From The Heart
Here are some inspirations/thoughts/quotes sent to me by HillDawg17
"Happiness is when those you love and care for are happy too!"
"Flowers grow from the ground, up, so should our hopes and dreams!"
HDudash has sent me this poem. A very dear man and friend has died from
AIDS and this is how she felt about him.
YOU SHOWED ME LOVE
YOU SHOWED ME FEAR
YOU SHOWED ME MORE THEN I COULD BARE
YOU MADE IT HURT
YOU MADE IT LAST
SO I WILL NOT FORGET MY PAST
NOW TEACH ME THIS
WHY MUST I KNOW
ALL THOSE THINGS THAT HURT ME SO.
BY JEN.D
Here is a Poem by Christy
I must praise Your holiness because
you took me out of prison, spiritually.
Your grace has been sufficient for me inevitably.
How can I ever deny Your love for me.
How can I not love You, for You died for me.
Your suffering so long ago, still reaches till today.
You died for us, the sinners, You made a way.
Your love for us crossed all barriers then.
Satan thought he won although he was all pretend.
He knew not that this victory was and is Yours.
You will reign in my heart forever more.
BY Christy Murillo -
CMuri54282@aol.com.
Here is a wonderful poem written by Cindy after talking to a rape victum.
I'LL CARRY YOU
mascara smeared across you face
tears falling down you cheeks
whats happened to cause this all
you hair hangs in you face
it hides the brusies you don't want seen
parents of the bottle
child of pain
I'LL CARRY YOU, I'LL CARRY YOU.
curled like a baby you are
holding in the pain
shuddering at every noise
afraid of whats to come
you're soaked in shame
drowning in it all
come to me
i'll hold you tight
I'LL CARRY YOU, I'LL CARRY YOU.
cling to me like the parent you never had
let me take away all your hurt
i'll give you what you need
protect you from it all
armor you like steel
beat down the pain
flush out the devil
I'LL CARRY YOU, I'LL CARRY YOU.
i'll teach you to live
stand straight, head up
looking forward not at the past
don't forget what's happened
just learn from it and deny it the power to control you
don't let it overcome you
I'LL CARRY YOU, I'LL CARRY YOU.
By Cindy Screen Name GRDIANGL4U
Cindy is willing to talk to anyone who wants to about rape because sadly
she knows all about how it feels.
Here are some wonderful poems sent to me by Kat - KluTzYkAt684. I Thank her for sending them to me to share with you.
Friendships
Funny friends cheer me up,
When my mood is gray...
Quiet friends listen when,
I have lots and lots to say...
Tall friends always help me when,
I need to reach a shelf...
Short friend tend to make me feel,
Like IM really tall myself...
Honest friends let me know,
What they truly think...
Smart friends help me finish,
All my homework in just a little wink...
My friends know IM always there,
to listen, play, or run...
Share a secret, see a movie,
Or just have lots of fun...
Many friendships are really special,
All my friends agree...
So, I have them and they have me,
And we're as lucky as can be!!
by Kat - KluTzYkAt684
Why
Why should we be sleeping,
when we can be awake...
If we should not be living,
then why are we still alive?...
We know we make mistakes,
when trying to make decisions...
Why do people use drugs?
when they know it's very wrong...
Why do people fight?
When they know it causes aching pain...
Why is there so much violence?
When we all can be very sane...
Why are there so many questions to ask?
When we know they all can't be answered!
by Kat - KluTzYkAt684
My Darkest Hour
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
I feel the pain and its power.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
I strain to hear and not to fear.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
I curl in a corner and start to cower.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
Darkness provokes me and fear takes over.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
You come for me and help me see.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
You take me, and show me, and
guide me to my light.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
You calm my fears, and wipe away my tears.
As I sit, in my darkest hour,
You take away the darkness, and make it bright.
And all for this, I thank you!
by Kat - KluTzYkAt684
To Whom it Concerns
To whom it concerns,
I'm just a kid.
What does it matter if I
tell what he did?
To whom it concerns,
I'm great with a ball
but what does it matter
after I fall.
To whom it concerns,
I may not show what I feel
but my pain and tears are
quite real.
To whom it concerns,
I'm just an adult
It still doesn't matter if I
told what he did.
It's still all my fault
that I turned out the way
that I did.
I wish to remain hidden
Because I believe that I'm too
different to fit in.
To whom it concerns...
by Kat - KluTzYkAt684
Mixed Blood
She came into this world
with hair as black as night
a throw back to the old one's
she could be Indian or white
a quiet child-a loner
she listened to the wind
the four legged and winged ones
she chose to be her friends
the memories of her ancestors
were with her as she grew
to try to live in both worlds
would be a painful life she knew
the red road was the stronger
she felt they're most at home.
But relentlessness once came to call
her spirit had to roam
she walks her path alone now
her truth she seeks within
no loner does it matter
the color of her skin.
by Kat - KluTzYkAt684
Mommy's Cry's
My cry's are heard over the
waves and the seas,
from around the world up to
you and down to me
My baby who was never meant to be
I see you in my dreams, the image
of you growing up, your first scrape
knee flashes through my mind
but only in my dreams.
Mommy can hold you and cuddle you
talk to you and sing to you
but only in my dreams
I can tell how much
I LOVE you and how much
I MISS you
for you see you were my
baby that wasn't meant
to be for me.
by Kat - KluTzYkAt684
The Man I Knew
Dedicated to a special man: Robert Dederer
The man I knew
would always laugh
He'd roam the halls
with the greates smile
He would always love
to run the mile
He loved sports and
so do I
Whenever he walked by
he would say hi
He' always ask how I was doing
I would reply with fine
The man I knew
would always make friends
When he made friends
He would always lend a hand
The man I knew
May not be here physically today
But he'll be a memory
of yours and mine forever.
in memory of Robert N. Dederer
By: Kat- KluTzYkAt684
Here are some wonderful poems and stories sent to me by Sunshine Hall. I Thank her for sending them to me to share with you.
UNTOUCHABLE
I was walking one day, when I passed a window
I stopped and looked in
The store was closed and it was dim inside
And then I saw it
The little porcelain figurine stood there
Glowing softly
I was strangely drawn to it
And found myself longing to touch it
To love it and take care of it
Longing to turn the little key and hear it sing for me
I pressed my fingers to the glass
The glass which was a million obstacles
And I couldn't reach it
I couldn't hear the music
I knew that all I could do was look on in awe
For this was the untouchable
So near and so far and so real and such a dream
So beautiful and so enchanting and it haunts me still
But it will never belong to me
For it belongs to the stars, to the world
And so I took in one last breath
Before slowly walking away
©1998, Sunshine Hall, All Rights Reserved
EDGE
I am sitting on the edge of your love
You are desperately trying to push me off
I hold on like you said you would awhile ago
You forgot
I'm forgetting how to let you go
Mornings like this
I wake up in opague unconsciousness
The sky backdrops all of my emotions
Upon a blue moon
Rainbows hide beneath sheets of angry rain
You are the prowling clouds
I am on the edge of your color
Your memory is vivid
Maybe a prism of pain
Intensities lost
Only now that you're pushing me off
Off of the edge of you
You create a word picture that stings my eyes
I'd look away but there's only oblivion beyond you
Mornings like this
My interior is so cold
Empty
Too much time to think
So I wait for the night
When the sun pulls darkness down after it
A curtain
And I enter painless sleep
Sometimes
When you decide to desert my dreams
Rare
I suppose
©1999, Sunshine Hall, All Rights Reserved
I SLEEP TO DREAM OF YOU
It's been a long, long day and I am barely standing
I rest upon a silver cloud; your soul haunts my soul
He of angel eyes; you make me crave the impossible
Your love is my paradox; your hand burns a hole in my flesh
A wave washes over me
I long to sleep but your image wills me awake
Not that this could possibly be bad
In fact, it is too good for me to handle sometimes
In my mind's eye, you would love me
But, sadly, we have never truly met
Though I know my chance will come
For my heart will be broken otherwise and I will not allow that to
happen
And I believe in my destiny
I see you with me always hand in hand
Your careless hair is like pure gold
Your smile beckons to me like the stars, though much brighter
It has been this way since I discovered your existence
It is lightning in my soul
Your unearthly voice moves me like no thunder ever could
And as I lie here, I know this
The moon casts its silver aura through my window
The soft light brushes my face
I feel sleep upon me but I would just as soon lie here in the mist of
my dream
But I fear it may never be real, for I have always been such a dreamer
God is all I can truly depend on
And what will I do if you are not in His plans for me?
It will be just as well, I tell myself
And I stretch my toes to the end of my bed and sigh
I whisper your name aloud
And your spirit feels as if it is with me
But surely it is not, I hear my mind whisper
For I am only another face in your crowd
Sleep tickles my eyelids and I want to give in
Just as the fragrance of a thousand invisible flowers reaches me
Your image lingers; I do not expect it to fade
I know I do not want that, for your face, your voice, they are
painfully sweet
And I sleep to dream of you
©1997, Sunshine Hall, All Rights Reserved
ESCAPE
It is another day but I hardly acknowledge its presence
My soul is dark and cold, contaminated by jealousy, I suppose
Time is nonexistent to me, even as I listen to the seconds tick by
I brush the back of my hand against my forehead and feel the radiation
of my pain
I imagine you with me in a daydream, but it hurts more than calms me
For I know that everytime I say your name to a face I cannot see, it
is in vain
I imagine brushing my fingertips along the blades of a palm tree
Peaceful thoughts do nothing to calm the roaring in my soul
I remember a time when I was glowing with my hope of you
It was such silly faith and I was happily blinded by it
A day always comes when hopes are shattered before awakened eyes
And my time for that was harder than I could ever have imagined
I denied to myself that anything bad might come from my affliction for
you
But a broken heart was the first symptom of the disease that is now
killing me
I can't push the image of your smile from my mind, hard as I try
And I remember all of the times I had tried to force myself to hate you
It should be easier by now, yet I feel I may never bring myself to
stop loving you
I suppose in some ways, this could make me stronger
Yet right now, I feel so very weak that I just might be floating on a
cloud
A dark cloud, though it may be, of all the pain I am holding inside
If the cloud should burst, I know that it will rain sorrow for many days
Just like my tears, burning hot as they roll mercilessly down my
glowing cheeks
I promise myself now that I shall never leave for that long again
For I missed so much, too much, and it brought me to my knees in the end
I understand now that your presense in my life may be a lesson for me
to learn
God works in mysterious ways, all for a reason, I tell myself
And though I'm sure He knows what He's doing, the pain is still a
torch in my soul
And I reminisce of a time not so long ago when you were a star in my
galaxy
I listen to my soft, steady heartbeats, in perfect rhythm to the beat
of a song
The mellow music floods my room, yet does not flood out my pain
I wish to ignore everything at this time, but I haven't yet learned to
be insensitive
I always knew that I cared too much and would one day be regrettful
I want to find a black abiss, a dark oblivion where I can be at peace
I lie back against the window and close my eyes as the music rocks me
to sleep
Sleep is one place that I can escape from you, the good that you are,
and the bad
I never wanted it to be this way, and I'm sure you wouldn't have either
But love is a chance, and so is death, and maybe I will have taken
them both
©1997, Sunshine Hall, All Rights Reserved
NOW
(A short story)
I had been thinking about it for years before I did it. I talked
about it a lot. I don't think anyone ever thought I was serious.
Maybe I wasn't most of the time. But it was all that ever went
through my mind. Suicide. There was nothing I wanted more. For
years, I fought depression, and it finally came down to it. I finally
found the courage and the strength inside of myself to do it.
I'm not sure how long ago I died. It seems like only a day or two to
me, but I'm not sure how long it would be on Earth. I'm supposed to
be in Heaven, but I think I got stuck somewhere in between being dead
and being alive. I have to say being dead is much better than the
latter. I knew it would be.
I wonder now if I'll find my way into Heaven sometime soon. I always
believed in God and loved Him, but I usually felt as though He'd
abandoned me. I gave my life to Him, even though I never gave Him the
chance to do anything with it. But I knew for sure I was going to
Heaven. I think I'm still on my way there. This is only a place I
have to stay for awhile for punishment. It was worth it. I wonder
now if my eternity is here, in this place. I'm not sure if there is a
name for this place. I think I shall call it Now, for our convenience.
I didn't have a lot of friends when I was alive. At times, I thought
I did. And there was even a point in my life when I had a circle of
friends that I called home. But that home crumbled to pieces slowly.
I think maybe homes always do.
I never believed in anything good. I still don't. And Now I'm here.
It's not like I have unfinished business on Earth or anything. I
never had a purpose. I was only breathing, taking up space. I was
worthless, and I knew it. I felt I always would be.
You could possibly be wondering why I would consider suicide in the
first place. There were always many reasons that varied in between my
years of depression. It started somewhere around the age of thirteen,
with no valid cause, I believe. A few doctors said that I was
chemically imbalanced. Maybe I was. It doesn't matter Now.
Everything was simply wrong.
My biggest problem was that I hated myself. I couldn't stand to be
inside of my own body. I wanted to claw my way out of my skin. I'm
not sure why I loathed myself so much. I looked alright. I was
short, and very self-conscious about it, but it wasn't a deadly
problem. I had long auborn hair and beautiful cat green eyes. And I
liked my body. My body was sexy. I think I mostly just hated how I
felt about people, about things, about life.
I was very ambitious and I wanted so much for myself. But fate defys
dreams, and my destiny was nothing. My career was going nowhere, and
neither was my education. I knew I had no future. I knew I would
never have anyone to love me. I had a few friends, sure, but none
that stuck around for very long. I think I was just simply lonely and
hopeless and desperate.
I very often wondered if anyone would care if I killed myself. I
think that's mostly why I did it. Just to find out if anyone would
give a damn. I never knew. I never got to watch my own funeral. I'm
just here and I don't know if anyone misses me or cares that I'm gone.
I can't imagine it though. In fact, I imagine the world is a better
place.
And here I am, Now, more alone than I was on Earth. But I can't feel
it here. When I was alive, I remember always wanting to be stone. I
hated feeling, hurting. I just wanted to be numb to everything and to
everyone. I didn't want to love or hate or feel pain. I didn't want
to live.
I don't regret killing myself at all. I know that I never will. And
it leaves me to say that, in all the time that I lived, I got one
thing that I wanted.
I think that emptiness will serve me well.
©1998, Sunshine Hall, All Rights Reserved
FOREVER
(A short story)
What is it about love that hits you so much harder and deeper than
anything else you experience in life? I've often wondered.
Everything else is so easily explained. But not love.
I haven't known him very long, possibly half a year, and half of this
time not even truly knowing him. But what is knowing a person? He
talks about it a lot. I think sometimes he wonders if I know him. I
think that I do. Though he often surprises me. Strangely, I find
this one of my favorite things about him.
He's so beautiful. Incredible. Mesmerizing. Like a sunset with all
of those colors dancing into one another. Like a fairy tale. He made
every daydream I'd ever had come true. I could never take my eyes off
of him. Everything he did moved me. He took my breath away. Among
other things.
I think we're supposed to be friends now. I haven't told him, but
he'll never be just my friend.
And there's the new girl. I suppose he belongs to her now. I wonder
if she's prettier than me...
We were together once. Truly together. Maybe even one. It wasn't
that long ago. I know, because I can still feel him and hear him and
taste him and smell him and see him... He still haunts all of my
senses. Silly things. Maybe it'll never go away.
It was his adventure. He pulled me in with him. After him,
supposedly? Under him? Something. Funny how I ended up being deeper
in love than he ever would be. I didn't want it at first. I pushed
him away. Hard. I was terrified. I hated love. It always ended
anyway. (Some things never change.) And he wasn't my type. I liked
blondes. Long hair. Musicians. Goody-two shoes, like myself. That
sort of thing. But he broke all of my rules. Challenged all of my
theories and beliefs. Pushed all of my buttons. It took him awhile,
though, to wrap me around his finger. He liked the challenge, he
said. I guess when there was no challenge anymore, he simply grew
bored with me.
It was perfect until someone gave up. We were made for each other.
It was both physically and emotionally enchanting. I still know that
no one will ever satisfy me like he could. When he touched me, he
covered all of me. He had all of me. I was his. I would be still,
if he wanted me. He doesn't. Kissing him was like drowning. I wanna
drown again and never come up. But how do I slow my blood after him?
We are very different, him and I. We disagree on almost everything.
Always fighting. He's such an asshole. But I love the fire he brings
out in me. I love the passion in it. We both feel things very
deeply. I never saw the fights or differences in opinion to be
problems. I saw them to be ways to grow, ways to get closer to him.
I suppose he saw them differently. We often misunderstood each other.
Jumped to conclusions. Said things we didn't mean. Hurt each other.
But I believe we could have fixed anything, had we only tried harder.
It was like that. It was worth everything. I would have put all of
me into us.
We're not together now, of course. It's a kind of empty feeling for
me. I'm not sure he feels anything though. I still believe that he's
The One. I've never met anyone else that I could fathom giving my
virginity to or spending the rest of my life with or having children
with.
I never wanted those. Children, I mean. We talked about it once and
he says he wants them. I couldn't even imagine it until I imagined it
with him. It's strange now. I see parents with their children and I
think of him. How much I would love to give him a family and be with
him always. I want it all now. He does such strange things to me.
I'm too young for this. I know. He says so too. It's not that I
want these things now. It's just that when I want them, I want them
with him. Of course, wouldn't it be helpful if the feelings were
mutual? But maybe the deepest loves are unrequited. Though I believe
he loved me once. The eyes, the body, they never lie. Do they? It's
so cold, missing that perfect feeling of The One Who Fits in Your Arms.
I want him back. I'm afraid, though, that I never get the things that
I want. He's happy at least. It's all that matters. He has a life
away from me that completes him. So stupid of me to think that I was
that thing. That THING. He used to say things that promised forever.
I told him not to make promises he couldn't keep. He said that he
would keep them. I laugh now.
I don't know if I believe in love after love. Not love like this. I
can't see myself with anyone else. It's a scary thing. It puts me
back in square one - the knowledge that I'm destined to be alone.
It's not a fact. Just a game that I play with myself. I'll tell you
about it sometime. It gets me nowhere. But then, nothing ever does.
It's a game I can't win. I can't find the right answer. I don't even
know what the question is. But I think that it is - How do I let go
of my Forever and release myself, when being released is the last
thing that I could ever want? And why is it so fucking easy for him,
but so fucking hard for me?
My head hurts. Damn these urges of inspiration that slit my wrists
too late in the night! Do you ever get those? You have to get up and
write or you know you'll lose something brilliant?
But I digress.
I don't know why I keep typing these words. It's so late.
I don't talk to people about him much. People don't seem to want to
listen. Even my best friends just let me fade away. That is, when
they're not taking the alternate route and trying to cheer me up. Not
that I don't appreciate that. I'd just like advice, I think. Even if
I weren't to take it. Just to have it. Just to know that there was
someone who believed that I was going to survive.
Surviving is the hard part. Listening to him talking about her,
saying he's sorry that things didn't work out. He's sorry? And he
leaves it at that. He can start over and I can't.
I suppose I've always been very bad at that, though. The "moving on,
letting go" thing. He says I'm emotionally immature. I told you he
was an asshole. He's probably right though. I just can't understand
how to do it. He can replace me in a simple matter of the sunrise.
But he'll never be replaced. It can't possibly be fair. And, yeah,
life isn't supposed to be fair. But can't something a little bit good
happen once in awhile?
I've had a long day. I'm on the edge. I should probably go back to
bed now. And maybe, just maybe, like I say every night before I go
unconscious, maybe I can wake up tomorrow and it'll be a new day.
©1999, Sunshine Hall, All Rights Reserved
THOUGHTS
Think freely. Practice patience. Smile often. Savor special
moments. Live God's message. Make new friends. Rediscover old ones.
Tell those you love that you do. Feel deeply. Forgive trouble.
Forgive an enemy. Hope. Grow. Be crazy. Count your blessings.
Observe miracles. Make them happen. Discard worry. Give. Give in.
Trust enough to take. Pick some flowers. Share them. Give a
promise. Keep it. Look for rainbows. Gaze at stars. See beauty
everywhere. Work hard. Be wise. Try to understand. Help others
understand. Take time for people. Make time for yourself. Laugh. A
lot. Spread joy. Take a chance. Reach out. Let someone in. Try
something new. Try something old. Slow down. Be soft sometimes.
Believe in yourself. Believe in others. See a sunrise. Listen to
rain. Reminisce. Cry when you need to. Trust life. Have faith.
Enjoy wonder. Comfort a friend. Let a friend comfort you. Have good
ideas. Bring them to life. Make some mistakes. Learn from them.
Trust others. Love others. Find a purpose. Find peace. Celebrate
life.
Author Unknow
Here is a beautiful poem from Jennifer Head. I Thank her for sending it to me so I can share it with you.
"Tears"
Tears fill the pillow,
sorrow fills my heart
being without you makes me want to be in the dark.
Tears fill my pillow,
as I lay me down
the sorrow grows stronger,
life gets harder.
Tears fill my pillow,
my face as well,
my tears seen in heaven,
never seem to part.
Tears in my eyes,
a love in my hand.
Emptiness growing on deserted land.
Tears in my eyes,
Tears on my pillow,
sorrow in my heart.
Emptiness growing it will never part.
By: Jennifer Head
{Mystic0919@aol.com }
Here is a beautiful poem from Hannah Forsythe. I Thank her for
sending it to me so I can share it with you.
PERRY'S SONG
If I would have told you just what I planned tonight,
What would you have done for me to make everything right?
If I could have shown you all the pain I felt inside,
Would you have accepted all the parts of me I hide?
Could you look me in the eye and tell me that things would be fine?
(How would you make them so?)
Could you find the words to say to fill the emptiness inside?
(Please tell me, I must know)
Do you know of any way to cut out all the pain I feel?
(This time it is not a joke)
(This time it will be real)
Now you're sitting there in your best clothes; sorrow fills the air.
You say that you'd give anything to let me know you care.
The silence now is broken by your agonizing cries.
Your pleas are offered up to God-- could He just tell you why?
I tell you now you've tasted just a fragment of my pain.
It was my constant companion, and it slowly drove me insane.
Now you can't look me in the eye and tell me that things will be fine.
(No way to make them so)
There are no words to say to fill your emptiness inside.
(Too late, but now you know)
Well, there isn't any way to cut out all the pain you feel.
(This time it was not a joke)
(This time it was real)
Oh no, it was never a joke.
It was always real.
By Hannah Forsythe-----Screen Name-DEVlANT1
Here is a beautiful poem written by Charity McGahhey. I Thank her for
sending it to me so I can share it with you.
In loving memory of Zachary Hunter Cullen
Our Memories Will Never Fade
The cuttest little laugh
I still seem to hear
The sound of you rattaling your LEGO'S
stays stuck in my ears
The sound of toy fire engines screaming
about the house
or the mess you made everytime you ate cake
The way you used to watch your Disney's movies
by leaning on my leg
I can still feel the way you used to lay
And when I see Dylan
I see you and him together
Fighting over which one's gonna get the toy you both want
These things only in my memory
and scarred on my heart
For my life you were so much a part
For we could never forget you
and never will
Your laugh, your smile, and everything within.
Zachary Hunter Cullen
August 2, 1996 - March 5, 1999
Why?
Why are my friends dying around me?
Why aren't things the way they are supposed to be?
I'm not supposed to go to there funeral this early in life.
Why are people causing such strife?
I don't understand what's going on, and why they all die.
I want to understand why they're making us cry.
Why are we doing this to each other?
Why are we running to take cover?
What happened to this generation?
Who made the vile creation?
Its like we just don't care.
And we complain about life not being fair?
What about the lives we have taken?
How fair was that, and now there families hearts are breaking.
Now we say good-bye to our daughters, sons, mothers and fathers,
and all of our friends.
We'll see you when we get there. Good-bye for now but not forever.
Hi.........my name is Mandi
I'm only 16, and I'm from J'ville Arkansas
In memory of the Arkansas shooting, The Oklahoma bombing, and the Denver
Shooting
From The Heart II
Back to Broken Hearts
The name of this song is:
Power Of Love
