Blood
Spill more blood around area of stain so it won't stand out as much.
Ink
Fall to knees and plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?"
Grass
Write the name of your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold up to camera,
and show off the unbelievable results.
Mud
Place large iron-on NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.
Grape Juice
Rub stain vigorously with wet paper towel from restroom while saying, "Oh,
drat... Darn."
Tomato Sauce
Take out the mook responsible for your tomato-sauce stain by executing him
gangland-style in the back of the head. Capeche?
Coffee
Rub cream and sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust
coffee-stain flavor.
Wine
Apply mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no longer care
about some little stinking stain.
Chewing Gum
Using permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain. Cut carefully on
dotted line.
Nail Polish
Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a
pleasing "homecrafted" look?
Bleach
Insoluble. Burn down house.
