- Romance Mathematics
- Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
- Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair
- Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage
- Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
- Office Arithmetic
- Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit
- Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
- Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
- Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime
- Shopping Math
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
- General Equations & Statistics
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Happiness
- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
- To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Memory
- Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- Appearance
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during he night.
- Propensity to Change
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
- Discussion Technique
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- Comprehension
- There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.
- How To Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married
- Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You're next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
~ This was an email I received a long time ago
