Not too long ago, I received word of a secret plot involving not the government, but the educational system! It is said that at many high schools throughout the country, there are secret underground flour grinding mills! These mills are powered by unsuspecting students who are used for slave labor unknowingly. Today I bring to you Case #109: The White Mile.

Every year, students are forced to partake in a Physical Education class, better known as PE. In PE every student must run "The Mile." The Mile is one of those silly little fitness tests that they say is meant to test one's endurance. Generally, there is a large, oval shaped track that the students run around during the mile. It is under these tracks, where the mills are located.

As students run around the track they are secretly fitted with invisible and non-perceivable harnesses that attach to huge rungs. These rungs are attached to an invisible post in the middle of the field. Thus, as the students run, they turn the huge post. Underground, this turning grinds the flour. The ground flour is then ready to be packaged, shipped and sold. On top of that, much of the school food is then made with this flour and sold to the students. They grind the flour and then buy it. This process turns a large profit for those operating the mills.

These mills must be stopped! So go now, march to your local high school and start digging under the track! Then you'll see I am correct and these mills must be stopped!