The Night Before Christmas
The Night Before Christmas
A Parody by Father of Lies
Based upon "A Visit From St. Nicholas"
by Clement C. Moore
'Twas the night before Christmas in the land of the Yat
Not a creature was stirring, not even a rat.
The fledglings were tucked up all safe in their beds.
While visions of arteries danced in their heads.
Dear Louis in tatters and I in my vest
Had just settled in for a nice winter's rest
When out on the gallery came such a clatter
I sprang from my coffin to see what was the matter.
The bedroom was shuttered against old man sun
So to the next room now I went at a run.
The moon over Royal Street gave such a glow
That it seemed like daylight on the courtyard below.
And what with my vampire eyes did I see
But a miniature sleigh in the old live oak tree.
And the driver, a plump little elf I knew well.
Sacré! Think of that! It was Papa Nöel.
As dry leaves that before mean old Earl might fly
When they meet with a streetcar mount up to the sky
So up to the rooftop the little sleigh flew
With a bag full of loot and Papa Nöel too.
Quick as a flash I turned off the alarm.
(That electric-shock system could cause him some harm).
As I sighed with relief and was turning around
Down the chimney Papa Nöel came with a bound.
He was dressed all in red, just the color of blood -
But this was no time to be thinking of food!
He looked jolly and plump, a right tasty old elf
and I slurped when I saw him in spite of myself.
A wink of my eye and a shake of my head
Soon gave him to know he had nothing to dread.
"Lestat, you know better," he chuckled with glee.
"Now be a good boy and come here and help me."
So I leapt to his side and we made ourselves busy
Filling stockings with gifts at a pace that was dizzy.
We spoke very little but kept to the work.
He filled up the last and then turned with a jerk.
He held in his hand a box done up in red.
"I almost forgot, this is for you," he said.
He reached out with one mitten and tickled my nose
And giving a laugh, up the chimney he rose.
He dashed to his sleigh, to his team gave a yell
And away they all flew like a bat out of hell.
But I heard him call as he flew up and away
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good day!"
