Crossed Signals

By Richard Palmer

Part One: When Love Gets in the Mix

"It's here!" shouted Cologne. She was opening a package that had just been delivered that day.

Shampoo stopped from cleaning up the restaurant, "What here Great-grandmother?"

"A powder that I had been trying to get my hands on for a while." Cologne said holding up a cylindrical container, "If mixed in with certain foods, it will make the person who eats it fall in love with the first person he or she looks at once they're finished!"

"Then if we get Ranma to eat…" began Shampoo.

"Exactly!"

Later that day, during lunch, Ranma walked into the Cat Café. "He here!" thought Shampoo, "Me better go tell Great-grandmother." In just a few minutes Shampoo came out of the back room with a bowl of Ramen. She set it down in front of Ranma.

"What's the deal?" Ranma said, "I didn't order anything."

"Is new recipe!" Smiled Shampoo, "You try, okay?" Ranma began to eat the noodles.

Suddenly, Ben walked by. He looked into the restaurant and saw Ranma. He headed inside. "Hey, Holmes!" Ben said as he walked in "How's it hangin'?"

"Oh, hey Ben." Ranma said as Ben walked up.

"Hey do you mind if I bum some of your chow?" Ben said pointing to Ranma's ramen "Master Matsusake stole my wallet again."

"Sure, go ahead I just stopped in here to get away from Akane anyway." Ranma replied.

"Oh no!" Shampoo said to Cologne as Ben began to eat the ramen, "He ruin everything!"

"Not so fast, Shampoo, the Son-in-law has already eaten some. This powder is powerful enough that that is all we need." She turned to Shampoo, "Now hurry and get his attention!"

"Ranma! You look at Shampoo!" Shampoo yelled.

Ranma looked up, and their eyes met. "Shampoo! I never realized how cute you were!" Ranma stammered.

Ben was just finishing up on the Ramen when Akane burst in. "Ranma!!!" she screamed.

Ranma was still staring at Shampoo, but Ben turned to Akane as soon as she entered. "Damn, girl!" Ben stammered. He got up and walked over to her. "Hey girl wassup!" Akane looked at Ben a little surprised. "Dang you're lookin' good today Akane. How about we go catch a flick or somethin' tonight?"

"Ben?" Said Akane, really surprised now, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling better than I ever did now that you're here." Ben said softly as he held Akane's hand.

Akane groaned, then she looked over at Ranma who was holding Shampoo in his arms. "What the heck do you two think you're doing?!" Akane screamed. She walked over to Ranma and grabbed him by the Pig-tail. "You said you'd help fix the roof today! What do you think you're doing in here!"

"Akane, if it's a handyman you're needin' I'll be more than happy to..." Ben started as he approached her.

"Ben? What's wrong with you! I thought you were married?" A look of shock overcame Ben's face "Oh, Damn!" He muttered "I forgot." He looked at Akane "Don't worry Akane, It's only a temporary problem. I'm gonna get right on it!" Ben said, then he left the restaurant.

Akane turned back to Ranma "You're coming home right now!" She screamed.

"But Shampoo and I..." began Ranma.

Akane tugged harder on his pig-tail "What?!" She looked up at Shampoo and Cologne. "Oh I get it, you two are behind this! That's why Ranma and Ben are acting so weird!" She dragged Ranma out by his pig-tail. "Well, you still live under our house, Ranma, so you still have to do your part of the chores."

"Wait, Akane... Shampoo!..." Ranma yelled as he was being dragged out.

"Ooh, Great-grandmother, Ranma is finally Shampoo's!" Squealed Shampoo.

"Yes, and that Setlin boy will keep his family busy while we hold the wedding." Cologne said, "This worked out better than I planned."

Shampoo sighed "Shampoo can't believe, at last Shampoo be beautiful bride!"

"Congratulations, girlfriend!" came a voice from behind her. Shampoo turned around to see Bubble standing in the doorway, followed by her chauffeur, who was caring several shopping bags full of clothes Bubble had just bought. "I knew a good looking girl like you would get hitched sooner or later!" Bubble exclaimed as she walked up to Shampoo. "You know what? we gotta celebrate!" Shampoo smiled at Bubble. "Let's go SHOPPING!!!" exclaimed Bubble. At these words her Chauffeur's eye's bulged and he collapsed.

"But Shampoo has to get ready for her wedding." Said Cologne.

"Well, guy," said Bubble, "That's why we're going out to get a wedding dress, clothes for the honeymoon, matching luggage, get a makeover,..." Bubble stopped for a second. "Oh my gosh!" she turned to Shampoo, "We've got to throw you a bachelorette party!!!"

"But Shampoo have no money to..."

"What kind of friend would I be if I let you pay for any of this?" Said Bubble. She pulled out a credit card "The bill's going to Daddy!"

Part Two: The Proposal

Soun and Genma were playing Shogi as the night was falling on them, Genma was in his panda form. Ranma had come home with Akane today and helped out with the roof, but his mind seemed to be somewhere else. He'd left shortly after he'd finished with his chores. Soun was aggravated over what was obviously going on behind his back. He was willing to bet Ranma was running off with yet another fiancee.

Suddenly they all heard the strumming of a guitar coming from in front of the house. As the music got louder they all headed to the front door. When Akane reached the door, she groaned. Ben was standing just outside the front gate, dressed in jeans a T-shirt, a leather jacket, and his trademark headband. He had hired a Band, had a whole sound system set up, and was playing a few chords on the guitar before he started singing. "So close no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters." He set down his guitar and grabbed the microphone in front of him and walked through the gate "Never opened myself this way, life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters." Soun and Genma stared at Ben in disbelief. Genma held up a sign with a big question mark painted on it. "Trust I seek, and I find in you, every day for us something new! Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters!" Ben was walking up to Akane now, who was groaning from embarrassment and disbelief. "Never cared for what they say! Never cared for games they play! Never cared for what they know! And I know! Yeah!" One of the band members threw him his guitar again and Ben joined in for the instrumental solo. As he finished he kneeled in front of Akane and sang softly "So close no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are, no nothing else matters."

"Excuse me?" Mr. Tendo said to Ben as he finished. "What are you doing? What's going on?"

"That, Mr. Tendo, was Metallica's 'Nothing else matters', quite appropriate for the occasion" said Ben as he stood up, "Have I got a proposition for you!"

Back at Bubbles spacious apartment things were getting really wild and out of control, even for Shampoo. All of Bubble's girlfriends in the area had shown up, and the growing number of men they were bringing were starting to get on Shampoo's nerves. Shampoo had tried to be a good friend and put up with Bubble's wild friends, she even tried to join a few of them on the dance floor, but most of them were drunk and kept crashing into her. Shampoo wandered around looking for the exit she opened a door and saw Bubble in a room with three brawny men. "Hey, Girlfriend, come join the party!"

"No thanks!" Shampoo said as she quickly shut the door. "People say me crazy." She thought to herself. She fumbled around until she finally found the main doorway. She opened the door to see Cologne there. "Great-grandmother!" Shampoo said, surprised.

"Hello there Shampoo. Where do you think you're going?"

"Me have to leave Great-grandmother, is too crazy for me."

"You know, Shampoo," Began Cologne, "I was talking to this 'Bubble' girl earlier about the wedding. she said she would pay for the whole thing as a token of her friendship." Shampoo seemed rather surprised, she and Bubble had become good friends when she came to Nerima, but to have Bubble pay for the wedding?

"So what you want me to do great-grandmother?"

"Simple, child, stay here for now and show some gratitude." Cologne and Shampoo stepped out of the way as one of the drunken boys at the party stumbled out of the door, shouting incoherently, just before he hit the wall and passed out. "You sure Great-grandmother?" asked Shampoo.

Cologne was just about to answer when another boy poked his head out of the door. "Toshhhi?" the guy said, obviously sloshed. Then he turned to Cologne and smiled "Hey, beby, whattchu doin out here? Pretty gurl like you shud join the party!" Cologne turned to Shampoo, "Heck I think I'll stay myself!" she said, "Maybe I'll find some more use for this!" Cologne held out the container of the love powder. She chuckled as she walked inside.

Mousse peeked around the corner at Shampoo and Cologne as they walked inside. "If I can get my hands on that powder," he thought "maybe I can use it on Shampoo!" He chuckled as he walked up to the front door and opened it.

He was greeted by Bubble's smiling face. "MOUSSE BABY, how'd you get here?!!" She screamed. Then Mousse screamed, and started to run down the hall. Bubble grabbed him by the collar and started to pull him into the room. "C'mon baby, join the party!"

"Maybe later!" Mousse yelled as he slipped out of his robe and took off down the hall.

"Mousse baby! Come back!!"

"WHAT!!" stammered Soun, his eyes wide with shock, "You want to marry my daughter? But she's already engaged to..."

"I know She and Ranma are supposed to get hitched. But take a look at the pros and cons." Ben said with the utmost confidence in his voice. "Who is better suited, Ranma's got the skills to carry on your Dojo, but who's got the income to keep your daughter happy? Who's got the means to promote your Dojo through his film work? Which should be getting pretty popular once 'A Shot in the Dark' is released. Who can make sure his father in law is comfortable in his old age?"

Genma held up a sign reading 'Wait a minute!'

"I see absolutely no problem with it!" Soun grinned.

"Well, I do!" screamed Akane. "Ben you're married, for crying out loud! And aside from that you're twelve years older than me!"

Genma held up a sign reading simply "Yeah!"

"Well, I got solutions!" Ben returned, "I've filed for divorce, and, as for the age difference, who the hell is going to notice?"

"That's not the point!" Stammered Akane as Genma dowsed himself with hot water.

"Now hold on one second here!" Genma screamed in Ben's face "My boy Ranma is going to Marry Akane and inherit the Dojo. You'd do best to stay out of this, or have you forgotten about your debt to him?"

"I ain't forgotten jack!" Ben screamed back into Genma's face

"I'll pay my debt's back when I want and how I want, capice!"

"You'll have to fight Ranma for it!" Genma went on.

"Not a chance, last I saw he was hanging all over that Shampoo chick."

"What?" Soun said, although not nearly with as much rage in his voice as there normally would be. "Well then, I guess that settles it, you are to be Akane's new fiancee!"

"How could you, Tendo?" Genma said to Soun.

"Dad!" Screamed Akane, "Your engaging me to Ranma against my will was bad enough but this time I have to..." "BENJAMIN F. SETLIN!!!" screamed Jennifer as she stormed through the gate.

"Oh crap," said Ben "I gotta go." And he dashed out the back door.

"BEN!!!" Screamed Jennifer as she walked through the front door. She stormed into the living room where the Tendo family was all grouped in. "Where's Ben!" She screamed.

"Mrs. Setlin?" Muttered Akane.

Seeing Jennifer like this was quite a switch, she was usually a cheerfully reserved woman, much like Kasumi. Granted on some of her visits to the Setlin's house, Akane had seen Jennifer arguing over the phone to producers like a Pitbull, But even then Jennifer had her social grace. Now she seemed like she was about to tear someone's head off.

"M-Mrs. S-Setlin!" stammered Mr. Tendo. "It's nice to..."

"Shove it!" Jennifer said, "Ben told me how he plans to marry your daughter! I hope for your sake you had nothing to do with this!"

"He didn't." Akane interrupted, "Cologne and Shampoo did."

Jennifer looked at Akane, despite her apparent rage, her eyes had their continuous kind look to them.

"I just want to know one thing, why?" "I don't really know, unless it's to keep us away from them while they get Ranma to marry Shampoo."

Jennifer smiled "Than they just made the biggest mistake of their lives!"

"What do you mean?" Questioned Soun.

"Ben's not the only one who can fight in this family, I just use a different form." With that she walked out of the front door, as she did she flipped open her cellular phone.

Part Three: Hell Hath No Fury…

Shampoo looked out from the room she was hiding in, the noise had died down a little, But the music was still blaring. It must have been nearly five A.M. and she hadn't slept a wink. Bubble was still out there on the dance floor with a group of men. She never seemed to tire. Most of the other guests were passed out in a drunken stupor. Cologne was over in a corner trying to get one of the conscious guests to eat a bowl of Ramen with the powder mixed in it. Most everyone else seemed to be partied out. Shampoo shut the door and sat back, she hoped this would be over soon, She kept on worrying that on of these drunken young men would burst into her room and try to have their way with her. Of course she knew she could handle one, or probably even half a dozen, but if there was a larger group of maybe fifteen or so, she wasn't so sure.

"Come on, you'll like it! Trust me!" said Cologne handing the young man the Ramen.

"Look lady, I all ready told you, I'm not into Chinese food."

As Cologne eagerly tried to convince him Mousse had snuck in and was trying to grab the container from the coffee table Cologne had set it on, without her noticing.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Hold on!" said Bubble as she turned down the music and walked over to the Door. She looked out through the peephole and saw an old lady in a robe, with curlers in her hair and a scowl on her face. Bubble reached over and pulled a rope which sounded a large gong. All the guest jumped up at the noise. "Okay people," Screamed Bubble through a megaphone "You know the drill!!" Every one of the guests rushed around straitening things and picking things up and then rushed for the windows closest to the fire escape.

Mousse finally grabbed the container of the powder. He smiled as he got up to run out, but as he did he was trampled by the mob of guests rushing for the windows. He started to get up again when one of the guests accidentally bumped into the coffee table nearby and spilled a glass of water on him. he got up in his duck form and realized that he had an even greater chance of being tromped on as a duck. He flew out of the window, hoping he would have another chance at the powder.

After everyone had left but Cologne, Shampoo, Bubble, and one or two of Bubble's girlfriends, Bubble opened the door. "Hello Mrs. Matsumoto, is there a problem?"

"I heard noises coming from your apartment again. Loud music, tromping around, the whole bit!" The woman snapped.

"Gosh, Mrs. Matsumoto, we, like, had the stereo on but we didn't think it was that loud. Sorry."

"What about the tromping around?" the woman said staring past Bubble into the apartment.

"Must've been the TV." Bubble shrugged. "As you can see, it's just me and a few of my girlfriends celebrating cause, like, one of us is getting hitched in a few days!" the woman's stern face softened a little.

"Well, congratulations, my dear, it's about time you settled down with one man."

"Like, not me, her!" she pointed over to Shampoo who was now sitting on the couch with two other girls.

Shampoo smiled politely. "At last crazy people leave!" thought Shampoo, "Now can go home and get ready for wedding with Ranma!"

"Well, congratulations, my dear, how nice for you." smiled the woman, "I'm Mrs. Matsumoto, Betty's landlady." She said as She walked in. "Let me give you a few pointers on marriage," she started as she sat down "you see me and Mr. Matsumoto were married for fifty years before he passed on. He was such a descent man, if you forget about his snoring, his eating habits, his loud and obnoxious friends, his gambling, his drinking, his attitude his..." Shampoo groaned, softly, she could see that the night was just starting.

Later the next day Cologne was cleaning up around the Cat Café, Shampoo had passed out once they had gotten home from Bubble's party, so Cologne had to work a little harder keeping things in order. Mousse was doing his part as well, unwillingly of course. But things seemed to be going well, Bubble was paying for the wedding, Ben was keeping the Tendos occupied, and Ranma was finally marrying Shampoo. Cologne smiled as she thought about it.

Suddenly Jennifer walked in, as she did Mousse looked over and smiled. "Oh, Hello Mrs. Setlin, how are things..." Cologne began.

"Can it, sister, I know the whole deal. I'm not here to talk, so I'll be brief. The antidote, I want it. If you don't hand it over, and I'm not one to usually threaten like this, You will regret it."

Cologne smiled "Now my dear, I can't just give you the antidote, not just yet. If I give it to you, how will I know you won't use it on Ranma as well?"

"You know damn well I'll use it on Ranma as well, but you're in a losing position anyway, so it won't matter!"

"I fail to see how I'm in the losing position here, Mrs. Setlin."

"Very well then, you leave me no choice," Said Jennifer "you are about to witness the most feared attack of the Setlin school of Anything Goes Agentry." Cologne grabbed her staff and awaited what would probably be the easiest battle she would ever have fought. Jennifer raised her right hand and snapped her fingers. Twelve men in Armani suits, carrying leather briefcases walked in. "The Assault of the Dozen Lawyers!" Cologne was completely taken by surprise

"I don't.. what are you... what is this?" she said at last.

One of the men opened his briefcase and pulled out some paperwork. "It's a lawsuit." Said the man as he put on a pair of reading glasses, "We have several items on the list there, possible possession of illegal drugs, smuggling, sexual assault," He pulled down his glasses and looked at Cologne, "would you like me to continue?"

"You think you can scare me with a bunch of men in suits? My dear you are up against a woman with three hundred years of Chinese amazon history behind her, there is nothing you can throw at me that I can't handle!"

"Verbal assault!" yelled one of the lawyers as he threw another stack of documents on the counter. "False prosecution!" "Hostile intent!" Cologne gulped, Jennifer certainly had her in a tough spot.

"Okay," she said, "here's the antidote." She pulled out a pill and threw it at Jennifer. Jennifer caught it and smiled "Okay!" she yelled. A large black lady walked in with Ranma.

"Wh-what are you doing? Who is this?" Stammered Cologne.

"This is Olivia Setlin, Ben's foster mother." Jennifer said.

"This the ol' hag what's been messin' wit my boy?" Olivia's voice boomed.

"Wait a minute," stammered Ranma, "I thought you were taking me to see Shampoo?" Olivia grabbed him like a bear while Jennifer forced the pill into Ranma's mouth and made sure he swallowed it. Ranma kicked Olivia in the gut and she let go of him, but showed no sign that she had even felt the kick. "What the heck do you think you're doing?" Ranma stammered. Jennifer held out a photo of Shampoo, Ranma snatched it "Oh, Shampoo, no picture would ever do you justice."

The head lawyer looked over at Cologne. "Perjury?"

"Okay! Okay! I know when to quit." Cologne said, then she sighed, "Ironically, the same powder that acts as a love potion also acts as the antidote. If you mix the potion with noodles it acts as a love potion, if its mixed in with any dish containing mostly meat, it reverses the effect."

"We be seein about that!" said Olivia, "How 'bout you get us a round o' pork buns, y'heah!"

Ben was walking up to the Tendo's front gate, he had a small velvet box and a bouquet of roses with him and a smile on his face. Suddenly "You fiend! I shall not allow you to carry on with this debauchery!" Ben looked behind him to where the voice was coming from. Kuno stood there, sword drawn, close behind him was Ryoga. "By my count you are defiling the lives of four young maidens, one of which happens to be your spouse!"

"If you think I'm going to let an arrogant guy like you marry Akane," yelled Ryoga "especially when you are still married, you've got another thing coming!"

Ben chuckled, "You suckers don't know what you're gettin' into. There's no way you can beat me. I know all your moves by now, and I don't need to have my eyes on you to see it comin'!"

"Silence, wretch!" Kuno yelled as he leapt at Ben. Ben sidestepped effortlessly, but as he did he yelled out "Iron knuckle!" and punched Kuno in the gut. Kuno flew back several feet into a wall cracking the surface on impact. "What the?..." Kuno stammered as he picked himself up. "You see, Holmes? I know all your moves, but you still ain't seen most of mine!"

"Oh yeah try this!" Ryoga yelled as he dove at Ben with one finger extended "Bakusai Tenketsu!" Ryoga yelled as he drove his finger into the concrete. Ben leapt up just as the ground exploded, pulling his headband down in midair he landed on one of the larger fragments and jumped off of it so that he landed behind Ryoga. "Not impressed." Ben chuckled as he clasped both fists together. Then he raised them above his head and shouted "EARTHQUAKER!" his fists crashed down on the ground creating a wave of fiery energy that shot along the ground, straight for Ryoga. Ryoga dodged as the wave shot past him. Kuno came up behind Ben and thrust at Ben repeatedly with his sword. Ben flipped out of the way and twisted himself around in midair. As he landed he brought both hands to his sides and kept his feet at a shoulder's length apart. Neither Ryoga or Kuno had ever seen this stance before, It resembled a stance that an American professional wrestler might use, but the attack that came next certainly wasn't a wrestling maneuver. Ben's forearms began to glow until small balls of blue energy formed in his open palms "DUAL KAISER BURST!" He yelled as he sent both balls of energy spiraling at Kuno. The balls hit Kuno and he shot back several feet. Ben ducked as Ryoga tried to punch him from behind, then shot back up feet first kicking Ryoga under the chin.

"What kind of style was that?" asked Ryoga, trying to distract Ben before he rushed at him with his umbrella.

"The House of Richtenhielm, a style formed over in Germany by a lord who had traveled around China and Japan for a decade or so." Ryoga thrust the Umbrella at Ben. Ben's fist started to glow again as he sidestepped the blow. "I've seen practitioners take out tanks with some of the moves." Ben punched Ryoga and sent him flying. Ben collapsed down onto his knees, The House of Richtenhielm had it's price though, He'd be exhausted for the next couple of hours. "Oof!" He heard Ryoga land from the blow, but not into concrete like he'd planned. Ben pulled off his Blindfold and Saw Ranma and Jennifer walking up to him, followed by Ryoga in the arms of a large black woman. "Mom?" Ben stammered.

Part Four: A Challenge of Intimidation

"So you must be Mrs. Setlin." Soun said as everyone was sitting down around the dinner table.

"That Right," Olivia said, "I done come all the way from the US when I heard about my boy gettin' in trouble again."

Ranma quickly looked at Ben expecting a reaction when Olivia used the word 'Boy'. Ben Just sat there silently.

Suddenly Akane walked in, "I'm home." She said as Ben jumped up. "Akane, I know what you must be thinking, but we're perfect for each other!" Ben said, he handed her the bouquet of roses and bowed before he spoke again. "O' speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head, as a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him, when he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air."

Akane was quite taken by surprise, It had been awhile since she had practiced for the school play of Romeo and Juliet, but she could still remember a few of her lines. "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy Father and refuse thy name. Or if thou wilt not, be sworn my love, and I'll..." She trailed off, her eyes straying from his. Finally she looked Ben in the eyes once more, "Ben, That's really sweet, but you have to realize that we are not meant for each other. You all ready have a loving wife. This whole obsession with me is not you, It's not..."

"Shh," Ben whispered as he took her hand, "If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: my lips, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss." Akane's eyes widened as he leaned forward to kiss her.

"I think we've had enough of the Shakespeare act, Ben!" Ranma said as he began cracking his knuckles.

"I doth sense protest." Ben said looking up, "And judging by the guy issuing the challenge I can see why." Ben turned to Ranma "You know you ain't got what it takes, don't ya son. If you itchin' for a fight that bad, step up, Holmes!" Ben slammed both open palms into his chest as he said the words 'step up'. Ranma got up. "You steppin? You steppin' Holmes? You don't know the suicide run you gettin into, man!"

"Ben!" Ben turned toward the voice, it was his foster mother. She stood towering above him. "You Best stop right there, boy. I don't wan' you doin' somthin' you goin' regret."

"I'm sorry, mom, but the lines drawn here. You always said to follow your heart and..."

*Slap!* Olivia's hand smacked across Ben's face, "Don't you talk back to yo momma!"

"Yeah, don't talk back to your mother!" Genma said, just before Olivia smacked him too.

"And don't you interrupt!" She said to Genma. "Now we goin' forget bout all o' this and have dinnah, y'heah?" Ben sat back down again as Olivia pulled out a big tray and opened it up to reveal a large cut of meat. "Cajun roast leg o' Lamb, yo favorite!" she cut him a slice and set it on a plate in front of him. Ben sat there for a moment. "Whas the matter son?" Olivia said, more kindly than before, "Ain't you hungry?"

"What's up mom?" Ben said. "What?" "What's up? First you smackin' me then you feedin me. It ain't like you?"

"Dere a problem with a momma wantin her son be healthy, go on an eat!"

"You done sumthin to it, didn't ya? What was it, an anesthetic so you could easily take me to a marriage counselor?" Ben sighed "You just don't get it, I love her, If I can damn well get her, we get married. I love Akane."

"You don't love Akane, Ben, It's something else talkin'." Ranma interrupted.

"I think you're jealous, you know you got no chance against me, so you're jealous. It's like the old adage goes, we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone." Ben smiled, "Well guess what, I loved, you lost sucka."

"I haven't lost yet, You'll have to kill me before I admit defeat." Ranma said.

"You wanna fight, you got one." Ben said as he got up, "Loser gives up on Akane, no questions asked. We fight tomorrow night, Eight PM, in the park, so you got time to get ready." Ben smiled, "But you makin a big mistake, fool. I damn near beat you before, I only lost cause of outside interference. And now I don't gotta worry about that." Ben chuckled as he walked over to Akane. "You just signed your friggin' death warrant pal. You ain't got no chance." He stopped in front of Akane, and said softly. "Akane, just to let you know exactly how I feel before I wipe the floor with Ranma tomorrow, when I wake up, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you." Ben's speech was starting to turn into singing, Jennifer groaned as she recognized the song. "If I get drunk, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you. And if I haver, you know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you." Ben backed out of the room still singing to Akane. "But I would walk five-hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the man to walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door." Ben continued singing as he left out the gate.

"The Proclaimers' I'm gonna be," Jennifer sighed "This is starting to get serious."

Ranma thought to himself for a moment, Ben did seem to have an edge on him. as part of Ben's strategy he always observed his opponent before a fight. Ben had seen plenty of Ranma's moves, But with all of Ben's different styles, Ranma had probably only seen a few of Ben's.

"Don't worry boy, you'll do just fine." Genma said, "Defeating Ben is something you've done before."

"But Mr.Saotome he does have a point," Akane said "the last time Ranma beat him because he couldn't find him. Now he can find Ranma even if there is a lot of noise, and on top of that we don't know most of the special moves he can use on him."

"Hey, just what are you trying to say, Akane?" Ranma said.

"Actually, you do know most of his techniques." Jennifer said, "Sure, Ben studies several styles, but most of the time he just learns enough to get by in his film work. As a fighter he relies on the intimidation of the fact that he has learned several styles." She smiled "If you've seen the style used, you pretty much know what to expect."

"I thought you never watched him fight?" Akane asked.

"True, but I've seen him practice plenty of times," Jennifer smiled "and I've seen him use his moves on the set. If I give you a rundown of the styles he uses, you should be pretty well prepared."

Part Five: Rematch

The next evening Ranma, Akane and Jennifer went to the park early to get a view of the battlefield. Ben had an arena set up, with four large chain link walls around it, with poles suspended from them to hold up the lighting system. Surrounding that was a couple of bleachers. Matsusake and Nabiki were off in a corner, in a booth, collecting bets, posters advertising the fight were set up all over. Tons of people had already shown up, but Ranma didn't see Ben.

"Don't you think he's going a little overboard?" Akane asked.

"Ben likes his fights to be public, until recently he hadn't been able to do that as much as he liked. He want's everyone to know who's the better fighter." Then she smiled, "But we're one step ahead this time."

A man in an orange vest with a set of headphones on directed Ranma over to the ring. Ranma sat on the bench outside the cage for a while before a nicely dressed man walked past him opened the cage door and walked inside. He got to the center of the stage and pulled out a microphone "Attention ladies and gentlemen, in just a few moments the fight will begin. Before the fight starts may I remind you that Programs are available over at the concession stand for only 1000 yen each. Please stop by and pick one up."

Ranma looked over at Matsusake who had added a concession stand sign to his betting booth. The announcer looked at his watch, as Ranma looked around. He didn't see Ben anywhere, did Ben have another trick up his sleeve? "

Attention ladies and gentlemen, the fight is about to begin, at this point I'd like to remind you that the betting booth is closed. Now, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLE!" The crowd cheered as the light around the park dimmed and special lights above the ring were turned on. "In the red corner, we have the local title holder, using the style of Anything-Goes Martial Arts, RANMA SAOTOME!" the cage door was opened and Ranma entered the ring. "Now, the challenger, the rising star of the Hollywood martial art's movie scene, unable to be taken by surprise, using several styles, some of which most of you will be witnessing for the first time, the blind fighting master, BEN SETLIN!!" Ben came out of one of the corners by the bleachers as loud Heavy Metal music Began to play. Ben strutted up to the ring he was wearing a Boxing robe over a black sleeveless Kapoken outfit. His hands were done up in white wraps. He walked into the ring and took off his robe. His outfit had an elaborate flame embroidery on the back. He walked over to the announcer and grabbed the microphone

"This fight is dedicated to a very special lady, there's not a thing I wouldn't do for you." Ben smiled. He looked over in Akane's direction and winked, then he looked off to the side of the bleachers and nodded ever so slightly.

"Okay," the announcer said, "You know the rules, basically there are none. Whoever is still standing at the end of the fight is the winner." Ben nodded and pulled out a black head band that had a similar image of flame embroidered on it. He put it on over his eyes and went into a Wu-Shu stance. Ranma went into his stance. "Begin!" the announcer shouted. Ben shot at Ranma with a flying kick. Ranma ducked effortlessly, Ben smiled as he hit the chain link fence and shot back at Ranma, He caught Ranma by his shoulders before Ranma could turn around, then he flipped back over and onto his feet as he threw Ranma into against the other side of the chain link fence. Ranma was prepared however, he ricocheted off of the fence and hit Ben from behind with the shooting star kick. Ben tumbled to the other side of the ring, He quickly used a kippup move to get back on his feet. Obviously this was going to take more than just a few modified techniques. He went into his Tae Kwon Do stance. "Okay," Ranma thought "Ben's Tae Kwon Do moves, uh... mostly kicks, lots of aerial attacks." He quickly dodged Ben's jump kick and caught him with an uppercut. "Ugh!" Ben said as he hit the fence. He turned back to Ranma and slid at him with a slide kick rising up over Ranma's head as he got close. Ranma dodged quickly as Ben's leg slammed down right where he was standing just a moment ago. Ranma hit Ben with the Chestnut fist technique and Ben flew back.

"It can't be," Ben thought, "He's reading my moves!" Ben kippuped back on his feet and went into a Muay Thai stance. "Easy," Ranma thought, "kicks, again, Very few punches." He deflected Ben's roundhouse kick fully expecting the following thrust kick. Ben quickly attacked Ranma with rapid kicks. Ranma was hit by the first few then dropped below the blows and performed a foot sweep. Ben quickly rolled back onto his feet, "Okay," he thought, "He seems ready for all the eastern style I've learned, so maybe Boxing isn't a bad idea." He went into his boxing stance and rushed at Ranma with a powerful overhead right. Ranma dodged and Ben followed up with two quick jabs, one of which caught him in the face. Ranma suddenly remembered what Jen had said about Ben's boxing style, "He fight's in the traditional style, aside from the occasional head butt. So he doesn't bother to block below the belt." Ranma ducked and delivered a kick at Ben from underneath, Ben went flying. "Dammit," He mumbled to himself, "what's taking them so long."

Off in the stands Ukyo was watching the fight, unsure who to cheer for. If Ben won, she was the next likely fiancee for Ranma. But the fact of the matter was she loved Ranma, she couldn't bare to see him loose. Suddenly she heard a sizzling sound and she turned and saw someone over at a control panel, working with a switch but having trouble due to some faulty wiring. She got up as she recognized the one at the control panel.

"Come on, work!" Shampoo said to herself as she tried to work the switch despite the wiring. She could still remember clearly what Ben had told her earlier that day. "Sure, your down, but not out." he had said, "If Ranma looses the match his engagement to Akane is off, so you're still in the running, if you know what I mean." Shampoo knew exactly what he meant, the control panel that operated the gas valves hidden around the stage was his idea, but she was only too happy to work the switch.

Suddenly a sharpened spatula sliced through the wiring connected to the stage. "I don't think so, Sugar," Ukyo said as she landed behind Shampoo "this is a fair fight, no tricks."

"What you doing?" Shampoo stammered. "I'm doing what's right, no dirty tricks this time," Ukyo said with her arms crossed "we'll see who wins by skill alone."

Shampoo began to chuckle, "You think Ben only have one plan in mind, he say he ready for any accident."

Ukyo looked around and saw another girl tampering with the wiring for the lights suspended above the stage. Ukyo started to run towards the girl, until Shampoo grabbed her by the legs. "You no interfere!" she said.

Kodachi was looking over the wiring for the lights, trying to remember which wire to cut. All she could think of was what Ben had said to her and Shampoo earlier that day.

"When this is all over you two can fight over which one of you gets him, but the good thing is you have one aspect out of the way, the original engagement. He'll be free and up for grabs."

Kodachi laughed as she saw the green wire that was hidden behind some of the others, she pulled out a pair of wire clippers and got ready to finish her job. Suddenly the wire clippers were knocked out of her hand by a Tonfa, Kodachi looked up at the weapon's owner. "What are you trying to do to my boyfriends?" Bubble said as she set down her stereo.

"Boyfriends?" Kodachi questioned.

"Ben and Ranma, they're mine!" Bubble said going into a fighting stance.

"Au contraire mon frair," Kodachi said pulling out her ribbon, "Ranma belongs to moi." Bubble didn't answer but instead pressed the play button on her stereo and attacked Kodachi. Kodachi Lashed her ribbon out at Bubble, who blocked as the ribbon wrapped around one of the Tonfas. Bubble yanked on the ribbon and Kodachi came flying into Bubbles other Tonfa. Bubble struck her in the face a few more times before she grabbed her by the collar and hit her with the 'Bitch Slap from Hell' maneuver. Kodachi broke away and recoiled her ribbon. As she prepared her next attack the music from the stereo picked up and Bubble went into a blinding frenzy. Kodachi attempted to block the multitude of blows with little success. Finally Bubble struck her on both sides of the head lightly, just to keep her head in place while she performed a flip kick that sent Kodachi flying. "Had enough?" Bubble said waiting for Kodachi to get up. Kodachi couldn't respond, she was unconscious.

In the ring, Ben was running out of options, he'd fought Ranma using Wu-Shu, Tae Kwon Do, Muay Thai, Boxing, Karate, and three different forms of Kung fu. He went into his Kapoken stance, "you seem to know my styles now, so maybe you'll recognize this one!" Ben shouted as he rushed at Ranma with a ridge-hand strike. Ranma backflipped away, quickly. He knew well enough to avoid fighting at close range against a Kapoken practitioner. Even Jennifer didn't need to tell him to avoid the close-in techniques of the style as they were famous for quick KO's. Ranma kept his distance as he planned his next move. Then it occurred to him, "MOKO TAKABISHA!" He shouted as he threw the fireball. Ben was barely able to dodge in time. "So a fireball technique." Ben said as he got up, "I didn't want to use this on you, seein as how I still owe you a debt. But, hell, might as well go all out now." He went into the same wrestler-type stance he used earlier on Ryoga and Kuno, "Prepare for one of the most feared fighting styles in Eastern Europe, The House of Richtenhielm style!" Ranma recognized the name. Jennifer had told him about the style, it was one that generated awesome Chi based attacks, practitioners were known to take out armored vehicles with the moves. Because of this the style is only taught to a select few, a very select few. Those few live in a castle in the mountains of Germany in semi seclusion. They only use the style to show how powerful a body can be once its aura has been mastered. Ben hadn't had the training to use the attacks he knew at full strength, but Ranma had witnessed one of the final attacks in their first encounter. The 'Blitzkrieg Wave' was still quite formidable even if, as Jennifer had said, it was one of the weaker finishing moves. "DUAL KAISER BURST!" Ben yelled as he launched twin fireballs that spiraled toward Ranma. Ranma rolled out of the way just as they converged in an explosion. "EARTHQUAKER!" Ben yelled bringing both fists down on the platform. A fiery blast of Chi rushed at Ranma, which he nimbly leapt over and launched into a flying kick aimed at Ben. Ben's fist began to glow, he grinned as he got ready to throw an uppercut using the 'Iron Knuckle' technique. Ranma realized he was flying into an incoming attack and quickly shot his hands out toward Ben and shouted "MOKO TAKABISHA!" Ben Blocked with both arms his one fist still glowing from the charge. As Ranma's fireball hit Ben the reaction with the Chi energy in Ben's arm and the energy in the fireball created a massive explosion. Ben flew through the chain link fence and collapsed unconscious on the ground several feet away.

"The winner!" Shouted the referee as he grabbed Ranma's arm and held it up in the air. Several people in the stands got up and cheered, Genma included. A smile crossed Akane's face but she showed little more enthusiasm than that... on the outside. Ukyo smiled as well, even though inside she was kind of disappointed. Had things ended differently she would have taken Ranma home and helped him get over the loss, and eventually they would've been married.

Jennifer and Olivia were all ready prepared for Ben's defeat, Olivia walked over to Ben with a plate of the roast leg of lamb, and Jennifer helped him up. Ben was half conscious as they forced the cut of meat into his mouth. After he swallowed he shook his head trying to stop the ringing in his ears. As he looked up he realized what had happened.

"What have I done!" he stammered. He shook free of Jennifer and ran off.

Epilogue: Jennifer and Olivia sat in the dining room of the Tendo household, neither of them had seen Ben for days. Jennifer was starting to get a little worried, but Olivia said Ben was just getting over what an ass he had made of himself the past couple of days. He'd come back to the Tendo's to apologize sooner or later.

Suddenly the gate swung open and a figure in a black Kapoken uniform walked in. He had a hood over his head, but everyone knew who it was.

"Ben?' Akane started, "What's with the hood?"

"I don't feel right about showin' my face around here for right now," He replied, "I made a fool of myself and caused you all some trouble on top of that."

"Ben, we understand..."

"Understand that I went completely over the edge there? Understand that I screwed up? I know, I'm sorry. What I can't understand is why I turned into 'Hormone boy' there for a while."

"Cologne put something in the Ramen we both ate, that's why I was going after Shampoo!" Ranma said.

Ben was silent for a moment "Really?"

"Yeah, really," Ranma said, "C'mon, why else would you go after a mule like Akane anyw..." Akane punched him in the face before he could finish.

"That's not the way you should be talkin' about your fiancee." Ben said as he pulled off the hood. "You never seemed to care before?" Ranma said rubbing the spot where Akane had punched him.

"I just never said anything before," Ben said, "Just because goin nuts over her was a chemical accident don't mean I don't see what an attractive young lady she is. But let's face it, I'm nearly as old as her dad, and I got a great wife besides." He said looking at Jennifer. "We're all meant for someone, for me it's Jennifer, for her... well she's got to figure that out for herself."

"I'm glad t' hear ya say that boy!" Olivia said as she gave him a bear hug

"Mom, Please!" Ben said through gritted teeth "I'm twenty eight!"

Jennifer got up, "Well, If that's all you have to say, I'd better get going."

"Nope, I got more," Ben said as he stepped in front of her "I really screwed up, even if it was chemically induced, you don't deserve to be treated the way I treated you. There is no way I can apologize enough, But there is one thing that makes it easier now," Jennifer looked at him "Cause I know, When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you." Jennifer smiled a little "If I get drunk, yes I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you. And if I haver, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be havering to you." Ben really started playing into the song now, he outstretched his arm as he sang the next verse to Jennifer, "But I would walk five hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more. Just to be the man to walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door!"

Jennifer hugged him, "Oh Ben," she smiled, "apology accepted. Now lets get home and have dinner."

She began to walk out the gate, Ben followed her still singing "Oh I would walk five hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more. Just to be the man to walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door!"

"He really do his momma proud." Olivia said as she watched them head down the street.

The End _____________________________________________________________________________________

The Legal Stuff: Ranma ½ and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission. The song 'Nothing Else Matters' is the property of Metallica and Electra Records. The song 'I'm Gonna Be' is the property of The Proclaimers and Chrysalis Records.