Chapter 15: Swamped


As they flew over the forest, Shrek began having second 
thoughts.  No, not about wanting to marry Fiona.  Heavens, no, 
not about that.  As he looked over at her, her eyes closed, the 
wind rushing through her hair and a contented smile adorning 
her lips, he never felt more sure in his life as he did now 
that he wanted to spend the rest of his existence with this 
woman.  But this woman was also royalty -- born to expect a 
certain way of living.  And what was HE offering this princess, 
this one-time queen?  A shack in a swamp.  That was all.  The 
more he thought about it, the more ludicrous it seemed.  He had 
always been rather proud of the home he had hewn by himself for 
himself -- back when he was alone and didn't give a darn what 
ANYBODY else thought.  But now things were different, and it 
was just sinking in HOW different they were.  How could a 
princess possibly find happiness in such a shanty?  Who was he 
trying to kid?

Fiona opened her eyes and looked over at Shrek.  "This is 
GREAT!" she beamed, "My goodness, I never thought anything 
could be so exhilarat--" Then she appeared to read the 
uncertainty in his expression, and her smile faded.  "Shrek, 
what's wrong?" she asked with concern.

"Oh, nothin'," Shrek replied, forcing an unconvincing smile.

Fiona cocked a skeptical eyebrow.  "It doesn't LOOK like 
'nothin''," she said.  "Are you okay?"

"Couldn't be better," he said, squeezing her hand.

She still regarded him suspiciously, and seemed about to say 
something else when Donkey announced, "Shrek Corners, coming 
up!"

Fiona swung her gaze back forward, to Shrek's relief.  "So 
soon?" she asked excitedly, trying to peer through the 
treetops.

"Hey, it don't take long when you travel as the dragon flies," 
Donkey said.  "And speakin' uh dragonflies, there's the swamp!"

As Fiona leaned forward expectantly, Shrek inwardly shuddered 
at what he guessed this princess would think of his shack.

*     *     *

For a moment Fiona thought that Donkey was mistaken.  But then, 
just as Donkey announced, a clearing appeared below.  There was 
a knoll with green grass shimmering in the afternoon sun, and 
below it what appeared at first glance to be the wide, moss-
covered base of a tree, with the trunk of the tree itself 
broken off some thirty feet or so up from the ground.  But 
then, on further inspection Fiona recognized the doors, 
windows, porch, and other signs of construction where the 
remains of the tree had very cleverly been converted into a 
small house!  Even the hollow trunk of the tree itself even 
seemed to have been put to use as a chimney of sorts.  How very 
charming, Fiona thought to herself.

Dragon dropped to a landing on the knoll.  With a yelp of 
excitement, Fiona leapt off her back and onto the grass, nearly 
tripping over a boulder that stuck partway out of the ground.  
She trotted down the knoll towards a clearing, and noticed a 
few hand-painted wooden signs sticking out of the ground, and 
one or two lying ON the ground that had apparently been knocked 
down.  She picked one up; it bore a hand-painted inscription 
that read "BEWARE!  OGRE!" alongside a rather simplistic 
rendering of Shrek's head.

Still holding the sign, she looked back at Shrek, who was just 
dismounting Dragon, and called back teasingly, "It's not a very 
good likeness!"

"It's -- er -- an abstract," he replied.  He smiled as he 
joked, but the smile nevertheless didn't seem to encompass his 
entire face -- there was still something else there distracting 
him.

Fiona decided to shrug that off for now -- there was apparently 
something they would have to deal with later.  For now, she 
wanted to enjoy this moment, and let Shrek know how much she 
enjoyed it.  So she giggled at his "abstract" joke, then tossed 
the sign aside and ran across the clearing to the house, having 
to jump over a short line of logs that had been laid half-way 
across the clearing for some reason.  She stopped a few feet 
from the front door of the house.  She gazed with admiration at 
the handiwork, the rustic quality, the way the place blended in 
with the environment, both literally and artistically.  Then 
she moved forward, pushed the door open and walked in.  Her 
breath caught as she looked about at the wonderfully cozy and 
uniquely styled interior.   The place could certainly use a 
little straightening up -- hey, Shrek WAS a MALE, after all -- 
but Fiona would have expected far worse from a human male than 
she saw from this ogre.  One thing that did catch her eye was a 
wilting sunflower that was lying just in front of the 
fireplace.  She wandered over and picked it up -- paused for a 
moment, looking into the now unlit fireplace and wondering what 
the story was -- then walked over to a large wooden table on 
which sat a small overturned vase.  She sat the vase up and 
placed the flower within it.  She would have to find some water 
for it in a few minutes.  But for now, she wanted to explore 
the rest of this fascinating home.  A home which -- she 
realized with a literal tingle of excitement -- she would soon 
call her own.

*     *     *

"Hey, what's whi'cho, man?" Donkey asked as he descended from 
his perch on Dragon's back.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Shrek said irritably 
as he began walking toward his house.

"Oh, come on, man, it's written all over your face," Donkey 
said trotting up beside his friend.

Shrek stopped half-way across the clearing, sighed, then said, 
"Donkey, I'm a fool."

"Why you say that?"

"Donkey, she's a PRINCESS," Shrek said, frustration creeping 
into his voice, then gestured to his house and added with 
disgust, "and that ... that's a ... SHACK."

"Oh, man, why you always selling her short?"

"Huh?

"Fiona.  You keep assumin' she's gonna react this hoidy-toidy 
way just 'cause she's royalty.  And you know what they say 
about assumin'."

Shrek looked down at Donkey and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, YOU know what I mean," Donkey said.

Just then the door flew open and Fiona stepped out.  She looked 
at Shrek, tears in her eyes.

Shrek bit his lip, then muttered, "Oh boy.  It's worse'n I 
thought."

Fiona ran up to Shrek, paused just in front of him, and stared 
up into his eyes.  She sniffed as Shrek gulped, then she said, 
"Shrek, it's ... it's ... BEAUTIFUL."

Shrek's jaw dropped.  "It's ... wha?"

"Beautiful!" she repeated.

Shrek continued staring down at her for a moment, then said, 
"Fiona, ye don't have to say that just 'cause ... just 'cause 
..."

Her eyes narrowed in confusion as Shrek seemed to struggle for 
something more to say.  Then she reached up, placed two fingers 
across his lips, and said, "Shrek, the reason I'm saying that 
is because it's TRUE.  It's cute, it's cozy, it's homey, it's 
... it's BEAUTIFUL.  I LOVE it.  And I love YOU.  And I think 
we'll be very happy here."

Shrek smiled, took her hand whose fingers were laying against 
his lips, and kissed it.  "I love you, too," he said, then 
leaned down and they shared a kiss on the lips.  As the kissed 
spanned several seconds, Donkey cracked a smile, looked away, 
and then began whistling softly as he absently kicked at a 
pebble.  The ogres ignored him.

When their lips parted Fiona smiled up at Shrek and said, "I've 
just got a couple of questions."

"Shoot," he said.

"Well," she said, somewhat embarrassed, "I was wondering where 
the bathroom was, and ..." here she gestured toward the 
outhouse that sat a few yards from the main house and added, 
"what's that?"

"Oh," Shrek said, blushing, "yeah, well, um ..."

"Hey, whazzat?" Donkey blurted suddenly.

"Huh?" the ogres said together, looking down at Donkey, then 
followed his gaze to the edge of the clearing where a horse-
drawn cart slowly ambled towards them.  A man in a dark cloak 
was driving it, and there was a large load on the cart that was 
completely covered by a canvas.  As the cart moved closer the 
group's expressions grew more curious and, in Shrek's case, 
more suspicious.

The cart stopped in the clearing a few feet from the group.  As 
the driver dismounted the cart, Shrek cautiously stepped 
forwards while gently holding Fiona back with one hand.  The 
driver turned to him and said, "Shreklecheh Zach?"

Shrek cringed at the name, but replied warily, "Aye?"

One of the driver's hands opened his cloak a bit as his other 
hand dove menacingly into one of his breast pockets, causing 
Shrek to tense and strike a defensive pose.  But then the man 
simply pulled out an envelope.  "Here," he said, holding it out 
to the ogre.  Shrek stared at it for a moment, then carefully 
reached out and took it.

The driver turned back to his cart.  He moved to the back and 
began loosening the ropes that held the canvas over whatever 
was strapped there.  Shrek opened the envelope and removed a 
letter as Fiona and Donkey moved towards him.  Fiona looked 
around his arm as he began reading the letter.  Donkey, 
shorter, preened his neck but could not quite see.  "Whazzit 
say?  Whazzit say?" he asked.

Shrek spared one more suspicious glance toward the driver as 
the man worked, then looked back down at the note and read:

"You conquered hate and fear in old Duloc,
When evil forces there were run amok,
Now here's a wedding gift from me,
Have fun with this new karaoke."

Shrek looked back up towards the cart as he concluded, "It's 
signed ... *Merle*."

Donkey shivered.  "Oh, man.  Y'know, that Merle cat's really 
startin' ta freak me out.  An' what's a ... a hari kari 
anyway?"

"A karaoke," Shrek corrected, then nodding toward the cart, 
"I'd imagine it's THAT."

With those words, the driver pulled the last of the canvas from 
the load on the cart, revealing an odd-looking machine as well 
as a pile of various musical instruments.

"Wow!" Donkey gasped excitedly.  "That's ... that's ... 
different!"

"I'll help you unload it," the driver said, then he reached 
behind his cart's seat and pulled out a clipboard that  held 
several sheets of parchment and then, handing it and a quill to 
Shrek, said, "but you'll need to sign for it first.  Press 
hard, you need to make three copies."

*     *     *

Swamp toad soup.  Fish eyes tar-tar.  These were among the "all 
kind of things" Fiona remembered Shrek saying that he wanted to 
make for her when she came to visit him at his Swamp back when 
they had their first impromptu dinner -- Heavens, was it only 
two evenings ago?  But she had expected to have them in 
separate meals; not all in one sitting.  Yet as the dinner hour 
approached and the ogre insisted on cooking a feast in honor of 
this special occasion, Fiona had readily agreed.  Part was due 
to the pride that Shrek seemed to exude when he spoke of his 
cooking prowess, a pride that Fiona was reluctant to comment 
on, not knowing yet if her fiance was one of those silly types 
of males who found a proficiency in culinary arts to be less 
than manly.  But also, frankly, she was famished.  She had had 
little to eat the day before, and the only thing she had eaten 
this day was a few reluctant bites of overcooked eggs for 
breakfast in their cell.  That was when her mind was obviously 
concentrated on things more foreboding.  But now, the drama of 
the day having been played out, her stomach had reminded her of 
its own needs.  So she had sat down at Shrek's table as he 
busied himself with preparing dinner, declining her offers to 
help.  (She wasn't sure yet whether this was due to his desire 
to impress her, or because tonight she was a "special guest," 
or because he didn't yet trust her around his kitchen.)  Then 
he started placing dishes before her with things that she knew 
humans would be hard-pressed just to look at without feeling 
ill.  But the ogress ate with gusto.  The first four courses 
had finally sated her hunger.  The next three, eaten with less 
and less enthusiasm, tested her capacity.  She dropped her 
wooden spoon after taking the last slurp of some unique sort of 
thick chowder filled with things that she couldn't quite 
identify, wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her dress, then 
leaned back in her chair and moaned contentedly.  She found 
this position much more comfortable than trying to sit straight 
up now, as it relieved pressure on her bloated stomach, which 
was nearly as stretched and taught as the material of the dress 
that was now being hard-pressed to contain it without ripping.  
She placed a hand on what had already been an ample belly 
before the meal and which was now so engorged that when she 
tapped her fingers against it she felt like she was tapping the 
skin of a drum.  She tried to remember her waist size as a 
human and then tried to figure how many times thicker it was 
now at this moment.  She soon gave up; they'd probably need to 
invent some sort of calculating machine, she thought ruefully, 
before she could come up with a number THAT high.  Or rather, 
in this case, wide.

So lost was she in her ruminations that she was startled when 
Shrek came up from behind her, called out jovially, "Dessert!" 
and plopped another dish down in front of her.  This one held a 
large, steaming hunk of some sort of pie.

"Oh, Shrek, no!  I can't!" Fiona protested.  She looked up at 
him and saw him looking back down at her with a somewhat hurt 
expression on his face.  She quickly thumped the side of her 
stomach and explained, "No more room!"

"Oh!" Shrek said, looking down at her bloated tummy.  "Okay.  
Maybe later, then."  

He then moved behind her and started massaging her shoulders as 
she continued to sit back.   It felt heavenly.  She just 
relaxed for a while, enjoying the sensation, but her face took 
on a gradually more pensive expression and she eventually 
asked, "Shrek, do you like me being plump?"

"Huh?" he said, surprised.

"I mean, in the past I never really ate that much, but when I 
transformed from being a thin human in the day to being an 
ogress at night, I was always ... I mean, do all ogresses look 
... like me?"

"No," Shrek said, and Fiona felt chagrinned for a moment.  But 
then he added, "You're MUCH prettier."

Fiona smiled.  "You're sweet," she said, "but ... you know what 
I mean."

"Fiona, in case ye hadn't noticed, ye won't find MY picture in 
one's those 'after' advertisements for some fad diet, either," 
he said, patting the side of his own sizeable girth.

"Yes," she said, "but -- but is it ..."  She struggled for the 
right way to ask her question.

Shrek leaned down.  "Is it ... normal?" he volunteered.

"Yes!"  she said, "Is it ... is it normal for ogresses to be 
... big?  I mean ... width-wise?"

Shrek sighed.  "Is that important for you, Fi?  T'be ... 
'normal'?"

"Well, yes.  I mean, no.  I mean ..." she sighed herself, 
exasperated, then looked up at him.  "I want to be in whatever 
shape you find to be attractive," she confessed, and bit her 
lip.

Shrek smiled a sad smile, shook his head slightly, and then 
said, "Fiona, I find ye t'be beautiful.  I find ye beautiful 
just the way ye are, I would fine ye beautiful if you gained a 
hundred pounds, and I would fine ye beautiful if ye lost just 
as many.  Ye wanna know what's 'normal' -- what's 
'conventional' -- with ogres an' ogresses?  It's bein' 
unconventional, that's what.  It's bein' yourself and not 
givin' a frog's leg what anybody else thinks.  Tryin' to keep 
up an image to fit in with society is bunk, Fi.  Ye keep your 
eyes on tryin' to shape yourself into what society says ye 
oughta be an' you're gonna lose track'a who ye are.  An' the 
same goes for me.  Don't keep tryin' to guess what ye look like 
through my eyes.  'Cause I just told ye, you'll always look 
great.  What's important is how ye see yourself.  Be what YOU 
wanna be, Fi.  Shape yourself into the person YOU want, inside 
n' out.  If I love ye, then I'll love that person.  In fact, 
I'll love ye even more for havin' the courage to BE that 
person.  If I don't, then I don't deserve ye.  But that 'not' 
part, I'll gladly tell ye now, is somethin' you'll never have 
t'worry about."

Fiona looked up at Shrek, feeling tears welling in her eyes.  
"I love you, Shrek," she said.

"I love you, too," he said, smiling back, then leaned down and 
they shared a kiss.  It was interrupted, though, as Fiona 
involuntarily let loose with a long, loud belch.

"Ah!" the proud chef said happily, "Now you've got room for 
dessert!"

He patted her shoulder, then moved over to the sink where he 
started to clean the various dirty pots and dishes.  Fiona 
sighed, then carefully shifted her weight and leaned back 
toward the table and examined the pie.  There was something 
about the filling ...

"Shrek," she asked, "are those ... WORMS?"

"Aye!" he replied, "Some'a the biggest n' tastiest that I've 
picked in years!  You'll LOVE 'em!"

Fiona looked at the pie, shrugged, then picked up her fork and 
started digging in.

*     *     *

A short while later they heard the whoosh of large wings 
outside, and saw through the windows loose leaves and other 
debris flying about.

"Oh good!" Fiona cried, "They're back!"  

She tried to spring up from the table, but quickly realized 
that she wouldn't be doing much springing for the rest of that 
evening.  Instead, she shoved herself into a standing position 
and then half-walked, half-waddled toward the door as quickly 
as she could while Shrek, drying a freshly washed pot, noted, 
"Well, it took 'em quite a while t'get back.  Just what was it 
ye were askin' 'em to pick up for ye, anyhow?  Ye kept 
whisperin' to them and then refused to tell me what ye said."

Fiona paused as she opened the door, looked back at him, smiled 
a mischievous smile, then giggled and said, "You'll see!"  She 
then passed through the doorway and made her way across the 
clearing as Dragon finished her decent.

"Did you find it all?" Fiona called up to Donkey, who was 
perched on Dragon's back.

"You bet!" Donkey called down enthusiastically.  He then used 
his teeth to grab hold of a lumpy stuffed cloth sack roughly 
five feet in diameter and slid with it down off of Dragon's 
back as she leaned forward for him.  He still managed to bump 
his behind on the landing, but held onto the sack.

"Great!" Fiona said, then relieved him of his burden, opened 
the top slightly and stared inside.  "Perfect!"

She looked down at Donkey and smiled a grateful smile.  "Thank 
you SO much!" she said, then leaned over and kissed him on the 
tip of his nose.

Donkey smiled and blushed.  "Ahhh ... I'm speechless," he said 
shyly, absently kicking the ground.

"THAT'LL be a first," a voice said from the house.  Everybody 
looked over to see Shrek standing in the doorway, drying a pot 
but staring at the scene before him with a mixture of curiosity 
and impatience.  "Would ye PLEASE tell me what's goin' on, 
now?" he asked.

"Very shortly," Fiona replied coyly, then turned back to look 
at Dragon.  "And thank YOU, Dragon.  I really appreciate your 
efforts."

Dragon smiled and shrugged.

Fiona added, "Maybe I can repay the favor someday when YOU get 
married."  Dragon smiled a little more broadly and both females 
cast a playful glance Donkey's way.

"Huh?   Whazzat?" the equine said, his ears drooping nervously 
as he blushed even more deeply than before.

Fiona laughed then slung the heavy sack over her back with 
seemingly little effort and started back toward the house.  As 
she strode forward, Donkey perked back up and observed, "Hey, 
you know, you remind me of Santa Claus!  Exceptin', well, 
you're an ogre, an' female, an' got green skin, an' got red 
hair, an' don't gotta beard, an' you're wearin' white, an' 
you're inna swamp, an' ..."

Donkey continued along the same vein for several seconds more 
but Fiona wasn't listening anymore.  Her concentration was 
toward Shrek, who continued to stare suspiciously at her from 
the doorway.   As she mounted the porch, she used her royal 
princess voice to say, "Please step aside, kind Sir."

"Huh?" Shrek muttered, then "Oh."  He then stepped aside and 
Fiona passed by him into the house, the sack barely fitting 
through the doorway.  She laid it down in the middle of the 
floor, opened the top and looked inside.

"Okay," Shrek said, "NOW what?"

After a moment of rummaging within the sack she exclaimed, "All 
right!  They DID grow!"

"Huh?" Shrek asked.

Fiona pulled out an armful of some dozen dresses and gowns 
similar in design and quality to the green felt dress she was 
wearing when they met.  "The dresses from my castle," she 
explained, "they all grew and shrank with the rising and 
setting of the sun to match my own ... dimensions.  Part of the 
curse and all that."  She looked out a window at the last 
fading rays of the sunset.  "Fortunately, it looks like they're 
stuck in the 'plus' size, like me, so they'll continue to fit."  
Then she grinned, slapped her bloated tummy, and added, "That 
is, assuming you don't make many more feasts like you did 
tonight!"

Shrek laughed, but not whole-heartedly.  Fiona saw him gazing 
at the high-quality dresses with a troubled look in his eyes.  
"Shrek, what is it?" she asked.

"Well, they're not ... um ... what ye might call the best 
attire fer swampwear, if ye know what I mean," he said.

"Oh," she said, then blushed.  "Well, I think they'll be fine.  
Besides, for casual wear I can make my own dresses and -- Shrek 
what's wrong?"

Fiona's question was prompted by a pained expression she saw 
suddenly engulf Shrek's features.  She was afraid he'd shrug 
her concern off and not open himself up to her, and was 
relieved when he started speaking.  "Fi," he said, "are ye sure 
we're doin' the right thing?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation, tossing the dresses 
aside into Shrek's armchair with intentional disregard, "I've 
never been more sure of anything.  I've already told you  
that."

"But you're used to so much better," he said, gesturing to the 
pile of dresses.  "An' this place -- I remember when Donkey 
first laid eyes on it.  He's an animal use t'livin' in barns 'n 
things, and even HE said, 'Who'd wanna live in a place like 
THAT.'"

"*I* would," Fiona stated.  "Like I said before, this is a 
WONDERFUL place!  You should be PROUD of what you've done with 
it!"

"But ye were born a princess, with royal expectations" he said, 
"wouldn't ye be more at home in a castle, like back in Duloc, 
with servants around t'do your beck 'n call?"

Fiona snorted contemptuously.  "Castles are just big, cold, 
drafty piles of hard unyielding soulless stones.  And sometimes 
the servants can become just as cold and soulless, those 
unfortunate enough to find themselves performing tasks they 
don't want to do for people who don't appreciate it; those people 
being egotistical aristocrats who think themselves better than 
their servants and subjects without really thinking at all, but 
rather assuming the accident of birth that placed them in their 
position to be a birthright granted by God.  People of my 
'class' aren't all like that, Shrek, but too many of us are.  
My Love, over the past couple of days you've rescued me from 
imprisonment and from beheading, but what I'm most grateful 
for is that you've rescued me from becoming such a self-absorbed 
prude.  And although I'm delighted at the way you make me FEEL, 
I'm even more overjoyed that you've forced me to THINK.  You've 
not only opened a door to my heart, but you've lifted veils from 
my eyes.  And these eyes look at what you've got here and they 
tear up with joy.  This place HAS a soul, Shrek – an extension 
of YOUR soul.  I can see why you risked your life in a quest to 
get it back.  It is warm, and comfortable, and every nook and 
corner speaks of the effort and loving care you've put into 
making it what it is.  And it is BEAUTIFUL."

Shrek smiled, but the smile still wasn't complete somehow.  His 
eyes drifted back to the heap of royal dresses like a compass 
needle being drawn toward the north pole.  "But are ye sure 
about US, Fi?  I mean, in the long run?  You're a princess an', 
although I appreciate the compliments, I AM just a common ogre 
..."

Fiona sighed and shook her head.  Then she looked back at the 
still lumpy sack and smiled.  "Speaking of complements, this 
kinda leads into the next items we have in the bag."

"Huh?" Shrek asked, confused at the apparent shift in gears.

But Fiona was back at the sack, rummaging through it again.  A 
moment later, she pulled out a three-foot tall ornate pedestal.

"What's tha--" Shrek began, then recognized it as one of the 
pedestals upon which Fiona and Farquaad's crowns had stood 
during their wedding ceremony.  "What did ye bring THAT back 
for?" he asked.

"You'll see!" Fiona said, then reached into the sack and pulled 
out the other pedestal.  Coyly ignoring the curious gaze she 
felt Shrek burning into her, she carried the two objects over 
to one empty corner of the room and sat them there side-by-
side.  She then returned to the much depleted sack, reached in, 
and pulled out the beautiful gold tiara that she had been 
wearing when they met and during their eventful journey back to 
Duloc.   A little more rummaging and she also pulled out the 
tarnished, dented, battered helmet that Shrek had been wearing 
when they met and during the rescue from Fiona's castle.

"HEY!" he gasped, "What the ..."

Fiona suppressed a laugh, then walked over to the pedestals and 
placed the tiara on one and the helmet on the other.  She then 
turned back to look at Shrek.  He smiled a crooked, bemused 
smile and shook his head slightly.  She returned the smile, 
then walked over beside him, turned and looked back at the 
pedestals with their diverse headgear.

"So," she said, nodding toward the headwear, "what do you think 
about our couple over there?"
 
"Hum," Shrek shrugged, almost dismissively, "they make a rather 
ODD couple, don'cha think?"
 
"Really?" she said, sounding analytical and tapping her chin 
with one finger, "how so?"
 
Shrek looked at her.  He seemed to know that she was drawing 
him in, but couldn't help himself.
 
"Well, look at him," he said, gesturing to the helmet, "all 
those dents and scratches and things.  Poor guy's been through 
a lot.  Not much shine left.  A lotta rough edges on that one."
 
"True," Fiona conceded, "but that just gives him his own unique 
character.  Plus, he's proven he can handle all that's been 
thrown at him, and still be reliable and trustworthy.  A pretty 
fine helmet, if you ask me."
 
Fiona looked at the helmet and nodded approvingly -- and a tad 
theatrically -- at her own reasoning.  Shrek smiled despite 
himself.  Okay, he decided, he'd play this game.
 
"Now that tiara," he said, "she's a beautiful sight t'behold."
 
"N'aah," Fiona responded dismissively, wrinkling her nose, 
"she's still beautiful only because she's been locked away for 
years, protected from all the knocks and bruises real life 
might have given her.  All her beauty's external."
 
"Oh, but I disagree!" he replied vehemently, "she's constructed 
of the finest metal in the land!  I mean, she may LOOK 
delicate, but in truth, she's made of pretty tough stuff.  
True, she's beautiful -- 'specially with all those intricate 'n 
surprisin' facets you discover if you take the time to look 
close enough -- but don't let her looks deceive ye.  There's 
even more to'er than meets the eye."
 
"Oh, I see," Fiona mused, tapping her chin and, incidentally, 
leaning a little bit more on Shrek's arm, "so what you're 
saying is, some things are more that what they appear to be.  
Is that right?"

She looked up at him with innocently inquisitive eyes.  He 
smiled openly, almost laughing as he replied, "Yeah.  Somethin' 
like that."

The ogres continued to smile and stare at each other.  Then 
their faces began to draw closer and their smiles faded into 
something else.  As they drew nearer their eyes began to close 
and their lips began to part and then --

And then a familiar voice sounded from the doorway.  "Did'ja 
find the box yet?" Donkey asked.

The two ogres looked back at Donkey.  Shrek's expression bore 
more than slight irritation, but Fiona looked confused.  "Box?" 
she asked.  "What box?"

"I was told ta tell ya it's a gift from the people of Duloc," 
he replied.  "When we went back there ta pick up the pedestals 
an' your green dress an' your little half-crown thingy, they 
tol' me they wanted to give them to ya as a weddin' gift causa' 
all you did for 'em."

"Give 'them' to us?" Fiona reiterated, confused.

"Check the box," Donkey said, "you'll see!"

Fiona looked down at the sack.  It laid on the floor in an 
apparently empty heap.  But she rummaged through it one more 
time, and found what she assumed Donkey was referring to; a 
black box only some 5 inches square.  She opened the box -- 
then gasped.

"What is it?" Shrek asked, looking over her shoulder.  Then his 
face, too, took on a look of surprise.  "Wow!" he said.

Within the box were two very wide, shiny gold band wedding 
rings.  Fiona reached in, took them out, and dropped the box.  
"Oh, my!" she said breathlessly, and slid the smaller of the 
two on her finger to see if it fit.  It did, perfectly.

"How'd they know the size?" Shrek asked.

"Beaglely tol' the jeweler what size t'make 'em," Donkey 
replied.  "Beaglely says he's observant of things like that.  
Said he had a lotta time to watch the princess's hand as she 
was signin' all those papers.  Said he wasn't so sure about 
Shrek and hopes he got his size right."

Fiona pulled her ring off her finger, hoping she hadn't broken 
some bad-luck taboo by trying it on before the wedding.  But 
the damage having been done, he gave Shrek his ring.  He tried 
it on.  It nearly fit, but was just a bit too wide.

"It doesn't fit quite as well as mine," she observed, a little 
disappointed.

"It fits well enough," he said.

"We can have it adjusted later so that it fits better," she 
offered.

"Or I can grow used to it," he countered.

"Or maybe a little of both," she said, looking up at him.  Then 
they both laughed and fell into each other's arms.  A second 
later they were sharing the kiss that Donkey's entry had 
interrupted a few moments before.

"Yeah, well, all those are good ideas," Donkey said.  But the 
ogres, still locked in their embrace, were ignoring him.

"So, I guess I'm jus' go on back out, then," Donkey said, a 
little uncomfortable.

The ogres continued their embrace, ignoring him.

"So, I guess I'll see you all later, then," Donkey said, half-
turning toward the door.  Then he looked back.  The ogres were 
still embracing, ignoring him.  Donkey smiled, shook his head, 
and left the house, the door swinging shut behind him.

*     *     *

Night fell and the hours grew later.  Soon bedtime was 
approaching, and the ogres realized with a little embarrassment 
that Shrek's house only held one bedroom.  Although this would 
hardly be a problem after their wedding the next day, for this 
night it did present a small dilemma that was solved when Shrek 
insisted that Fiona take the bedroom while he and Donkey slept 
under the stars, the way they did that first night after 
rescuing Fiona from Dragon.  Not being able to think of a 
reasonable alternative, Fiona reluctantly agreed.

Now Fiona was dressed in a nightgown, standing by the window in 
the unlit bedroom, staring up at the twinkling stars in a clear 
night sky and listening to Shrek and Donkey converse from where 
whey laid on their backs several yards away in the clearing.  
Like that first night, the two again apparently underestimated 
her hearing ability.

"So," she heard Donkey say, "Wat'cho gonna do now?"

"Whaddya mean?" Shrek asked.

"After you two get married.  You gonna move somewhere else, or 
stay here?"

"Stay here."

"She's okay with that?"

"She seems more'n okay.  She says she LIKES the place."

"See?  I TOLD ya so!  She's a heck of'a woman -- or ogress -- 
or whatever.  Anyway, you sure are lucky, Shrek."

"Yeah.  I know.  Weird the way things work out.  All I wanted 
when we left on that quest was t'get this swamp back.  Then, 
after I met her an' ... all that, an' I got the swamp back but 
thought I'd lost her, this place didn't seem t'mean anything 
any more.  Now I've got her, AND the swamp, an' the two seem 
t'get along just fine.  It's like a dream come true."

"Sounds to me like you're headin' for one'a those 'happily ever 
after' endin's ya read so much about."

"Yeah.  I hope so.  I really, really do."

Fiona smiled and decided she'd done enough eavesdropping -- 
intentionally or otherwise -- for one night.  She yawned and 
looked at the simple but tidy bed.  She pulled down the covers, 
got in, and then pulled the covers up over her.  She tried to 
go to sleep, but somehow couldn't.  She felt uncomfortable.  
Why was that, she wondered.  Jitters about the next day's 
wedding?  Doubts about its wisdom?  Fears that she was rushing 
things?  Worries about whether she would be able to make Shrek 
happy?  Concerns about the eventual meetings that would have to 
take place with her human family and friends, so many of which 
she feared wouldn't understand?  Were these things starting to 
gnaw at her and keep her awake?  She thought about it, and 
eventually she realized that no, they weren't.  So she got back 
out of bed, lifted the mattress, and saw a pea sitting there 
underneath it.  "Figures!" she said, picking up the pea and 
tossing it out the window.  She then got back into bed, pulled 
the covers back over her, and was soon sleeping the sleep of 
the blessed.