon Strachan, 39.

If I walked on water, my accusers would say it is because I can't swim. - Berti Vogts, Germany coach.

You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey - Arrigo Sacchi, Italy coach, defending a meagre playing record.

I was about to say, before something far more interesting interrupted... - John Motson, France v Bulgaria.

The only way we will be going to Europe is if the club splash out and take us all to Eurodisney - Dean Holdsworth, Wimbledon.

If the players want to make it hard for me, I am happy to make it twice as hard for them - Wendy Toms, the first female referee to officiate in a professional game.

The score is Sunderland nil, Leicester nil, the temperature is nil and the entertainment value is not much above nil. - Sunderland v Leicester, Radio 5 Live.

I think having Wasps around here as well gives us that little buzz around the place - Ray Wilkins on the QPR-Wasps groundshare.

It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up. - Ian Wright on the Arsenal captain's confession to alcoholism.

Quote of the Week

"We are being beaten by an under-16s team". 

Crossmolina fan during embarrassing defeat to a rather youthful Ballina Town