Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard-on
I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass

My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong
I don't drive in circles at any cost
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.

I never forget an important date
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score

I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
And just cause I'm assertive
Don't call me a bitch

I don't wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
Don't burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart
Ballet, not football, is what I consider an art

Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her
In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
Flowers are okay, but jewelry's best
Would you look at my face, not at my chest!

I don't have a problem expressing my feelings
I know when you're lying, you look at the ceiling
Don't call me a girl, a babe or a chick
I am a WOMAN, get it, you prick?