Ben and his wife were getting ready for dinner. Ben was setting the table, as Jennifer was finishing up in the kitchen. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Ben went to answer it. Ranma came in and said "Do you guys mind if I have dinner with you tonight?"

"I guess not. Why? Is Akane cooking again tonight?" Ranma looked at Ben and nodded. "What's so bad about her cooking, anyway?"

"You're lucky, you weren't at our house long enough to have to eat any of it! Her cooking makes nuclear waste seem edible!" Ranma exclaimed.

Jennifer walked in with a big plate of pasta. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad!"

"Yeah? Well, I dare you to try it sometime! Just make sure you've filled out your will before you do."

"Dude, don't talk to me about bad food, I was homeless for a few years before I was adopted. If you ain't eaten outta garbage bins, you have not had the worst the world has to offer!"

"Can we change the subject?" Jennifer said.

"Oh, sorry Jen." Ben said as they all sat down to eat.

"...so that's the plan." Ben said to Soun the next day, while Akane was out with her friends.

"So you're going to try to do the impossible." Nabiki said nonchalantly.

"Hey, Nabs, what can I say, I like a challenge!"

"Yeah, well, even her home ec. teachers have given up on her." Ranma said. "You sure you can succeed where the professionals have failed?"

"Well, she ain't tried to learn some of the stuff I did. I can give her fist-hand pointers from a guy who started out without the skill to microwave a bag of popcorn." Ben then turned back to Soun, "Besides if Akane learns to cook, that'll be one less thing keeping Ranma from marrying her." He whispered.

Soun smiled as tears began to stream down his cheeks. "Very well, my b..." Soun began, but caught himself as Ben began to crack his knuckles, "I mean Mr. Setlin,..."

"Please, call me Ben."

"Very well, Ben, she'll go over to your house after school for a while so you can give her some cooking pointers."

"Thanks, Soun, maybe this will clear my debt to her and Ranma huh?"

"Consider it paid in full!" Soun sobbed.

"If it works out." Ranma muttered.

The next day Akane was in Ben's kitchen, Ben had all the pots, pans, and ingredients that he thought they'd need, all out and ready. Akane and Jennifer were wearing aprons; Ben just wore jeans and a T-shirt. "Now see, the idea is you've probably only had exposure to cooking Japanese cuisine," Ben stated, "chances are that some other styles of cooking might work better for you."

As Ben went on describing his plan Akane thought to herself, "I bet Ranma put him up to this! Oh he makes me so mad! He probably kept telling him how bad my cooking was until Ben thought My cooking skills were..."

"So we begin with one of the more popular Cajun recipes, Jambalaya!" Ben said, then went into a heavy southern accent "It'll give yo taste buds a reason fo bein right where dey are!"

Jennifer groaned at Ben's bad Cajun impression. Then the phone rang. "Sorry gotta go, that'll be one of the producers, I'm working out the details on your next flick." She dashed into the other room.

"Well, anyway, I'll need you to chop up the ham first. I'll work on the Garlic and Bell peppers."

"All right, Ranma," She thought "I'm gonna show you how good a cook I can be!!" She screamed as she started chopping madly at the cut of ham in front of her. Ben jumped at the sudden 'battle cry' from Akane.

Over in the other room he heard Jennifer yell, "What's going on in there?"

Ben cautiously put his hand on her shoulder, "Akane?" Akane was still chopping madly at the ham. "Akane?" still no response "CHILL BROTHER BEAVIS, CHILL!!!" Akane was startled by Ben's shouting, she dropped the knife. "IT"S ALL READY DEAD! WE JUST GOTTA COOK IT, NOT KILL IT!"

Akane stared at him a little shocked.

"Sorry." Ben said. "Just a little surprised there, I ain't never seen anybody put that much effort into cookin'!"

"A little too much?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, uh, just a tad." Ben said then he picked up the knife. "Now let's do that again but this time we try to stay mellow, okay?" He guided Akane's hand over the first couple of slices. Then let her finish up by herself. Finally, after they had finished chopping up the ingredients and had put some into a large pot, Ben said to Akane, "Now one of the best things about Cajun cookin' is if you make a mistake you can almost always cover it up with a bunch of spices." he laughed. Then he snapped his fingers, "Dang, I forgot to add the salt and cayenne." He pulled out two containers of spices and some measuring spoons. "Okay, I got to start the rice, you add about a teaspoon of salt and a half teaspoon of cayenne." Ben said as he turned and began searching the cupboards for some instant rice.

Akane measured a teaspoon of salt over the pot, and some extra spilled in. "Oh dear," she thought. "Well maybe if I add more Cayenne..." she dumped the cayenne into the pot "Oops!" she thought, "Well, I'll just cover it up with some black pepper." she started to pour some in, then set it back on the counter.

"Okay," Ben said as he poured the rice into a pan and took a kettle of boiling water off the stove. "Oops," he said, snapping his fingers again. "I forgot to add the black pepper."

"I all ready..." began Akane as Ben reached for the container she just put down.

"Oh, my mistake, I meant to get the pre-ground stuff out." He put the container back on the spice rack and pulled out a container of pre-ground black pepper. Jennifer came back in just as they were finishing up. Ben pulled the Jambalaya off the stove. "Y'know this recipe came from my foster mother's family. It's the real stuff, much spicier than the stuff you'll find in any Cajun restaurant chain." Ben served himself some up and took a taste, and started coughing and choking, he quickly poured himself a glass of water and chugged it down. "That's quite a bit spicier than I remember it!"

"Is it good?" Akane asked.

"Uh, well, yeah for a start." Ben coughed "We'll have to continue this tomorrow."

"Is it okay if I take some home?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, sure! Let me just put it in a container." Ben spooned the stuff into a Tupperware container and walked Akane out the door. When he came back inside he picked up the telephone and called the Tendos.

"Hello?" Nabiki said on the other end.

"S'me, Ben, just wanted to warn you about the incoming shipment of chemical weapons."

"It went that badly, did it?"

"Yeah but we'll do better tomorrow." Ben said.

"You're kidding. Do you have a death wish or something?"

"Oh, ha, ha." Ben said sarcastically, "I've eaten some of the toxic waste Bubble tries to pass off as food, I can handle this!" He hung up and started looking through the phone book for the number for the poison control center.

Part Two: The Barbecue Bonfire

"So how's it coming along?" Ranma asked Ben after the next few days. He'd stopped by to check up on Ben, and make sure he was still alive. In the kitchen, Akane was finishing up the latest Cajun dish, Beef Boulettes, which Ben had attempted to teach her.

"It's comin' Holmes, it's comin'." Ben said as he heard Akane pull the pan off the stove. "Say, would you like to come and have a taste at how well things is movin' along?"

"No thanks!" Ranma said as he started back for the front door.

"The stuff she's been bringing home is bad enough, If I have to eat another bite of her..."

"Oh, Ranma, you're here." Said Akane as she walked out of the kitchen. "Why don't you try some?" she said holding out a plateful off blackened meatballs.

"You know what, I just remembered that we're late for dinner and Kasumi is cooking tonight." Ranma said trying to retreat.

"Well if you're hungry we have food right here." Akane grumbled holding out the plate of meatballs.

"Hey, look, I hate to be rude, but me and Jennifer were going to catch a flick tonight," Ben interrupted "so why don't you two run on home and we'll see you tomorrow, okay Akane?"

"Okay, what are we going to cook tomorrow night?" "Thought we'd go with somethin' different... barbecue." Ben smiled, then he turned to Ranma, "Can I talk to you for a minute, Holmes?"

As Akane headed home Ben continued his conversation with Ranma "Okay things aren't going to well, the stuff she leaves here for us I'm hoping to sell to the military for chemical warfare. But don't think I'm discouraged or nothin', I just made a slight error of judgment."

"Letting her near the stove?" Ranma replied sarcastically.

"Starting her out on something this complicated. I should've figured that stuff like Gumbo and Jambalaya would take a bit more experience. Barbecue is a bit simpler, a good place to start out, y'know?"

The next day Akane showed up at Ben's house with a sack of groceries. "You seem to be set." Ben remarked as they went out to his backyard.

"I stopped off at the supermarket after school and picked up a few things, charcoal briquettes, barbecue sauce..."

"Dang girl, you armed and ready!" Ben said as they walked over to the grill. "Now I just got to go grab the meat, so you get the grill set up, Okay?" Ben walked back inside and Akane piled the charcoal into the grill. Then she pulled out a can of lighter fluid and dowsed the briquettes. She set the can of lighter fluid down as Ben walked back out with a tray of steaks and ribs.

"Got it all set up?" Ben asked as he set the tray down on a table on the patio. Akane nodded. "Good, well let me just get her lit up here," He pulled out a box of matches "good thing about these gas grills is they don't take to long to..." He struck a match and the grill exploded in a gigantic inferno. After Ben dowsed the flames, first on himself and then on the grill, she looked at Akane.

"I'm sorry, I thought that we would need more lighter fluid..." Began Akane.

Benasato just began to laugh, "You know how many people make the same mistake the first time they try to grill outdoors? I don't know a man alive who hasn't had this happen to him!" Benasato continued to laugh, but thought to herself "Although, I've never seen a fireball that big before."

After they had the grill lit, Benasato let Akane try her hand at the actual cooking, soon realizing her mistake.

"I think I burned them a little." Akane said as she pulled the steaks off the grill. "Don't worry about it, some people like it well done." Benasato said as he took one of the steaks. She looked at the steak, which was burned so black it could've been one of the charcoal briquettes. Hesitantly she cut of a piece and tried to eat it. The steak was burned so bad you could no longer taste the meat, but you could detect a strong taste of lighter fluid.

Part Three: The Final Blow

"It's not working out is it?" Ranma said to Ben as they walked home from school the next day.

"I ain't no master chef y'know! I don't have any experience at teaching this stuff."

"But you're still working at it?"

"I don't know the meaning of the word quit! Death-by-food-poisoning, maybe, but not quit!" Ben replied "I'm trying something a little simpler today."

"What?"

"Italian Pizza." Ranma looked at Ben skeptically. "I know what you're thinkin', pizza ain't that simple. Well, It is if you cheat a little." Ben continued. "I've got pre-made crust, already blended tomato sauce, and all ready prepared cheese. Akane's getting the toppings right now, and I even gave her a strict list. I'll make sure it's not even cooked a second longer than it should. There ain't no way she can mess this one up!"

"You're taking this one pretty seriously, aren't you?"

"Hell yeah! If I have to eat one more meal that tastes more like roadkill than food I'm gonna lose my will to live!" Ben remarked.

"You seem to have this one pretty well planned out." Ranma said, "Well, maybe this time I will stop over. Sound's like there ain't no way even she could screw this up."

"Good! I'll need an extra pair of eyes, Jen's back in the states on business, so I'll need some help makin sure this one goes okay."

Ben pulled the pizza out of the oven; it actually didn't look too bad. Maybe a bit too much cheese in certain places, the toppings may have been piled on a bit thick, but it looked edible. "Looks good Akane! I think you're on your way to becoming a damn good chef." "I would've liked to have added some more toppings to it though." "Hey, sometimes it's best to keep it simple, besides, with pizza you want to keep it pretty basic." Ben said as he sliced up the pizza. He handed out the slices to Ranma Akane and himself and walked over to his kitchen table with his slice and a glass of beer. "Well, congratulations Akane," Ben said as he sat down "this stuff looks better than most of the professional pizza back home!" He took a bite and his eye's bulged.

"What? What is it?" Akane asked as Ranma set down his slice, now determined not to even try it.

"It's good... Different." Ben said with his mouth full. He tried to choke down his bite. When he finally did he reached for the glass of beer... and passed out before he could reach it.

"Oh my gosh! Ben?!" Akane said as he collapsed.

Ranma got up and dialed up the hospital on Ben's phone. Akane and Ranma sat in the waiting room. By this time the rest of the Tendo household had joined them. Finally a doctor came out and said, "Are you here for Benjamin Setlin?"

"Yes, how is he?" Asked Akane. "He's doing fine, now. He's in the recovery room. He said he'd like to talk to an Akane Tendo and a Ranma Saotome?" The doctor said looking through some notes.

Akane and Ranma walked into the recovery room where Ben was lying on a hospital bed. "Ranma! Akane!" Akane rushed up and started crying "I'm sorry, Ben, I didn't know that my cooking was this bad! I..."

"Oh, this ain't your fault, I made the stupid mistake of putting an item on that shopping list that I was severely allergic to. I screwed, up you didn't. That was still some of the best pizza I've ever tasted!"

"Do you mean it!" Akane said, relieved. Ben nodded.

"Now I gotta talk to Ranma alone for a sec, okay? It's a guy thing." Akane smiled and left the room. Ben turned to Ranma "It can't be done."

"What?"

"There ain't no way she'll ever learn how to cook. Take some advice, holmes, invest a lot of money for take out, cause if you eat anything she cooks up you'll end up right where I am right now."

"But I thought you said it was an allergic reaction?" Ranma questioned.

"I don't think they give you a stomach pump for an allergic reaction. Dude, stay away from her food, she could screw up a TV Dinner if given the chance."

"I could've told you that before you started this whole thing!"

The nurse came in to change Ben's I.V., she looked at Ranma and smiled "Your friend's going to need a lot of rest, maybe you can come see him tomorrow."

As Ranma began to walk out of the room, Ben said "Don't say a thing about this to Akane, okay, holmes?"

"Don't worry about that, if I told her anything like that we'd both be in the hospital!"

Ranma walked out and Ben sat back and thought to himself "Y'know, for the first time in my life I'm actually looking forward to hospital food."

The End

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The Legal Stuff: Ranma ½ and the characters therein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission.