I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up
I will not throw up in the car
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop
Kitty box crunchies are not food
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside
I will not bark each time I hear one on TV
My head does not belong in the refrigerator
~ This was an email I received a long time ago
