Layer 10: Hanging On for a Hero "YES!" Shrek shouted excitedly when he saw Dragon circling overhead as he struggled to maintain his position in the sinkhole and not slip any further. Donkey glanced up from where he maintained his grip on Shrek's vest. "AW RIGHT!" he said through his clenched teeth, the corners of his mouth turning upward in a smile. The excitement and smiles were wiped away, however, when it became clear that Dragon was now coming in for one of her typical, not- very-soft landings, and she was heading for the area directly between the Drainpipe and the new sinkhole. "NO!" Shrek shouted as she began the last phase of her descent. "NOT THERE! NOT --" Dragon landed with a thump, her head toward Shrek and Donkey, her rear toward the Drainpipe. At the Drainpipe, the resulting tremor sent Groyl sinking a couple of more inches and the ogresses shrieked yet again. But at the new sinkhole the effects were more extreme. The last support under Shrek's arms collapsed and he began dropping through the hole in earnest now with Donkey, who refused to release his grip on his friend's vest, starting to topple in after him. But Dragon quickly leaned down and grabbed Donkey's tail with her mouth just as he was falling through. She then lifted him out of the sinkhole, Shrek trailing underneath him as Donkey maintained his grip. "OW OW OW OW," Donkey kept saying as Dragon gently swung him and the trailing ogre away from the sinkhole and dropped them in a heap a few yards to its side. "Oh, man!" Donkey said from where he lay, looking back at his rear. "A few more seconds of THAT and we'd a' had to play 'Pin the Tail BACK On the Donkey'!" "Thanks Dragon!" Shrek shouted, scrambling to his feet and immediately pointing past Dragon toward the Drainpipe. "Quick! Get the rest of my family! Hurry!" Dragon smiled, nodded, and began turning around towards the Drainpipe. Shrek then looked down at Donkey, who had started moving his jaws about as if trying to readjust the set of his teeth. "And thank YOU, Donkey," the ogre said gently and with a grateful smile. "Ye literally saved my life." "Hey, man, forget it!" Donkey said, smiling back and hopping to his feet. "But I AM gonna send ya my dental bill!" Shrek began to chuckle, but just then they heard chalumeau music start playing from somewhere up along the southern hill. Both he and Donkey looked up in that direction, their brows knit in surprise and concern. "Oh-oh," Donkey said. "What's Zamfir up to now?" "I don't know," Shrek replied, "but maybe we should -- " Shrek looked in the direction of the Drainpipe. Dragon had turned around so that her tail was toward the ogre and Donkey. She was also standing now on three of her feet, so Shrek could see along the ground underneath her to the top of the pit. She had begun reaching down toward the Drainpipe with one of her hand-like front paws, but for some unfathomable reason had stopped. She seemed to be frozen, the paw that would have saved his family hovering only a couple of feet above the pit. Shrek suddenly panicked and without thinking shouted, "WHAT'RE YE WAITING FOR, YE GREAT GLORIFIED GECKO?! PULL 'EM OUT!!" But Dragon did not pull them out. Instead, she swung her head back and glared down at Shrek and Donkey, her yellow eyes suddenly burning bright and their slit pupils growing narrower. She curled her bright red lips back, exposing her long, white teeth, and roared at them. All this she did while the chalumeau music grew more shrill and urgent in its notes. Shrek and Donkey stared up at the large, angry beast, their own eyes growing wide and their jaws slack. "Uh, Shrek," Donkey ventured, "you might wanna rephrase that ..." Before the ogre could do so, however, Dragon lifted her great tail, poising it just above the two. Shrek and Donkey stared at it in shock for a moment, and then it lashed towards them like an oversized whip. "AHHHH!!" each yelled as they dove in opposite directions to avoid the Dragon's tail, Shrek toward the north and Donkey toward the south. The tail smashed the ground between them where they had stood, opening yet another sinkhole where it struck. Nearby the six hybrid offspring that had just landed cowered together, unsure what to do. They hated it when Mommy and Daddy fought. Then the cadence of the chalumeau music changed somewhat, and Dragon turned back toward the Drainpipe, repositioning her tail so that it wasn't trailing in the new sinkhole. She stared down at the helpless ogres below her and roared menacingly. Shrek saw how Dragon reacted to the cadence of the chalumeau music, and his eyes darted to the southern hill. He tried to make out the specific area where the music was originating, tried to find the musician, but he couldn't quite do it. Dragon now stood between him and that hill, but Donkey was at the foot of it. "DONKEY!" Shrek yelled. "QUICK! TRY AND FIND THAT BLASTED FLUTIST! HE'S CONTROLLING HER!" Shrek then shifted his gaze back toward the red beast as it roared at his family. His jaw set, Shrek added, more to himself than his friend, "I'll take care of Dragon!" Shrek quickly calculated what he had to do. He looked up the side of the northern hill above him, picked out a spot that he had to get to -- a deep crevice some fifty feet up the slope -- and began scrambling up the side of the hill. He slipped and stumbled several times on his frustrating rush up the incline, but kept his legs churning, and kept one eye on Dragon. Shrek was just about to reach his goal when Dragon opened her mouth, eyes set on the trio below, and began leaning down towards them, saliva dripping from her lips. Panicking, Shrek slipped. He managed to catch hold of a bush, preventing a tumble back down the hill, but he could only watch helplessly as Dragon's mouth was about to close on his family. "NOOOOOO!!!!" Shrek screamed. Then Dragon halted in mid-bite, but not because of Shrek's exhortation. There were relatively few sensitive areas along Dragon's hide, but the very tip of her spade-shaped tail was one of them. She had suddenly felt an uncomfortable prick there as she closed in on the ogres. It wasn't painful, but it was irritating. So for a moment she turned away from the ogres and looked back toward her tail, and saw what was causing the discomfort. A very small animal had partially sunk its teeth into the tip of the tail and was biting down as best it could. It was Puppy. Dragon roared at the canine. The bichon frise's eyes grew wide with fright and she whined a little, but she stubbornly held on. Dragon then flicked her tail. Puppy immediately lost her grip and was sent tumbling across the hard, rocky road until she landed with a thud in the ditch beside it. The little dog lay there, hurt and disoriented, and whimpered. Dragon snarled dismissively at her, then turned back to the Drainpipe. But Puppy had bought Shrek the time he needed. In the few seconds it took Dragon to deal with the dog, Shrek pulled himself to his feet and made his way up to the edge of the crevice. As Dragon turned back towards the pit, Shrek picked up a rock about the size and weight of a large bowling ball. "HEY, DRAGON!" Shrek yelled. "FEEL LIKE OGRE MEAT TODAY, DO YE? THEN WHY DON'T YE TRY A PIECE OF ME?!" With that, Shrek threw the rock. It covered the twenty or so yards that separated them and conked Dragon on the side of the head. Pained and enraged, but with all her facilities still intact, Dragon whirled toward Shrek and gave an even greater roar. Glowing eyes trained on him, she reared back and sucked in a great breath. Across the valley from the other hillside, Donkey called, "SHREK! LOOK OUT!!" But Shrek already knew what was coming, and gulped. "Oh, boy," he muttered to himself. "I just hope this crevice is deep enough." Shrek dove into the crevice just as Dragon released a great torrent of flame. The spray of fire lasted for several seconds, and by the time she was done all that was left of a sizable portion of the hillside around which Shrek had stood was nothing but charred rocks and the blackened, smoldering skeletons of trees. * * * From the Drainpipe, only Fiona could see what was transpiring on the hillside, it barely being in her field of vision over the pit's edge. Moyre was too low, and Groyl had his eyes held tight as he concentrated on maintaining his grip -- his aged muscles were apparently nearing their limits. So Fiona alone was treated to the sight of Shrek standing defiantly on the hillside one second, and that hillside bursting into flames the next. "SHREK, NOOOOOO!!!!" Fiona screamed. "Fiona! What is it?!" Groyl asked, opening his eyes and trying to turn his head despite the strain. "Yes! What's happening to our son?!" Moyre pleaded. Fiona choked back a sob. She felt faint, but forced herself to stay awake, although she wished she could have allowed herself to be enveloped in merciful oblivion at that moment. In fact, she wished she could have just dropped off into that black void beneath her. But even if Shrek was gone, she owed it to him to try to save his mother. The princess batted her eyelids, beating back tears, as she looked again to the hillside. She could see Dragon's head leaning forward, poking and sniffing around the smoky remains at about the spot where Shrek had stood. Perhaps she HAD decided to have a taste of blackened ogre meat, Fiona thought, her stomach turning. Then she gulped and tried to answer his parents. "Shrek is ... he's ..." Suddenly Shrek appeared. He leapt out of a crevice on the hillside. Some of his face and other parts of his body were black with soot, and his clothes were singed in a couple of places, but he was -- "ALIVE!!" Fiona screamed again, this time with joy. "HE'S ALIVE!!!!" But then Shrek leapt from the hillside onto the stunned Dragon, landing on the top of her snout, and Fiona worried how long her pronouncement would hold true. * * * Shrek lay on his stomach, straddling Dragon's snout. His legs dangled to either side just above her nostrils and his head rested just a few feet below her eyes. Those yellow eyes of hers again flared with anger as she glared -- cross-eyed, due to his proximity -- at his soot-stained face. As her lips curled back in a snarl Shrek reached down and grabbed the top lip on either side of her mouth and tried bracing with his legs as best he could for the ride he knew was coming. It came quickly. Dragon roared and tossed her head back. Shrek's legs flopped off and back on -- causing considerable discomfort as they flopped back on -- but he continued to hold tight to her lips with his massive hands. Dragon tried tossing him again and again, her roars reverberating through the valley and piercing the territory for miles around, but Shrek held on. He was waiting for her to toss her head back in just the right way, and he hoped he could last until then. Finally she pitched her head with the angle he was hoping for, and Shrek let go. He flew off of her snout and directly toward one of her long earflaps. He grabbed the end of the flap as he passed it and held on tight as his weight and momentum then carried him down and under her throat, then back up a bit on the other side of her head. At the apex of the short upswing Shrek reached up desperately with his free hand and managed to grasp the end of her other earflap, which she had fortunately been holding it at a relatively low angle at the time. Suddenly the ogre was now dangling, each hand holding the end of either earflap, just beneath Dragon's throat. He then took a deep breath, braced his knees against Dragon's throat, and pulled down with all his substantial strength on the earflaps, covering the concealed hearing membranes where the flaps connected to her head and hopefully cutting off the sound of that contemptible chalumeau which had continued its incessant playing throughout everything. Dragon roared yet again, this time in pain as much as anger. She violently shook her head, but the ogre stayed on. She then reached up with her hand-like front paws, grabbed Shrek, and tried to pry him off that way. Shrek groaned with the effort of trying to maintain his grip on the earflaps as Dragon pulled down on him. "Blast it!" Shrek grunted in frustration. "The Good Lord gave ye immense size, incredible strength, fiery breath, and the ability t'fly. But did He really have t'give ye opposable THUMBS, too?!" Shrek continued holding on. His great muscles bulged with the effort, his biceps actually starting to rip the material of his shirtsleeves at one point. He hoped he had cut off the music from her hearing. Now if he could just hold on a little longer until her blood cooled ... But he couldn't. His grip finally slipped, and Dragon's earflaps sprang back up. She roared again, this time in victory. Then she looked down at the ogre she still held, trapped now in her two- fisted grip. She snarled at him, and Shrek snarled back. It was the only thing he could do anymore. He glanced down at the Drainpipe and saw Groyl lying there on its edge, struggling to keep Fiona and Moyre from falling into the abyss, yet also now trying to keep one eye trained on him despite the strain. Shrek felt a deep surge of regret that he couldn't have done more to protect them. "Sorry, Father," he lamented quietly. "I tried." Dragon then began to lift Shrek toward her head, her mouth opening to show large white sparkly teeth now dripping with saliva in anticipation. "BABE, DON'T DO IT!" Donkey pleaded from the southern hill. "THINK OF OUR FRIENDS! THINK OF THE KIDS! THINK OF THE HEARTBURN!" But Dragon wasn't hearing him -- that, or she was unable to heed him. She slowly brought Shrek closer to her mouth, and as she did so, she began squeezing him between her paws to make him more compact. As the immense pressure built around his torso, Shrek's reflexes kicked in, causing an entirely predicable if involuntary reaction. He belched. It was a long, loud belch, sending a huge plume of putrid gas (Donkey would later swear he could make out a cloud of blue vapor) jetting directly into Dragon's face. Dragon, unfortunately for her, was breathing in at the time. She immediately began to gag, then cough, then wheeze, and then -- just when it looked like she had recovered -- her eyes rolled back in her head as her lids closed over them and she fainted, thudding over onto her back and causing another tremor to ripple throughout the valley. A few seconds later the chalumeau music stopped. * * * The tremor caused Groyl to sink a couple of more inches, but neither he nor the females seemed to notice very much this time. "Groyl, what is it? What's going on?" Moyre called from below. "Yes, what's happening to Shrek?" Fiona added, her view of the latter part of the ogre/dragon battle having been obscured. "HE DID IT!" Groyl exclaimed, looking down into the pit. "Shrek did it! He defeated the dragon! Knocked her out cold!" "Oh, thank Heaven," Moyre sighed, and Groyl could hear her murmuring a prayer of thanks. Meanwhile Fiona's expression melted from one of near terror to one of great relief. She closed her eyes and Groyl could make out her lips quiver in what he suspected was her own offering of gratitude. But then her eyes opened and a self-assured little smile adorned her lips. "Of COURE he did," she said jauntily and with a touch of pride. "You were perhaps expecting some OTHER outcome?" Groyl laughed and looked over at the fallen dragon where she lay about ten yards from the Drainpipe. Her great chest was heaving in measured breaths and she had begun to snore. Still clutched in her fists was his son, his own eyes closed. He wasn't moving. Groyl's smile disappeared and he yelled, "SHREK! SHREK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!" Shrek stirred, then groaned semi-consciously, "Ohhhhhh, man. THAT'S gonna hurt in the 'morn." "Are you all right, Son?!" Groyl called again. Shrek blinked, forcing himself back to the here-and-now. "DAD!" he exclaimed, looking over at Groyl. Shrek tried to move towards his father -- but discovered that the dragon's grip, even in unconsciousness, still bound him. He began pushing at her fingers in an attempt to free himself. "I'll be right there, Dad!" Shrek said. "Just hang on a wee bit more!" It was then that the chalumeau music began playing again. * * * The Piper had cursed silently but earnestly when he saw the dragon toppled, and stopped playing the chalumeau. He tapped its mouthpiece thoughtfully on his chin while he watched from the mouth of his little hidden cave as the younger ogre fought to free himself from the sleeping dragon's unknowing clutches. Then the Piper noticed the little group of the dragon's hybrid offspring still huddled off to one side, anxiously watching and not knowing what to do. Then a sly smile spread across the Piper's face. Perhaps he could offer them a suggestion. The Piper pointed the chalumeau at the group of youngsters -- not that aim mattered that much with the silencer gone -- and began playing. He didn't know if this would work on such an oddly mixed species. Indeed, they had apparently not been affected by the music he had played for their mother. Now he tried changing the key and the tempo to one he had found worked well with children before. To his delight, they began to move in obedience to his music. And so he nimbly danced his fingers across the finger holes and concentrated on telling the hybrids what to do. The hybrids took to the air and flew to the Drainpipe. They then began flying in circles around the older ogre, making little diving passes and with each pass would let go a little burst of flame, burning some part of his body. They were not serious burns, but certainly painful as the Piper could judge by the ogre's reactions and the way he yelped. The younger ogre, now terrified for the other, continued trying to free himself as the elder one somehow managed to continue his grip on the females below despite the blistering pain. The Piper struggled not to chuckle as he continued his playing. Then suddenly the Piper's field of vision was completely obscured by a great gray and white blob. It took a moment for his eyes to focus, and when they did so they saw the donkey's face glowering into his own. The animal was only a few inches away, his brow furled and eyes filled with rage. "Hey, man!" the donkey fumed. "You're havin' a bad influence on my kids. Time for YOU ta pipe down!" With that, the equine clamped his sizeable teeth around the chalumeau, ripped it out of the Piper's grip, and then chomped down on it, splintering it into pieces. The donkey turned his head momentarily to spit the pieces down the side of the hill. "MAN, that was annoying!" the animal said, then turned back and threw his head forward in a powerful head-butt, conking the Piper on his forehead and adding the musician to the growing ranks of the non-conscious. * * * The hybrids ceased their circling and alighted a few yards from the Drainpipe, looking confused and contrite. Groyl, more than a dozen small burn marks on his clothes and skin, moaned. "DAD --" Shrek began as he pried futilely at another one of Dragon's fingers. "It's all right, Son," Groyl replied, "I can still hold on." But his voice was pained, weak, and tired. Then suddenly the ground beneath Groyl shifted again, and his body slipped sideways into the Drainpipe. The females and Shrek all screamed. Only Groyl's arm remained above the edge, his hand holding onto the metal neck of the pitchfork. But that pitchfork was now starting to bend with the weight, and in a matter of seconds would peel from the ground, sending all three ogres plunging into the Drainpipe's dark depths. "OGRE!" a new voice suddenly called. Shrek looked off to the east to see a cream-colored stallion galloping up the valley towards the Drainpipe. Atop the stallion rode a big, burly man wearing a brown Stetson hat on his head, a sheriff's badge on his shirt, and holding a lasso from one hand. Just behind him sat a young woman brandishing a shepherd's staff. As they drew near the Drainpipe, the sheriff bellowed, "NOW, BO!" Bo actually stood up on the horse just behind the saddle, holding on to the back of the sheriff's shirt for support with her left hand, and then with her right she hurled her staff like a javelin at the Drainpipe, yelling, "QUICK, GRAB THIS!" The base of the staff planted itself in the ground just a few inches below where Groyl's hand still clutched the pitchfork, the open part of the staff's crook end pointing away from the riders. As Bo flopped back down behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso, the sheriff brought his stallion to a skidding stop, then twirled his lasso and threw it over the staff, nabbing its hook. As he did so, the pitchfork finally peeled from the ground and Groyl had no choice but to grab onto the end of the staff as he slid by it. But it quickly tore out of the ground also and the three ogres, still holding tightly to each other, fell about four feet before the rope became taught, Groyl continuing to grasp the end of the staff as their last support. Unfortunately, the weight of three ogres was a bit more than the stallion could manage. The rope trailed from the pit for fifteen yards to where it was wrapped around the pommel of the stallion's saddle. The horse's hooves began slipping on the rocky ground as it tried to maintain its footing. It whinnied loudly with the effort, but it became clear that even its powerful muscles couldn't support such weight. As it began slipping backwards toward the pit, the sheriff growled, "Blast it! This wasn't such a good idea after all. We're gonna have to cut the rope -- we don't have a choice!" "NO!!" Shrek bellowed, and in desperation finally managed to push aside a constraining reptilian finger and tumbled out of the Dragon's grip. He scrambled to his feet and began running towards where the rope emerged from the pit. The sheriff had his knife out, but seeing Shrek's desperate charge he paused, wanting to give the ogre as much time as he could. But then suddenly the decision was taken from his hands as the pommel broke off and the rope began unwinding into the Drainpipe. Shrek dove for and grabbed the rope some five yards from the pit's edge and quickly swung his legs around towards the Drainpipe as he was dragged towards it. He dug his heels in and found precarious anchor virtually on the pit's edge. "HANG ON!" he shouted down to his family, his muscles straining to keep his shaky balance while supporting their weight. After a moment he attempted pulling back on the rope, but when he tried his footing along the edge began to give way. "HOLD ON, SHREK!" Donkey shouted as he galloped in from the southern hill. As he approached the Drainpipe he looked over at his confused offspring and yelled, "HEY, KIDS! WE NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE!" Donkey then grabbed the rope with his mouth just behind Shrek and started pulling along with the ogre. The six hybrids, responding to their father's command, quickly fell in line behind him, each grabbing a part of the rope with their mouth and also pulling, both stepping back with their feet and flapping their wings. The sheriff hastily took what was left of the rope and tied it around the stallion's flanks and had him start pulling again as well. The rope slowly withdrew from the pit. After what seemed to Shrek an eternity he saw the shepherd's staff, then Groyl's hand ... then his arm ... then his head rising from the pit. A few seconds later and his father was stepping over the edge of the Drainpipe, with Fiona clasped onto his arm and emerging just behind him, and then finally Moyre was hoisted to safety by Fiona. Once the trio had their footing they stumbled forwards several yards away from the Drainpipe and then collapsed onto their knees in exhaustion. As Groyl let go of the life-saving shepherd's staff that had somehow supported three ogres' weight with no perceivable damage, Shrek heard the sheriff behind him say, "Well! That really WAS a Hattori Hanzo staff!" "Dad! Fiona! Mom! Thank God!" Shrek cried, rushing towards his family, wishing he could embrace them all at once. He decided he'd begin with his father. He sank to his knees in front of the bruised, burned, and exhausted older ogre and threw his arms around him. "Ye did it, Dad!" Shrek gushed. "Ye saved everybody!" Groyl hugged Shrek back for a few seconds, then leaned away and ran a finger across Shrek's soot-smeared face. "It seems I'm not the only one," he said, smiling. Shrek smiled back, then the two hugged again. * * * Fiona sat on her knees, panting, watching the father and son interaction with a smile of her own. Then she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked back to see Moyre, also still on her knees, a stern expression on her face. "Fiona," Moyre began, "about back there --" "Oh, Moyre, I'm so sorry!" Fiona said. "I didn't mean any of that, really! I was just trying to --" Moyre lifted her right hand and laid its fingers against Fiona's lips, silencing her. The older ogress then smiled impishly. "I know, dear," she said. "Ye had me going for a little while, but I eventually figured it out. Like I said, I'm not stupid. Well, except for forming bad preconceptions. The way I acted when I first met ye, that WAS stupid indeed. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's me that needs t'apologize, and I do. I'm sorry, Fiona. When it comes to ogresses, dear, you're a credit to the species. And when it comes to daughters-in-law, I couldn't have asked for better." Fiona felt tears begin to well in her eyes. "Thank you, Moy--" "Tut!" Moyre said, holding up the palm of her hand. "What did I say to call me?" Fiona grinned. "Thank you, MOM," she said, then leaned forward and gave Moyre a hug. Moyre hugged back with her right arm. "Oh, and Fiona?" Moyre said, a little uncomfortably. "Yes, Mom?" "Could ye not squeeze quite so hard on my left arm? It smarts like the dickens." "OH!" Fiona gasped, leaning back and looking with concern at Moyre's left arm. "I'm sorry! I --" "It's all right," Moyre chuckled. "I'll live. Again, thanks to you. Oh, and I also wanted to apologize to ye for that 'tadpole' quip I made back there." Fiona giggled. "That's quite all right, Mom," she said. "Given the circumstances, we --" "'Tadpole'?" Shrek said. "She really called ye ... a 'tadpole'?" Fiona looked over to see Shrek -- in fact, to see everybody -- staring at her and Moyre. "Well, yes," she said, blushing somewhat in embarrassment. "You see, I was trying to get Moyre to --" But Shrek had started chuckling. Then laughing. Then bellylaughing. Beside him, Donkey also began chuckling, and then suddenly keeled over on his back and started laughing heartily as well. Then Groyl started laughing and quickly looked away, and even Moyre's face sprang a grin that she hastily covered with her right hand. Even the sheriff and Bo smiled at the scene before them. Fiona blushed even more deeply, then rose to her feet, glared at Shrek and demanded, "WHAT is so FUNNY?!" "Sorry, Fi," Shrek said, getting back to his own feet as his laughter started to fade. "It's just that it's such a relief to ... oh, sweet HEAVEN you're a gorgeous sight!" Fiona couldn't help but smile despite herself as Shrek, brimming with elation, approached her and took her in his arms. But then Shrek's smile turned mischievous. "You're not like a tadpole at all," he said, leaning off to the side and looking around her back towards her buttocks. "You've got a much cuter --" "Shrek!" Fiona interrupted him, blushing again and nodding back towards Moyre, who had risen herself. "We've got company!" "No," Shrek corrected his wife. "We've got family. A family still intact, thanks to YOU." "Aye," Moyre agreed. "You've got quite a jewel there, Son. Ye take care of her." "A CROWN jewel," Shrek added. "And we'll be taking care of each other. Eh, Fiona?" Fiona's smile deepened. "Aye," she said, causing Shrek to chuckle. Fiona giggled. Then their lips drew near each other -- * * * They were interrupted as suddenly a new tremor rippled through the valley. More of the surrounding edge again toppled into the Drainpipe, as well as the other two, newer sinkholes. Then various small fissures began running from the sinkholes and weaving zigzag patterns across the valley. "Oh m'God!" Moyre gasped. "It feels like this whole valley's about to collapse!" "QUICK!" the sheriff shouted, pointing toward the southern hill. "Everybody get up on that hillside! NOW!" Groyl grabbed Moyre's right arm and hurried her toward the hillside. Bo quickly retrieved her staff and she and the sheriff followed, his horse trailing close behind. Shrek tried to lead Fiona up the hillside, but then a whining noise distracted her and she looked towards the road to see Puppy still in the ditch, many yards away, whimpering. Its right front paw was apparently hurt, and she couldn't pull herself from the depression. "You go on!" Fiona said to Shrek, pulling away from him and running towards Puppy. "I'll be right back!" "FIONA!" Shrek called after her. "PLEASE! You --" Then Shrek noticed Donkey. He was still in the valley as well. He had run over to the front of the unconscious, snoring Dragon's face and was speaking to her in a very agitated tone while their six hybrid offspring literally hovered around their parents, frightened expressions on their faces. "BABE! WAKE UP!" Donkey implored. "PLEASE! YOU'VE GOTTA SNAP OUTTA THIS DEATH VALLEY DAZE!" Shrek saw one of the expanding fissures zigzagging towards his furry friend. "DONKEY! LOOK OUT!" he called, but the equine didn't hear him as he continued trying to awaken his lifemate. Shrek ran across the valley towards him, grabbing Donkey without breaking stride and stepping away just before the fissure crossed the spot where Donkey had been standing and opened yet another sinkhole there. Shrek continued running, now carrying a struggling Donkey, until he was striding up the northern hillside and away from danger. He then sat Donkey down and turned to look back. Fissures continued to open across the valley, and Dragon suddenly sank a couple of feet upon the ground where she lay. "NO!" Donkey cried, and tried running back. "Stop, Donkey!" Shrek said, grabbing his friend's tail. "Ye can't do anything for her now!" "No! Lemme go!" Donkey pleaded. "She needs me!" But Shrek's eyes were watching for Fiona. To his relief he saw she had Puppy cradled under her right arm and was starting up the southern hillside where his parents, the humans, and the stallion were already safely standing. But then there was a moan from near the Drainpipe that caught her attention. Shrek followed her gaze. The villager that had had the pitchfork to Moyre's back and that Fiona had knocked out was starting to come around, moaning and moving very slightly. Shrek judged that it would still take some time before he fully regained consciousness. Too much time, unfortunately, for along the ground about him ran several fissures. Fiona stared at the villager from where she stood near the foot of the hillside -- and supposed safety. She seemed to be debating with herself what to do. "Don't do it, Fi," Shrek mumbled to himself. "He's not worth it. Just keep going up the hill --" To Shrek's relief, Fiona started up the hillside. But she only went up a few paces, set Puppy down, then turned back around and started running across the valley towards the fallen human. "FIONA, NO!" Shrek shouted. He let go of Donkey and started down the hillside towards her. But he had only gotten a few steps when the collapse began. It started around Dragon. Half the valley seemed to collapse beneath the multi-ton monster, and the great beast toppled in. Shrek thought he could just make out one of her eyes finally begin to lazily open as she disappeared into the huge maw of darkness, followed by Donkey's terrified scream. The hybrids flew up and away from the area in fright, then hovered several yards away, looking down into the emptiness and whining. The collapse continued rolling across the valley. It enveloped the area around Fiona just as she reached down and snatched up the villager by the front of his shirt. As the ground disintegrated around her and she also dropped into the darkness, Shrek joined Donkey in his horrified cry. * * * "Royal blunder, Princess," Fiona chided herself angrily as she suddenly found herself in freefall. She looked towards the northern hill, and her last vision before she fell into the void was Shrek standing helplessly near its base, his eyes wide in terror as he stared at her and called her name, one hand reaching futilely out towards her. Fiona reached back towards him with her free hand as she descended into the darkness. She felt a tear of regret forming in the corner of one eye. "I'll see you later," she said softly. She then looked down into nothingness as the speed of her descent increased. She tried to remember how long it had taken that chalumeau to reach the bottom of the pit, but couldn't quite recount the seconds. Oh, well, no matter. She would find out soon enough. The villager whose shirt she still grasped and who had not yet fully regained consciousness moaned again in blissful oblivion. Fiona envied him. But suddenly something appeared in the darkness amidst the falling debris directly below her -- two yellow, gleaming orbs with slit pupils. For a split second Fiona feared that perhaps the Devil's Drainpipe was too literally named, but then she realized what she was seeing, and she smiled. The orbs grew larger as they drew rapidly closer, and then Fiona was able to hear it -- the sound of flapping reptilian wings. Suddenly the gleaming eyes flew past her and upward, and just as they did so Fiona gasped as she was suddenly plucked out of the air by the adroit fingers of a huge paw that snugly encircled her torso. The change of direction was so drastic that Fiona nearly dropped the villager -- no great loss, she thought with a smirk. * * * When he saw Fiona disappear from view, Shrek had fallen to his knees, nearly losing his balance on the hillside and tumbling into the depths himself. Not that it would have mattered much, he thought mournfully. Now, a few moments later, Shrek was still on his knees, one huge arm around Donkey as the two grieving friends, heads bowed, quietly consoled each other. Suddenly, with a roar of triumph, Dragon emerged from the darkness and continued flying straight up into the sky, the fading rays of sunset glistening off of her scaly red hide. In her right front paw she clutched Fiona, who in turn continued grasping the villager in one hand like a floppy rag doll. Shrek bounced jubilantly to his feet and cheered heartily, as did Donkey and the group on the opposite hillside. The six hybrids bounced up and down and flitted in the air for several seconds around Shrek and Donkey, excitedly yelling "Ma! Ma!" before flying off to greet their mother. "I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, BABE!" Donkey yelled happily as Dragon made a little loop in the sky before starting to circle in for a landing. "Of course ye did!" Shrek laughed, leaning down and rubbing the top of Donkey's head in a 'noogie' as the ogre was carried away in his own joy. Donkey didn't object this time as he usually did at the gesture, but instead laughed along with him. With his head temporarily forced down, Donkey had time to really notice the new, great open maw that lay below him where the valley floor had been. More was visible now with so much of the former surface gone, but it all still faded into a great black nothingness, a now gigantic pit. "Woooow!" Donkey gasped in awe. "Good-bye Sunnydale!"