Chapter 10: What Do You Propose?


Within a couple of minutes of the soldiers' departure, the 
jailkeep started snoring deeply, the open magazine on his chest, 
his arms dangling by his sides, and his head laying back at what 
looked to be a very uncomfortable angle.  With every great 
outrush of breath his moustache flew upwards with the breeze.  

In the cell, Shrek stood, holding a despondent Fiona in his arms, 
her head resting on his chest.  They both looked up 
lackadaisically when the snoring began and then over at its 
source.  Shrek gave a short derisive snort, and to his side 
Donkey commented sarcastically, "Well, there ya go, Duloc's 
finest!"

Then, from behind them, Shrek heard another sound.  A metallic 
scratching sound.  Fiona apparently heard it, too, as they both 
turned their heads together toward the back wall of the cell.  
Hood was standing on one of the cell's two cots, reaching into 
its one small recessed window.   There were two bars set in the 
yard-deep opening, older and thinner than the ones at the front 
of the cell, and Hood was sawing at the base of one of them with 
a small file.  He was timing his activity so that he only sawed 
when the jailkeep released one of his great snores, so as to 
disguise the file's sound.  Fortunately, these were long, 
frequent, and loud.

Shrek released Fiona and the two ogres approached the bandit.  
"Where the blazes did ye get THAT?" Shrek whispered. 

"Didn't they search you before they locked you up?" Fiona added.

"Mai oui," Hood whispered back.

"Then how..." she said.

Hood paused and looked back at her.  Then he smiled and gestured 
over to a small tray sitting in a corner of the cell.  It held 
what were apparently the remains of Hood's dinner that evening, 
including the torn-apart remnants of a loaf-shaped muffin.  Hood 
said, "It zeems, Mon Cherie, zat zee person who provides food to 
zee prisoners is one of my many sympathizers, or at least a 
sympathizer against zee tyrant who ruled zis place."

"But who?" she asked.  "Who is it?  Do you know?"

Hood nodded back to the tray and then, as he turned back to his 
work, said softly, "Zee muffin man."

"The muffin man?" Fiona asked.

"Zee muffin man," he repeated.

Fiona frowned and turned to Shrek.  "Do YOU know the muffin man?"

"No," Shrek answered crisply, then took a step forward and leaned 
over Hood's shoulder -- not needing the height of the cot to do 
so -- and watched as the thief worked.  It seemed that the robber 
had already managed to cut all the way through the bottom of one 
of the bars earlier in the evening, and was now most of the way 
through the other.

"Wait a minute," Fiona said to Hood, "you just said MON cherie -- 
just like in the woods."

Hood paused in his work as he and Shrek looked back at her.  She 
was standing there, hands on her hips, one eyebrow raised as she 
stared at the bandit with a look like a school marm who had 
caught a student cheating.

"I'm zorry," Hood said, glancing quickly to Shrek, "I ded not 
mean anything by eet --"

"You had the gender form wrong!" she declared, "It should have 
been feminine -- it should have been 'MA cherie'!"

Hood bit his lip, looking a bit worried, but Shrek just shook his 
head.  "So?" he asked her, "'MON', 'MA', what's the big deal?"

"That's just it!" she said, "It WOULDN'T be a big deal to you or 
me.  But it would to a FRENCHMAN.  It would be second nature to 
him.  That is ..." here she crossed her arms and looked at Hood 
accusatorily as she continued, "IF the person using the word were 
really FRENCH."

Shrek looked over at Hood and cocked an eyebrow.  "Ain't ye 
really French?" he asked.

"Well ... I ... er ..." Hood stammered, smiling nervously.  Then he 
heaved a great sigh and said, now in an obvious English accent, 
"Oh, bloody blazes.   NO, I'm not."

Shrek's eyes opened wide in surprise, but then quickly narrowed.  
"Then why the pretense?"

"Well, old boy, if you MUST know," the robber responded, 
continuing in the English dialect that sounded much more natural 
for him, "the French accent tends to arouse the ladies' -- shall 
we say, 'romantic' impulses -- more than the proper English 
voice.  Although why the damsels prefer frog-speak is, frankly 
beyond me."

"Waitaminute," Donkey chimed in, "didn't I hear somewhere that 
you already had your OWN lady ... whatsername ... uh --"

"Marion," Shrek concluded for him.  "Yeah.  Maid Marion.  I read 
about that, too.  What about HER?"

"That's just it, old chap," Hood responded, "she insists on 
remaining a MAID, unless we first go through the 'MARION' part, 
if you catch my drift.  Eh, wot?"  Hood smiled, winked, and poked 
Shrek mischievously in the tummy with his elbow, but the ogre 
frowned and looked back at him disapprovingly.  Then the bandit 
heard a low, deep-throated growl to his side.  He slowly looked 
over to see Fiona still standing there, her arms still crossed, 
but now glaring at him with an expression that made Shrek's 
disapproving gaze look absolutely benevolent.

Meanwhile, Donkey stood by, staring off into space with one 
eyebrow cocked and a perplexed expression on his face,  
"'Marion'?" he repeated to himself, still trying to figure out 
the allusion.

"Uh, well, back to work!" Hood laughed nervously.  He quickly 
turned and started filing again with renewed energy, but not as 
carefully.  After a few seconds, when he was nearly through the 
bottom bar, he fumbled the file.  He tried to grab it but missed.  
Then from the darkness outside they heard it clatter against 
stones, then clatter against metal, then the clattering ceased 
altogether. 

The robber slowly turned to see Shrek's frowning visage fill his 
view.  Hood stammered, "Uh ... oops?" and smiled a forced little 
smile.

"Oh, for the love of Pete!" Shrek growled, "Get outta the way!"  
Hood lept off of the cot as Shrek moved over, reached into the 
little window, and grabbed the first bar, the one that Hood had 
cut all the way through.  The ogre gave a great groan as he 
pulled back on it.  At first there was nothing, but then after a 
few seconds dust and then small fragments of stone started 
trickling down from where the top of the bar was still encased in 
the window frame, and then suddenly it pulled free.  "Gotcha!" 
Shrek said ebulliently.  He nearly tossed it aside, then a 
particularly loud snore from the jailkeep reminded him of the 
situation, and he laid the bar down on the cot.  

Shrek reached back into the window and took hold of the one 
remaining bar, the one not quite cut all the way through.  He 
pulled and tugged, but the thing refused to budge.  Then Shrek 
heard the frame of the cot groan as a new weight was added to it 
-- a considerable weight.  He looked over and found himself 
staring into Fiona's deep blue eyes.

"Need some help?" she asked, smiling, and without waiting for an 
answer reached in with her left hand and grasped the bar just 
above where Shrek was holding it with his right.  Suddenly one of 
the legs of the cot gave a little, and the cot shuttered, nearly 
collapsing.  Fiona gave a short, low shriek as she fell against 
Shrek, and each instinctively threw their free arm around the 
back of the other to steady her position.  The cot held, but so 
did the ogres, pressed against each other and holding each other 
tightly, the height of the cot bringing Fiona to eye level with 
Shrek.  They looked into each other's faces again, just inches 
apart ... and just continued staring for a few seconds.

Eventually Shrek nodded toward the window.  "Let's do it," he 
said.

"Glad to," Fiona responded, a coy smile playing at the side of 
her mouth.

The two ogres then both turned toward the window and started 
pulling and prying at the remaining bar.  After about a minute 
the bottom of the bar broke where Hood had been filing it.  A 
short while later the top of the bar yielded to their combined 
strength as well, and the ogres ripped it from its mooring.

The ogres found themselves staring at each other again.  They 
still held each other tight, despite the now dislodged bar that 
they held by their sides.  Each was breathing heavily, partly out 
of the great effort they had expended, and partly from their 
proximity to each other.

"Amazing what we can do together, huh?" Fiona asked.

"You bet," Shrek replied.  The ogres continued to stare at each 
other, at first smiling, but then the smiles faded, replaced by 
expressions reflecting feelings more deep and urgent.  Their 
faces started moving toward each other like magnets drawn to 
steel.  Their lips parted, and then --

"Uh, EXCUSE me!" Donkey said impatiently, "Hey, is that an open 
window I see?  By golly, I think it is!  I gotta idea!  Let's all 
go THROUGH the window to the OTHER side, an' THEN we can all take 
care'a whatever 'business' we need ta.   Whaddya say?"

The moment once again ruined, the two ogres leaned back away from 
each other, Shrek giving a deep grumble in his throat, Fiona 
smiling ruefully at Shrek's expression.  "Donkey," Shrek said, 
"pretty soon you an' me are gonna have a talk."

"Yeah, yeah, later," Donkey said, "but right now, let's 
skedattle."

"Fine," Shrek said, then to Hood, "okay, 'Monsieur', get your 
derriere up here."

"Moi?" Hood said in surprise, then, "I mean -- me?"

"Hey, yeah," Donkey said, also surprised, "I mean -- aren't you 
gonna let the princess go first?"

"Wish I could," Shrek said, then gestured back to the window, 
"but take another look at that openin'.  He's the only one here 
with the right shape to fit through it.   Unless ..."  Shrek turned 
back to Fiona. "Is there any way at all ye can ... change back?"

Fiona looked into his large brown eyes, seeing a faint glint of 
forlorn hope there.  "You'd rather I'd be human and free on the 
outside, with you here left to ... whatever fate they have in mind 
for you?  Even if we never saw each other again?"

"Of course!" Shrek said, as if the answer were self-evident.  "I 
mean -- I'd LOVE to stay by ye every minute of the day if I 
could, but -- but if changin' back would mean you'd be safe ..."

Fiona nodded understanding, smiled a sad smile and laid a hand 
beside his cheek.  "Sorry," she said, "as far as I know, you're 
stuck with me just the way I am."

Shrek returned the sad smile and laid his hand tenderly over 
hers.  "Under other circumstances, you can't imagine how happy 
that'd make me," he said.  Then Shrek moved her hand to his 
mouth, kissed it, and with a reluctant sigh let it drop and 
turned back to the robber, his expression quickly hardening.  
"Okay, you, let's go."

But Hood stared at him and Fiona in surprise a bit longer, then 
said, "You -- you pried open the bars -- knowing that you could 
not escape yourselves -- only to allow me to go?  Why?"

"Don't read anything mushy into it," Shrek retorted as Fiona 
innocuously stepped down from the cot, "I did it 'cause you're 
more irritatin' to have around than the donkey."

Donkey cast a glare of rebuke at Shrek and Fiona giggled.

"There is ONE thing I need from ye," Shrek said as Hood mounted 
the cot.

"What's that?" the robber asked suspiciously.

"Toss that file back in here when ye get out."

"Ah!" Hood said, "Consider it done!"  Then, casting a skeptical 
eye back at the thick bars at the front of the cell, he added, 
"However, I doubt that it will do much good against those things.  
Not unless you have a week to file through them.  Even the daft 
blokes that run this place would likely notice something before 
then."

"That'll be OUR problem," Shrek said, leaning down and cupping 
his hands to give Hood a footrest.  "Now get goin'."

"Good chap!" Hood said buoyantly, then used Shrek's footrest to 
push himself into the window opening.  Confirming Shrek's 
suspicions, even the relatively thin Englishman had trouble 
struggling through the three-foot long and considerably less wide 
orifice.  Some of the things Hood muttered during his efforts 
made Shrek wonder if the man had been a sailor at some point 
before he took up robbery.  The ogre glanced over at Fiona during 
one particularly expressive string of comments and saw her 
looking innocently away, trying unsuccessfully to hide the effort 
she was making not to smile.  Despite everything, Shrek couldn't 
help but chuckle.  

But Shrek's chuckle ended when Hood suddenly became stuck, his 
head and shoulders apparently outside the window on the far side, 
but his legs, kicking futilely, still sticking out the window on 
Shrek's side.  "Oh, good grief!" Shrek grumbled, and started 
pushing on Hood's feet as the robber tried to pull himself free.

Fiona folded her arms and leaned back against a wall of the cell 
as she watched the struggle.  Feeling uncomfortable at the lapse 
in general conversation, Donkey wandered beside her and began 
speaking.  "Ya know, Princess, this -- uh, or should I say 
'Queen' now?"

"Princess is fine, Donkey," Fiona replied glumly, "I haven't been 
doing so hot as a queen anyway."

"Yeah, well, anyhow," Donkey continued, "this reminds me of a 
story one of my cousins once told me about how he and some other 
guys helped this little bear that got stuck in this rabbit hole.  
He was a pretty gloomy fella, not much fun to be around, really -
- my cousin, that is, not the bear.  The bear was -- well, he was 
nice enough, but not exactly the brightest star in the sky.   One 
day, he --"

"Gotcha!" Shrek exclaimed as Hood suddenly popped all the way out 
the window.  The small group in the cell heard a thump and 
muffled grunts from outside as Hood hit the ground.  Shrek leaned 
toward the window and whispered, "Can ye find the file?"

After a few moments, Hood said, "Oh.  Grate."

"What's wrong?" Shrek whispered.

"Just what I said, old bean," Hood whispered back, "there's a 
grate down here.  It appears the file fell though it.  I don't 
see how --"

"HALT!  WHO GOES THERE!" a voice suddenly called from outside 
somewhere, apparently several yards from where Hood stood.

"Oh-oh," Hood said, "I'm afraid I have to run!  Adieu, mon amis!"   
With that, the robber took off running, followed a few seconds 
later by two other men who by the sound of jangling armor were 
soldiers.  The soldiers, intent on following their quarry, 
apparently had overlooked the open window.  Not that it did the 
three inside the cell any good.  The small portal remained 
mockingly barless yet impassible.

"That's MES amis, you fraudulent 'Frenchman,'" Fiona muttered to 
no one in particular.

"How's that?" Donkey said.

"Nothing," Fiona sighed, "nothing that matters at all."

"I wonder if they'll catch him," Donkey pondered.

Fiona shrugged.  "As long as they put him in another cell, who 
cares?  'She insists on remaining a MAID.' Yeah, very funny."

"Well, I guess some guys just aren't the 'Marion' type, huh?"  
Shrek said, and smiled impishly.  But the curious, raised-eyebrow 
look Fiona gave him at the remark -- he wasn't sure what it meant 
exactly, but it somehow made him feel very uncomfortable.  
"What?" he asked.

Fiona smiled sadly then just shook her head.  "Nothing," she 
said, then paused to look around the cell and the snoring 
jailkeep outside. "Well," she said, "what do you propose we do 
now?"

"Now --" Shrek began, but was interrupted as he had to give a 
great yawn.  "Now, we'd better get some shut-eye.  We'll be able 
to think clearer in the morn'.  I don't know about you, but I 
didn't get much sleep LAST night, either."

Fiona thought back to the night before.  The long, sleepless 
night she had spent alone in the windmill following her heart-to-
heart with Donkey.  The long mental and emotional struggle as she 
agonized over her curse, her impending wedding to Farquaad, her 
unexpected feelings toward Shrek, and what that it all meant and 
where her destiny -- and her heart -- REALLY lie.  Eventually she 
had ended up plucking the pedals off a sunflower, she told 
herself, to determine if she should reveal the secret of her 
nocturnal ogress form to Shrek. 'I tell him, I tell him not', she 
had chanted with each plucked pedal.  It had ended on an 'I tell 
him'.  But she realized now that if that last pedal had been a 
'tell him not', she would have ripped the very bulb off the stem 
to have the exercise end with an 'I tell him'."  What was it they 
said about flipping a coin to decide something?  As soon as you 
flip it, you may as well not bother to look at the result, for as 
it twists in the air you realize which side you are rooting for 
to win.

"Fiona?" Shrek said, his voice tinged with concern, "are ye 
alright?"

Fiona blinked, forcing herself back to the here and now.  "I'm 
fine," she said, smiling reassuringly, "I ... didn't get much sleep 
last night, either."

"Well," Shrek said, gesturing to the two cots, "take ye choice.  
I'll take the other."

Fiona shrugged.  "They looked like a matched set to me," she 
said, then with a coy smile, added, "which seems rather 
appropriate."

Shrek smiled back as Fiona settled into one of the cots, which 
was a bit small for her frame.  "I'm afraid it won't be very 
comfortable," Shrek said as he spread the worn blanket over her 
as best he could.

"That's okay," she said, "I'll be a lot more comfortable here 
than I would have sharing Farquaad's bed with him, however big 
and cushy it was.  Trust me."

Shrek leaned down and give Fiona a kiss -- one that lasted 
several seconds.  During the kiss Fiona reached up, meaning to 
pull Shrek closer to her -- then thought better of it and pulled 
her arm back.  A moment later, Shrek reluctantly broke the kiss.  
"Good night," he said softly.  "Sleep tight.  Don't let the bed 
bugs bite."

Fiona slapped at something on her wrist, then replied, "I'll do 
my best."

Shrek started to get into the other cot and Donkey said, "Oh, so 
Donkey automatically settles for the floor, huh?"  Shrek cast a 
reproachful glare at him and Donkey quickly added, "Uh, not that 
I'm COMPLAININ' mind you!  After all, I AM an animal, and I've 
had to settle for worse, y'know --"

"Good night, Donkey," Shrek said, and laid down in the cot, 
turning onto his side with his face toward the cell wall.  His 
legs dangled off the cot and the blanket covered him only from 
his shoulders to his knees.

Donkey started to lie down, then noticed the tray with the 
remains of Hood's dinner.  "Uh, y'all mind if I finish this food 
up?" Donkey asked, "There's only a few bites, but if ya wanna 
share --"

"Ye go ahead, Donkey," Shrek said over his shoulder, and added 
indignantly "ogres don't eat scraps."

"Well, to each their own," Donkey said, and started sniffing at 
the remains of the muffin.

"But speakin' of food, let me know if ye see any rats or slugs 
'round the cell," Shrek said.

"Oh, please!" Fiona moaned from her cot, "Stop talking about 
things like that.  I'm ALREADY famished!"

*     *     *

Shrek slowly awoke to an urgent shaking of his arm.  "Shrek!" he 
heard Fiona's voice as if from the end of a tunnel, "Shrek, wake 
up!"
 
Shrek rolled over onto his back and reluctantly forced one sleep-
weary eye open.  Fiona was leaning over him, a look in her face 
not of fear but of -- anticipation of some sort.  "What is it?" 
he asked, "What's wrong?"
 
"Oh, nothing's WRONG exactly, but ... well, it's almost dawn!"
 
Shrek took a few moments to look about him.  The jailkeep was 
still snoozing in his chair and Donkey, now on his back, as still 
asleep on the cell floor, a small stream of spittle trailing from 
the corner of his mouth.  The two of them seemed to be having a 
contest to see who could snore the loudest.  Shrek looked over to 
the window and indeed saw the dull, dusky light that indicated 
that dawn would soon break.  Not that Shrek had seen many dawns.  
He liked to sleep in late, and being awakened this early, 
especially after such a short night's rest, did not help his 
temper.  He looked up at Fiona who, despite her somewhat crumpled 
dress and hair that had been undone and now hung free across her 
shoulders, appeared wide awake.  "Good God, woman," Shrek said, 
"don't ye EVER sleep?"  He then readjusted his blanket as best he 
could and closed his eyes again.  After only a few seconds he was 
well on his way back to sleep.
 
Fiona leaned closer over his supine form, placed one hand on 
either of his shoulders, and shook him violently.  "WAKE UP!" she 
shouted.
 
Shrek's eyes flew open at the sudden jostling.  He looked up at 
Fiona and asked irritably, "WHAT?"
 
"I ... said ... it's ... almost ... DAWN," she repeated, slowly 
and emphasizing each word, as if she were speaking to an idiot.
 
"I ... heard ... you ... the ... FIRST ... time," Shrek 
responded, mimicking her style, then more normally, "So what's 
the big deal, Fi?"

"The big deal," Fiona began, "is that --" Then she paused 
briefly, digesting his question, then repeated, "FI?"

"Well, yeah," Shrek said, "Don't tell me none'a your friends 
never called ye 'Fi' b'fore."

"No, actually," Fiona replied, a little sheepishly.  "I mean... 
well, from what I can remember from my youth, things were pretty 
formal in the castle, and I didn't have a lot of 'friends' -- 
just courtiers and other associates.  It was all very ... proper."

"Oh," Shrek said.  "Sorry.  Uh... so ye'd rather I not call ye 
'Fi,' then?"

"No, I didn't say THAT," Fiona corrected. "In fact ... well, I 
kinda like it.  But ... what would I call YOU?  I mean, what's 
short for 'Shrek'?"

"'Shrek' IS short," Shrek said.

Fiona's eyebrows furrowed.  "Short for what?"

A sour expression came across Shrek's face, as if he were sorry 
he'd brought it up.  "Never mind," he said.

"Oh, come on!" Fiona urged, "I've GOTTA know now!"

Shrek's jaw worked for a few seconds as he ground his teeth, a 
low grumbling sound escaping from between his lips.  But despite 
his gestures of discomfort Fiona continued to stare at him 
expectantly.  "WELL?" she eventually said in a partially playful, 
partially demanding tone.

Shrek looked up at her for a moment, then intentionally shifted 
his gaze away and replied, in a voice barely above a whisper, 
"Shreklecheh."

"What?" Fiona said, not quite sure if Shrek had replied to her 
question or uttered an oath.

"Shreklecheh," he repeated, a bit more loudly but with apparent 
distaste.

"Shrek-lech-eh?" Fiona repeated the name slowly, focusing on each 
syllable.

"Right," Shrek confirmed reluctantly.

"So your full name is Shreklecheh Zach?" Fiona asked, a smile 
creeping into one corner of her mouth.

"Yes," Shrek replied crisply.

Fiona's smile broadened to encompass her entire face, and she 
asked, "But you'd prefer I'd just call you 'Shrek'?"

"Much," Shrek said.  Then, anxious to change the subject, he 
asked, "But anyway, why're ye in such an all-fired hurry to get 
up this morn'?"

Fiona paused, then started explaining, almost apologetically, 
"Well, it's ... it's the first dawn since the spell was broken 
last night and ... well ..."
 
Shrek's eyes narrowed.  "You're not sure if it was really broke?"
 
"Well, not exactly.  I mean, I ASSUME it was, but ... it's just 
that, it's going to be a special moment and ... well, I just 
wanted to share it ... with you."  She then looked away shyly and 
blushed a bit.
 
Shrek's features softened.  He got up from the bed and took the 
suddenly embarrassed Fiona in his arms.  He held her tightly, 
resting her head against his chest.  "I'd be honored," he said.
 
Fiona looked up at him and smiled.  She took his hand in hers and 
together the two ogres took the few steps so that they were in 
front of the window, which fortunately faced eastward.  They 
could see past the town square with low buildings at the far end, 
and over the buildings were the progressively glowing yellow and 
pink clouds that announced the impending dawn.  So intent were 
they on the sight that they didn't even notice Donkey, now caught 
up in some nightmare, start stammering in his sleep, "No, Judge, 
please!  Not the dip!  NOT THE DIP!"

Then suddenly the top of the sun broke over the horizon of the 
far buildings.  As the first rays of bright sunlight surged 
through the small window, Fiona instinctively raised her hand to 
shield her face, as she had done so many times before.  But this 
time, as she stared at her large, shielding hand, she did not see 
an aura of glittering light appear around it, did not see it 
lighten in color or diminish in size, did not feel the pain as 
her entire being was forcibly rearranged and compressed into 
human form.  No, none of that happened this time.   This time she 
stayed as she was.  She dropped her shielding hand and brought 
the other up beside it, then stared down at them in unbelieving 
wonder.  Then her eyes ran across the front of her body as she 
saw a sight she had never seen -- direct sunlight reflecting off 
of her ogress form.  "This ... is ... ME," she said softly to 
herself, forgetting for a moment that Shrek was standing beside 
her.  Then suddenly she remembered, and looked up at him.  He was 
staring down at her, concern in his eyes.  She offered him what 
she hoped was a reassuring smile, but one that contained some 
bittersweetness nonetheless.  "I guess that confirms it," she 
said, taking his arm with one hand, "you're stuck with me like 
this."

"An' how de ye feel about that, Fi?" he asked.

A pensive expression came over her face.  She looked away from 
him and out the window at the rising disk of the sun, which was 
just about to clear the horizon completely.  Somewhere in the 
distance a rooster crowed.  A few moments later, she replied to 
his question.  "I feel ... whole."

Just then a soft wind kicked up and blew through the open window.  
Its warmth struck Fiona's face and she closed her eyes, allowing 
the breeze to envelop her.  Shrek looked down at her, marveled at 
the attractive features of her round yet appealing face with 
features paradoxically both firm and soft, with lips that stood 
slightly parted and to which he felt instinctively drawn.  The 
gust tossed her long loose hair about, almost symbolic of her 
ethereal spirit.  And now, she belonged to him.  How had this 
miracle happened?

The words -- low, soft, almost a whisper in the wind -- were out 
of Shrek's mouth before he had realized he had spoken them.  
"Fiona, would ye marry me?"

Fiona opened her eyes and looked up at him.  The expression in 
her face was a mixture of surprise and uncertainty.  "What did 
you say?" she asked tentatively.

Shrek paused, then replied, "Uh ... nothin'."

Fiona's eyebrows furrowed again.  "Yes you did," she said.

"No," Shrek replied sheepishly, "I didn't.  It was -- uh, just 
the wind."

"No, it wasn't the wind," she responded, a little impatiently, 
"You said something."

"No, it wasn't me," he insisted.

"Well, it wasn't Donkey!" Fiona said, throwing a frustrated 
gesture toward Donkey, who let out a particularly loud snore at 
that moment as if in response to hearing his name, "You said ... 
something!"

"No, I didn't!" Shrek insisted, starting to loose patience 
himself at the grilling.

"Yes, you did!" Fiona repeated, flustered, "It sounded like you 
asked ... you asked ... "

"Asked what?!" Shrek demanded.

"You asked if I'd marry you!" Fiona nearly shouted.

"And what if I did?!"

"WELL, DID YOU?!"

"Well, MAYBE ..."

"DID YOU OR DIDN'T YOU?"

"OKAY, BLAST IT, YES!"

"YES, WHAT?"

"YES, I ASKED IF YOU'D MARRY ME!"

"OKAY!"

"OKAY, WHAT?"

"OKAY, YES, I'LL MARRY YOU!"

"WELL, THAT'S GREAT!"

"GOOD!"

"FINE!"

By this time the two ogres were yelling at each other at the top 
of their lungs as their argument had become progressively louder 
and more animated.  Now, realizing where it had landed, they both 
suddenly stopped and stared at each other, panting with the 
effort of the squabble, their eyes wide with the implications of 
what they had just said.  Then, with equal suddenness, they threw 
themselves into each other's arms and shared a long, hard, and 
passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, Donkey, his sleep broken by the rising volume of the 
proposal, blinked, yawned, and started looking around.  "Hey, 
what's goin' on?" he mumbled, "What's all the fuss abou--"  Then 
he saw the two ogres again locked in an embrace.  "Oh, jeez," he 
said, somewhat annoyed, "why don't you two just find a room?"  A 
moment later, he added, "Somethin' WITHOUT see-though walls," and 
kicked one of the metallic bars of the cell with a rear hoof.

The clang of Donkey's hoof against the cell bar caused the 
jailkeep, whose slumber had been growing progressively restless
during the ogres' exchange, to finally stir in his sleep.  
Suddenly the chair which was already leaning back precariously 
gave way and fell all the way backwards, dumping the jailkeep in 
an indignant heap onto the floor in mid-snore.  He awoke with a 
start and grumbling several indistinct curses, then he looked at 
the cell and froze.  He wiped his sleep-filled eyes and looked 
again, and an expression of horror came into his face when he 
beheld the bar-less window -- and realized one of the occupants 
was missing.  "Great Lord!" he stammered, and quickly headed 
out of the room.

Just then the ogres separated, and Fiona sighed, blushed, smiled, 
then said, "We plan to 'get a room', Donkey.  A wedding suite."

"Huh?" Donkey said, cocking one eyebrow in confusion.

"We're getting MARRIED, Donkey," Fiona explained.

"Oh," Donkey said matter-of-factly, then a moment later when he 
registered what she had said, his features brightened and he 
added enthusiastically, "O-O-O-H!  Well, it's about TIME this big 
lummox got around ta askin' ya!  I guess I should say 
congratulations on your ... impendin' nuptials."

"Yeah, thanks," Shrek said, then less happily, "course, first we 
gotta figure a way outta our current mess."

"Oh, we will," Fiona said, her voice buoyant and face radiant.

"How ye figure?" Shrek asked, "Ye gotta plan?"

"No, not yet" Fiona replied, "but something's bound to turn up.  
It's destiny!"

Shrek looked at the beaming face of his new fiancee and saw, 
behind the expression of confident hope, a tinge of uncertainty 
bourn by the two days of world-wisdom she had acquired so quickly 
since the last time she had used that phrase.  But then again, 
when she had used it before she was referring to the destiny that 
she and Shrek were meant to be together, and it turned out that 
she had been right after all.  The ogre now hoped that she would 
be right again, and that her confidence wasn't just another 
misbegotten fantasy.